Alone. Angelic. Absolute.

common angel

That itch where they used to be that you can’t quite scratch

Being so cold bc you used to wrap them around you for warmth

Not being able to convey your emotions without the body language of wings

Not being able to wrap them around your partner

/‘hir,āeth/

〖天司〗 The initial shock was an experience the current overseer could never forget.  The acceptance of death was a process, the lingering nostalgia of coffee was his dependence —  a way of coping.  He had made a promise to stay alive and protect the sky world.  His vengeance was a personal affair, something he kept all to himself.  He could prepare for the future as the new leader of the archangels, despite feeling as though he was not worthy of taking such a title.  He had created a small bond with the captain of the Grandcypher, although there was still quite a bit of distance between them.  He hadn’t expected a lot from the crew and ship, he especially hadn’t expected to become a server for anyone interested in coffee.  It had become somewhat of a norm for him.

             And so when the previous overseer of the sky was found on the Grandcypher, unconscious and supposedly wingless, Sandalphon’s inner world was shaken at its very core.  He’d deny the tears from that day, deny how vulnerable he felt when he collapsed to his knees —  to cradle the unconscious angel into his arms.  He’d even deny the suspicion afterwards, after knowing someone like Lucio, another shock in his life.  One couldn’t be too careful, and he was especially on edge with those who appeared too much like the one he cared for the most.  He had accepted his fate, he had accepted his purpose.  It was all a way to push aside the nightmares he dreamt of and the addiction to coffee was his saviour during sleepless nights.  He was meant to keep his promise, only to be forced into a new situation.

             It had only been a short while since that day a couple weeks or so ago.  The circumstances of Lucifer’s existence and being found on the Grandcypher was truly a mystery.  His aura was the same as it always been, although in weaker form.  Whatever happened had left him in a strange condition, and Sandalphon had made it his duty to keep him safe.  One could say it was guilt that led him to become protective, but there was more to it than that.

             It was also the hidden emotions engraved in his core.

             With uncertainty written on his face, he stood in his room, arms crossed as his pale-haired friend sat on his bed in front of him.  This was the room he shared with him, but the younger archangel would always sleep alone.  If Lucifer had been resting, then he’d find another place to rest, or not rest at all.  At the moment there was an uneasy silence, an aftermath of what had happened earlier.  He had returned from a battle, only to hear news about Lucifer wandering to the deck.  The captain had expressed his worries to the archangel, prompting him to give his fellow a visit.  Their silence will not linger any more as Sandalphon furrowed his brows with worry and his lips parted with hesitation.  Finally, a voice filled the air in a tensed manner.

『   Wandering around alone, even on the Grandcypher, might be dangerous in your state。 I urge you to consider your position。 』  His words didn’t come off in attempt to harshly reprove, but he made sure he sounded serious yet gentle.  He kept his own emotions in check, his demeanour especially calm despite his inner struggle.  It was a step forward from how he acted when his friend had supposedly died a while ago.  But now there was no time to drift one’s mind into the past.  He had to focus on the present before him, now that everything has changed.

Lightly his head tilts, a little expectant at what the other had to say to him. He knew Sandalphon, knew that there was something he wanted to say yet did hold back saying, being evasive for whatever reason Lucifer could not comprehend. Often he wondered why the smaller did hold back, why he seemed almost reluctant to be around him. He did not know what had been over the time he had been gone. The new Supreme Primarch was the only one who knew and could tell him, what those mesmerizing red eyes had seen and those soft fingers had felt, or who those people were he had met on his journey that had led him to where he was now. The younger would not tell him, however, for reasons that - for the first time in his long life - made the winter-haired feel a kind of uncertainty he was not used to at all.

Right when he had decided to be as open to the younger angel as he possibly could be. Right when he wanted to finally be his equal and be to him as they were the same.

“ You were gone for so long. I wondered... “

It is then when he is trying to explain his reason that his voice quivers and loses in volume, his gaze wandering and he finding himself pausing. So many thoughts suddenly swamped his head; pondering whether he even had the right to wonder and worry as he had, fearing to sound as thought he did not trust into the power the brunet now held or how he did wield it. Sandalphon could very well look after himself.

And still the time he had to wait for his return had been unbearable. Every single second of it. Unable to be with him, to watch over every step he made and every breath he took. Unable to take in the sight of the one most precious and instead being confined into this small wooden coffin did take its tool upon his sanity. He did not care about this room or what was in it, nor about what lay outside of it scattered on this flying vessel. He did not care about those inhabiting it as much as he perhaps once did. No, able to be back again... this was a chance. A chance Lucifer did want to take advantage of. He wanted to see him. Talk to him. Being able to be close to him and mayhaps even hold him, if Sandalphon would allow him to. Nothing else mattered to him anymore.

Just a bit farther, and you’d fall. From grace, into love.

031. — Slam my muse against a wall

It shouldn’t even come as a surprise anymore that –naturally– he was the last one to find out. He knew it was no one’s fault but his own, having agreed upon separating from the crew momentarily to trace a lead that, inevitably, ran cold. Only after he returned to the marked rendezvous location– only then was Sandalphon greeted and faced with what felt like a physical blow of ends and beginnings.

As if understanding the silent emotions that were bubbling and making their way to the surface, the Singularity and their crew stepped out to give them some privacy, even though Sandalphon barely gave notice to their presence once he moved inside. His focus was tunneled in, all senses honed straight for the man that stood before him. Standing just as regal as he remembered, he couldn’t tell if reality was closing in on him through delusion. Was this a dream? Was he back inside Lucifer’s core, living through moments of drizzled pleasures before they drifted through an endless space in time? Or was this another nightmare– the lingering heat enclosed in his arms before weight lifted, departed, leaving him both empty and full.

Lucifer does not move. There is no need for him to, despite being trapped between wall and the younger Primarch. In truth he did not want it any other way. How long had it been since the day they had parted on unfriendly terms. How long since the last day they both had sat in calm, finding joy in each other’s company even if no word had been spoken. The days they had been sitting in the gardens a memory so distant yet so prominent in his mind almost nothing else mattered, as he stood there looking into tear-filled eyes of the soul he loved.

“ Sandalphon… ”

He too began, only to quickly fall silent with his hand frozen mid-air, still not daring to reach further and touch the other — no matter how much he wanted to brush away tears with a single nuckle. Instead blue eyes avert their focus to the clothing the other wore, as if the fabric itself held the answer to the question he had been asked.

Lucifer did not know. The last thing he remembered being the numbing pain throbbing in his side before everything went black. Yet whether this was real or just another of these fever dreams, what did it matter? Whether he would disappear the following night the second he would close his eyes, or ray to be able to see another day by the Supreme Primarchs side. As long as he stood with Sandalphon, was that not all that should be?