Pen to Paper

You may even read this and declare that there is not one ounce of creativity in you. You have your own personal brand of creative in you that no one can emulate. Likewise, you cannot make a carbon copy out of other people’s works. That being said, always remember this:

Just because what you do seems different from others, that does not make it any less good. It may actually make it better. So embrace every different note or sound or look because all these differences makes it personal. They make up you. 

I have had a dream. I had always hoped to bring creative people together and create something great. I am blessed to be surrounded by so many people who have immense creativity swimming in their blood. I desired collaboration. I lusted for a team. We are born to make something beautiful with our talents. So why not do it together, was what I thought. If we pooled our talents and resources together, put away our creative differences and pride, and just create. 

The iPhone, Tumblr blog, the Carousell App, the wheel, what do they have in common? Something that was close to perfection was conceived through a team of hardworking, single-minded and creative people. One person may have conceived the idea but several made it work. A few others upgraded it from there. Another put the finishing touches and artistic edges. That is how it works. Or that was what I believed in.

Not everyone had the same mind-set as me and thus, I stood alone. Dozens of ideas failed without even trying. The ones that survived the trying process disintegrated just as quickly. We can point fingers all night long and explain why they failed but the one important thing that remains is that I have not found one who shares the same dream as I do. I do like to point out that I was never looking for someone to share my dream with. I just seek a creative team that supports, strengthen and ultimately collaborate with one another. You have no idea how much this means to me even till now.Creativity has always been that mountain I wanted to conquer for the longest and the thing was, I did not want to do this alone. I mean, where's the fun in it if you do it alone? But this is but a dream for another lifetime. 

So I take myself out of the equation. I will stop asking for now. I feel sadness in my sighing heart that I could not share my dream with my friends. I accept this is not the time and place for me to carry it out. And this is not a plea to get back into projects with me. Far from it.

This is a request for you to keep doing creative. Be creative in any way possible. In your projects. In your work. In your cleaning. Do not let it grow dull and slow. Have faith in your own skills. Do it even when you don’t have faith. Do not use current events as an excuse to not do creative. Arguably, many greats used their own situations, be it good or bad, and create something out of it.

And do collaborate as much as possible. You have no idea how much brilliance can be bounced off from one another when you work with another?

So I leave you with this quote and I do hope you create something sooner than later. Cheers. 

If you’d ask me 4 years ago on what 2014 would look like for me, my answer would be completely different than what actually happened. The same thing goes if you ask me what 2030 would look like, I can give you my best assumption but I can tell you 99.9% I will be wrong. Because life is so unpredictable, difficult to know what will happen.

This is no such thing as impossible. And because I now recognise this as a fact, or at least I try to, I now recognise every “impossible” act as a challenge and not as a thing to not do. And because I see it as a challenge, and when I attempt it, I am doing the impossible. I never thought that the moments in 2014 would happen but it did. This is proof that the impossible can happen, so why not the things I personally labelled as impossible?

So it’s like this. You can go through 2015 the same way, marvelling at the fact that everything that happened is so unbelievable. Or you could go through 2015, astonished at the fact that everything YOU DID is so unbelievable. Do you want to just enjoy the ride of 2015, or take control of your year?

Greatness is behind the walls of impossible. You must first do the impossible before you can achieve true success.

It isn't a nice feeling when my friends have already graduated from school and are either doing further studies or working full-time while I'm here still barely finishing my polytechnic tenure still partly living off my parents' money. I see my friends happy as couples while I sit here alone on a Friday night. Don’t get me wrong, I truly am happy for my friends and their success but sometimes I feel like life is unfair. Especially when everyone around is moving on and improving while I’m stuck in a rut. I am 23 years old and not having a firm plan for the future scares the hell out of me.

We have this mentality that the grass is always greener on the other side. That my life would be better if I had more, or if I was richer, or have a higher status, I would be happier and satisfied. So more is better. It wouldn’t hurt to have more, right? It wouldn’t. In fact, I encourage you to not settle. But if you think that being happy means having more, I personally disagree.

