Found my 53yo very-much-not-online father in the kitchen today meticulously arranging cutlery on the countertop and i was like 'what are you doing' and he looked up at me with the world's most shit-eating grin and said "Your mother told me this is how you rick-roll the Youth" and i looked over and it was fucking. Loss.jpg.
i must stress that he's never seen the original comic. My mother simply showed him the shorthand symbol and he memorized it. As far as he is aware this is just a fucking hieroglyph that deals instant psychic damage to everyone under the age of 30
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white people appropriating aave is always irritating but specifically the use of "-ahh" like "goofy-ahh" "stupid-ahh" bro if you are not black just say ass. ass belongs to everyone, dumbass. are you afraid of cursing?? youre stealing the language of black americans cos you don't want to be caught saying a bad word like ASS ?
You - white queer person who goes on and on about protecting black trans fems - Do you have black trans fem friends? What about black nonbinary friends or black trans masculine friends? Do you have any black friends? If you live in a predominantly white area and feel like you don't have many chances to build community with black people offline do you still engage with black art, even when no one's looking? Do you read black literature for your own enjoyment? Do you actively engage with anti-racist politics and challenge your fellow white people? Do you see black trans fems as human beings that you share community with or are they an abstract concept that exist at an arms length away from you? Because it's good to say you care but are your words aligning with your actions off the internet and outside of online public scrutiny where no one is watching you perform or is it all just lip service?
Fellow white queers, please spend this pride month asking yourself if you are genuinely in community with Black people. Including outside of queer identity.
If your advocacy for Black people stops at Black queer people your allyship is conditional. If your advocacy for Black queer people stops at Black trans fems, your allyship is conditional. If your advocacy for Black people has terms and conditions you have unchecked racist beliefs to unlearn and combat within yourself. That is something you desperately need to address in order to be a genuine ally to the most vulnerable demographics of Black people within our community.
I WAS FUCKING WONDERING WHAT THOSE DIGITAL PRICE TAGS WERE ABOUT SUDDENLY i had hoped they were so the workers didn't have to finagle those little papers into the slider part anymore đ
Hi, yes, that is the OFFICIAL excuse made to me by the guy replacing the paper tags with digital ones at my local Walmart, but the end goal is to remove the numbers off the shelf entirely, replacing them with QR codes that you have to scan with the appâŚ. Which requires your login informationâŚ.. and also stores your card information so even if you didnât use your Walmart account at the physical checkout, if you used a card they recognize, they assign that purchase to your Walmart account purchase history.
I explained very clearly to the manager my issue with the meat section not having the price tags listed, and they claimed it was only going to be for the meat, since meat is by weight, and the price of each item is printed on the packs of each item.
Sure. Thatâs how they get their foot in the door. Fast forward not even two weeks, and here we are:
Bar codes. No prices, no item descriptions. No price stickers on the individual items. Heck, not even the name of the item that is SUPPOSED to be there.
No. The only way to see the price is to scan it on your phone app, which is also recording what you looked at recently, as a way of gauging what you might be looking for in the future.
So hereâs what weâre gonna do gang:
Every time you go into a store that has implemented these price-less tags:
Take 1-3 items up to the cash register. Ask the cashier for the price, or hit the price check item on the self checkout, which will likely call over the attendant.
Express that you didnât actually want it, you just couldnât see on the shelf how much it was.
POLITELY, AND WITH A THANK YOU FOR THE PRICE CONFIRMATION, Give the items to the cashier or attendant to put back.
When they inevitably try to push the app, politely decline. If pressed for why not, say you donât want to have to carry your phone in-hand the whole time you are shopping in order to see how much things cost. (Not having cell service or data to use the app is NOT a valid excuse, as stores already often have complimentary WiFi AND more stores will provide WiFi rather than give up on this push for surveillance pricing)
If itâs a shelf-stable item, the cashier will have to set it aside, taking up room in their limited operating space, and eventually pass it off to someone to put in a holding area to put back later. If itâs a fridge/freezer item, it might have to get tossed due to food product sale regulations.
In either case, you are making it a pain in the ass for them to have these digital bar codes. Tie up the checkouts. Give the employees more busywork that the company has to pay them to do. Hurt their bottom line having to toss the pint of ice cream you carried around in your cart for 20 minutes before giving it back to the cashier.
