solver? I hardly know her!

like yes N and V know J was traumatized and abused by the same people and similar circumstances but because J was hiding so much (like, implicitly lying to V saying Tessa was alive, there was some plan to escape Cyn, etc), there's a huge chunk of her trauma completely invisible to them regarding what her relationship with Cyn actually was like, and why J made a lot of the choices she did. Which N and V go no answers or closure for. Because all that really got figured out in the end is that J was deliberately helping Cyn and continued to fight on her side, and maybe those vague words about J admitting she was tricked on some level that went unelaborated.

I think seeing her kind of like doing this inadvertent self harm would be kinda eye opening to the serious damage to her psyche, like even her abrasive attitude being stress induced or distance keeping. And the bending to authority is a big one for sure cause I think the perception really Would kinda be, J wants to stay in good favor because of what it awards (authoritative power over those under her, ego boost, praise) and not the actual reality that it's about avoiding the consequence of losing it (being tossed in the trash).

N being so emotionally perceptive I always imagine him picking up on those things first, that her behavior is self destructive and not serving HER all that well (after all, it's "just survive" mentality). N also just sees the good in others beneath their outward prickliness (gestures to both V and Uzi) and I dont think J is, or necessarily ever was, an exception; certainly seeing her in a very mundane space and stripped of authority there's actually very little to be significantly off put by.

In my mind I see Uzi not just writing J off a lot at first but kinda unconsciously doing the opposite of N where she's only looking for the bad things and assumes any decent behavior is insincere. Uzi is not heartless however, I think letting J stay is more than any claim she might make about it just being for N and V.. because Uzi is a good person, and as antagonistic as her relationship is with J, there's a difference between facing off in a saving the world showdown like alright here I come to kick your ass!! Versus seeing someone very broken down and refusal to be hospitable means they go outside and slowly die of starvation or whatever. The way I see it anyway—Uzi's virtue is stronger than any grudge she might hold.

The other thing is I think Uzi might be scared to actually find anything likeable about J or proof she's a good person, because that really complicates things. Like when I see the whole contract deal, for example, I feel like Uzi agreed out of virtue but fully expects J will blow it and then her going back out to die alone in the tundra is her own undoing and not Uzi performing a step in an execution. I don't think she realizes that's how her mind is handling it.

I think a similar thing happens on J's end of it though where she agrees because, well, a real life sounds good, but that's always been too good to be true. So she will agree, and surely the situation will not last, it will suck, everyone will hate her and kick her out and then there it is, proof a better life isn't real and it doesn't matter whether she's mean or nice or what; everything always goes back to the status quo.

Except for when it doesn't and J hits that magic point of realizing she likes her life and doesn't want it to end, which means the proof she was waiting for is her biggest fear, and she thinks the ice is thinner than it is. Because her effort hasn't gone unseen, not just N being all buddy but V has watched that unfold and is so attracted what new J is like it fucks with V's expectation J was a temporary experiment, Uzi having multiple hangups like not wanting to ruin anything for N but feeling wary about J and trying to avoid noticing anything good about her so she can continue feeling wary.

Anyway I think that point of J realizing what she wants to keep is what would manifest that like, self flagellation in front of Khan and stuff and if he were to tell Uzi about that, Uzi would be thinking like.. is she like using my dad to guilt trip me or ??? What the hell?

J just like complicates everything for everyone so much lol

I feel like N's so fundamentally inclined to be like servicing to his partners and not like in a doormat way or anything be genuinely loves being in that role! I think it doesn't cross his mind all that much to be on the side of the center of attention like that, and I think it's a little rooted in self esteem and old submissive habits subconsciously. Like no one is doing harm to him now but he just like as a person has his inner insecurities (and he probably sees Uzi as being the bigger catch in the relationship between him and her; ofc she probably thinks the exact opposite), and even if things are all good and nice he spent years and years putting V and J above him. Stuff like that is soooo complicated like when you used to have a very toxic relationship with someone and it flips around completely, old baggage doesn't just disappear even if you're unaware it's still there at all.

I can see the girls wanting to like. Return that big time and just smother him cause the thing is N would probably be like "haha it's okay everyone doesn't need to worry about me", V and J know the roots in that (having planted so many of the seeds), so they're gonna have to like dom him into a worship session (I reckon Uzi in giant worm mode only makes it easier to take control too lol but ofc regular Uzi really good too)where they say soooo much about how good and wonderful he is and ravish him.

I think he'd come undone pretty quickly once it's all on him y'know like probably get teary too and go through some emotional swells of like, thinking he doesn't deserve it, but also actively being aware he wants and likes it, and then just getting lost in the sauce of whimpering and saying he loves them!!

And they do get a lot out of it themselves for sure, he's just so fun to break and just ....deserves all the love >:) Uzi mentally sits on the throne of it I think because she loves him SO much and gets off on seeing him like that. In my mind anyway like sidetracking but I enjoy the idea that after their journey and becoming an item, Uzi conquered her insecurity about losing him to "better" people really well, and when the other people are involved are people she also loves and trusts (J and V in the polycule) it's nothing but rewarding to probably like sic them on him honestly lmao

And it's so nice y'know even the other side of the "used to get treated poorly" like it has its baggage but it also has it's "but now they love me so much I've never been happier in my life" angle and being so proud they've grown as people!

If you want you can make an art request with your tip, but be aware it's not a commission, I can't promise when I'll get to it, but I might bump it priority over askbox requests! (right now I have 1 ko-fi request to be fulfilled, did not forget @ that person)

Also please note this is not an emergency I am not gonna starve or anything, so don't feel like you need to give me money if you're not doing all that financially well or got other priorities. It would just help me out is all!

If you can't no worries, all of the likes, rbs, and comments I get here mean so much to me too, it's been so uplifting, I've never felt this much appreciation for my art and creative endeavors ever before. Even when things get hard these days in all sorts of harrowing ways, well.. it's felt less like a joke to tell myself to keep trying my best, to put it simply haha