Fear cuts deeper than swords

Zayn had nudes of Harry on his phone. He accidentally tweeted it once with the caption “Enjoying my view ;)” but took it down. The pic is still on the internet, it’s not that hard to find. And he also said that he accidentally sent a nude of Harry to a group message of 6 people. They also used to post joking-lovey shit about each other on twitter too, like comfortable “bromancey” stuff that you only do when you really click with someone. 

Probably the most convincing thing about Zarry is the fact that even though Zayn and Harry were super close, as much if not more than they were with the other boys, when Zayn left he said in an interview “I never spoke to Harry even while I was in the band, so I never expected much of a relationship with him”. I think til this day, they have never cleared up in any interview whether or not they actually talk to each other, and I think Harry only started following Zayn’s twitter again in 2017 (Zayn left 2015). Even Liam was confused and said he was never aware that Zayn and Harry were never friends.

 This basically means Zayn is straight up saying bullshit lol. Why exactly would he (kind of vehemently) deny a relationship, even if it was only a bromance, if he wasn’t bitter about something? And if they were “never close” how could you even be THAT bitter about something to the point that you’re trying to deny that you ever had a relationship to begin with? The fact that he’s lying speaks volumes. Zayn first got in touch with Liam, Niall shook his hand at music award (he kind of wasn’t expecting it and was shook) and they’re okay now, and Louis’ late mom kind of forced both of them to reconcile because it was her last wish. Literally the only person that’s up in the air is Harry, and NO ONE has anything bad to say about Harry (except tswift but she’s irrelevant). Zayn is the only other person ever that I know of who has come close to shading Harry in a weird apathetic way. No one knows why, no one asks them why.

 There’s a lot more stuff though (like A LOT) and it’s still going tbh. Like 2017, before Harry’s tour, he was promoting his album. He blanked out his instagram and posted 3 empty squares on March 25 (exact same date Zayn left the band and released his official statement that he’s quitting). Back in 2016, Zayn did THE EXACT SAME THING when he released his album (blank instagram, 3 empty squares, on March 25). After Harry did this, Harry posted a teaser of him walking out through a smoke screen, and ON THE NEXT DAY I swear to god, I’m not making this up, Zayn tweets “Clouded in your love, but I’ll follow it”. They did this during a time where they were supposedly NOT talking to each other. 

To add to this, Harry’s songs are so fucking… omfg almost every song on his album relates to his relationship with Zayn in some way, like its all about sad, bittersweet love, sexual experimentation, losing someone, not communicating enough in a relationship, having arguments. And small aside, Harry has never had a serious girlfriend that we know of so idek where all this sad, hurt boy persona is coming from if you’re looking at his “girlfriend” track record. And he’s been writing songs like this since Zayn left the band (listen to If I Could Fly). He chose to cover this song called “Girl Crush”. It’s about a girl, who has a crush on another girl, who took her man away from her. The lyrics are like “I want to taste her lips cause she tastes like you”, “I want her long blonde hair, I want her magic touch, so maybe then, you’d love me just as much”, he uses female pronouns, and Zayn has been dating blondes (Perrie and Gigi). 

Harry also wrote his own song which he says is “the most honest song on his album” called From The Dining Table, and in this song he’s crooning over some lost significant other, the lyrics are like “We haven’t spoke since you went away, comfortable silence is so overrated” and “Woke up to a girl who looked just like you, I almost said your name”. Harry was dating Kendall at the time.

This isn’t even the tip of the iceberg. If you want to ruin your life over IRL pinning, get into Zarry lol. I don’t ship real people, and even when I do, I’m always conscious of the fact that they’re not actually in a relationship and I only ship for fun and aesthetic. But JFC Zarry makes it really hard to think that way when there is literally too many coincidences. It’s also worth mentioning that Zayn’s songs also parallel Harry’s. Harry’s motif is always “call me pls, I miss you” (He sings 1D songs in his concerts and he actually said “I miss you” on his tour after singing Zayn’s part) and Zayn’s lyrics are all over the place, but a couple of his songs have “I wanted to call, but I didn’t” (Too Much ft Timbaland, it’s recent) and they both have this weird “affair and cheating, I’m addicted to you” theme thing going on. Harry’s is more “I want u, I want u”, Zayn’s is more “I want u, but I cant have you, I dont know what I want, life is hard”. 

I want you to imagine me, a 5'2, 22 yrs old genderqueer goblin, listening to Matilda for the actual 600th time that day, while painting my diy tarot card deck, as one does, and a half thought pops in your head and instead of pushing it aside, I noticed it and ran with it, allowing it to take up my time.

Allow me to explain why I believe Matilda is actually about Zayn. Hear me out.

"You were riding your bike to the sound of "It's No Big Deal", and you're trying to lift off the ground on those old two wheels, nothing about the way that you were treated ever seemed especially alarming 'til now, so you tie up your hair and you smile like it's no big deal"

Zayn tried to pretend everything was oki while he was in the band, even though he was obviously going through a lot of shit. Yet he continued to smile and act as if nothing was wrong. Harry admitted that he started going to therapy and working on all the trauma from his past, including from being in One Direction. It's very possible Zayn would be a topic he would be working on. And now that he's older, wiser, more mature, he's starting to really see what drove Zayn away.