Yes, call your reps. Yes, push for more legislation like this in more places. But also take an extra minute out of your shopping trip to MAKE IT HURT for companies to pull this shit.
I've seen some people in the notes express (very fair) concern that this is only going to inconvenience already under-paid laborers, and not have any impact on corporate. While I can't speak for every company or every store, I do work in a grocery store and I can tell you this is precisely the kind of thing that would have an impact, especially if people are doing it en masse. Stores absolutely track their shrink numbers, and they do draw distinctions between what gets stolen, damaged, or wasted for other reasons. If people are making it clear that the reason they're bringing things to the cashier is that the prices are not adequately represented on the displays, and rather than improving business it's wasting product, slowing down transactions, and causing confusion and mistrust in customers, that is a language that shareholders speak.
I worked in retail for years. If this had happened while I was working retail, I would have been delighted and felt great solidarity with anyone who was wasting my employer's time and money and giving me busy work as an act of protest. In point of fact every moment the employee spends carting items back to the shelves is a moment not spent standing at a register.
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You really start to understand that the âangry black womanâ and âmean lesbianâ stereotype only exists to shame us for the fact we get reasonably upset about people wanting to horrifically abuse us indiscriminately. Letâs get meaner !
everyone needs to love transfems who aren't women more. everyone needs to love transfems who are men more. everyone needs to love nonbinary people seen as male who aren't transfeminine more. everyone needs to love trans women who are gay men / attracted to men in a gay way more.
especially when they are fat. especially when they are Black or Native or Asian or any racial/ethnic group that isn't white. especially when they are tall and broad and have a deep voice and a beard, and especially when they like themselves that way and still are hurt by misgendering. especially when they have gone on E and T blockers and have gotten facial feminization and vaginoplasty and have DD tits and like themselves that way and still are hurt by misgendering (even when people think they should be grateful for it, even when it feels like the lesser of two evils). especially when they transition in ways people see as "only halfway" and dress androgynous and use contradictory labels and call themselves femboys in the same breathe they do tgirls and they like themselves clockable as fuck and still are hurt by transphobia and exorsexism.
do you have any idea how many beautiful wonderful nonbinary/genderqueer/gender nonconforming people this world is missing out on because the only options people let them have are "binary trans woman" or "fully cis man"? like how many times have I seen people acting like one's options are "gay man OR trans woman" or that its "femboys (who have NO idea what its like to be trans) vs trans girls (who NEVER identify as femboys)" with zero room made for anyone whose identity even slightly complicates these binaries. what do you do for the transfems and the nonbinary people assigned male at birth who you CAN'T "support" through gender essentialism and benevolent misogyny. do you ever feel the void where your NB/GQ/GNC neighbors should be?
Iâm not sure I agree with this take. I think the sentiment that we should support GNC transfems is right, but the phrase âtrans women who are gay menâ gives me pause, and I think it shows a framework that I donât agree with either.
Gender is constructed, yes, but there are some things that are indeed mutually exclusive. From a class perspective, a trans woman cannot be a gay man. Man and woman are, at the same time, totally-constructed, mutually exclusive categories AND (!) material realities that exist. The class conditions of men and women are different, because women face structural misogyny, and men do not. People split the lines of these two classes all the time, but this doesnât mean these two, specific, mutually exclusice classes donât exist.
While the classes of woman and man as well as their class interests (the destruction or the continuation of misogyny, respectively) are real, the concepts themselves of man and woman donât map neatly onto reality, and this absurd imposition of fiction onto reality creates massive suffering, as does the real class structure this fiction supports. Just as thereâs no innate, permanent, immutable, and solid difference between a capitalist and a worker, thereâs no such difference between men and women. This is the ground reality below the infrastructure, below the structure, and below the superstructures of society. Those structures also have no innate, permanent, immutable, or solid existence. But the experiences that people have from them are just as real as anything else. These structures and categories are constantly shaped and reshaped by the actions of society. People move between the gender classes all the time. Pointing out the absurd difference between how people are treated as classes by saying oxymoronic identities like âgay man who is a trans womanâ can help reduce their power, trying to get rid of class labels altogether wonât undo the conflicts between classes. It just makes it harder to see whatâs going on while those class conflicts happen out of sight if nobody can talk about it.
