That love of his, that love that is a music box, is demanding to be closed. He had to find it in him to work against that spring coil mechanism and snap it shut, wrestle it down with all the strength he has. Dusa deserves though, right before he does, to get one look inside. Fuck, this is all wrong, he should be sitting up when he tells her this. Should be looking at her in the eye as she mutters something about healthy communication. He almost chokes on a laugh as he sits up. Healthy is optimistic - though it did often feel like they were the last two optimists that Tartarus had left to offer. You canāt lose her.
And it seems Dusa felt Tartarus had some sort of hold on her as well. Thereās mentions of self-sabotaging too - he understands that. Zagreus crosses his legs, so heās sitting knee to knee with her. He gives very few fucks about the papers underneath. Heās searching for her eyes, a gaze to meet. Dusaās recount of her love for Hermes is not a surprise, heās had front row seats to this story for a very long time. āThe short version huh?ā Zagreus says quietly. Itās just as effective as the long version, except, he was there to see this part, wasnāt he? All those years of the song of them unraveling. He recognizes the moments sheās talking about, feels her hurt as if it were his own. Ā Itās her tears on his fingers tips when the call is made after all.
Sheās looking at him now, waiting.
āYou came up because we were talking about people we love. People that we both love.ā
And here he is. On the doorstep of the confession, suddenly feeling like the third body in the room. He watches himself tell her something he feels sheās already known. His voice comes down to a near whisper, like heās telling her something sacred. It is, to him.
āI told them about the crush I had on you.ā Itās a relief, to express it with such simplicity. It sweeps through him like a spring breeze, then the words are blowing towards her, like dandelion seeds. āI donāt know when it began,ā He adds quickly, āso thereās no point in asking because Iāll just say it was when you were six and you lost your two front teeth. It wasnāt always there, but then it always was.ā He hands hands are on his knees. āIām telling now because, I had every intention of never saying a word about it, but then it came out during this fight and - and I didnāt want you to hear it from anyone else, I wanted you to hear it from me.ā
It should feel terrifying to crack open his rib cage in this manner, show her the precise location of his heart. But itās not, itās not. Itās been nothing but gentle in the palm of her hand.
āYou get it, right? Why I didnāt talk about it until now?ā
Something moves in the House of Hades, sleeping bodies, clockwork shifting, but Zagreus sits still. The butterflies that explode at the pit of his stomach come to a quivering stop, waiting and waiting for whatever comes next.
"Ā mhm .Ā Ā theĀ directorāsĀ cutĀ isĀ wayĀ tooĀ longĀ toĀ getĀ into .Ā ā
itāsĀ aĀ mirror .Ā Ā heāsĀ holdingĀ ontoĀ whateverĀ itĀ isĀ inĀ hisĀ metaphoricalĀ fistĀ andĀ theyāreĀ firmlyĀ onĀ theĀ groundĀ ,Ā butĀ forĀ theĀ wayĀ somethingĀ coilsĀ inĀ herĀ chestĀ ,Ā theyĀ couldĀ beĀ backĀ atĀ theĀ edgeĀ ofĀ aĀ barĀ inĀ theĀ sky .Ā Ā teeteringĀ ,Ā breathlessĀ ,Ā atĀ theĀ precipice .
peopleĀ weĀ bothĀ love .Ā Ā forĀ aĀ nanosecondĀ ,Ā sheĀ almostĀ wantsĀ toĀ stopĀ himĀ beforeĀ heĀ canĀ continue .Ā Ā thereāsĀ noĀ comingĀ backĀ fromĀ whateverāsĀ saidĀ next .Ā Ā whetherĀ itāsĀ byĀ theĀ fatesĀ ,Ā chaosĀ ,Ā orderĀ ,Ā orĀ theĀ voidĀ itselfĀ ,Ā maybeĀ thereāsĀ noĀ stoppingĀ whatĀ comesĀ nextĀ ,Ā either .
āĀ zagreusĀ Ā --Ā āĀ Ā itāsĀ quietĀ ,Ā easyĀ toĀ beĀ missedĀ asĀ heĀ letsĀ go .Ā Ā thereāsĀ noĀ balanceĀ toĀ findĀ whenĀ heĀ stepsĀ offĀ theĀ ledge .Ā Ā takesĀ herĀ withĀ him .Ā Ā aĀ tapestryĀ unraveling .
