G.ographie

We all come from somewhere. That’s it. That’s the tweet. The bigger part is where. What about our surroundings and upbringing (or lack thereof) makes us who we are? Are you quick to anger because of what you’ve seen in the past? Are you timid and nervous about expressing yourself because you were always taught that children were meant to be seen and not heard? Is it the exact opposite for you?

Those are all questions that I wonder when I see people and see how they react to things. Are you stuck in who you are because you know no other way? Because you don’t want to do better or be better? What if you feel like you can’t do better? I, personally, never want someone to think that they aren’t above who their families taught them to be. If you see that your family is toxic, their teachings are toxic, don’t be afraid. Be better. Show them that just because their life was negative, it doesn’t mean you have to deal with things in the same way.

I speak from experience. Growing up, I was raised by strict grandparents who were religious. My mother was… around but she was never there. For the first 5-6 years of my life, I called her by her first name because I had no idea who she was. I didn’t have that connection to her and it seems like she didn’t have that connection to me either. I was just a child she had who had ruined her partying ways. There would be times that she would come to my grandparents house at 2 AM, smelling like alcohol. As a parent now, I could never see myself doing that to my child. The heartbreak I felt when I was older and realized she probably didn’t want me is a feeling that just can’t be explained.

For years (even to this day), she tells people that she raised me from birth. She can’t face the fact that she wasn’t there. She can’t face the fact that she is unstable and unable to raise children in love. I’m grateful for my grandparents because they made me who I am now. That type of structure is what I needed. I didn’t grow up to be overly religious but who they were as people molded me and made me aware of what was around me. I’m proud of that.

I don’t parent the way my grandparents or mother did but I’m okay with that. I take the time to listen to my child, to explain to him why he got in trouble. I believe him when he tells me things and I call him out when he’s not telling the truth or when he says he can’t tell me something. I explain to him all of the time that it’s okay to feel your emotions and it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be responsible for your actions and it’s okay to say your truth. I also remind him constantly that he won’t get in trouble if he tells us the truth or if he speaks up. We support him in all of this because it’s going to make him grow to be a better person and not someone who reeks of toxic masculinity.

-K

I’ve wanted to do this for a while. I can’t lie and say a lot of things have stopped me. The only thing that has stopped me… yeah, you guessed it, myself. So, here we are. My therapist tells me every time I see her ‘Kyla, you should write. Write in a journal, do a blog. Doesn’t matter. Do it. You’re talented.’ And I look at her like she’s crazy. Putting words to a paper? Me? Talented. Nah. I’ve always felt like I was average at everything and anything I did so to feel like there might be a future in something as enjoyable as writing? That’s crazy talk.

Either way, this is a documentation and expression of my journey into writing. Figuring out who I am and what I want to do with this since it brings me some sort of relief. Not that anyone would care but… am I doing this for anyone other than myself? No. So… here we go.

I’m not 100% sure what my first post should be about but … I feel like rambling is a good way to start it. Just kind of typing what feels right and then going from there. Seeing if it leads me to be inspired or motivated to do more. I’m always happy to take suggestions as well. ‘Oh, Kyla. Tell me about the first time you hit a pole when driving’. Those kinds of things… though, again, my insecurity will lead me to believe that no one will be interested. Maybe not yet… but, at some point maybe I’ll get a couple of followers and start to feel a little better about this whole thing.

We’ll see.

Let’s take some time to let that word sink in. Love… what is it? Is it the feeling you get when someone saves your thesis papers from flying away? Is it the feeling you get when your younger sibling hugs you of their own accord? Is it the feeling you get when the person you care about says those three special words for the first time?

Yes.

It’s all of those.. Or it could be none of those. Depending on who you are and how you process things, of course. Some have felt it once, some have felt it multiple times and some have never felt it at all. What’s that saying? It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? I guess. Maybe. I have love on many levels. I love my best friend who relates to me like no other and who gasses me even though I know it’s not true. I love my wife because she takes care of me, is patient and takes off my shoes when I’m too lazy to do so. I love my son because… he’s himself. Unstoppable, loud, excited, emotional, silly.. A child that a grew and birth but his own person. All of these loves are so different but so special to me because it teaches me something with every interaction.

Every love I have warms my heart and I’m appreciative of it.

Thank you to those that I love and that love me back.

-K

Reporter: What’s your name?

Hong Kong Protestor: Lee Chun Hei! I won’t commit suicide!

Police: 

They have been filmed beating protesters that have already been subdued/cuffed, as well as using their weapons incorrectly (firing rubber bullets at close range) and driving into crowds. 

People are dying.This is wrong. 

fittonia albivenis (nerve plant) will ‘faint’ when they need something – to be watered, to be removed from the sun, when they are too cold – however, they almost always recover quickly once their needs are met.

Historically, people’s political views drift to the right as they accrue more wealth.