I never thought my heart would ache this bad.
I never knew the grief of goodbye.

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@goodbyeletters
I never thought my heart would ache this bad.
I never knew the grief of goodbye.

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Brown paper packages,Ā Colorful strings,Ā Glitter pens and stories from your summer nights.Ā Pictures with happy faces, messy hair and real smiles,Ā A quick poem,Ā A long goodbye,Ā A new address,Ā A happy life.
Tara S
5.5.17 11:20pm
A open letter to the person I secretly like:Ā
I realized that today was probably one of the last times I was going to see you. I can now count the number of times Iāll see you before you leave on one. I think about how youāve crossed my mind every day the last seven months and how youāll never hear or know about it. I think about my heart and how Iāve labored in fear to push you away and as I ran away from you. I think about how I may have hurt you along the way, or even the reality that you probably never even noticed I felt this way.
I donāt have the courage to say this to your face, so Iāll say it behind you back. I donāt want to know what your response is ā I donāt want to know if youāll laugh or say thank you for the feelings. It couldnāt be truer that time and distance will heal, and in a year or two, perhaps youāll be a distant memory. But as for now, and as for the last seven months, to you ā who will never hear this ā I want you to know I liked you.
I liked you. I really liked you. I cannot even begin to understand how it started. Where it began. How it began, in fact, it scares me that I could actually fall for someone, that I actually fell for someone, and that someone was you. It scared me that you appeared in my thoughts that I hoped to see you walking around campus that I went to all the group events hoping to see you there ā oh, you would never know, I didnāt even know, or understand, why I liked you. It scared me that there was someone else in my heart other than myself ā and I still donāt know how you made your way into my heart ā I donāt think Iāll ever understand why but I look back at these last seven months ā at this ācrushā I had on you ā so to speak ā I canāt deny the fact I felt something, perhaps love, towards you.
If you told me to run a mile for you in heels I would do it. If you told me to go to New York right now and buy you a chocolate doughnut, I would do it. If you told me to marry you right now ā well I wouldnāt, but I would, have confessed to you. If you pushed me to the brink, I would jump off.
And the reality that youāre leaving has settled in. Itās not only that youāre leaving here, but your leaving means I wonāt see you anymore. I wonāt see your wonderful smile, you gracious laugh, I wonāt see you in the corner of the room and make sure not to wander in that corner, I wonāt feel self-conscious when Iām less than five feet away from you, I wonāt put up my guard when weāre talking in the same group, I wonāt spend nights like these, where I should be studying, and instead Iām writing away about you. I wonāt feel these feelings toward you anymore.
So while I have them, Iām going to go for it. Iām going to talk behind your back so that you never find out how I felt about you but Iām going to tell everyone else about it anyway. Iām going to talk about how I think youāre so wonderful even know I see all of your flaws and I pick at them anyway but I still, illogically, irrationally, want to be with you.
My heart is this:
You make me jump. When I see you approaching, my heat picks up pace. My mind shuts down, and my body freezes. I coil within myself, and I become mute. I look for a friend, a source of security to run to, the broken record of keepawaykeepawaykeepawaykeepaway running through my mind. When you ask me a question, I feel happy. I love the attention. When you talk to another girl, I tell myself itās alright, heās not yours anyway, give him to Jesus. When I realized that I had set up a barrier between you and me, and that there was simply not enough to tear it down, and no words to bind the chasm between us, I was sad.
I donāt know what love is. And I donāt know if I love you. But I do know you make me feel these things ā joy, sadness, happiness, fear, exhilaration. And because you make me feel these things, I think that I like you.
With your leaving, itās going to be easier to put away these feelings. I know. Everyone whoās gone through heartbreak knows that. But for now, I donāt want to, I canāt. I donāt know where to start. And I actually liked liking you, and as the feelings begin to disappear, Iāll begin to forget you, and I donāt want to forget you.
So for now, even though you will never know, I just want you to know that I like you. I never asked for anything from you, and I never will. Iāll always be the girl who purposefully stood far away from you because she was scared to realize her feelings for you. Iāll be the one who felt a heart full of regret when I realized I had pushed you away.
But Iām hoping, that one day, if we ever do cross paths again, I could speak to you confidently, boldly, with joy, expressing how delighted I am to see you again. I hope when we do meet again, that we would meet smiling, and that this time, I wouldnāt run away. I hope where you go the wind blows, and I hope where you go is a dry desert, because love, you are a bright light, drawing people from near and far. I hope the person who haves you in the future cherishes you as she cherishes herself, and I hope you embrace her and protect her like your own life. I wish you well, and for now, goodbye.
Because my feelings are still here, I know I cannot force a lid on this chapter, but the reality of your leaving becomes more apparent day by day. I will think of you often, until the feelings fade, and I will pray for you often, when I hear of you and how youāre doing. Iām sorry I couldnāt be a better friend, and Iām sorry for running away from something that never happened. I wish I could have controlled my emotions better ā but know this: I tried. I tried, and I donāt think you did. So with that, I hope when you go back to where you came from, that you would have some nice time to reflect on your own life and on your actions and inactions. I know you would never understand this ā you would not read between these lines to see that this is about you ābut thatās fine, this wasnāt about you anyway, for these feelings since conception have been one-way; they have been mine and mine alone. Ā And with all my heart, I mean it: have a nice life. How I wish for you to be happy, to be full of joy and love of God all your days.
A
I mistook our silence for comfort, when in reality, we were at the end of the road. Words alone couldnāt save us anymore.
The silence wasnāt awkward, it was just painful. -m.t.t.
Words Won't Fix This
I sit warm-baked in early Spring sun ā The thawing earth below me ā Writing to you, Trying to tape your pieces With a broken script, Letters that wonāt connect. For today, Tonight is darker One of the longest of your life, And your shadows stab The pulsing light Of my silent noise Though you may feel alone, I am here across the world. There are no words to Call forth light, But damn well believe I am trying To will the earth spin So, I can give you day And tonight today Your dawn will break Shadows thaw away.

