( j o k e r )

“Compiling recent extranet search results, then." It only took her a moment to access the logs, her eyes narrowing to mimic what she had observed as an annoyed expression. "Jeff," she began, turning back to the pilot. "You failed to mention that the most recent extranet activity has come from your terminal, here in the cockpit. You also did not tell me that you had been viewing explicit content. Would you like me to read aloud your most recent searches?”

❝------Shit! No, no, no no no... er, crap. Totally forgot about    that. D---don----don't read it. Can you just, like, I dunno, wipe    that from your memory data banks or...whatever?❞ The down-    side to having a girlfriend who didn't exactly understand the     concept of "privacy". ❝Just...just...ignore all of that. ...Please.❞

        “Joker. I assume everything is alright          up here? Though I should check up          on you and add a few planets we          have to scan for lost artefacts. People          keep requesting us on the Citadel.”

❝Lay it on me, Boss. I'll take anything I can get right now,    or I might just die of boredom from the lack of...anything    happening. Even if it's just monotonous scanning. It's like    somebody died or something. ----I mean. I know. Plenty of    people have, but that's not the point. It can't hurt to ask for    a little excitement. Even if it's just like, radiation fields or    something. Y'know?❞

     Oh yes, not even the Primarch was above ribbing.  For once he felt like he was among his own men again.  Frustrations aside, he had Joker to thank for that.

Jeff was really starting to like this guy. Out of all the normally tight-arsed turians he'd met, it didn't seem the primarch was actually that bad. Almost like Garrus not-bad, with maybe less awkward elusiveness. It was kind of refreshing to see him take the prank so well. ❝Hey, I got a good way to make it up to you, Primarch. You and me can team up against Vakarian with an even better prank, turian-style. What do you say? ---Come on, I know you've got a playful side to you somewhere in there.❞

❝---Okay, yeah, officially calling this 'the bridge', I don't    even care what anyone says.❞

❝Y'know, you're a lot more obvious than you think, Vakarian.❞

"You always gloat over your successes, I want to gloat over mine! Not many people can say they took a gunship down on foot!"

❝Yeah, I guess that's cool and all. Not exactly saving the entire crew    multiple times by weaving through asteroid fields and escaping col-    lector ships cool, but, you know, you're on your way, Kid.❞

❝Uhh, how come she gets to use your shower and the    rest of us don't? More importantly, me? Your favorite    pilot and source of witty banter?❞

"What? You told me you liked the heist mission.”

❝Yeah, because it was a change of pace. Hell, I'll take about     anything I can get these days. But I have my limits, Kasumi.❞

        ——   “Right…"             [she clears her throat again]                   “The engineers were wondering             if you had noticed anything                    they might need to look into.”    ——   

❝Y'know, actually, now that you mention it, I was totally noticing    some drag coming from the starboard propulsion jets. Hell, I'll    actually comm them about that before I forget... ---I knew she    was gonna have problems sooner or later. You don't just get    a brand new-and-improved craft without some kind of stupid    issue to go along with it...❞

❝Yep, all good in the cockpit, Boss. ...God, "cockpit". I hate     that term. Petition to call this the bridge from now on.     More Star Trek, less innuendo. Win/win, in my opinion.❞