Transform and Rock On

I have a small collection

Bonus:

There have been times, even now, that occasionally Pearl almost missed what existed between her and Optimus during the war. Of course, the relationship was awful, they were both so stiff, it was a mess — but there was a kind of certainty to it. They knew what to expect from each other because they knew their roles in each other's lives.

Not like now. Sometimes she doesn't know what to expect from him, and he doesn't know what to expect from her. The present and the future are shaky and uncertain. Things that are uncertain frighten Pearl more than just about anything else. To not have solid ground beneath her feet, metaphorically speaking is ... scary.

And in that, it's so much better than it used to be. She never thought she'd be happy never knowing what would come next. But she's here, strangely at peace with the uncertainty.

" — It is more complicated than that, " she admits ; not unkindly, just matter-of-fact. " But it's ... I ... I want to assure you that ... the unity you were wanting to achieve with us, you — you did. It's been ... a long journey for me to understand it, for ALL OF US to understand it, but ... fusion isn't about anything physical. It's not the actual melding together. "

She takes in a breath she doesn't need, ( although her mind tells her she does ), before letting it out in a huffed laugh. " It's about ... communication. Respect. Love. And you ... you have that with all of us, in spades. Even if maybe I fought some of it at first. Whatever happened in your past, I'm ... sorry. It must have hurt. " The way he talks about it, without details of the event but followed by feelings, makes that part very clear. " But I also ... I'm glad circumstances brought us together. "

The emotions are ... a lot. There are so many things she hasn't allowed herself to fully process feeling, let alone talk about.

Friends. He does like the sound of that.

"Thank you, as well," he finally says, turning back to the water. What more is there to say?

So much is changing. Many new gems are coming and going every day, and while Cybertron hasn't reached out to him (and he hopes so much that they never do), figuring out who he is now feels as unprecedented as anything he did those first cycles on Homeworld, or Earth, for that matter.

"...You know," he finally said, "Steven recent told me I needed to start figuring out what I like, instead of what I need to do. I don't know how to tell him that sometimes feels like trying to ride backwards down a highway - I can, but it's a lot more fraught than what I'm used to."

A soft laugh leaves her as she considers the conversation they're having. Not too long ago, she would have sounded sharp and defensive with her laughter, like she was covering things up. Because ... well ... she was.

Not anymore. It feels nice to not be doing all that.

" Perfect sense, " she assures. " I suppose if I had to be something organic, I'd rather be a growing plant than anything else. "

Another beat of silence passes before she works up the courage to say anything else. Pearl genuinely has to have the actual nerve, to feel SECURE, to share big feelings like this, especially ones she's mortified about ever feeling.

Finally, she says it ; quiet, honest. " I used to be so ... jealous of you, you know. When we first met, I thought ... I thought you knew exactly who you were, what your place was. You seemed so confident. Nothing like me. And I ... I don't know if you could ever feel it. In the way I ... treated you or anything like that. But if you did— " And this is what she wants to say more than anything.

In a way, he knew. During the war and long before it, they had been much closer physically than anything else - always in proximity of Rose, and thus each other, but rarely alone.

He'd known that she was... withdrawn around him, closed off, but it wasn't like he was any more relaxed. Their lives had both existed in service of the Diamond authority, even in their shared act of rebellion.

It really wasn't until much later - after the dust settled and fragments bubbled - that they even started to talk to each other about anything unrelated. Even that was because Rose had ordered them not to.

But now here they were, on a beach, just... relaxing. Existing. It was as nice as it was terrifying.

"I would have to say the same... I accept your apology. I'd like to offer one as well, for closing myself off to everything but our mission."

Even now, it's hard to "turn off" as Steven calls it, just relax. That wasn't how he was built or coded. "If it's any comfort, I often felt envious of you as well. I tried my best to follow orders and meet expectations, but..."

He trails off, looks out to the water. "...but you always seemed to have such clarity in your purpose, such... drive. When I was assigned to Homeworld, it was after... a very big mess. I effectively ruined my own chances of being a proper Prime, and... failed to save a friend of mine, far, far away from here or there. I focused on protecting Rose - even before she was Rose - because I thought I could make up for it by doing better."

A small laugh. "I know it's more complicated than that - believe me, it always is - but you made it look so easy. Combat, teamwork, fusion... I couldn't believe it the first time I saw it. There's this word on Earth for what it was - a miracle. Two lights acting as one. And I... I envied you, and Garnet, and Amethyst and Rose - for being able to reach a sort of unity that I never could, and trying felt... foolish. So it was just easier to focus on my duty and what I could do."

A small pause. He looked back at Pearl.

Things are so, so much different than they used to be. It's a good thing, and there are times Pearl wonders how she can be so content within something that's leagues away from where she started.

Maybe that's the whole point ? Or one of the points.

" No, no, I ... I know what you mean. It is strange. " She doesn't realize, either, when her thoughts began to ... shift like this. When she started to think of Optimus not as competition, but as a teammate. And when she stopped thinking of him as a teammate and started thinking of him as a friend. But that's what he is.

Cybertron and Homeworld don't have oceans, but the tide crashes against the shore on their shared second home just the same. Optimus hums, thinking about it.

"...It's kind of like... that sapling that Steven brought home once. It used to be small and green, but..."

He looks back to where the sapling is now a proud wax myrtle, thick with shrubbery.

"...It's the same plant, but it's different. There's... more to it, now. Am I... making any sense at all?"

Looks back at her own words. Her own thoughts, feelings, insecurities.

She's embarrassed that she EVER felt threatened by Rose's feelings for Optimus.

But that's progress, isn't it ? Cringing at the way you used to be, with the knowledge that it isn't who you are now.

And it's not. She's secure now. He could never replace her, and she could never replace him. There's room enough for both of them.

Pearl's words pull him out of his thoughts, and he looks down at his comrade. No- his friend.

He smiles, just a bit.