Matilda, you talk of the pain like it's all alright, but I know that you feel like a piece of you's dead inside, you showed me a power that is strong enough to bring sun to the darkest days, it's none of my business, but it's just been on my mind

After Zayn left, he was constantly asked why he left and all that good shit. He would simply say for his mental health and say he never wanted to be in a band and wasn't happy in the band but accepted the opportunity when it presented itself. But he never really gave a lot of details. The boys would be the only ones that would know just how hurt Zayn was. But after he left Zayn found himself and was happy again. Harry saw that. He saw that he could find himself again and be happy again and still do what he loves.

You're just in time, make your tea and your toast, you framed all your posters and dyed your clothes, ooh, you don't have to go, you don't have to go home, oh, there's a long way to go, I don't believe that time will change your mind, in other words, I know they won't hurt you anymore as long as you can let them go

In his house, as we've seen through Gigi, Zayn has used some as his own art as house decor. And his clothing style has changed since his days in 1D. Harry might be trying to say that if Zayn wanted to, he could come back to 1D with the line 'you're just in time, make your tea and your toast'. But then says it's oki if he doesn't want to come back to the band, using home as a symbol for 1D. Saying that the things that hurt him in the past can't hurt anymore if he doesn't give them the power to.

You can let it go, you can throw a party full of everyone you know, and not invite your family, 'cause they never showed you love, you don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up, mmh

Harry wants him to know its oki to let his past go. That he has every right to cut off anything and everyone that hurt him or might remind him of his trauma. He can celebrate his success with others but not included his 'family', referring to their management team and Harry and the other lads, since it was the management team that made him feel like he wasn't anything more than a way to make millions, and the lads for not being able to comfort and protect him, and possibly if they also had made him feel like they didn't care at all. And he doesn't want Zayn to feel bad for leaving the band and growing up and maturing and for doing what was best for himself, and that Harry isn't mad or hurt about it anymore cause he can see it now.

You can see the world, following the seasons, anywhere you go, you don't need a reason, cause they never showed you love, you don't have to be sorry for doing it on your own

He wants Zayn to understand that he can do what he wants and do what he wants and he doesn't owe anyone an explanation cause he got to where he is now all on his own and he doesn't owe anyone else credit for his success.

You can let it go, you can throw a party full of everyone you know, you can start a family who will always show you love, you don't have to be sorry for doing it on your own

You can let it go, you can throw a party full of everyone you know, you can start a family who will always show you love, you don't have to be sorry, no

These last two parts are basically the same as before but Harry's saying that he's proud and happy for Zayn for finally feeling stable enough to settle down with the person he loves and starting a family and that Zayn finally has a family that will love him unconditionally and defend him and protect him and the support system that he deserves and the support system that he and the other boys should have been when Zayn needed them. And if Zayn still feels like he owes the boys an apology for leaving and searching, and finding, what he needed and deserved when he couldn't find it within the band, within the 4 boys who were supposed to be just like brothers to him, then Harry needs him to let that feeling go and see that he and the others, and even us fans, are not owed anything and that he never has to apologize for protecting himself.

Matilda was Harry's apology for being cold and angry with Zayn for leaving, his way of forgiving him even though there was nothing to forgive, and his way of letting Zayn know how happy and how massively proud he is of the person Zayn is now.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. Ilysm 🤍

Harry: That’s a nice combo.

Harry’s brain:

Zayn wrote I won't mind about harry, always was so incredibly protective of harry, harry always kissed his heart tattoo for zayn, called him his other half in iicf, their body language, familiarity and intimacy transcends the boundaries of the universe. In this essay I will.....

This is exactly why the whole "Queer characters can only be played by queer actors" argument, or the queerbaiting celebrities argument is not only unhelpful, it is actively harmful. You are not entitled to other peoples identity. You are forcing people to come out in order to protect their careers, when they may not have wanted to share that with the world. Real people can not queerbait. Real people can not be bad representations of themselves. Do not conflate how you treat fictional characters with how you are allowed to treat real people. We can not keep having the same conversation. Forcing people to come out or else face social consequences is Bad. Always. Everytime.

In this case, Kit is literally a teenager who has been facing overwhelming amounts of online abuse for not being open about his personal identity.

Im seeing it with other queer media too. With nicholas galitzin and taylor zakhar perez in the red white & royal blue movie, people demanding that they should have been recast with "actual queer actors" despite the fact that we do not know if they are or are not queer. We can never know until they tell us that they are, which they have not.

Im also seeing it with young royals. With the new season coming out later today, the speculation on omar and edvins sexuality and relationship is incredibly harmful and toxic. They are real people, please treat them like people instead of fictional characters you can write rambling, speculating paragraphs about.

I'll say it one more time.