Lovestruck Fantasies

feel like it’s time to give it up … i know we’re at a little at fault as well for not trying but how can we if it’s clear we simply aren’t … important ? we don’t even hold a candle and some people are really dumb for ever having thought we did . yeah you say you care but you do not show it in the slightest and this simply isn’t working . we’re too… different . our values don’t align so why ? why are you here ? clearly not much change has happened so why bother ? we’re not gonna cave in eventually , there is no future if we’re meant to compete . because that’s how we always end up feeling in situations… similar to this . it’s unhealthy . and the only one having a ball is you and perhaps it’s awful to think but personally i am feeling deep revulsion and hurt . why is it so easy for you to jump into another’s arms or add one more ? i understand “to each their own” but it will never be for us . i will not allow it … i’m starting to feel as if things in the past should have stayed there this is ridiculous and people are BLIND

kill yourself sorry i mean kill yourself sorry i mean kill yourself sorry i mean kill yourself sorry i mean kill yourself sorry i mean kill yourself sorry i mean whoopsie haha

but it’s just to look neat . and stuff has happened between the time i was like 16 (?) n now sooooo ya.

restarting again womp womp womp wompppppp !! new era i suppose !!

deleting EVERYTHING ! ! !

idc idc im just never eating again i want all this flesh off i want to feel absurdly light i want … a lot of things . i just feel awful so much is happening and having this little semblance of control is the only thing that’ll help .

genuinely hope u die . lol !!!

i’m so sick of this why why why why why do you keep doing this why do you keep making us crawl back have some dignity have some self respect it’s humiliating why would you make such a big decision on your own i hate you i hate u what an awful thing to come back to

It’s like they can smell the neurodivergence coming off of us. I wish we were not so off putting sometimes. We can see when people find us too strange and think us weird and thus steer clear. It’s a bit lonely, living like that. Just a bit, no matter how much we convince ourselves we like the solitude.

scrolled through the insta pages of my old high school classmates since they popped up as a suggestion and did i not get my stupid ass triggered by an old friend (who wasn’t really my friend because she didn’t gaf) who just got so SKINNY. i want to kill my self it’s not fair. no matter what i do i’m still fat as hell compared to other girls it’s ridiculous. i need to actually get serious about locking in.