all about Glaiza

it's still afternoon but i kinda feel like this day has done too much to me. i was having a very random & unexpected fight with my sibling that burst me to tears. to cool down, i planned on going alone to 7eleven, for the first time. yet again, unexpectedly, my bf happens to be here in my city (take note, he's idk-how-much-kilometers away), so we decided to meet up there in 7eleven. i was having breakdown so i thought, "oh God is so good to me, He really knows how to calm me down." but oh, to my surprise, my bf couldn't stay long, he was with his classmates who just happened to visit and not take long. now what i felt was like ineffable. my bf just spent literal 15 minutes to hang out with me. i mean, he could've stayed longer and just commute; it is our 59th monthsary today, it could've been the first ever monthsary to be spent physically with him since we're on a ldr. idk i just felt bad, unvalued, and not worth it haha. am i not enough for u to stay longer around? our 15 minutes just went as me crying about the fight with my sibling, and the fact that he, my bf, announced that he wouldn't be around on my birthday this year. hear me out, this day could have been the day we celebrate both our monthsary and my birthday, yet he decided not to. he had a choice, but still he chose not to. am i just sensitive or are my feelings valid?

on a side note, i kinda felt satisfied with my not-so-alone hangout. it was my first time going out alone, bought something on a store alone, eating out alone. and today, I've helped a stranger. i encountered a homeless person wanting to take my melted ice cream. i said "that's already melted." but she still insisted because she really wanted it. so what i did is i bought her a new ice cream on a cone. i felt happy seeing her smile and being grateful to me. it made me realize there's so much beauty outside, outside my phone, my room, my house. i just really need to step outside more to experience more beautiful things like that.

life doesn't end when you fail, because failures are part of life, and I have all the willingness to take every part and learn from it.

this has been the highlight of my day. all the sorrows and doubts I felt earlier were replaced with joy. christmas truly is the season of giving—it brings a different kind of happiness when you know you’ve given something, even without expecting anything in return.

quick get-together session

although incomplete, the fun still remains. love u and miss u, guys. every moment spent with u feels like healing, how i wish i could turn back time, stressing together, laughing together, going home together. now, we've come to the part of our lives where we grow individually— it's essential so that we'll have so many chikas to each other hahaha. but kiddings aside, i always loved our little moments together, it's like a quick escape to the reality of my life.

FINAL DEMONSTRATION

EL 108

just wanna express my warmest gratitude over this unexpected award. all throughout the process, I've been very skeptical, thinking this wouldn't end well. but this certification denied all my negativities. as one of the presenters, I felt so much pride of what we've come. second place is more than enough, it has actually been very unexpected since i really thought we'd come off being last. this achievement has been a milestone for me, and an inspiration to keep on improving. because through this, I've acknowledge myself as well, including my skills and abilities, because I've lived with so much self-doubt, but I guess it's time that I believe in the person I am becoming.

thank you, God, for giving us the power to collaborate with our groupmates and come out with this result, for giving us guidance and security throughout the presentation. It is through you that we are able to attain such achievement.

thank you, team, that through our collective efforts we have achieved such big accomplishment. all the cramming, the sweat and tears we've spent really paid off.

“What if I'm someone I don't want around?”

Althroughout my life, I thought my biggest fear was stepping out in public, being on the spotlight around strangers. But growing up, I realized that it is the fear of being stuck in constant, to not being able to develop and learn holistically. Yes, fear of losing someone is one, but is losing them the one you are really scared of? No, it is the feeling of the aftermath, the feeling of not hearing their voice, not seeing their face, not feeling their touch. And you'd cry out of grief, you'd cry out of loneliness, but the world doesn't stop there. You continue to live, living the memories they've left behind, holding onto the hope that they're still there.

I fear of becoming stagnant, not being able to move forward. Living a life like doesn't seem to exist. That's the logic about life, every day you live, every moment you cherish, you move forward. No matter what circumstances, you should move forward; you feel every emotion, you treasure every memory, and you continue.