Trunks and Goten's Excellent Adventure

- Goten & Trunks guys being dudes etc. This doesnt make sense if you’re just dropping in but it makes sense if youve been living it. And I loathe to make a post like this I really do. But you’re just gonna have to go with it. Goten gets it in his head that a great way to annoy Trunks and to get attention and to do something new/interesting is to try to convince him to “do it in the butt” with him.

- Trunks is like “No” and Goten is like “Please” and Trunks is like “No” and Goten tries to make his argument (it’s something new, it’s not a big deal, they can say that theyve done everything together if they do this, it’s a way to pass the time, neither of them have a GF at the moment so it’s a practical means of getting by, it’s funny, etc), Trunks keeps saying “No” and the conversation dies off.

- Much later, they’re chilling, hanging out, it’s quiet, in Trunks’s room, Trunks is reading a book on his mattress. He’s lying on his stomach and reading a book. Goten is kind of bored and the silence is boring him and usually when Trunks pulls out the “for geniuses” books Goten leaves and he should probably leave. He’s thinking about leaving. But he sees Trunks lying on the mattress with his ass to the world and Goten remembers the conversation that they had earlier and he figures that there’s one (1) more thing he could try to do to get some god damn entertainment around here before leaving. 

- See it’s like this. You can’t be proud of cheap shots, yeah? We all like to try to get a rise out of our buddies, but if someone, say, fires a loaded gun into the sky, and then laughs becasue everybody flinched - well they’re kind of an asshole, yknow? Because of course everyone flinched. That was an unprecedented noise. It was a cheap shot and they’re kind of an asshole. You know what’s much more rewarding? When you EARN someone’s response, flinch, cringe, giving-up, etc. Playing the devil’s advocate and going back and forth until they finally run out of ideas and concede. Wrestling with someone and using silly moves and giving them many outs before finally winning, rather than just, like, hitting them in the head with a board to start. You gotta BUILD UP to it, yknow? Especially in the context of Goten & Trunks. They have been BFFs for forever and so the bar is very high when it comes to messing with each other. They’ve seen it all so the attempts have to keep getting more delicate and convoluted. What’s more, they’re martial artists, and KNOW the ignominy of a cheap shot. They would never let the other one forget or come back from a cheap shot.

- So I’ll tell you what Goten cannot do. He cannot go over there and grab Trunks’s ass and rip it off. It’s shock value and it’s a cheap shot. He cannot go over there and start beating on it like a bongo drum, even though he really wants to. It’s overdone, and as a prank relying on Trunks’s reflexive flinching, so, it’s a cheap shot. If Goten is gonna have a win, he’s gotta be careful about this. He’s gonna have to really work it.

- Goten goes over there and, to just, like, test the waters, just sits on him a bit. Not even a straddle, he just sits on him like one would on a cement ledge. At this point there’s a 50% chance that Trunks will tell him to get off, in which case no one wins, because a situation that could be won has not even been allowed to develop yet; and there’s a 50% chance that Trunks says nothing, because he is sensing the silent honor of the budding scenario and he wishes to maintain his dignity. 

- Trunks says nothing. And he isn’t going to say anything. He’s not gonna let Goten win, yknow? He’s not gonna let him have this. He’s gonna ignore him so expertly. He just keeps reading his book.

- Goten just starts shifting around trying to find ways to bug him. He rubs his back and shoulders & straddles him for a bit & then he starts rubbing his legs and nothing is working. Then he just, like, lowers himself onto him, all careful and soft-like, like how a pigeon hunkers down on a clutch of eggs. Carefully aligning himself so that they’re perfectly parallel. And he really thinks that this is gonna be the winner right here. But Trunks still doesnt respond at all and Goten is just lying on him and his head falls over Trunks’s shoulder and TBH it’s pretty comfortable and Goten might just fall asleep like a cat in a sunbeam but NO. He’s gotta stay awake. He’s on a mission. 

- Goten is feeling sleepy and bored again so he kisses Trunks on the ear and Trunks DOES give him a response to this - he lets his hands fall away from the book and he sighs like an exasperated parent. He looks forward at nothing as if looking into the camera, and while Goten scrambles to regain his balance to lift himself up slightly, Trunks has already returned to his calm reading. Like it had never happened. He had expressed some annoyance but it was buried in the sands of time now and Goten has had no win at all. What’s more, it wasnt genuine annoyance, it was the Sigh of an Exasperated Parent; Trunks is clearly playing him and is in the lead right now. And now he’s unbothered in his book again.

