PyskoPussy

My parents….

Yes, submissives have parents. We’re not hatched. I have this photograph of them framed on a wall. She was his princess. He was always looking at her like this, even on her death bed. They wouldn’t have even known what D/s was, but they lived it.

She openly and utterly adored him. She knew his every need and saw to it without needing to be asked. She relied on his calm. He was her rock.

He created a world of order and predictability. He never raised his voice or his hand. He always made the decisions after they talked through things. But he decided.

They had rituals and protocols, although they never called them that. And when Alzheimer’s came to slowly steal her mind, their decades of these were the only thing that soothed and calmed her. Even when she didn’t know his name, she responded to “Who’s my best girl?” with “I’m always my best for you.”

And when it was time for her to go, he looked down at her, placed his hands over her eyes, closing them “Shhhh… it’s time for you to rest. Go on now. Go and get things ready for me. I’ll be along shortly.”

Hand to God, her last words were “Yes Sir….”

She died quietly about 36 hours later.

My parents had no idea what D/s is. But they lived the principles of the Power Exchange. And I am certain everything was ready for him when he joined her.

@caringasshole it’s very true….

Top pic is my Dad at age 17 in a B-17 over Germany during WWII. He was a belly gunner.

Middle pic is me looking at him.

Bottom pic is the last pic taken about a week before his own death in his 90’s.

It was only after my own entry into D/s that I recognized the Power Exchange in their marriage. My short blurd about them skipped over the ravages of Alzheimer’s and how it broke our hearts. It avoided the dark sadness that weighed on him for the years he carried on alone after her death.

My dad was a class act and always teaching me how to live with dignity and honor by example. When he died at home with us, he was mostly semi-conscious for a day or so when he had a short burst of energy. He woke up, and asked for chocolate ice cream and wine. He ate a few bites, drank a few sips and said he was tired and “Hey, thanks for your all help…” He went to sleep and died the next day.

His last life lesson to me was….

Eat the Chocolate

Drink the Wine

Always Say Thank you

♾

Amazon is currently reviewing my new book,  A Man Explained It To Me!: Everyday Topics Mansplained So Well That Even A Woman Can Understand Them by Mr. V. I. Stepford, for publication.

I expect the book will be released by January 23, 2019, but I will certainly keep you all informed when the book goes live on Amazon.

It is only in Kindle format right now, but I should have the paperback version available within a week.

This will be the first in the Mansplaining Series by Mr. V. I. Stepford.

Sometimes when I’m struggling I take the perspective that doing what I have agreed to do, regardless of how I feel about doing it, is what counts. In other words, I may not try to get into a headspace where I can enjoy submitting but instead just focusing on getting it done. Sometimes it feels like that’s all I can do. When it’s hard like that, the effort I put in just to do it is significant so it is still giving of myself. 

But it’s definitely more pleasant for us both when I can do a bit more than that and adjust my perspective so that it is more enjoyable and less like a chore. So when I feel like I can I try to shift my perspective by focusing on why I submit. 

For example, if CD gives me a bedtime because I have to be up earlier than usual the next day, it’s going to strike me as extra-unpleasant if I haven’t been in a submissive headspace much lately. But I can kinda work on my headspace by remembering why I do this. In that example, I might think about things like:

I like submitting because it lets him take care of me.

He is having me go to bed because he cares about my health and wellbeing.

When I obey it makes him feel good.

When I let him take care of me that feels good to him. 

I don’t like calling the shots, and obeying his wishes even when I don’t like them is how I earn all that he does for me.

I’ll feel better waking up in the morning if I go to bed now. 

I may think about the things he’s done for me recently. Taken out the trash, helped me with something that overwhelmed me, plowed the driveway, reminded me to eat, encouraged me on my work project, gave me a really great orgasm, etc. 

I want him to show up and be my Dom when he doesn’t feel like it so I owe it to him to submit even when I don't’ feel like it. He deserves my submission even when it’s not fun. 

Submitting to him is how I keep him feeling good so he can keep giving back to me. 

If I don’t listen I’ll feel bad and get in trouble. 

If I do listen I’ll feel good about my choice and so will he. 

When I spell out the reasons it’s so clear what the best thing to do is. But if I’m just cranky I can get so stuck on “but I don’t want to.” that it’s easy to lose perspective. So just intentionally thinking about the reasons why can make it easier to feel motivated to submit. It sounds like you are just kinda generally not feeling it more so than struggling with a specific instruction but perhaps if you try to remember your reasons why each time you are struggling a bit it will help?

It may also help to take some time to yourself. If you’re feeling stressed or just kinda down in general then maybe taking time to do some things you really enjoy will help lift you out of the funk a bit. 

It may also help to tell your Dom. I’d try to make sure he hears that you don’t think it has anything to do with him and that you think it’s just kind of a funk you’re in and you aren’t asking for leniency but that you just wanted him to know where you were at. Maybe he’ll have some insight about what may help lift your mood. But if not, at least he’ll know it’s not his fault that you aren’t quite yourself. 

