aka EssEhm2U

how do i stop caring about what other people think of me? i guess i just dont feel like a worthy person by myself, i feel like an empty shell filled with spider webs and bugs in the corners that are too hard to reach, a beating heart covered in dripping tar while it fights to keep living.

how do you fix a self esteem that was beaten down from birth, who was told that theyd never make it on their own? i still feel like im riding everyone elses coattails, but the things i want to do i want to do for me, i did so much for others and just put my own needs to the side for so long, i just feel like a shitty person for wanting to be selfish and greedy. i dont know what the line is for putting myself first and being a narcissist.

i cant even make art anymore. i just build plastic model kits and follow directions because it feels good to make things the "right way". i think about drawing but the amount of pain and judgement from myself that id have making art, i just dont want to face it anymore. im tired of feeling like im not enough, but i cant convince myself to feel content.

if i do something and it doesnt feel like im getting anything positive out of it from myself, then why keep doing it?