- Goten has half a mind to forgo his efforts right now and to start beating on Trunks like a monkey, but he shows restraint. He crawls off of him and thinks what to do.

- He decides that he’s bored & wants to go home anyway & he might as well just get this ball rolling. If Trunks thinks that it’s unfair + a cheap shot then so be it. Goten, very gently, tries to shimmy Trunks’s pants OFF of his ass. To reiterate it is dead silent in the room right now. Goten is being so careful and so self-aware that it’s brazen. This may be the funniest gambit to ever appear on the big screen. He tries to pull Trunks’s pants down.

- SURELY this will garner a reaction. Trunks is not just gonna let Goten do this, right? It’s not that they havent yanked each others pants down before as pranks, or havent bathed together, or havent drawn on each other’s butts with markers, but it’s just - given the context of their previous conversation, the one where Goten was trying to convince to “do it in the butt” with him .. what’s ironic and what’s not at this point? Is Trunks going to let this stand?

- Nah man, it doesnt matter. Trunks is cool reading his book right now. Negative perspiration baby. Goten starts to sweat nervously, just a bit, because he’s starting to doubt that he can win this after all. It’s hard to pull down someone’s pants when they’re actively lying down, pinning the fabric against some surface. Goten is in dire straits. And Trunks is winning so hard right now, you know what he does? This is like the tortoise and the hare, when the hare has so much lead on the tortoise that he doubles back and takes a nap. Trunks has so much confidence to spare right now that he sort of ... shuffles, a bit, in a way - What he does is he turns a page and CLEARS HIS THROAT like an OLD MAN and in the process shuffles a bit and in that manner, lifts at the waist just a smidge, for just a moment, thus giving Goten a bit more clearance to accomplish what he’s trying to do. 

- This is charity work! This is humiliating! Trunks is winning so hard right now that it’s like he’s passing Goten while on his final Mario Kart lap, while Goten is only on his 2nd, and he tosses him a mushroom. Goten considers going home and killing himself. But he’s come too far to quit. He’s made his bed and now he has to eat it.

- So where are we? Trunks’s pants are out of the way enough. Underwear isnt hard to just, like, scrunch down, so that’s not an issue. Where are we? Where have we come from? Where are we going? 

- Goten thinks what to do. Then a moment of peace and clarity falls upon him. He remembers that he’s bored & wants to go home & he really doesnt care what happens & this is really at no cost to him. He might as well. What’s it gonna take to get Trunks to buckle? This is absurd. It’s embarrassing that Trunks would have this much pride really. It’s at no cost to Goten.

- Goten puts his finger in Trunks’s butt. Trunks turns his head and coughs.

- OK so this is crunch time now this is rush hour this is the final lap this is final destination this is the final stage this is, you have 6 exams the next day and you didnt study, this is high stakes this is everything. This is personal. Goten can’t go home like this. He leaves Trunks’s ass exposed as he gets up and paces the room, planning his next move. 

- Ok, ok, ok, this is fine, see, Trunks is actually set up for failure this time, because, he cant ignore Goten forever, he just can’t. No one can. There’s no way he’s gonna win this battle and Goten is gonna make sure of it. Oh yeah. It’s all gonna be fine. Goten can handle this, he’s just gotta keep moving forward. No time for mercy. This isn’t mercy time. Goten considers mercy. He looks at Trunks. Trunks keeps idly turning pages. The sick bastard. No time for mercy. No room to back out. Doomed if you stay, doomed if you go. Ah hell. Goten was the one who brought it up first. He’s not afraid of Trunks’s shitty pale ass. Upturned like the moon reflecting on the ocean. It’s cool. Goten is fine. He’s more than fine. He’s invincible. And he doesnt even care. It’s at no cost to him.

- Goten sort of sways on his feet, acting natural. Trunks itches his nose and turns a page. Goten starts whistling a bit, looking around, and he drops his own pants as quietly as he can. 

- All of this competitive stress has got him flying at half-mast right now, but that’s not enough to carry through to victory. That’s like bringing a butter knife to a sword fight. That’s bullshit. That’s bullshit and we don’t have time for bullshit right now.