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Dear Charlie,
I already said a hundreds of goodbyes to you. I know you can remember some of it, but most are written inside my little notebook which only myself can read. Iāve been saying goodbye again and again, but I keep coming back. I hope this will be my shortest, and my last.
Iām saying goodbye at the time I love you the most.
No, Iām not doing this, Iām not running away just because of my wounded dead pride, but because I donāt want to bother you anymore with my presence and everything that concerns me. I just want to say I made up my mind. You can never love me the way I wanted you to. Check. You can never feel the same way I do just because of the simple fact that you just canāt. Check.
I want to continue my journey āwith youā but a part of me says that I had enough of these assumptions. I tried to open my mind and my heart and I realized I can never force you. I can never asked for something that should and supposed to be given wholeheartedly. I can never ask for your love and everything that comes with it.
So thatās why Iām sending you this letter, together with some poems I made for the last six months. No, those are not last-minute hopeless move to get your pity. Iām wishing you could keep those as a memory of someone, a girl who once went head over heels inlove with you. Iām trying my best to keep my tears as I write this, but I guess Iām too crybaby to not let these drops fall. Iām sorry. Just..donāt mind the 'marksā that these tears would make.
Thank you. You donāt know how I looked forward about going to school and seeing you inspite of hellish workloads and annoying people. How you made me better. Iāll try not to lose myself even after this.
This hurt me, this is hurting me, and it will hurt again and again. I might avoid you for some time, but one day, Iām hoping I could look straight into your eyes and smile at you. I hope we can be friends. But not now.
Thank you for the beautiful days.
Emily
PS. I also tried my best to keep this short as I said, but maybe, thereās no easy, short way to say goodbye.
Goodbye
My biggest fear was that eventually you will see me the way I see myself. And now, you have. Even though I saw it coming, it still hurts. How can I move on when your fingerprints are on my heart and every time my mind wanders it goes directly to you? Iāll never forget you. I wish I knew how to take your pain away.. so I keep saying in my head, āIām sorry, Iām sorry, Iām sorry.ā You leaving; itās like losing a part of me, all I will carry with me are the memories to live with for rest of my life. Give me one last chance to make this love not die.
Please, know that I still canāt imagine not being able share lifeās successes and accomplishments with each other. This is the only life that we get to live. It is not something that I can comprehend, to live from today into my grave, without ever seeing you again.. The past cannot be changed, but there is no command that it must define the entire future. I canāt help but hope one day the path that you are walking away from me on will lead you back to me and we can start as new people in new lives and leave the past to the foolishness of youth.
My heart is yours and always has been since the moment I told you I loved you. I am sorry that I have not shown it as I feel it, especially in my actions (my mistakes). Iām sorry that I failed you with betrayal..
Regarding where things went wrong, I think that it was just me who was not ready. I was naive and I didnāt know how to be a woman instead of a confused girl. We both were changed by what happened, but I am still the person you fell in love with. I have grown a lot, I have learned a lot. I will move on with my life, but I canāt move on in my heart. You are the only one I ever wanted.
I will always remember the very first time we met, the very first time my lips touched your lips, the very first time you wrapped your arms around me and rested your head on my shoulder. Your smile your way of looking at me will always be fresh in my memories. There are so many lovely memories.. I still have some hope deep in my heart that someday my undying love will bring you back in my arms. At the same time I want you to come to a realization where my undying love for you will make you come to me. Sooner or later.. It doesnāt matter.. I am still waiting for you⦠and always will. With me or not.. I will never have any regrets in life of loving you⦠of holding you in my arms of dreaming to be with you forever.
I realize that everyone has their own problems to handle. I canāt expect someone else to take care of me. The old person that I used to be no longer existed. There had to be a new person that does not live entirely in the past with just memories. I will never be entirely free of sadness and longing for you, but life goes on. Sometimes life isnāt all that great, but if you are still here, you have to do something. I do not know what the future holds or if I will be successful in reinventing a new me, but I will give it a real try.
I hope one day you can forgive me.. with me or not. You will be in my heart. Always. When you read this love letter please think of all the times we have spent with each other and ask yourself ācan you live without meā baby? I could never imagine writing a goodbye letter, but here I am spreading my arms and waiting to have you my love by my side for rest of the life.
If I loved you once , Iāve loved you forever
Hearts Spoke Honesty
I know it would be selfish of me to ask for you to come back. So instead I hope you think of me When the room is silent When youāre feeling alone When itās late and your mind wanders When the flowers bloom in the spring Because even though youāre gone and I am alone I will still think of you during the darkest days And the happiest of times. I hope you do the same.