I am one of the women you were talking about in this post, the fat trans woman who has facial hair, and a trans woman who tried being a gay boy. I seriously identified as a girlfag for years. I stopped, though, when I saw that I lost access to my gay male life completely once I transitioned past a certain point. The moment that I was seen as a woman, trans or cis, by gay men, I was an outsider to them. Sometimes there are gay men who see me as a man. They are a little more warm to me, but only when they can fuck me. Which I donât like doing bc they think iâm a dude and it feels terrible for me ewwwwww.
But can you see where Iâm coming from? Iâm just one girl, but I think that adopting the framework of real class interests/constructed gender could contribute to the liberation of women and therefore the complete freedom to move between categories. Also, I think this is important enough to write a response to a stranger because this very conversation could change how some trans women are treated. The treatment we got as âgay men who identify as womenâ was something we fought to change, and I donât want to see that clock turned back.
Iâm not sure what your gender politics are exactly (iâll confess that I donât follow you) but I hope you can forgive any rudeness on my part. I just wanted to add my perspective on the topic.
Using class analysis to decide how people are allowed to personally identify will never be good for trans people. That there are trans women who identify as women and also identify as gay men, or feel their attraction to men is gay, is simply a fact. These women exist. Whether you personally feel they are allowed to use that language to describe themselves is as irrelevant as a cis woman thinking a trans woman isn't allowed to describe herself as a woman because she sees herself as a "materialist feminist."
I just fundamentally disagree on pretty much every level that how people should identify needs to be exclusively grounded in their material class position (as decided by The Council, I suppose, because clearly they have no say in the matter). Again, I see no real difference between what you have said here and the well-formed, earnest, rational arguments made by many transphobic feminists as to why they may sympathize with trans women but fundamentally disagree on a materialist basis that they should be allowed to call themselves women given the perceived danger of making it harder to discuss the class differences between females and males. Its the exact same line of thinking.
I am sorry you had those experiences while identifying that way. You are correct that you are one girl, and your experiences and feelings are one individual's experiences and feelings, and what you have said is not all that convincing to me. You seem to be engaging with the idea of "a trans woman who is a gay man" on a largely theoretical, ideological basis, which is, again, always bad for all trans people. Using your personal experiences and feelings as proof to back up your theorization does not make it more grounded in the material reality of many people, including people who identify as trans women and gay men and do not feel the way you feel and do not interpret their experiences with transphobia & othering in gay men's spaces the way you do.
Men do face structural misogyny. Trans men exist. And trans women who also identify as men exist. I myself am multigender and am both a man and a woman, although given what you've written here, I can only imagine you feel that identity is impossible or harmful in some way because it is not binary and "materialist" enough in your eyes. But frankly, there is no way to be anything other than hostile to nonbinary people given the very limited version of trans materialism you've described here. Clinging so hard to the gender binary & basing your materialist analysis, not on many people's material experiences but on theoreticals and your personal feelings and experience, is harmful to other trans people.
If you are curious, my pinned post has a lot of links regarding the kind of transfeminism I engage with, although much of that is focused on anti-transmasculinity. To quote Emi Koyama, author of the Transfeminist Manifesto:
Cis feminists do not own feminism. We don't need to "fit trans people into feminist theory"; we simply need to challenge cissexism in feminist movements and theories. Trans people do not need to be explained by feminist theory; we need to start from the fact that trans people exist and matter.
"Men and women are materially opposites and this is always true and identities that blur the lines between men and women are harmful on a materialist level" is what I would consider trying to fit trans people into (cis)feminism and trying to explain our existence through cissexist means, instead of challenging cissexism.
âDo it scaredâ âdo it aloneâ are all great tips, but my biggest takeaway from therapy is do it messy. This is especially true if youâre getting out of a burnout, which I experience often. Literally just do it messy. You donât need to pick the perfect trail to walk, the perfect playlist to listen to, whatever the fuck it is. You donât need to have a meticulous to do list and wake up at the exact time you planned and drink the exact amount of water you planned to drink. Like the biggest thing for people like me to remember is sometimes itâs okay to do it messy. Put on a random yt workout and just get it done in sweats. Do 5 minutes of a daunting task and go from there. Sometimes just getting up is a win during intense burnouts or depressive funks. Literally just do it messy.
