“I’m Anwar, don’t worry, I won’t scream at you or anything”

“Hi, I’m Gigi. Well that’s reassuring.” 

“No worries, Sugar.  Are you lost?”

“Oh, no not really lost...just wondering.” 

“Oh, okay cool. Hi, I’m Gigi.” 

“Oh, well that’s a relief!” 

“Oh, you’re not in my way at all. I don’t even know where I’m going.”

“I just felt like I was. Well maybe we should both figure out where we are going.” 

“You’re taking ten years, that is what’s up.”

“So what! I have to look good you know.” 

Girls, if you’re at a party and a guy hands you his phone to put your number into, text REDCROSS to 90999 and he’ll donate $10 to hurricane relief.

I’ll have to remember that for next time. 

I’ve only been in Mexico for a year and you did what? Seems like I have a lot of catching up to do now that I’m back.

“I just got into a lot of trouble...” 

“So I got a dick pic texted to me from a blocked number today… Why are people like this?”

“Yep...getting those are always great. After a while you just start to ignore them.” 

So I might or might not have set fire to a salad.

How in the hell did you do that?