- Goten looks down at his exposed and pitiful self, and thinks of what would be the fastest way to full-vitality right now, and at this vulnerable and sensitive time, Trunks turns his head and looks at him. 

- “Dude,” Trunks looks him in the eye. “I’m not going to let you fuck my ass. Put that away.” Then he returns to his book.

- Goten goes limp immediately. Weak with embarrassment, he lifts his own pants back up, and then much like a dog with its tail between its legs, does Trunks the courtesy of wrestling his back on too. He leaves the room & finds a bathroom & gets in the shower & he stands there with his hand on the wall and head hanging for 45 minutes. 

- While Goten is in the shower, let’s revisit Trunks for a moment. OBVIOUSLY that was a serve like no other, obviously he won the royale. Obviously Goten has been destroyed and Trunks has the honor of signing his name with a cattle prod onto Goten’s ass. But TBH? Just to get a glimpse into the mind of a victor? He was getting a little scared at the end there. He wasn’t sure what was gonna happen. I’ll tell you, he won that battle for two reasons: One, he never lost confidence; and Two, he always maintained control. Now control is a tricky thing. Just the illusion of it will suffice, as it’s determined by who believes what. Goten wasn’t really confident, because he’s always been player 2 to Trunks, and Trunks has won so many times and in such effective ways that sometimes Goten gets nervous and starts slipping on his own sweat. But there’s no need for that. See, it’s not always clear, because Trunks is really good at keeping his mouth shut, but there have been times where Goten has really filleted him. And it’s always because Goten doesnt give a shit and is a wild wild man, while Trunks often times cares about things to some degree. If Goten had really committed to the fratboy hazing he was attempting, he would have been victorious. But he got cold feet & maybe wasn’t being completely honest with himself on the way that he thinks that sex is kind of a sensual thing & he wasnt really comfortable employing it ironically to bother his buddy & ESPECIALLY when Trunks was just ignoring him and making him feel unwelcome. So really, Goten was doomed to fail from the start. And really, Trunks could have very easily lost that one.

- Trunks is good at keeping his cool and usually things are funny so there’s no harm, no foul, but this one was a battle that he won’t soon forget. He was determined to stay above it, but, man, there’s a point where false confidence will be rectified, yknow? He honestly wasn’t even really reading the book by the end of it. Even to start he was only comprehending like 50-70% of it. He just remembered to turn the page every now and then to make it look real. By the end of it he was understanding maybe 5-10% of it because it was hard to focus when his bare ass was exposed to the dangers of the world. But I mean, he’s cool. He’s cool with it. You know? He’s good at calming down and feigning confidence. It’s one of his strengths. It’s necessary for him. 

- And, yknow, fear isn’t really a conducive emotion, YKNOW? By nature and by nurture, he’s long since trained fear into fight. As a saiyan, a competition excites him. Context is key, maybe, but what was the context, just Goten again trying to parade around like a rooster, or really more like the turkey second-most in the pecking order, and never really getting to be the leader, but routinely trying it anyway. But, really, it was more like the invincible and senseless pranks of a free-spirited monkey, and if Goten hadn’t gotten too self-aware, he would have won that for sure. But Trunks won with his impeccable disgruntled-old-father-impersonation with the sighs and the coughs and he successfully made Goten feel so ignored that it rendered him powerless. 

And, yknow, much in the manner of their broship, Trunks was definitely feeling a little daring too. Part of him wanted Goten to just do it. To just do it. To just do it. Just go on ahead and do it. Let’s see it. I’m dying to see it. Do it. DO IT. DO IT ALREADY, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? HUH? JUST DO IT MAN! COME ON, ARE YOU A COWARD? DO IT, YOU DICK! YOU BASTARD! I’LL EAT YOU! JUST DO IT, ASSHOLE, DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

But, man. For a minute there, Trunks wasn’t sure how he was gonna get out of this one alive. An adroit eye would read Trunks’s final words not as a KO but as the insecure flailing that they were - he truly was out of ideas and he just had to defend himself somehow.

But, it’s over now, and Trunks is formally the winner, and his status is secure, and Goten never has to know about the cold sweat that broke out on the back of Trunks’s neck near the end there. He’ll be perceived as coolly disinterested as always.