Here is what happiness means to me. Happiness is not there when you finally got that high-level job or that amount of money. Happiness is not waiting for you at the finishing line. Happiness is not the destination. It was always been there during the journey. Happiness is in the journey. It is there when you're putting your blood, sweat and tears into your work. It is there when you enjoy a drink or two with friends after a long day's work. People are happier when they know how to live in the now. 

Oftentimes, I see lack in myself and that has recently been amplified. I lost so much that I was unable to handle it all. I was a ball of emotional anxiety that it closed out. I was so adamant in focusing on the things I have lost that I had forgotten what was left behind. I was bitter and angry. I was tired of living.

All that changed when I was out with friends one day. It was a normal dinner filled with good conversations, updates on their lives and such. Nothing out of the norm. It then hit me that I was unable to truly enjoy the moment because of what I lost. I looked at what remained in my life and I couldn’t help but smile. I see people who stayed with me throughout. I see people trying to help me through this period but I was too blind to notice because I was too busy being bitter. I now see that what remained in my life was enough. What I have now is just as good, if not better, than when I had more.  

You might say, “Hey your story is good and all but it doesn’t really link with being happy in less because well, you didn’t have less to begin with.And you're not really that happy. ” In reality, yes I had been blessed with more than enough in all aspects but I never truly appreciated most times. Why? Because I had this mentality that I was never good enough and that I needed to be more than I was. And in that, I was blind to appreciating what I had until it was gone. I know what it is like to lose someone. I know what it feels to be empty inside. I know you do too. But it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to happy still.

Losing people and things is inevitable. Lacking in some aspects is normal. You can’t have everything no matter what you do. And I'm not here telling you to stop wanting more for yourself. It's great - natural even - to not settle and strive for better. I'm telling you that you will be blind to many things if your focus is only on building on the future you. You keep on grinding for so long that you become bitter. You become so anxious of the future that you forget to live in the present. You are not living at all.

After everything, here is my advice:

Be grateful. That's it. 

No matter what you are going through, be it good or bad, be grateful. Be grateful for what you have left, and all that left you. Appreciate what you have now. Stop belittling the things and people around you now. Be thankful. Gratitude goes a long way. It's that simple. I think less is good. Less gives you freedom to focus. Less is enough. Less or more, it is you. So love you. 

Why haters hate:  1. Because you have something they don't.  2. Because you don't deserve it.  3. Because they need attention.  4. Because they put someone down to feel good about themselves. 

I guess most of us know what a hater is and what they do. Here's the thing about hating: it's not just a one-way thing. Haters are not the real problem. You need two hands to clap. Yes, they start the fire by posting all those stuff. But it is the “supporters” that fan the flames. The very reason why haters keep hating is because of the fact that there's support for what they do. All those likes, retweets, favourites, comments. These are fuel to a fire that was initially just a tiny flame. With so much support, they have the mentality that they are doing the right thing. So they keep doing it again and again until we really stop backing them up. 

So the problem is not the hater, but the supporters. The power of the follower is stronger than the power of the leader. They are the foundation. And without a strong foundation, a building crumbles easily.

It's the same on the flip side. People keep doing what they do when there is consistent support from people. They gain confidence in themselves. More importantly, they start believing they are doing something well and continue doing so. Without support, it gets difficult to get out there and do what you love. Without support, we get easily discouraged and negativity starts to creep in, no matter how illogical it could be. Tell me if I am wrong but support from your friends and loved ones is really powerful. I would feel more at ease when my parents supported what I do for a living instead of nagging me to get a proper job. Won't you feel better and confident about yourself when someone backs you up in something that you love?

2. 

'When people ask me a question and don't tell me the reason for asking. They would ask whether I'm free on this day and I'll say no but when I ask why, they reply "just asking."

- Lily Ong 

3. 

'I hate it when people substitute "haha" with "lol". 'cause sometimes.. Lol just seems too much. Like when I ask if you have eaten and you reply with, "yeah, lol" What's so funny?!' 

- Kelly Koh 

4.

'I hate it when people do not mean what they say, giving promises, false hope and all.' 

- Jarrot Ng 

5.  

"When people hug me with a huge smile and act like they're my good friend, when in fact, I don't even really know them. It's like overtly friendly and too fake, so it sets off warning bells in my head."