I completed some major changes to the Library For Kinksters. Here is the update…

Aftercare

Aftercare 101

Aftercare For Dominants

Coping With Emotional Subdrop

Dom Drop

How To Make A Sub Drop Kit

Online Aftercare

sub/Dom Space, sub/Dom Drop and Aftercare

Subdrop and Aftercare

Subspace and Aftercare

Consent

Consent & BDSM

Guide to Consent

Doms, Daddies & Masters

7 Fundamental Characteristics of A Daddy Dom

12 Characteristics Of An Ideal Submissive

25 Things Daddies Should Do For Their Littles

30 Rules For A Modern Gentleman

45 Things A Girl Wants, But Won’t Ask For

50 Rules for Daddies

100 Sweet Things You Can Do For Your Princess

101 Things To Do To Make Your Slave Feel Owned (loved)

Alternative Names For “Daddy”

Alternative Domme Titles

Aspects Of Control

Asserting Ownership - Rules

Daddy Up!

Defining A Daddy Dom

Dominants Need Training Also

Fun Tasks Daddies Can Give Their Littles

Help For New Doms

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive

How To Be A Good Dominant

How to Find a Submissive

Knowing when to be a Dom and when to be her Man

New to DDLG - A Daddy Dom

Observations On Doms By A Submissive

So you want to be a Dom?

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate her

Some Little Rules All Daddies Should Know

The Dom Commandments

Things for Daddies to Keep in Mind

What Being A Dom Is About - A Submissive’s Perspective

What does the title Daddy mean?

What is a Daddy Dom?

What is a Daddy Dom Mentor?

What It Means To Be A Dominant

What Makes A Good Dominant

Littles, Subs & Slaves

6 Questions Every Submissive Needs To Ask Her Potential Dominant

7 Common Types of Submissives

10 Tips For Living With A Sadist

10 Things A Dominant Needs From A Submissive

11 Red Flags Of An Abusive Dominant

26 Baby Girl Jobs

50 Things You Can Do For Your Daddy

A Bottom’s Responsibility

A Dominant’s Advice To His Submissive

A Man Who Knows You…

A Good Dom vs. A Bad Dom

Acid Test For Subs

Ask A Million And One Questions

Attraction to DD/lg: A Little’s Perspective

Baby girl or little? A brief introduction

Care and feeding of Daddies

Characteristics Of A Good Daddy

Coaxing The Daddy Dom Out Of Your Partner

Feminist Submissive

Finding Your Dominant

Good Rules For Middles and Littles To Live By

Guide For Young Newbie Sub Girls

How a Dom Behaves Shows How He Will Behave Towards You.

“How do I find Daddy?” A guide to help you safely find the Daddy you’re looking for.

How Does A Submissive Ask for Something from Their Dominant?

How To Find A Dom

How to Take Proper Care of Your Dom

I Solemnly Swear I Will Not Do This To Daddy

Novice Submissives

Physical abuse of littles - it is never OK

Signs Of A Fake ‘Dominant’

Stuff no one tells you about submission, until the spreader bar is on and you are trapped.

Submissives, Learning to Trust Your Instincts

Submissive Pride

Submissive Traits - Intelligence

Things My Dream Daddy Would Say To Me

What is a Little?

When newbie subs, with asinine “doms,” need to run away.

Why I call him Daddy

Your Rights As A Submissive

Long Distance Relationships

10 Ways To Survive A Long Distance Relationship

Getting The Most Out Of A Long Distance Relationship

How To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

Long Distance Relationships - Tools To Cope

Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Contemplation: Sticking with plans

The Long Distance D/s Relationship

Mental Health

BDSM practitioners ‘healthier and less neurotic’ than ‘vanilla’ peers

Body image & BDSM

How to Get Over Feeling Sad

Is BDSM normal?

Love your Vulva – a self-esteem guide to your sensitive bits!

Managing bipolar disorder in a D/S relationship

Meditation And Mindfulness

On Cutting

Steps For Letting Go of Painful Memories

Things to Do When You’re Anxious, Scared, or Just Need a Distraction

Tips for Recovering from Codependency

What Are Anxiety Disorders? (Infographic)

Why Do I Feel Unloveable?

Relationships

10 Habits of Happy Couples

10 Top Communication Mistakes

10 Types of Emotional Manipulators

12 Relationship Truths We Often Forget

50 Best Ways To Say “I Love You”

BDSM Breakups: All Good Things Must Come to an End

BDSM: Control Goes Both Ways

Collars and Collaring - A Personal Perspective

Communication Is Key

Concept Daddy Dom/Little Girl Relationships

Daddy Doms and their little girls

Daddy Doms, Baby Girls, Little Boys And More

Date Night In A Jar

DD/lg In Public

D/s and Domestication

Factors That Make A Relationship

Finding Love When You Least Expect It

Finding Others with Common (Adult) Interests

How To Be Present In Your Relationships

How To Build A Healthy Relationship

How To Get What You Want In A Relationship

How To Know When You’ve Found “The One”

How To Take Your Relationship To The Next Level

Importance Of Confidence In RelationshipsImportance Of Trust In A Relationship

Key Ingredients of a Happy and Healthy Relationship

Needy Girls Are Daddy Dom Bait

Relationship Advice To Follow, And What To Ignore

Searching for a D/s partner?