I've seen a bunch of really bad takes going around about internet safety, how parents/adults have a responsibility to shepherd everyone else's kids, and how it's all just "stranger danger" again when you don't want to give out personal information.
Stranger Danger from an 80s - 90s kid who lived it
We talked to strangers. We talked to a LOT of strangers. We just knew how to do it safely.
"Don't talk to strangers" was not about never talking to people you didn't know. It was largely about sussing out appropriate help. For instance when I was little, I was always told that if I got lost in a store, I should go to the front of the store, find the checkout counter or customer service desk and ask for help, NOT just walk up to some random person in the store. When I was older I was taught that if I felt unsafe while walking alone I should duck into a store and ask the employees there to call my mom (remember, no cell phones).
I was taught to be very wary of someone randomly coming up to me to offer food or gifts andnot to get in a car with someone I didn't know who offered a ride, which if you think about it if you've ever been in a major city is a good way to avoid a lot of scams, not just kidnapping. It helped me at various points in my childhood learn to avoid religious missionaries on the street (no, I do NOT want that Watchtower, no, I do NOT want to come into your church, thanks). I was also taught not to open the door of our apartment for strangers, which is again a good way to avoid religious proselytizers and salespeople, as well as anyone who possibly might be casing your home.
The idea was to a) have a plan to ask for help, b) develop some discernment on WHO to ask for help, c) have some awareness that every single person you met might not have your best interests at heart. All of those things are still really important to know. The phrase "I don't talk to strangers" was an easy way to convey "I don't know you and I do not have enough information to decide if you are someone I should talk to right now," not "every stranger is going to kidnap me."
Kids in the 1980s and 1990s when "stranger danger" was a thing had a hell of a lot more freedom to interact with strangers than kids now - many if not most of us went places alone, took mass transit alone, carried out errands, stayed out with our friends all day, were sometimes home alone, and knew how to handle that. A fair number of the friends I had in my childhood were other kids that I randomly started talking to at the park, or wandering my neighborhood - I talked to strangers and made friends, in other words.
That also translated to being online. There were a lot of message boards, forums and websites for various interests, and people could and did just show up there and start talking to others who shared those interests. Some friendships that have endured 20 years or longer for me started when we both were in a forum talking about a band we both liked, or a movie we'd seen. We talked to strangers. We talked to a LOT of strangers. We just knew how to do it safely.
Being anonymous online
"Oh, we used to know not to give out personal information online and now every site wants it!" is not a misguided "stranger danger save the kids from mean adults!" thing.
EVERYONE was told that. ADULTS were told that.
A lot of the desire for you to use your real name and personal information online is for marketing and database creation. They want to know your interests and online activity so they can develop a better marketing profile for you. Why the hell do you THINK every company now wants you to use their app and tie it to your phone number? That's all valuable, sellable data for data brokers and marketers. YOU are the commodity. That data is also now potentially being used for things like ICE.
Using your real name online has led to people being fired, being rejected from colleges, etc. for nothing more than, say, being photographed drinking beer at a party or identifying as LGBT+. It's been used to take away people's disability benefits because they posted a photo where they smiled (yes, literally, this has been used against people) or didn't "look sick." Yes, it has also been used to identify people on the other side, but there's a cost to that. When your entire life is public and you have no privacy, there's a cost.
There actually IS a higher level of risk disclosing personal information online than there is in person. In your personal life you're unlikely to have literally a million people calling you or showing up at your door to scream homophobic insults, for example. That shit can and does happen online because more people have access to you. Internet trolls are a thing, and we can't pretend they are not. Things like swatting happen. If you're under an anonymous name on a fan site, that likely will not translate to being targeted in real life. If you're using your real name, disclosing where you live, your school or employer and your daily schedule as you live stream, it's a hell of a lot more likely that will translate to people harassing you offline, and that's happened.
At the time we were being told to guard our personal information, there were a LOT of dedicated, moderated places for children and teens to gather online and interact with others. Geocities, a website where you could create a free little website for yourself, had a children's section. There were Club Penguin, Yahooligans, and a lot of other websites specifically for kids and teens.