- Abigail Leck 

6. 

"When people say they don't like to be treated this way, but they do that to others still. I just want to grab them and make them look into the mirror until they realize what they are actually doing."

- John Thio 

7. 

'I hate when people type with a spacing before a punctuation. "this is an example . " It just irks me to read. it's not like you're gonna fit yourself into that space so just delete that space for goodness sake???'

- Kimberly Chan 

8. 

'When people are not daring enough in games like truth or dare. i mean THEN FOR WHAT U PLAY THIS GAME SIA?!'

- Angela Tan 

9. 

'I've too many pet peeves. But if I have to pick one that would be people who manipulate others to their advantage, it's annoying and I do not have respect for that.'

- Hun Liling

10.

'PEOPLE WHO TALK FUCKING LOUD IN CLASS WHEN EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING WORK'

According to local Chinese paper Lianhe Zaobao, he only makes a measly $200 a month as a factory worker! What was taken from him was almost half-a-years’ worth of salary and you could truly see the despair and anguish from Pham and my heart truly went out to him. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one.

The online community jumped on the news, outraged by the attitude and their responses are amazing. 

SMRT Ltd (Feedback) Facebook group (not the official government one of course) was one of the loudest and strongest of the bunch, showcasing its hidden prowess at detective work. They went all out and hunted down the information of the manager, posting them onto the web for all to see. His address, mobile number and even his identification card number was exposed on the Facebook page.

It didn’t stop at the limits of the internet. I am not sure as to whether this is true but when he was recognised by a food stall owner and Jover bought food from him, the owner demanded that Jover pay a ‘warranty’ of $1,500 before he was able to take his food. This occurred when Jover wanted to buy drinks as well. What I do know is this, I'm pretty sure Mr Jover Chew can't show his face in public, much less start a business again. 

It leaves much to debate as to whether vigilante netizens and their actions are truly justified, though laced with good intentions. Yes, there are limitations to the legal system in serving and protecting but just how much is too much when it comes to violation of a person’s rights? I will just leave it as that for now.

Tsunami of support

What was amazing was the barrage of support for him. One man by the name of Gabriel Kang stood out and went one step further, opening up the Indiegogo Campaign to raise funds for Pham to purchase an iPhone 6. After a mere 3 days, $11,714USD was raised by caring citizens.

Pham, ever the humble man he is, told this to the Lianhe Zhaobao

“I will accept only $550 donated by kind people. Nothing more. I'm grateful for all your kindness but I do not want to take more than what I've lost”

Personally, I think that the outpour of love and kindness from the community was not about saving face in being a Singaporean. This was not about protecting the pride of the country. This wasn't about worrying how other countries looked at us (like China & Vietnam in particular). It was about seeing something wrong and terrible and doing something within our power to help out. In the words of Gabriel Kang, we gave a damn. And through this, it can be seen that we are powerful beyond measure and that a community with the same purpose is just amazing. So thank you for showing me a side of the online community that don't just hide behind their screens and keyboards, but really do something about it. 

* Though the band is fronted by Marcus Mumford, the rest of the members are not sons of his. Just to clear some stuff, if you didn’t know. Yeah. 

1. 

So I'll be bold, as well as strong 

and use my head alongside my heart 

so tame my flesh, and fix my eyes 

a tethered my mind freed from the lies 

- I Will Wait

2. 

‘Cause you told me that I would find a hole

Within the fragile substance of my soul

And I have filled this void with things unreal

And all the while my character it steals

- Roll away your Stone 

3.

Seal my heart & break my pride

I’ve nowhere to stand, nowhere to hide

Align my heart, my body, my mind

To face what I’ve done and do my time

- Dustbowl Dance

4. 

The pull on my flesh is just too strong

stifled the choice & the air in my lungs

better not to breathe than to breathe a lie

cause when I opened my body I breathed a lie

-Babel

5. 

A constant reminder of where I can find her

A light that might give up the way

Is all that I’m asking for

Without her I’m lost

But my love, don’t fade away

- Reminder

6. 

In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die

And where you invest your love, you invest your life

- Awake my Soul 

7. 

