laura brand simp

“Okay okay okay, it’s the most wonderful time of the year,” said Shelby, flinging herself down on the bed next to Laura, “which means.... drumroll please...”

The other five provided it with feet on the floor, and Shelby flung her hands up in a dramatic flourish.

“Presents!”

Since H.I.V.E. didn’t have normal school holidays at the end of every term, Nero seemed to consider it no great loss to their education to give the entire school time off for every religious celebration. It still amounted to less than half the holiday they would have at an ordinary school. So on Christmas Day, Otto, Wing, Shelby, Laura, Franz and Nigel were gathered in the girls’ room for secret Santa.

There was no legitimate way of getting presents at H.I.V.E., so when Otto had suggested secret Santa, it had been clear they would all have to rely on ingenuity. H.I.V.E.mind had given them all a name, and over the course of the last month, they had all found some way of getting a gift.

“Sounds good to me,” said Otto, “okay, everyone close their eyes, and one by one we’ll open them and leave the gift next to the person.”

The boys had all put their gifts inside their school bags to maintain the secrecy, and everybody closed their eyes while Otto deposited his present. One by one, all six of them left them, Laura last.

“Okay, all done,” she said as she sat down.

“I think we should be starting alphabetically,” said Franz with a grin.

The others laughed, and Shelby nodded.

“Go on then,” she said, looking at the cardboard box in front of him that was much too big to have fitted in anybody’s school bag, “we all want to see what’s in there anyway. Franz first.”

Franz lifted the lid of the cardboard box, and his face lit up. He pulled the lid further back to reveal a slightly messily iced, but still delicious looking gingerbread house.

“That is it,” he said, “I have already won.”

“Damn, you kinda have,” said Shelby, “who and how is what I wanna know.”

“Me,” said Laura with a grin and a wave, “I helped Mandy in the kitchens automate some of their systems and she let me come in in a free period and make it.”

“Thank you!” said Franz through a mouthful of the roof, “it is being excellent.”

“Ok, your turn, Laura,” said Nigel.

Laura tore open a small package to reveal a necklace with several tiny but quite definitely real jewels hanging from it. It wasn’t hard to guess who it might be from.

“Oh my god, Shel,” she laughed, “Ms Leon’ll kill you!”

The jewels were recogniseable as those that had been used as goals in the Maze during past lessons.

“Nah, I leave no trace,” said Shelby, “I put trackers on them when I got them in class, so when I returned them I know where she put them, then waited til the year above had a lesson in the Maze and stole them that night so they’re the suspicious ones.”

“Aww Shel,” Laura knocked their shoulders together, “you really put in the effort, didn’t you? Thank you.”

“Anything for my favourite geek,” she said, “my go?”

Without waiting for an answer, she tore open the tiny square at her feet, revealing a little black cube with a lens on one face, a screen on the opposite one, and two buttons and a joystick on top.

“I may as well reveal myself to explain,” said Otto with a grin, “point the lens at a lock and it’ll scan it for you, and show you an image on the screen. I built it in the professor’s lab.”

“Damn,” said Shelby, turning the cube over in her hand, then pocketing it, “and portable. Thanks Robotto. Maybe you’re my favourite geek after all.”

Laura shoved her lightly, and Shelby grinned and tossed an arm around her shoulders as Otto reached for his own package, small and flat. Peeling it open, he revealed an iPod, and a gasp went up.

“Okay, that’s definitely the most impressive so far,” said Nigel, “no offence everyone. Who got something from off the island?”

Wing grinned, and gave a small wave.

“How?” asked Otto, “we haven’t left since the hunt, and that was hardly an occasion to pop into the apple store.”

“I have my connections,” said Wing with a cryptic smile.

“Spill, big guy,” said Shelby.

“I simply asked Raven nicely.”

Franz choked.

“You were asking for Raven’s help?”

Shelby huffed.

“He just loved to rub it in that he’s her favourite.”

“Aww, someone’s jealous,” said Otto, pinching Shelby’s cheek.

She pouted at him and nodded to Wing’s dubiously wrapped present. He carefully peeled it open, and his smile broadened as he lifted out a tiny bonsai tree in a pot.

“I hardly need to ask whom I have to thank for this,” he said, turning his smile on Nigel, who turned pink.

“Well I heard you say Lao used to have a lot, and I thought you might like one. Miss Gonzales doesn’t let me experiment anymore, but she let me use the Violet spot again for a normal plant.”

“It is lovely, thank you,” said Wing.

“I wonder who Nigel’s could be from,” Otto said with a grin as Nigel picked up the envelope that had been left in front of him.

He opened it and read the slip of paper inside, then looked at Franz, shocked.

“You’re joking.”

“I am very genuine, my friend.”

Nigel broke into a huge smile.

“I beat you all,” he said, then read the slip aloud, “coupon, good for ten pieces of finance homework.”

Cries of jealousy filled the room for a few seconds, then gave way to laughter.

“Good idea Otto,” said Shelby, poking him with her toe, “this was fun.”

“Thought it might be,” said Otto, “happy Christmas everyone.”

***

Professor Pike came into the staff room to find Colonel Francisco and Ms Leon already inside, the Colonel drinking coffee and Ms Leon pawing at her tablet, grading essays. He avoided eye contact with Ms Leon, making a beeline for the colonel.