There was also software like Net Nanny that parents could install on their home computers that blocked access to certain sites or keywords, meaning it WAS taken as parents' responsibility to keep their kids safe. At the same time, with things like cable television, you could block certain stations to prevent your kids from watching them.
People did talk about themselves. People had websites about themselves and their likes, they wrote about their day on Livejournal or reviews movies they liked on whatever website existed for that. They interacted. The difference was that every single thing they did, every single place they went, every financial transaction, was not posted for the world.
Adults online do have a responsibility, in my opinion, to label and warn - tags and ratings on fanfiction; NSFW warnings on images; notices about flashing lights; etc. but again that is for everyone, not just kids. That 60 year old may not want to get fired because a nude image randomly popped up on an otherwise innocuous feed. That college student may not want to be triggered reading a fanfic about a topic they really need to avoid.
That does not mean there is not responsibility on the parents' end about their children. Maybe, just maybe, your six year old does not fucking need a cell phone with open access to the internet and social media. Maybe we should not be encouraging young people to put their entire lives online with no privacy, no room to make mistakes, and a drive for likes and favorites instead of actual engagement with others. That shit is a hell of a lot more toxic than "stranger danger" ever could be.
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Itâs painfully obvious that people who act like diy hrt is easy for trans men because of the existence of illegal sports doping â in addition to being just like⌠wildly cavalier about the legal consequences of possessing a controlled substance while non-white â also know shockingly little about illegal sports doping. Like, do you know what the most stereotyped tells are for when a body builder or other athlete has been abusing steroids? 1) roid rage, 2) a very particular kind of disproportionate bulking⌠and 3) feminized features.
Yes, you read that right. Fun fact: when you have too much testosterone in your system, your body converts it to estrogen! Why can trans men take testosterone without getting feminizing effects? Well, thatâs because trans ftm hrt is specifically formulated to be slow-release, ie. the absolute opposite of what you want for illegal sports doping, and therefore the opposite of every steroid you can buy for that purpose. Sports doping is optimized to get into your system, do its thing while you are actively working out, and then be gone without a trace before your next blood test. If you tried to use the drugs that people dope with to maintain continuously high T levels, you would need to dose and re-dose constantly, and in doing so you would destroy your liver, and would also probably end up functionally taking estrogen as your body furiously converted as much of it as possible.
Itâs possible to diy ftm hrt, but only by buying black market testosterone of the sort that trans people actually use for hrt. And there are risks to that â even beyond the legal risks associated with sports doping â which for the record, are also nothing to sneer at. Telling people that ftm hrt is no big deal because you can just take gymbro steroids is going to get trans guys fucking killed.
my oldest cat is too self conscious to play toys but sometimes he'll post up next to one in a way that's very deliberate and possessive and he'll mournfully contemplate it for a while
he cringes when I blow catnip bubbles for the other cats but one time I caught him batting at the leather fringe on my thrifted motorcycle jacket and I don't think he's ever recovered from the embarrassment
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i do get pushing back on "mean girl nurse" being used in a lazy misogynistic way against a group of workers who are institutionally abused & their feminized labor underpaid.
that being said. can we not erase the fact the entire conversation began with disabled people talking about being medically abused pretty please. & also, iirc the post that first really blew up about "mean girl nurses" never said "ALL nurses are evil bitches who hate everyone and they deserve to be mistreated" it was saying "women who sought power over other people in high school go into careers where they can wield power over other people, same as men, and there are women who go into nursing and present themselves as kind and caring and maternal, who are motivated by a desire to have unquestioned authority over other people's bodies to make themselves feel powerful, again, same as men who do the same things in masculinized careers." & i just find it "interesting" how all that has been reduced down to "all nurses are mean girls")
i think nuance is always important & doctors and nurses do need better treatment and society frequently praises them while also supporting their abuse. and yet they are also universally recognized as vital important members of society & empowered to have immense control over the lives of people who are systemically vulnerable and seen as leeches who add nothing to society. and yet who has to deal with the impacts of their stress and their trauma and their anger and their burnout? the disabled people under their care.
