moodboards

Violets: What traits do you value most in friends? 

Hyacinth: How well do you take to change? Do you welcome it, or are you warry of it? 

Magnolia: Do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing?

Rose: Do you find it easy to open up? 

Baby’s breath: Do you like kids? If so, do you want to have any? 

Sunflower: Is there somebody you look up to? Who are they? 

Daisy: What is something you find unique about yourself?

Orchid: What is one of your most craved aspirations in life? 

Lilly: Are you or were you ever religious? 

Sakura blossom: If you had one week left to live, what would you do? 

Dandelion: What is something you are, or were, proud of? 

Lotus: Talk about a struggle you overcame (or are currently overcoming). How did it affect you? 

Tulip: Tell us about something precious to you. What value does it hold? Could we see a picture of it? 

Carnation: What do you desire in a romantic relationship? 

Daffodil: If you could abandon your current life and start somewhere else anew, would you? Would you want the people you left behind to realize your absence? 

Gerbera: What kind of friend are you? 

Iris:  What is your sexual orientation? 

Lilac: What weather conditions do you enjoy most? Why?

Gardenia: What soothes you when you’re stressed? 

This morning, I was woken up an hour before my alarm to the sound of a messenger app on my phone ringing. I reached over and my friend was calling.

She never calls.

Must be an accident.

I hit ignore, but there were 3 messages from her.

“FUCK9NG WAKE UP”

Was the first one, typo and all.

“JONGHYUN IS DEAD”

“WAKE THE HELL UP”

It’s weird when you hear that someone has died. This is the second time I have been woken up like this in this past year alone, and it’s odd how denial is so quick to put you in a state of confusion.

Jonghyun, a guy you know?

Or an actor?

Jonghyun from… I don’t know… anywhere else?

Not SHINee Jonghyun. Not our Jonghyun. Not kindhearted, caring, softspoken, talented, beautiful Jonghyun. Not Jonghyun who made us laugh and cry and love. Who made us feel.

This may sound stupid to some, especially to those who don’t/won’t understand, but SHINee and it’s members saved my life. They saved my life. Minho, Taemin, Jinki, Kibum… Jonghyun.

They kept me here, and I couldn’t even return the favor.

I have the posters on my wall that I can’t bring myself to take down, but I can’t even look at them without feeling a sick and swallowed up in a black hole. Friends are actually telling me that they don’t know how to comfort me or what to say, but that they’re sorry that someone that was important to me passed away.

I’m sorry, too. I’m so, so, so sorry that he was in so much pain. I’m so, so, so sorry that it wouldn’t go away. That he only lived 27 years and felt like that was enough. I don’t know how much he was hurting, I don’t think we get to know that or the why.

The only thing I can really say is rest in peace, Jonghyun. Whatever tormented you, can’t anymore. I wish things were different, I do - I wish whatever you felt you couldn’t get through didn’t weigh down on you, that you lived a long, loving life of happiness. That you smiled with your heart and not just your face. That the world was more kind and cradled you like the precious person you are. Were.

I’ll never forget the joy you brought me, or the lessons I’ve learned through you.

If there is a place where you can watch out for your family, please do. I know your sister was especially precious to you. And please cheer the members of SHINee on, no matter what happens after this.

From the bottom of my heart:

I’m sure by now you already know this, but our beloved Jonghyun passed away today. This is truly heartbreaking.

And while I haven’t quite gotten the time to process it, I want to tell you personally, that if you are feeling down. Talk to me.

I know I don’t have the most followers, but I hope that even if you don’t know me or I don’t know you- you know that I’m here for you.

Even the smallest problems or something life changing, you can talk to me about it.