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies In Relationships

Stop Arguments Before They Start

The Rewards of a Submissive

Types Of Relationship Insecurity

Well-Balanced Power Exchange Relationship

What Is Real Love?

When He Doesn’t Call

Why Love Makes A Night Of Kink Even Better

Safety

Another life ruined because of the morality police

Bondage Basic Safety: Crops, Paddles & Bondage!

Kinks, Risks, How To And Why Sometimes You Shouldn’t

Limits in BDSM

What is Emotional Abuse?

Self Improvement

10 Tips for Creating a Happier Life

10 Steps To Self Care

10 Ways To Be Happy

10 Truths To Live By

Guaranteed Ways To Be More Attractive

How to be Yourself

How To Deal With Your Enemies

How To Ignore Haters

How to Recognize a Toxic Friend

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Slut Shaming Explained

Tips for Healing a Broken Heart

What are the Signs of a Jealous Friend?

Sex

50 Cunnilingus Tips from Women

Basics of Breath Play

D/s or Kinky Sex?

Fetishes Explained

How To Make A Girl Squirt

How To Tell Your Son About Sex

Intersection of BDSM and Queer Heterosexuality

Sensual Biting

Sex: Myths & Stereotypes

Sex: Practical Details

Sex: Pregnancy and Birth Control

So You Want To Try Anal? A Practical Guide For Women

Squirting Educational Video

Squirting Notes

Toys

Advice on Dildos and Buttplugs

BDSM on a budget

Bondage Rope: How To Choose Yours (And More)

Training

10 Considerations for Inexperienced Subs

30 Things You Can Do For Your Human Kitten

40 Very Important DD/lg Facts

Age Play: A Short Guide

BDSM for Beginners: Safe and Affordable Play

DEFINED: SSC (Safe, Sane & Consensual) & RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink)

Etiquette in BDSM Part 1

Etiquette in BDSM Part 2

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 1 - Beginnings

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 2 - The Dominant Mind

Glossary of BDSM Terms

Guide To Blood Play

Guide To Bruising

Guide To Talking Dirty

Guide To Wax Play

How Do I Get Started In BDSM?

How to Make a Blanket Fort/Cuddle Nest

How To Make A Comfort Box

Introduction To BDSM

Newbie’s Guide To Vaginal Fisting

Punishments in BDSM Relationships

Red Flags For Online BDSM Relationships

Some Thoughts On Rules

The Leash Has Two Ends - Responsibility

The Need For Rules and Discipline

Education is 🔑 Knowledge is 💪🏻

My parents….

Yes, submissives have parents. We’re not hatched. I have this photograph of them framed on a wall. She was his princess. He was always looking at her like this, even on her death bed. They wouldn’t have even known what D/s was, but they lived it.

She openly and utterly adored him. She knew his every need and saw to it without needing to be asked. She relied on his calm. He was her rock.

He created a world of order and predictability. He never raised his voice or his hand. He always made the decisions after they talked through things. But he decided.

They had rituals and protocols, although they never called them that. And when Alzheimer’s came to slowly steal her mind, their decades of these were the only thing that soothed and calmed her. Even when she didn’t know his name, she responded to “Who’s my best girl?” with “I’m always my best for you.”

And when it was time for her to go, he looked down at her, placed his hands over her eyes, closing them “Shhhh… it’s time for you to rest. Go on now. Go and get things ready for me. I’ll be along shortly.”

Hand to God, her last words were “Yes Sir….”

She died quietly about 36 hours later.

My parents had no idea what D/s is. But they lived the principles of the Power Exchange. And I am certain everything was ready for him when he joined her.

@caringasshole it’s very true….

Top pic is my Dad at age 17 in a B-17 over Germany during WWII. He was a belly gunner.

Middle pic is me looking at him.

Bottom pic is the last pic taken about a week before his own death in his 90’s.

It was only after my own entry into D/s that I recognized the Power Exchange in their marriage. My short blurd about them skipped over the ravages of Alzheimer’s and how it broke our hearts. It avoided the dark sadness that weighed on him for the years he carried on alone after her death.

My dad was a class act and always teaching me how to live with dignity and honor by example. When he died at home with us, he was mostly semi-conscious for a day or so when he had a short burst of energy. He woke up, and asked for chocolate ice cream and wine. He ate a few bites, drank a few sips and said he was tired and “Hey, thanks for your all help…” He went to sleep and died the next day.

His last life lesson to me was….

Eat the Chocolate

Drink the Wine

Always Say Thank you

♾