soĀ hereĀ theyĀ areĀ :Ā Ā aĀ caseĀ studyĀ inĀ howĀ toĀ breakĀ atĀ leastĀ aĀ hundredĀ differentĀ rulesĀ inĀ halfĀ aĀ dozenĀ differentĀ codesĀ ,Ā andĀ crossĀ justĀ asĀ manyĀ muddledĀ lines .Ā Ā Ā noĀ ,Ā moreĀ thanĀ aĀ hundredĀ rules .Ā Ā sheĀ thinksĀ sheāsĀ breakingĀ justĀ asĀ manyĀ withĀ theĀ wayĀ tensionĀ bleedsĀ fromĀ herĀ shoulders .Ā Ā callĀ itĀ reliefĀ inĀ aĀ differentĀ form .Ā Ā heĀ saidĀ itĀ firstĀ ,Ā soĀ iāmĀ absolved .Ā Ā exoneratedĀ ofĀ anyĀ halfĀ -Ā bakedĀ crimesĀ thatĀ wereĀ tooĀ muchĀ toĀ thinkĀ about .Ā Ā thatĀ couldnātĀ beĀ thoughtĀ about . Ā Ā it Ā wasnāt Ā always Ā there Ā , Ā but Ā then Ā it Ā always Ā was . Ā Ā this Ā ping Ā - Ā pongs Ā between Ā her Ā ears . Ā Ā all Ā of Ā it Ā does Ā , Ā really Ā , Ā but Ā thatās Ā what Ā will Ā echo Ā when Ā she Ā tries Ā to Ā sleep Ā later .
dusaĀ likesĀ toĀ thinkĀ thatĀ sheāsĀ goodĀ withĀ wordsĀ ,Ā butĀ sheāsĀ justĀ asĀ goodĀ atĀ losingĀ allĀ senseĀ ofĀ tact .
āĀ iĀ loveĀ than .Ā āĀ Ā sheĀ saysĀ itĀ andĀ ,Ā forĀ aĀ momentĀ ,Ā itĀ feelsĀ likeĀ sheĀ tookĀ zagāsĀ line .Ā Ā admittedlyĀ ,Ā itāsĀ aĀ strangeĀ firstĀ response .Ā Ā sheĀ scrunchesĀ herĀ nose .Ā Ā shiftsĀ soĀ thatĀ sheāsĀ nearlyĀ mirroringĀ hisĀ crossĀ -Ā leggedĀ positionĀ ,Ā withĀ handsĀ thatĀ settleĀ onĀ topĀ ofĀ hisĀ ratherĀ thanĀ herĀ knees .Ā Ā āĀ letĀ meĀ tryĀ thatĀ again .Ā Ā iĀ loveĀ thanĀ ,Ā andĀ iĀ loveĀ hermesĀ ,Ā andĀ megĀ ,Ā andĀ tartarusĀ ,Ā andĀ iĀ loveĀ you .Ā āĀ Ā sheĀ saysĀ allĀ thisĀ andĀ itāsĀ sloppyĀ andĀ unrehearsedĀ butĀ eachĀ pieceĀ isĀ Ā importantĀ ,Ā somehow .Ā Ā thereāsĀ noĀ acknowledgingĀ thisĀ withoutĀ theĀ restĀ ,Ā isĀ there ?Ā Ā allĀ theseĀ shiningĀ redĀ threadsĀ ,Ā andĀ theĀ knotĀ atĀ theĀ intersectionĀ ofĀ them .
āĀ iāmĀ sureĀ iāmĀ transparentĀ enoughĀ whereĀ allĀ thatĀ goesĀ withoutĀ sayingĀ ,Ā butĀ iĀ donātĀ thinkĀ iĀ sayĀ itĀ enoughĀ ,Ā soĀ thereĀ itĀ is .Ā Ā thisĀ placeĀ ,Ā andĀ youĀ ,Ā areĀ soĀ importantĀ toĀ me .Ā Ā thereāsĀ noĀ Ā --Ā āĀ Ā thereāsĀ noĀ meĀ withoutĀ you .Ā Ā notĀ thisĀ versionĀ ,Ā asĀ iĀ amĀ here .Ā Ā dusaĀ doesnātĀ finishĀ theĀ thought .Ā Ā insteadĀ ,Ā sheĀ releasesĀ theĀ breathĀ sheāsĀ beenĀ runningĀ on .Ā Ā Ā
āĀ soĀ allĀ thatĀ toĀ sayĀ ,Ā yes .Ā Ā iĀ getĀ it .Ā Ā whichĀ isĀ whyĀ iĀ hopeĀ youĀ getĀ whyĀ iĀ haveĀ toĀ askĀ this .Ā āĀ Ā oneĀ moreĀ opportunityĀ forĀ anĀ out .Ā Ā thatĀ mightĀ beĀ whatĀ itĀ isĀ whenĀ herĀ nextĀ wordsĀ settleĀ inĀ herĀ teeth .Ā Ā sheĀ chewsĀ onĀ itĀ ,Ā considersĀ howĀ toĀ chooseĀ theĀ words .Ā Ā āĀ iāmĀ notĀ goingĀ toĀ askĀ whatĀ gotĀ youĀ guysĀ thereĀ ,Ā butĀ itāsĀ stillĀ aĀ fight .Ā Ā so .Ā ā Ā Ā zag Ā has Ā always Ā been Ā so Ā earnest . Ā Ā so Ā unflinchingly Ā truthful Ā , Ā that Ā she Ā can Ā think Ā she Ā knows Ā the Ā answer Ā before Ā she Ā gets Ā the Ā question Ā out . Ā Ā maybe Ā that Ā scaresĀ her .Ā Ā āĀ areĀ youĀ sureĀ ,Ā orĀ wasĀ itĀ anĀ easyĀ knifeĀ toĀ grab ?Ā ā