again. Nuance! but i just cannot help but Side Eye In Cripple some things people say on this topic. it can both be true that nurses (& doctors) experience horrible working conditions and that, in my opinion, that any conversation about burnout and abuse of medical professionals needs to also criticize the authoritarianism of the medical field and how widespread medical neglect and abuse is, lest we simply fall back into "the poor beleagured doctor who is Jesus Christ On The Cross Himself, all-wise and all-knowing and forced to tolerate all these entitled know-it-all ungrateful patients!" which changes nothing for anyone.
like. look at this article. the actual context for the "mean girl to nurse pipeline" (that some women seek out power over people to control them and make themselves feel bigger, and women are likely to do this through caretaking in the role of nurse, teacher, mother, etc.) is not brought up at all. the fixation is entirely on "its mean to call nurses mean girls! they experience a lot of bullying! you don't REALLY know any mean nurses, just poor tired bullied ones!"
First, the phrase itself is unfair to women. Although nursing is a female-dominated field, this phrase focuses on women as being the âmeanâ ones to worry about.
like. do youuuu fucking see the erasure of medical abuse. the actual bullshit nurses do to real living human beings, which goes massively under-reported. & not just disabled people but people of color as well. god fucking forbid medical professionals are treated as anything but literal saints descended from heaven. god forbid white cisgender women are recognized to have the ability to be cruel and power-hungry and to hurt other people through traditionally feminine roles based on caretaking. like I genuinely do understand that nurses are subject to immense stress, bullying, and violence, and that providing better working conditions for nurses is vital to improving medical treatment for all patients.
but when the actual neglect and abuse nurses can do to their patients is ignored and drops out of the conversation entirely, in the name of complaining about nurses being called "mean"? sorry but it pisses me the fuck off.
(links to some sources on patient abuse under the cut since this is long enough as is)
Exclusive: Leaked internal document lays bare concerns of âtoxicâ issues within watchdog that mean whistleblowersâ warnings are ignored â an
Nurses and midwives accused of serious sexual, physical and racial abuse are being allowed to keep working on wards because whistleblowers are being ignored, a damning new report has found.
Staff are too scared to report their concerns to the nursing regulator because of a âculture of fearâ within the watchdog, documents seen by The Independent reveal.
One whistleblower, speaking to this publication, drew parallels with the Lucy Letby case, accusing the Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC) of being defensive and trying to protect their own reputation.
They claim âdeep-seated toxic conductâ within the NMC is leading to skewed and failed investigations.
A review of NMC guidelines was launched after The Independent highlighted concerns earlier this year by speaking to staff who complained that the NMC was leaving nurses accused of sexual assault and domestic violence free to work unchecked.
Incivility is one of the most prevalent forms of interpersonal mistreatment. Although studies have examined the full range of experiences of
Incivility is one of the most prevalent forms of interpersonal mistreatment. Although studies have examined the full range of experiences of incivility against nurses and other hospital personnel, very few studies examined the forms of incivility that patients face in a hospital. [...]
Participants most frequently reported experiencing insensitivity (38%) or affectively negative interactions. A majority explicitly used the word ârudeâ to describe their interaction. [...]
When the Doctor was a smart mouth and came in and said âcongratulations you have a periodâ it ended up being a very serious infection. [Participant 290, 27 years old, Biracial, Woman].
Participant 290âs experience demonstrates some of the potential consequences of rudeness. In this case, the doctor was not only insensitive but gave an incorrect diagnosis. In addition, participants frequently indicated how insensitivity was also communicated through a âroughâ touch when the doctor was examining them. The consensus was that insensitivityâverbal and physical formsâonly made the participants feel worse when they are already in the hospital not feeling well.
Participants (15%) indicated experiencing rudeness because of their identities. Many individuals explained how their socioeconomic status (SES)âspecifically lack of health insuranceâwas a significant factor in shaping the treatment they received:
I had a first time grand mal seizure and wrecked my vehicle. I do not have insurance, so the hospital I was taken to was so rude. I was brought in by an ambulance, they wouldnât give me anything for the severe headache from the wreck and also from the seizure. They wouldnât give me anything to keep me from throwing up. The only thing they did was give me an IV of Keppra to stop the seizures. After finding out I didnât have insurance, they discharged me within 10 minutes. They took me to the bathroom to change clothes, they met me at the bathroom door, handed me my papers and pointed me to the door. I didnât even get wheeled out after having a seizure and a wreckâŚ[Participant 272: 28 years old, White, Woman]. [...]
