dawn will break

After 200+ chapters, we have it in all its glory… sort of?

To cut straight to the chase; the reveal of Sakura’s backstory is modeled much, much more differently compared to the rest of the cast.

Before it all starts though, we get a beautiful sunset. Sakura and Momijikawa stare at it for a while as life continues to bustle in the foreground, before the other people clear and they are truly alone—which is what Momijikawa refers to everything “cooling down”.

Momijikawa professes that he must’ve “killed someone in his past life” for all his family members to die. Though the belief of reincarnation is quite popular in parts of Asia (though it’s dependent on every culture), it’s a particularly depressing statement coming from Momiji. The harsher reality is that these things happen regardless of whether we were in control of or not. Call it misfortune, call it karma, but the deaths of the Momijikawa family happened for various complicated reasons. Perhaps the last surviving member is bargaining at this stage?

Back to Sakura, who notably does not show any discomfort when the other boy cries; in response to Momijikawa’s heavy statement, he elaborates on the topic presented. If reincarnation happens to be real, then he’d go to hell in his next life. What Sakura says is inherently contradictory however—wouldn't he go to hell in his current life, given that he supposedly killed his mother as Sakura Haruka? What has he done to atone for his sins up to this point? Or was he subconsciously aware that the death of his own mother was never his fault?

This panel looks eerily similar to the ones of Umemiya’s back. Which is funny, considering that both characters blamed themselves for a death of a parent. Both of these panels also highlight the nervousness of the other party.

Momijikawa states that he hates outsiders because of what happened to his grandpa, but he is willing to know more about Sakura as a person—he requests to this in the very same vicinity of the very same bridge where Sakura talked to Natsuki. Though the latter is undoubtedly a part of Furin now, it’s a step towards the right direction.

There is a clear contrast between the Sakura now and the Sakura in 191. He was hesitant on divulging his past prior, but when Momijikawa asks, Sakura knows that he wants to connect with him. That maybe they could be friends. He already knows all about Momijikawa (albeit it hadn’t come from the boy himself, and rather from Sugi), so it wouldn’t hurt to close their distance.

Which is why Sakura nearly smiles before he begins to nonchalantly traumadump.

Looking at the backstory itself… it does feel very “bare-bones” compared to the other backstories we’ve seen. There is no important real-time flashback, there is no crucial new information that the audience didn’t already know or pick up on (ie. we can infer that he was abused, neglected, bullied and socially ostracized—but conversely, we still aren’t aware of Sakura’s financial situation), there is no massive recontextualization of Sakura’s character. Sure, it gives us more insight to what exactly he’s faced in the past, but it feels more like a recitation rather than Sakura being vulnerable; because it sort of is.

In contrast to literally every other character with a backstory, Sakura’s past is not meant to characterize him, because the behavior and characteristics Sakura has displayed up to this point has already done its job.

His backstory now is simply a means to an end—what used to be the skeletons in his closet and repressed trauma now brings him closer than ever not only with Momijikawa, but his family at Furin. Because the Sakura from then is only an afterthought at this point, which is why he acts so noncommittally even though he’s bringing up his past. Whether his casual demeanor is a good thing or not is debatable; it's all water under the bridge now (heh).

However, Sakura’s telling of his past here focuses more on family, a common point that him and Momijikawa share. He brings up his father—and in this panel we see Sakura trying to make a deliberate connection with his father, the one figure in his life that was supposed to provide for and support him.

Then it’s revealed who Sakura had really killed: his mother.

Sakura evidently doesn’t know what to think of this. What are you even supposed to think when you’ve learnt that your birth had caused of your mother? The woman who had nursed Sakura, carried him in her belly for 8-9 months, birthed him, gave him the name Sakura Haruka. Within Daddy Sakura’s grief and contempt he’d chose to abandon his son, but this exchange only furthered the sentiment that has been plaguing Little Sakura since his birth: that he is alone.

But, he isn’t alone now. He has his friends, his reliable senpais, the townspeople, and Momijikawa. Momijikawa himself is visibly upset; how could someone from (what used to be) a loving family wrap his head around this? How could someone be abandoned as a baby, and be transferred to multiple homes that would continue to neglect him? That Sakura would be accused for “murdering” his mother, not when Momi’s own had also died due to the stress on her body, and how could that blame come from Sakura’s father?

It’s why he gets mad that Sakura is smiling. Why is the outsider acting so calm about this? Why is he even smiling?

But Sakura’s face softens; and it only emphasizes that this is truly water under the bridge for him. Because the person he was then only helped him become the person he is now.

Given the lighting and framing of this panel, Sakura’s face appears to be split in half. The side that has his black hair and steel grey eyes is cloaked in shadow. His lip also forms a thin line, giving him a despondent look; possibly showing that he still has his shortcomings due to his trauma/past. But the side of him that has the white hair and amber eyes, one that caused him to be ridiculed and isolated for years is bathed in light and still smiling. It only emphasizes Sakura’s growth, and how he’s come to accept himself to the point where he can simply divulge his trauma as if it’s small talk.

Just like Umemiya.

Speaking of Momi grabbing Sakura (and Ume), it serves as a parallel to Chapter 146 when Sugishita did the same. Much like Momijikawa, Sugi was mainly raised by his grandparents—and both of them hate Sakura due to their sheltered views. In both scenes, Momijikawa and Sugishita chide Sakura as his behavior contradicts their internal beliefs: in chapter 146, Sakura talked up a storm about taking the top of Furin (away from Umemiya) only to chicken out and attempt to leave, whereas Sakura was simply smiling as he recounted his mother’s death. It’s notable that he grans both their wrists, perhaps to keep them closer, or perhaps to make them understand something. Or maybe it’s a declaration of his will.

Even though we’ve seen the scraps of his past, Sakura Haruka’s story isn’t quite over yet. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for not only Sakura, but Momijikawa as well.

This hurts so much. Damn, I hate the people in his past who made him believe that.