And if your strife strikes at your sleep

Remember spring swaps snow for leaves

You’ll be happy and wholesome again

When the city clears and sun ascends

- Winter Winds 

8. 

Do not ask the price I paid

I must live with my quiet rage,

Tame the ghosts in my head,

that run wild and wish me dead

- Lover’s Eyes 

9. 

Love; it will not betray you

Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free

Be more like the man you were made to be

- Sigh no More

10. 

And in the middle of the night

I may watch you go

There’ll be no value in the strength

Of walls that I have grown

There’ll be no comfort in the shade

Of the shadows thrown

- Lover of the Light 

11. 

There will come a time you'll see, with no more tears 

and love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears 

get over your hill & see what you find there

with grace in your heart & flowers in your hair 

The stories are equally scary as I was reading experiences that happened in my own little country. Chances were I have been there before, or I may have to go there some time in the future. And people are saying there are ghosts there! Nowhere is safe!

2. Mirrors  Then I heard a theory that mirrors may actually show a version of you from an alternate universe and that person is doing the exact same thing as you. Horror enthusiasts would tell a story of the alternate version reaching out of the mirror and pulling you into his world, and then replacing you in your world. And no one would know. Damn.

Sometimes, I would just stare at myself in the mirror for a long while, wanting to catch a slightest difference my reflection would make. But never after midnight. I would avoid looking at my reflection at all costs after that hour, like it’s opening hours for them to enter or something. 

3. Clowns 

Of all the things I was afraid of when I was young, clowns were the worst. I remember crying every time I saw them, especially the ones that make balloon animals in the shopping malls. I don’t know what exactly was scary about them. Maybe it was the eternal red smile. Or the chalk white skin. Or the colourfully crazy hair. Maybe they were too colourful and I was crying over a fashion disaster.  

4. The Darkness

I don't like the fact that you can't see what is there and it could be anything. This just throws my senses off and I struggle to remain calm. The thought that anything could be in there, and I always think of something sinister. 

You ever enter a hallway where it is completely pitch black and the switch for the lights is all the way at the other? Did you hold your breath and stay completely still so that you can hear or notice any slight noise or movement coming from the darkness? Did you run across the room screaming, in hopes of scaring those “things” away? No? Well, neither did I! That would be so stupid! *Ahem* 

Special Mention: Hantu TehTet (The Boobies Ghost) More humorous than scary to me, it deserves mention as it is just one of the most hilariously badass ghost around. For those who are unaware of the malay legend, it is a female ghostly creature who has…huge assets. Used by mothers to scare their children to come home early and not wander alone, the Hantu Tehtet captures unsuspecting children and THEN TUCKS THEM INTO HER BREASTS, forever lost. Now, some may be thinking, “that sounds like the best way to die. Being smothered by breasts.” To that I say, to each his own. 

I know you mean no disrespect but when you keep using those words as sparingly as you do, you desensitize them. When everyone keeps saying they have this particular disorder, people’s gonna think that it’s normal and common to have them but it is not. So when the ones who actually have these illnesses open up about having them, people brush them aside and just say it will go away and contain it eventually. An example conversation would be like so:

Me: Hey, I got to tell you something. I haven’t been sleeping or eating well for weeks. I break down and cry in school, in the train, everywhere. I thought of killing myself a couple times too. I really think… I got depression.

Friend: Yeah, my friend was like you when she broke up with her boyfriend last week, but now she’s fine so you’re going to be okay. It will go away soon enough so don’t think about it so much. It’s not that serious!

When people who don’t have a disorder associate themselves with it, it changes the perception of that disorder. We believe that it is not a serious condition. We think it is easily treatable with some pills and a good night’s sleep. That it is all going to go away some time if you don’t pay any attention to it. Listen, it is a serious condition. It is not easily treatment. It is almost impossible for it to go away and will most probably stay with them for the rest of their lives. 

You could have the same message preached by two individuals who are similar in many ways but their status and the person with higher reputation will garner more support than the other. That is the double standard present. If the beer lady from the coffee shop spouts a similar inspirational message that Emma Watson did, would it really have the same effect on you? Have you ever been in a situation where you gave a suggestion then no one cared and when someone else who is more popular gave a similar idea and everyone just dove right on it? Whether it's during project meetings or even choosing where to eat, it happens. 

