you don't just marry a person. you marry their ecosystem. their food. the temperature of their house. their sleep schedule. their friends.their family. their way of moving through the world
This made me think about all the âI can change themâ people and how in reality, it usually ends up changing you. The reason we become those people isnât just control but the hope that love can create the safety we are craving. That we never got or arenât giving to ourselves. Itâs attaching to potential instead of reality. Believing that if you can fix what feels off, you wonât get hurt later. That if you can shape the situation, you can finally relax
Sometimes it comes from old patterns where love to you meant earning, proving, or holding everything together. So you start adjusting yourself your standards, your needs, your routines,trying to make the relationship work. But you donât change someone into alignment, you choose someone who already is because that âecosystemâ isnât a small detail. Itâs your everyday life. Itâs what you wake up to, how you feel in your own body around them
And if you constantly have to reshape yourself to fit into theirs, youâre not building a life together youâre slowly abandoning pieces of yourself just to stay. And this expands to everything else in your life. Just to avoid looking inward, and really going for the love you deserve
