New pinned post
He/they/it/xe
Plural
White - Neurodivergent - Transmasc, Aroflux, Gay
Under 16 , do not be sexual with me.
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I don't really have a DNI but I block freely.
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Completely pro-MOGAI and basically fine with everything as long as it isn't hurting anyone lol
Don't bring up any pointless ass discourse like syscourse or LGBTQ/MOGAI discourse to me. I may block you if you engage in that shit but it depends. (Might engage in discourse sometimes, but I'm genuinely trying to stop. I appropriately tag my stuff, though.)
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Please tell me if I say anything insensitive or offensive.
Check my Carrd for my interests :-P >>>> https://durremoji.carrd.co
And my strawpage! >>>> https://schlumplestdopple.straw.page
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Genuine question why do people get SO angry when commenters with high likes edit their comment to say "Omg thanks for the likes!!" like I see people getting genuinely upset and making fun of the commenter and everything
Saw some stupid ass discourse about bi-lesbians on twitter and one of the replies was some shit like "ummm how can you like boys sexually and girls romantically?? how does that even work" You just said how it works Literally What Is Confusing About That. These people are genuinely level 1 woke it's insane
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I hope everyone from all sides will give this important, heartfelt post a read.
It's likely something you'll want to be aware of if you have a vested interest in syscourse and the validity of endogenic systems. Please give this a chance.
It's been almost three years since I started my blogs. Wow. I've been on tumblr a hell of a lot longer, but I really wasn't involved in the system community. I started out firm and loud. I probably inadvertently fakeclaimed (I went into this with the rule that I would NOT directly tell anyone they were faking, it was a boundary that I knew would ruin me socially if I crossed it, but I'm sure I probably did without meaning to), I name called and made fun of people and things. I was disrespectful to people. I invaded tags to get my message out there, though I was quick to stop once I realized I was making the tags unusable for the community I claimed to want to protect.
I learned very quickly what was appropriate and what wasn't, what I could get away with and what I couldn't. It started to become a numbers game, influenced by the risk of the post.
I made a lot of friends and a lot of enemies, and I amassed a following of over 2k. More people have come and gone from my little community than I ever thought possible. People made fanart of me, and I cherish those so deeply. I have over 300 asks because I struggle to delete the ones thanking me.
And the more I was thanked, the nicer I got, the more thanks, the nicer I got, rinse and repeat until I had trouble NOT empathizing with pro/endos. The more I was willing to listen, the more legitimate sources I came across that disproved my original ideas about consciousness. The people sharing the sources were more respectful than I thought they'd be. Things were starting to look a bit cloudy.
I talked to my colleagues about how they, as therapists, would handle some of these endos in their practice, and while their belief in the concept varied, kindness and attempts to understand was the consistent answer. When had I lost that kindness and understanding that had driven me to that field to begin with?
Colleagues, yes. For those who don't know, I have a degree in social services and counselling (plus a degree in law). It's why the current situation with the antis turning on me is so funny. I still can't get into the mindset of some of these new anti endos, I just can't imagine justifying that level of cruelty. I had lines that I wouldn't cross, and I didn't think people could be worse than me.
... That might have been a trauma thing, looking back on it.
So I got desperate.
I spoke to the actual doctors who wrote some of these papers all of us are quoting. Everyone was arguing the meaning of the words, so I went directly to the source.
Dr Colin Ross, who wrote about endogenous multiplicity in the 80s. I told him everything-- about plurals, non-traumagenic systems, syscourse, what was being debated, how I and others interpreted his words, and what I wanted to learn.
Was plurality only trauma based?
And back and forth and back and forth we went, with me asking over and over again in different ways, NEEDING to hear that it was.
But I never got that answer. He meant what he meant. He said what he said and he meant it.
That plurality was not only found in the aftermath of trauma.
And I said nothing to anyone because I couldn't reconcile it.
Don't try to read between the lines, I assure you, there isn't some hidden meaning to be found there. I can't share all of the messages because some contained personal information, but my final response will tell you all you need to know.
(It did NOT, in fact, make sense, and it took me three years to "rethink my paper" that endogenic plurality wasn't possible, I did not win that conversation, it was a dying stance that was not supported)
I've been accused of paying too much attention to my follower count, but I can't really help it. It's really scary when you make a post and see a sizeable drop. It means a lot of different things. My posts have less reach and support. I've upset people. I've done something wrong. My community is leaving me.
I'm in a weird spot, where I'm blocked by so much of the pro/endo community that I have nothing to join, and the anti endo community, who I still wholeheartedly support, continues to leave me for -checks smudged writing on hand- being too nice??
Misinformation about DID is a massive problem, and it's why I still consider myself anti endo and support that community. I relate to them in such a way that I'll always gravitate to and empathize with them.
Or at least, that's what I thought.
At this point, though, how can I not be pro/endo when Colin fucking Ross says it's possible?
I've already written about how I'm really struggling with these labels, and I love the people that have stuck around while I struggle to figure this out.
I hurt when I see the people that once supported me leave.
My (online) world is shrinking. Literally.
That's scary.
When you've watched so many turn away, you start to wonder, with every post, where is the line where the rest are going to leave? Is it this post?
I just want to be me, us, we want to laugh at the stupid crap people say, system or not, I want to talk about my disorder, I want to combat misinformation, I want to have productive, fun conversations about ideas and concepts with people who disagree and have different interpretations. I want to play devil's advocate and get people thinking. I want to be able to comment positivity and kindness on any post I see, I want to feel comfortable talking to more people about their ideas. I sympathize with anti endos, I relate to CDD systems, I still firmly believe that CDDs and plurality are different, unrelated concepts.
My priority will always and forever be the CDD community first and foremost.
However, I am a hypocrite. I have gone straight to the horse's mouth and failed. I've seen so much research that I finally get it. I'm grappling with holding on to this conversation with Dr Ross, wondering what harm I could have prevented if I'd gone public with these emails earlier.
Since when has being open to change been a bad thing?
Since when has showing respect to lived experiences been a bad thing?
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I'm pretty pro-endo, but can pro-willos or pro-tulpas tell me how it's not disrespectful and even ableist to WANT to be a system and going as far as to will one into existence? I'm just genuinely wondering. I've been on the fence about willos for a while. And how is being a tulpa not like, extreme appropriation of tibetan practice..? /genq
Ok I need to get this off my chest. So obviously in the Bad Things Thatcactusman doc there was a lot of bullshit and I honestly don't think a lot of it matters but like. Is it not weird that Cactus taught a 13-14 what the word Frotting means while being like 17-18 ??
. I don't get why we glossed over that unless it's false or something because the doc that Cactus' friend or moderator or whatever made in rebuttal never mentioned it therefore never denied it ,, If I'm missing something crucial then tell me but like .
Like I'm genuinely wondering if there's info I missed but it just made me feel very weird. This is not me trying to stir up drama /gen I'm just genuinely concerned
(EDIT: JUST WANT TO LET YOU GUYS KNOW THAT I NOW UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING MORE, IF YOU'RE WONDERING ABOUT THIS TOO CHECK THE REPLIES)
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