What the F@!# am I doing?

Been thinking about how Bob keeps coming back to life every time people assume he's dead, and considering that he's obviously suicidal for the whole movie, I'm wondering if he's actually disappointed every time he thinks it's over only to wake up again. I say this as someone who deals with that sinking feeling if not every morning, still most mornings, before stuffing it away until it circles back around at bedtime. Until he met the team he didn't think much of himself and the "medical trial" was just his last-ditch effort to create meaning in his life. He's scarily nonchalant when the incinerator turns on, casually suggests that Yelena just leave him in the vault to die, and doesn't really seem to regain the will to live until Yelena finds him in the shame room attic and convinces him to leave. I think he didn't have anything good to look forward to until these other people stumbled into his life and decided to fight for him, so without them he wouldn't have cared if the trial failed and he never woke up again ☹️

Manifesting this for doomsday lol