âŚ[I] was told in plain terms that those who donât pay for their [insurance] have no right to complain about not receiving the best treatment [Participant 47: 34 years old, Latina/Hispanic, Woman]. [...]
Participants (26%) indicated what we categorized as containing elements similar to âgaslightingâ or mistreatment in which participantsâ experiences were minimized, doubted, questioned, second guessed, or denied by health-care professionals. [...]
âŚI was told I was lying about being sick. I was told that I had lost 45 pounds in 2 months because of a mild cold, and that I was wasting their time. They tried to make me feel like I was a burden, and I was taking away from other patients who they implied were sick. Turns out I was sick, and I needed surgery. Going to a hospital out of town, they diagnosed my problem within 1 visit. [Participant 275: 34 years old, White Man]
Patients adjust their behaviour based on what they experience in care relationships with nurses or the hospital care. It is crucial that pat
Most research on aggression in health care relates to staff experiences about patient aggression. Research on patientsâ perceptions of aggressive and transgressive behaviour in care relationships with nurses is limited. [...]
When it comes to competent care, some patients told stories of how expertise of care providers was questioned. One patient described a nurse provided pain-relieving medication while he is allergic to that product. In response, the patientâs daughter attached a list to her fatherâs bed listing products he is allergic to. Despite this list, every time her father asked for pain relief, that same product he is allergic to was brought to him. Another patient described a nurse accompanied him for an examination. He asked where she was taking him to and when she said it was to Nuclear Magnetic Resonance, he said he was not allowed to because of his pacemaker. He indicated the nurse had not gone through his medical file and was putting him in danger [...]
Patients told stories of being ignored by nurses or not treated as human beings. One woman described the nurse criticized her for not having to have worked a day in her life because of her long-term illness. Another man described dinner was put in front of him without a single word, no âgood afternoonâ or âenjoyâ. Patients also provided examples of a lack of gen- uine involvement of nurses in the nurseâpatient contact. Various patients mentioned they felt like a number:
. . .One thing that is very annoying is when two nurses are caring for you and they are conversing with each other over your head. Thatâs so annoying, you really feel like just a number. . .
Furthermore, various patients indicated nurses are more concerned about the way care is organized than they are about the patientâs request. Patients mentioned nurses stick to their routine and are reluctant to deviate from it. One nurse distributes medication while another checks parameters of all patients. Patients describe they cannot approach the nurse about matters that are not part of his/her task at that moment [...]
Various patients gave examples of situations where they were not acknowledged or heard with regard to their own appraisal or expertise concerning their illness and health. Patients stated they themselves felt what they could or could not do, but nurses kept emphasizing and imposing things, according to guidelines and protocols, they should be able to do at a certain point in time. Several patients felt they were not heard:
. . .I had two surgeries on my back. So the first day after the surgery, they said, âroll to the side and sit upâ, of course thatâs difficult. On the second day, they demand you get out of bed. But I felt worse, I couldnât get out. And they didnât believe me, the nurse didnât believe it. âYouâve had surgery and according to the textbook, you should be able to get out of bed on the second dayâ. On the third day, they made a new scan and saw that those nerves had not been unblocked and on the fourth day I had another surgery. So they donât listen, because thatâs not possible, according to the âtextbookâ you should be able to do this. . . [...]
When patients realize it is not self-evident to receive adequate care or do not feel in competent hands, they become more observant and vigilant. Patients describe they observe nurses carefully, check their medication and ask which examinations they are having and why. The care they receive is more outspokenly questioned:
. . .They came to collect me for my hip. Ah, youâve got a scanner appointment. She says: âitâs an MR scanâ. I say: âan MR scan? I canât do that because Iâve got a pacemaker.â And she says âAnd now you tell me?â âListen here, missy, you walk in here and tell me to come.â Youâd be in there if you wouldnât have said something, wouldnât you! The battery can generate voltage which could burn your heart, destroying your pacemaker. If youâre not paying attention, youâre done for. You constantly have to be on your guard. . .
You literally cannot find any information on abuse or racism perpetrated by nurses by searching up pretty basic terms, because the results are entirely full of abuse done to nurses. Which is important, but my god.