“Colonel,” he said as he hurried over, “I believe today is the day for secret Santa deliveries.”

“Well I must say this is very secretive, Theodore.” said Colonel Francisco, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, well, I didn’t just want to leave this lying around in a pigeon hole in case someone else picked it up, but Merry Christmas.”

He reached into one of his deep lab coat pockets and retrieved a pistol, handing it over grip first.

“I’ve already got a few of those.”

“Not like this one,” said the professor, eyebrows leaping in excitement almost to join his hair, “I call it the sandboy. Just like the sandman rifles, but condensed.”

The colonel eyed the pistol and grinned.

“Looks great,” he said, “though the name could use some work. Thanks.”

“Pleasure.”

“Professor.”

A French accented voice made him cringe and he looked down the table to see a small box sliding along it, pushed by a white paw.

“Merry Christmas.”

Even her synthetic voice conveyed her irritation at being given him for the staff secret Santa, but he gave a grateful if slightly fearful smile, and opened the box. Inside lay a grid of chocolates and a typed note.

Merry Christmas. Enjoy the chocolates - one of the many benefits of a human body.

“Thank you Tabitha,” he said weakly, inwardly deciding not to risk eating any of them.

She didn’t reply, and Colonel Francisco rolled his eyes.

“Well since nobody seems to care about the “secret” part of secret Santa, here’s yours, Tabitha.”

He slid a package down the table, and a terrifying flurry of claws and a few seconds later, a small cat outfit was visible on the table. Ms Leon gave as much of a glare as a cat can manage.

“I am not a pet, Colonel.”

“It’s an ISIS suit,” he said hurriedly, “tailor made.”

Ms Leon paused, then eyed the suit.

“It’s lovely,” she said, “and very useful. Thank you.”

“No problem.”

***

Raven stepped off the shroud’s ramp, heaving a sigh of relief. She hated going to Moscow on assignment - it was uncomfortably familiar and it always threw her off her game - but she had achieved her goal, and even completed the mission she’d been assigned along the way.

“Where do you want the cargo?” the pilot asked.

“I’ll have the crate now,” she said, “send the rest to the professor for analysis.”

“Got it,” he said.

A few seconds later he came back to the ramp with a crate, complete with penguin gift wrapping he hadn’t dared to ask about. She hadn’t lost the edge of fear with the staff, even if a few of her students were getting unacceptably unafraid of her - Wing had asked her to pick up a Christmas present! And she’d done it!

She took the crate with a nod of thanks, and set off in the direction of her quarters. She’d arrived back just in time for secret santa. She’d finally given in this year and agreed to participate. Much to her relief, she’d been randomly allocated Nero. She suspected H.I.V.E.mind had made that selection less than random so she wouldn’t bail.

Thankfully, she passed nobody in the corridors while carrying her festively wrapped gift. She reached her room without incident, and quickly changed, then put the crate in a suitcase. She had been lucky enough not to pass anyone on the way here, but it was a decent walk to Nero’s office. When she arrived, she let herself in - she was the only one who had that security clearance after the Contessa incident. Nero looks up from the work on his desk and smiled.

“Ah, Natalya,” he said, “was Moscow alright?”

She knew he hated sending her there, mainly because she hated to go there, but the business had been unavoidable. Besides, one of the only crates in the world of the kind she had in her suitcase resided there, in the home of an oligarch she’d broken into purely to get it.

“Fine,” she said, “I got it done.”

“You always do,” he said, “you can fill me in tomorrow. Is that for the professor?”

“No, the stuff is on its way to him already, this is for you. I’m just in time for secret santa, I think.”

She opened the suitcase and removed the crate, lifting it and nodding to the things on Nero’s desk, which he cleared to the side to allow her to put it down.

“I’m intrigued,” he said with a smile.

He took a letter opened from his pen pot and sliced along the top of the wrapping paper, then pulled it back to reveal a wooden crate, which he opened. Inside sat a dozen bottles of some of the rarest brandy in the world, and Nero’s face broke into a smile. The one bottle he’d gotten his hands on five years ago was almost empty, and he had despaired of finding any more.

“My dear, you’ve outdone yourself,” he said, “thank you.”

“My pleasure,” she said, “don’t drink it all at once.”

“Keep Mr Malpense and co. under control and I won’t need to,” he said wryly, “coincidentally, I am also your secret Santa, but this feels a little... well, little, now.”

He opened a desk drawer and pulled out a box big enough to fit in the palm of his hand, perfectly wrapped. Raven tore back the wrapping paper to reveal a black box, and inside, a bracelet. It was soft, braided black leather, with two connecting silver angels’ wings as the clasp. It looked comfortable, the wings didn’t dangle inconveniently, and it wasn’t flashy, though Nero being who he was she was sure it was obscenely expensive - she’d never been a fan of jewellery, but this she would wear. She took it out with a smile and fastened it around her wrist, turning her hand to look at it.

“I saw something similar when I was last in London, and it made me think of the “guardian angel” joke everyone’s always making, so when I got you for secret Santa I had one made.”

“It’s lovely,” she said, “thank you.”

“No problem. Now, have a glass of this with me.”

***

Berlin 1993

upcoming nerostasia fic maybe? ;-)