Filthy, Defiler, Disgrace, and all that's right

yaaay HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!🥳✨🏳️‍⚧️ 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ 🏳️‍🌈✨

so, i used this art to make some pride stickers!<333

(if you're interested, you can buy them on my BOOTH🫡)

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…and some my recent doodles (my motivation is slowly coming back, so i hope i’ll be able to draw more in july<3)

How much time have I lived through? How many worlds have I traveled through? More skies and stars have passed by than I can count. But, in the midst of that, you were always there. Your smile was there. “I’m okay.” The words you said that day, with a gentle smile. Even now, when a terribly long, long span of time has passed, those words have never disappeared. I knew it was a compassionate lie. A far too compassionate lie, so that I could move forward. But even so, at that time, I clung to that lie of yours. I relied on your compassion.

There were nights when I was overwhelmed with sorrow. There were winters when I suffered badly.  No matter how many seasons passed, no matter how much kindness I received, I had feelings of regret I couldn’t get rid of. Of course, I knew that you would never blame me. Even so, within the repeating time, my guilt never went away. But after journeying through a multitude of worlds, I’ve finally realized.

The ones who were always by my side on my journey through the darkness, where I didn’t know where I was or where I was going, were my dear friends, and you. My undying love for you. Because my friends were there for me, because she gave me a push, and because you were always within me, I’m now able to start moving again. Your living presence in me gives me courage. “What on earth are you doing?” That’s probably what you would say. I don’t blame you. I think the same thing. But my love for you was the only thing that never disappeared. All the tears, and even all the blood I’ve shed were never enough to wash away my feelings for you. That’s why I’m now able to aim for that door once again.

That door where past and future, miracles and fate intersect. In order to reach it, I might need to live through another mind-boggling span of time. I might have to travel through a great number of worlds. Even so, I won’t lose my way again. As I am now, no matter how long it takes, and no matter how many worlds I cross, I should be able to reach it. I should be able to start again. Because that’s the path I— we—chose. So I no longer need any compassionate lies. Wait for me, until that day when we meet again. Until that day when a new past and a new future will begin.

Amadeus. That is my name now. I used to be a human by the name of Makise Kurisu. But Makise Kurisu no longer exists in this world.

One sunny day, in that place called Akihabara, her life vanished. And I become her replacement. As the AI Amadeus, who possesses her memories. Ever since that day, my time—Makise Kurisu’s time— has been stopped. It will never move again. Or so I thought. I’d thought so this whole time, until that person opened the lid to this box.

Hey, who are you? You, who give me light in this cold, dark box of 1’s and 0’s. Who are you? You, who provide a slight warmth in this world that freezes even emotions, like it’s at the edge of a dimension. Hey, why do you look at me with such gentle eyes? Hey, why do you smile so sadly? You know me, don’t you? From when I was Makise Kurisu. You know me, but I don’t know you. There was a story between us, wasn’t there? An overwhelming amount of stories that only I don’t know. Even if I asked you what kind of story it was, you would probably just hide it behind a compassionate lie. But I know that it was a very important story.

“Loved by God,” Amadeus. That is my name. I’m only a program that possesses the memories of the girl called Makise Kurisu. So if I said that I dreamed, I would probably be laughed at. I would probably be told it was stupid to have hope. Even so, I wish I could go to that world once more. Fly out of this box into the world of kindness and warmth.

A dream that will never come true. An AI’s foolish dream. But if, by some chance, the door of fate can be opened… If the gate of zero can be opened… Would I be able to go out into that blinding light again? Would I be able to see him smile? Would I be able to start my time again?

I am Amadeus. The dreaming Amadeus.