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I wonāt apologize for missing you, or because I said that I am, or because I text you first, or again. Everyone spends too much time trying to build walls instead of doors. I donāt want to be apathetic or indifferent, I want to be honest. Itās both a curse and a blessing to feel everything so deeply, but itās who I am. Iāve stopped being sorry for all my soft. I want you to find your soft. Iāve seen it before. Iāve seen it in the way you used to hold my hand. In the way you kissed my forehead in between the real kisses and the extra long hugs. In the gentle yet hard goodbyes we said each morning. I never wanted to let go or say goodbye out of fear that I would never be able to find you again. Youāre gone now but Iām still knocking on the door. Iāll stop begging for you to let me in as long as you promise me one thing. Find yourself. Be in touch with your heart. Reflect on what happened between us. Think hard about it. Donāt ignore it. Donāt run away from it. Not talking about the contents of a closet will not make it empty. Relationships are important. Theyāre a big deal. Love is a big deal. It changes you. It teaches you things. I want you to learn a lot from this. I know I did and will continue to do so, and I am glad that it was you who taught me. I hope you can say the same for me.
goodbye letters // o.k.
So this is my goodbye letter to you, the one that I wasnāt supposed to write, the one I wasnāt supposed to even feel, let alone bring to life. So goodbye my almost lover, although star crossed we may be, for as long as you are alive, you will keep a piece of me.
eyesceverything
I wish I didnāt have to say goodbye, I wish I didnāt have to let go but only because I was finally starting to love myself a little more than I did love you, I decided to set you free. I did, I did and I did and God forbid my entrance to heaven if I ever lie andĀ say I didnāt hurt after that.
it hurt but i was finally starting to love my own self.
A letter to my love, the one I never got to really love
My dear, I am so sorry that it didnāt work out We both played a part We both tore it apart before it ever even began I fell too fast You too slow I was not who you needed But you were who I needed You were energetic and ferociously yourself and you made me feel beautiful You let me talk about the snow and the rain and the sky You were everything I needed as I was falling apart But you were the wrong kind of glue And you didnāt hold up You left Without warning You left me But I forgive you my love Because I think itās better that way I deserved to be left I didnāt deserve you And so Iām sorry Because I tried to fight for you and I should have let go Iām sorry Iām sorry Iām sorry For everything Oh my love We would have been beautiful But it just turned into a beautiful mess Iām more of a mess now than ever But you seem to be doing well You seem happy And Iām glad You deserve to be happy I hope you are well I hope you are better now
So this is it. Me letting go. My final goodbye. Goodbye my love. I hope life gives you all the good you deserve.
a piece of me still loves you, a part of me still holds onto us. unable to let go, unable to clear my mind of you. unable to peel off your name thatās engraved in my heart and the heaviness that follows with every letter that falls all the memories and all the laughter. All the love. Not wanting to cut the cord that connects me with you Not wanting to forget the way you used to look at me and the butterflies that made it hard to breathe but helped me learn to fly again. Not willing to let go of the map that leads to you cause our paths were meant to intersect I ran in the opposite direction but Everything leads back to you, and the way you kissed me that night. My first kiss, my first love. More than anything wanting you to be my last. But this time seems like the last, I need to let you go because you already did you are not there you are not here and I need to remind my heart that you are not mine anymore.
a stained heart | 02.15.14 | (this-wastedlove)

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I was thinking about you the other day.
My sister in law just ended her relationship with her first real boyfriend and she has been having a hard time letting it go. She has gone through so many emotions.Ā
And it made me think of you. I have gone quite a while since I have thought of you but the feeling on my heart is still the same. I still miss you. It is crazy how a love so short and explosive could make me feel this much hurt 9 years later. When we were in the experience, I didnāt want it to end. I thought I couldnāt live without you with me. I didnāt think I could ever love another.
I was wrong of course. Here I am happily married to another when I imagined that I would be married to you.
Its weird to think that if you asked me back in 2009 what I expected my life to be like now, I would say I would be with you or I would say that I canāt even think that far ahead because I didnāt think I would even be alive.
I still miss you. I still miss everything that we shared. I still miss the craziness of that summer. I miss watching the sunset off the shore. I miss waking up on the beach with you. I miss not caring about what would happen, just caring about the moment.
Sometimes I feel like I am living on borrowed time. Other times I feel like I stole all the time from you. I am so sorry.