Getting all the thoughts out.
I have not been on here in a long time. Things were just to confusing for a while. The thoughts in my head are always all over the place and so random sometimes.
I came on today because I have a lot I feel I need to get out and just writing it won't help me. I need it to be in the world were someone, somewhere can at least see it. I guess it makes it feel more valid.
This week work has been hard. My coworker that I pretty much talk to everyday for the last 6 years retired. The person I thought might make it less horrible made a decision that makes him not a good person to talk to. Besides bitching about work and women troubles all the time he likely only listen to me talk to he him self could talk more about his issues. It just got old.
I am pretty sure last month a man on tik tok hypnotized me into finally kicking weight loss into gear. I listen to his tik tok and fell asleep by the end. For the first time since years and years of complaining I am 30 days into a calorie counting type of diet and have been trying to do more cardio. I lost 5 pound so far.
Who knew 5 pounds could give you so much confidence at the same time gaining a pound also took all of that away from me. My relationship with food is a complicated one. But this is the first time I actually took responsibility and have done something about it.
Today my thought brought me way down. I can't even pin point what thought put me in such a mood but right now all I want is to cry and eat some ice cream. Its been a weird week.
Before this week I was on top of the world it seemed. I was confident in my weight loss journey, I was feeling like I could do anything in the whole world, be anything in the whole world. Then that ended and I just feel tired, old, and sad.
I don't need everything to be perfect. I just need it to be ok.
I just want to be happy.















