me tongue-deep in a sandalwood candle: 🤤
the tjmaxx employee loading a fourth tranquilizer dart into their blowgun: i need backup
occasionally subtle
taylor price
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Love Begins
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Monterey Bay Aquarium
h
EXPECTATIONS
we're not kids anymore.

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@gingerchick47
me tongue-deep in a sandalwood candle: 🤤
the tjmaxx employee loading a fourth tranquilizer dart into their blowgun: i need backup

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was at a bar and a 50+ year old drunk white woman complimented me and my friend's outfits, told us there was a campsite up in northern maryland where a lot of gay bears go to have sex in the woods. we asked her how she knew about this and she very aggressively said "because i'm a FAG HAG!!! but i'm not allowed to say that anymore I GUESS!!!"
sometimes i feel like im climing up this incline again alone but thankully sisypus and the itsy bitsy spider and here with me
holy shit is that kate bush

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I told my little nephew that I'd wave at his airplane when it flew over my house today, and he very calmly and politely explained that it wouldn't be possible to see me due to the limitations of human vision. I said he just had to squint real hard, and he took a deep breath and went into the toddler version of "see, what you're not understanding–"
tumblr is great and all but ya’ll are missing the woman in one of my cat fb groups that has birthed her own tier 1 meme
adults love seeing a small child or teenager who is so visibly anxious and uncertain of themselves and quiet so they can tell them "HEY!! 👹 YOU BETTER GET SOME CONFIDENCE RIGHT NOW! 🗣 AND SPEAK UP! 🤬 YEAH YOU! 👊 SHY KID 💥 EVERYONE LOOK AT THIS SHY KID 👈 WHO I'M GOING TO FIX 🙏 WITH THE POWER OF LOUD !!! 😤 YOU'D BEST BELIEVE IT! 😱 NOW SHOUT, SHY KID!!! 🤯 SHOUT AT ME!!! 👽 HUUAAHH&HHH 🗯 NOW TEAR ASUNDER THE HUSK OF YOUR FORMER SELF ☠️ YEAH RIGHT NOW 👇 WHY DON'T YOU FEEL CONFIDENT 💣 I AM GIVING YOU THE CURE" and the shy kid has to pretend like this isn't the millionth time they've had this exact conversation

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Step back everyone. This post requires the delicate touch of an annoying gimmick blog
“So... We got the exploding diarrhea. Here's my advice for anyone who doesn't have it yet:
It's going to take a minute for the government to pin down where this is coming from, and then issue a recall, because the FDA has been gutted. But, I can tell you, without a shadow of a doubt : this is coming from Taylor Farms produce, and you will see them recalled.
You'll want to avoid all Taylor Farms produce in the grocery store. They supply McDonalds, KFC, Pizza Hut, about any fast food place you can think of.
Raspberries, watermelons, cilantro, and the veggies you're hearing about are not causing this many people to get sick. It's the shredded lettuce, specifically, that's the problem. But, you'll want to stay away from every type of produce this company puts out, because one strand of shredded lettuce is all it takes to contaminate bushels.
Taylor Farms is the source. Taco Bell proactively pulled their produce from their restaurants. You're going to see other fast food places doing this, and probably will see that before the government names a source. The FDA knows this, but they can't come out and tell us all until there's proof, which takes resources and research, which takes manpower, but the FDA has been cut by about 20-30%
During the Biden term, onions at McDonald's had ecoli. We knew this because DNA testing was done quickly and they were able to narrow it down to one place that caused the outbreak. And, it was traced back to Taylor Farms. This isn't going to be solved as quickly though.
When you get this, make a virtual appointment to your PCP - a "same day sick" appointment. Tell them someone in your family just tested for this and was positive and was prescribed Bactrim. If you go in person, they're probably going to make you poop in a cup and wait until results come back to prescribe.
You'll know when you get this. Trust me on all of this.
You'll want to stay hydrated because this parasite damages the lining of the small intestine. Your small intestine, in turn, secretes more water into the gut, and less nutrients and liquid are able to remain in the body. So no matter how much you shit, you're going to want to drink. A day of this leads to dehydration if you don't increase your fluid intake, and a few days will land you in the hospital.
If you have headaches, weakness, muscle cramps, dizziness, or an increase heart rate - hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Go to the ER for fluids if you can't drink enough.
Thank you for coming to my Ted talk. Brought to you by America's 250 birthday celebrations, workforce reduction in the FDA and CDC, and viewers like you.
Please feel free to share this.
And, MAGA - don't blow up the comment section. I argued with y'all on COVID bc I was afraid y'all would die, but I really don't care if you get explosive diarrhea.
And no, ivermectin will not help this at all.”
As an update, the OP of this post did eventually clarify that they did not have inside knowledge that it was Taylor Farms; that was a conclusion they reached from publicly-available information & history.
However, per CNN and numerous other news outlets, as of Thursday afternoon, the outbreak has been at least partially traced to lettuce supplied to Taco Bell from Taylor Farms, in Michigan, Ohio, West Virginia, and Kentucky.
Other states and/or businesses could have received the same contaminated lettuce, or there could be multiple simultaneous outbreaks with different sources: currently, it's not clear.
But anyway, the random guy was right.
teamwork makes the dream work. and dreamwork. makes shrek
fantastic. i love it. i posted this after my wife said it yesterday and as i was doing it i was like "this can't be an original thought. as soon as i hit post someone's going to say 'you stole this from a tweet from 2014' and i'll say 'no, i stole it from my beautiful wife.'"

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stop calling it a girl dinner and call it by its formal name: Fend For Yourself dinner in an ingredients household
idioms are always funnier in languages you do not understand, especially when a native speaker is struggling to explain and actively digesting how ridiculous it is in real time
me when my partner tries to explain what suskikusen (I don’t know the spelling that’s the phonetics of it) is in Finnish and why the blazing heck they names our cat it.
for references, they named our cat “ski into a pine tree” or “ski straight into a tall tree” depending on who you ask. It’s a “get lost” in Finnish. very useful saying
…when we’re not naming a cat