Not many people know who Joshua Bell is but you might have read about his stunt he did in the past. Joshua Bell is one of the world’s great violinists who could easily fill out theatres every time he performed. He had charming looks and charisma that sucks spectators in and will leave them wanting more.

He participated in the Subway Experiment where he did this: he put on a baseball cap and a simple t-shirt, brought his priceless violin, and performed as a busker on the Washington Metro system (their version of our MRT Stations). You would think that people might recognise him, or at least the beautiful talent that this guy has. That did not happen. Out of a 1000 people who passed him, only a measly total of seven (yes, they counted) stopped to listen for more than a minute to him. He only earned US$32 and a few cents for his 43-minute set, not even enough to get a ticket for Bell’s gigs. If you want to watch the video of him performing at the subway station, click here. 

We are unable to recognise and accept talent and beauty unless they have labels on them. Books and films have to remind the public of the creators’ past achievements to invoke interest. If they are not publicized or recognisable, not a second glance is given. The most expensive, most recognised brand will always be the best. Where does this leave everyone else who are not as famous/popular/powerful? 

Maybe we are like that because of our mentality to blindly follow what is "trending" nowadays. Maybe we desire to connect with people with fame and power, therefore associating ourselves with whatever they advocate. In doing so, such connection makes us feel good and mighty. Maybe we really are that shallow. 

Can this be changed? Do people have the time to stop and look deeper into their potential and not just focus on labels and achievements? Does such luxury have no place in the world? 

I think that it is wrong to think that way. Greatness is for everyone. Just that greatness differs on the individual. 

When we accept that only a few are chosen to do great, we actually reject our greatness. Our ability to excel is hindered by our realistic perspective, which is actually pessimism in disguise. I’m just not that good. I can’t do that as well as she did. So we don’t give our best because, well, what’s the point? He can do it better because he has natural talent. I don’t.

Natural Talent Debunked

Contrary to popular belief, natural talent plays only a small role in reaching the elite level. There was a child who was vastly talented with the violin that many have deemed him a prodigy who is firmly set for greatness. When advised to seek professional lessons for the boy, the father rejected them saying, “he is already that good. He does not need lessons.” Ten years on, the boy grew to be a young man but his talent did not have the same growth effect. Without training and learning new things, his skills stagnated. What was deemed remarkable talent then was now mediocre for his age. He was soon forgotten.

Natural talent would help get you to the top with fewer practice hours but it does not mean you do not need to put in the hard work. You still need to go through the regime as everyone else. No one is exempted. There is no shortcut. In comes Macolm Gladwell’s 10,000-Hours rule where you are to put in ten thousand hours of practice to achieve mastery in a field, as aptly explained in the book, Outliers.

Practice not only hones your talent, but reveals weaknesses that needed to be worked on. It is also about pushing your skill set as much as possible. You could be doing 3 sets of 20 push-ups everyday but as time passes by, it’s not going to have any effect anymore. You got to keep pushing yourself.

All the Same

Whatever you are doing now, people are doing it as well. Whatever idea or thought you have, others have it as well. You may be a one in a million, but there are billions on this earth. So there are thousands of people like you who have the same mentality, interests, dreams, ambitions! There were brilliant people like Einstein who were working on the same thing as he did. There were creative people like the Wright Brothers who were trying to build a workable aircraft at the same time. You may specialise in something but others do as well. There is no one person who has a firm monopoly on his talent. So if we are all the same, the question is, why are they able to do what we seemingly cannot?

We are not like them because we don't do whatever it takes to reach greatness. 

Look at those you admire the most. Look deeper into their stories and you can find similarities as compared to your own life. There was hardship, failure, suffering, setbacks. Everything difficult you are going through now, many others have gone through it before and worse.

Walt Disney was ridiculed for being unentertaining and has no good ideas for film production. Basketball legend Michael Jordan was cut from high school basketball team because of his “lack of skill”. Steve Jobs was unceremoniously removed from the very company he created. They faced rejection and huge difficulty, just like everyone else.

