What the F@!# am I doing?

The body under the blankets shifts slightly and you hear a couple sniffles as you walk closer to the bed.

“Hey,” you sit beside him at the edge of the bed, brushing the hair from his sad eyes. They were red from crying and the bags under his eyes were very prominent. You sigh; he didn’t get much sleep last night.

Bob makes a confused noise seeing you, “What - what are you -” 

He’s not used to you just popping by the tower. In fact, you basically never come to the tower besides that day you first met the team. Not that Bob doesn’t want you around, but usually when you guys are together, you go to yours. Your house is nice, quiet, and normal. Plus, less likely of a chance of you having to run into Valentina compared to the tower.

“You didn’t show up for lunch and when you weren’t answering my texts, I got worried.” You cup the side of his face, thumb resting on his check, “Called Lena and she told me what happened with John and Val yesterday. She said you’d been in here for a while.”

Shit. Bob deflates when he hears that. He forgot about your plans. His hands come up to his face and he groans into them, frustrated.

Yesterday had been a bad day for him. He woke up feeling low, getting up and brushing his teeth felt like a chore. He was practically counting down the hours until he could escape with you for a couple days. But Val wanted to see him. Said she wanted an update on his powers' progress, to see if he was still ‘letting’ the void consume him in the aftermath. 

Val made him try sparing with John yesterday. And Bob really didn’t mean to push John that hard. But Val’s critiquing glare and muttered words of disappointment got to his head and he pushed the super soldier into the wall, eyes glowing golden as he felt the rush of power surge through his veins. John crumbled with an ‘oof!’, obviously caught off guard.

Then the guilt crept in. He mumbled an apology as he lifted John up off the floor, his eyes glued to the floor as he made a beeline for his room, ignoring Valentina’s shrill call of his name. He’d been wallowing in his room ever since.

Bob just wanted to prove himself. To show he could control it. He felt like such a burden to the team, unable to help on missions because while Sentry was a welcomed asset, Void wasn't. And he couldn't be one without the other. The fact that you continued to date him after learning about his “problems” was astounding to him. And he repaid you by leaving you hanging and forgetting all about your date.

“Fuck- I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to forget! I swear, I didn’t, I-”

“It’s alright! It’s alright! That doesn’t matter now, baby, okay?” Bob looked like he still wanted to argue, but you just smiled, still petting the top of his head, “Want company?”

You wanted to leave it open for him. You learned early on in your relationship with Bob that when he got like this, he either wanted to be left alone in bed or for you to slip in cuddle. You were the only person he’d actually want around him when he got bad like this. If he shook his head, ‘no’ it was fine, you’d give him the space he needed and go out into the common room.

He stays silent, but nods, pulling the covers of his bed open so you slide in next to him.

When you get settled in bed, Bob scoots closer to you and his head finds its place on your chest, his cheek pressed against the fabric of your shirt.

You can feel the dampness on his face from the tears he spilled earlier. You pull him close, kissing the top of his head.

“I’m sorry I’m so much to deal with. You shouldn’t have to deal with someone like this.”

“Stop. I love you, Bob. I’m here for you no matter what, I don’t want anyone else.” Bob doesn’t say anything as he sniffles. His hold on you tightens “You don’t need to be afraid, I’m not going anywhere”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did. I don’t know how you tolerate me, Sentry, and Void. I’m a fucking ticking time bomb because of them.”

“Hey – I love you, okay? I love every part of you. And yes, that means I love all of you, Sentry, void, and most importantly, you Bob. They’re part of you, so why would I love them any less?”

“I just, I worry one day I’ll be too much. You’ll realize how much better you deserve, get tired of me and -” he chokes up and looks away. He couldn’t say those last two words. ‘Leave me’. That’s what Bob was always afraid of. Being too much, driving you away with his issues. That you’d soon realize you deserved better, someone smart, more attractive and didn’t have all these issues.

You tip his chin up, meeting his watery blue eyes, “Believe me, I will never be tired of you Robby.”

He lets out a shaky sigh, burying his nose in the crook of your neck, “I love you, Robby. Always. Even when we’re old and gray, when my memories are gone and I’m asking you where you put the remote and you have to remind me that it’s in my hand or when you start losing your hair and start looking like Professor X.”

You hear a snort, and pull back to face him, "I think I know what that smile means." You proudly smile at the fact when Bob shyly ducks his head down before he kisses you, full on the lips, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Just being here. Sticking with me.”

“You never have to thank me for that honey.”

Bob nods as you kiss the tip of his nose, “Wanna stay in bed, or join the rest of the crew for a movie night? Ava said they were watching Airplane.” Bob doesn’t bother answering, instead he just pulls you impossibly closer, brags the remote from his bedside table and flips on your guy’s favorite movie, “A movie night for two then.”

God, this is why Bob loves you so much. You make things lighter, easier. An escape from this superhero life he didn’t want. You make him feel like he can actually live a normal life, a life he didn’t think he’d ever get, one he didn’t deserve. You’re what he cherishes most in this world and he didn’t know how he got so lucky for you to love him back.

Halfway through the second movie, it felt like a mission to keep your eyes open. You were just so comfortable, it was hard not to. The pillow you were laying on smelled so much like Bob's cologne, and his blanket was so plush and soft, it felt like you were wrapped in a warm hug (and the fact Bob was basically your personal space heater helped a lot too).

You were just about to doze off when Bob's voice cut through the air.

 “Wait….”

“What?” You sleepily mumble.

“… Do you really think I’ll lose my hair?”

You snort, eyes closed as you pat what you think is his cheek, “Never in a million years babe.”

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