What sets them apart is the decision they make after all that. The moment that they decide that this setback will not define them. The moment they decide that their stories will not end as a cautionary tale but as a story of triumph. The moment they acknowledge that what they have in themselves is great.

The moment they decide they are willing to sacrifice everything to become someone. They paid the price. Writer Orison Swett Marden had a quote and it goes like this: 

Don’t wait for extraordinary opportunities. Seize common occasions and make them great. Weak men wait for opportunities; strong men make them.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t enjoy being placed in the friend-zone. If I liked someone and she friend-zones me, yes I will be hurt initially but I now know how she feels about me. I can now make the decision to let go of such a dream, though it may be difficult, and move on with my life. Yes, it sucks that my feelings were not reciprocated. It sucks that she was not the one. But it is way better than that person playing around with you and sending all kinds of signals for a period of time. And when you finally muster up the courage to tell her that you like her, you get that "I only see you as a friend" sentence.

There is very little in the world that is worse than giving someone false hope.

I'm not saying that being friend-zoned means you don't have a chance with that person. There are many possible reasons why you got friend-zoned. It could be you are not her type. It could be because she thinks that she is out of your league and thus accepting that (maybe) prematurely and immediately set up boundaries. It could be anything. But if you are really sincere and determined and convinced that she is the one, go ahead and keep pressing on. It is difficult but not impossible. Like my friend would say, “Just because there’s a goalkeeper between the goal post, doesn’t mean it is impossible to score still.” Take this guy as a good role model.  

I'm saying that you shouldn't bitch about the fact you are not in that intimate stage. Don’t put the blame on that person. It's as if it is the person's fault for not liking you. Not everyone is suitable for that someone. So she doesn't like you. If you are not ready to make the commitment to fight for her, then you are not ready for her. Don’t bitch about it.

Here's an unpopular suggestion: If that person is being honest with you, return the favour. If you like the person and that person is being too close to you, tell him. It may get awkward at first but both parties now know their boundaries.

Or you could always go for this.

As I wrote and complained about how much writers have it tough, I started to realize something: everyone with a passion is experiencing this as well. It was ignorant of me to limit such a type of torture towards just a singular passion. A basketball player, a cook, a violinist, a bodybuilder, a musician, a parent. Not one is spared the merciless clutches of self-doubt. Without praises received, mentality immediately becomes negative. Silence is perceived as us having done something wrong. That we are not good at what we do. We almost never think of silence as a positive sign.

Everyone wants to be recognized. Everyone wants to be appreciated. Everyone wants to know that they are doing right every once in a while. This is not about attention-seeking or dependency on people’s opinion of yourself and your skills. It’s knowing that I am not alone in such a cold, mad world and that I got support with me.

  [nach-er-uh-lee, -uhl-lee, nach-ruh-lee, -ruhl-lee]   adverb

in a natural or normal manner.

by nature; innately or inherently.

of course; as would be expected; needless to say.

When I was young, I loved getting that word used on me because it usually follows something good. You are naturally talented. You are naturally good-looking. You are naturally smart. (not that those words been said to me) It sounds good and all but now it sounds to me that you are implying that I am like that because I was born with a silver spoon instead of the fact that I worked hard to become who I am right now. I know for a fact that successful people did not naturally become rich and powerful because of their genetics, background, etc.  They are where they are because of what do repeatedly.

To tell people that they are naturally talented is an insult to every bit of effort and hard work that the person has put to achieve that standard of skill. It’s like saying the person was born with that talent and he need not put in anything else to unleash it. It is ridiculous! It is like you just care about the end-product and disregard the hard work injected into it every day. Success cannot be expected for everyone. It is not a natural transition. Even with hard work, it is not a promise that always delivers. For successful people to get where they are is not a coincidence or a happy accident. It is not a ‘natural’ occurrence.

Even being ‘naturally’ beautiful has hard work in it. I know people who wake up hours before school to prepare themselves. They bombard their faces with lotions and their hair with conditioners and hair sprays. They spend hours to look that good and they had to take certain measures to maintain that look. Yes, they may have features that are naturally given but without proper upkeep, it will deteriorate.