I took a giant breath.

we saw a movie, a romantic comedy, for our first date. a year later, our love story still looked like dark theaters and smelled of  buttered popcorn, greasy hands  grasping over armrests. like all films, our story ended -  no sunset endings or saves-the-day kisses. two co-stars, saying goodbye. no sequels, just love burning fast and falling hard.

i used to tip toe around, padding softly across the ground,

If I were to be a poem, My body words read but not spoken aloud, I know what I would want you to see.

I am taking pictures of the rain, of an empty bottle of wine. Mumbling expletives at the alarm that came too early. Frying eggs in a pan and watching bacon sizzle through eyes that aren't even half open yet. Petting the dog that barked too loud or licked my cheek, thanking the mail man for a package in my underwear, hidden behind a dark stained door. I am snapping shots of everything, figuratively and literally. Of the project I've been dreading, the dirty room needing cleaning, the airplane ticket to a far away friend and the laughing smiles painted onto faces over shared lunch. I am taking pictures of my morning coffee, the reasons I am waking up every day - for the early morning breakfast dates or the late night, tipsy laughs. I am finding the reasons to press capture in my mind and I am rolling out of bed to get closer to them. My figurative espresso, my literal coffee, my beautiful friends and my hopeful new day. Say cheese for the moments that make you ready to open up, say good morning to the day that means something is worth getting a picture of. Say good morning to the sleeping body to your left, to the kiss they leave on your cheek each morning. Say thank you to the good mornings, I love yous, the laughs and the words that don't come out right. Say thank you for today and tomorrow and for what keeps you waking up every time.

my words are nothing. they are empty.

With my eyes closed, your mouth feels like home.

@klingenblerg: I have so much love to give. I’m a leaky faucet that won’t shut up even when the night falls. I sound like a waterfall then. I shovel my affection in the wrong places and speak at the wrong times and I hate the wait because it’s not a guarantee. @giantbreath: Torn. Like I want to be the dictionary, but only the best things and the bad things that make the good possible. Wanting to be Content and Hopeful, but not Settled or Waiting. I want to be full enough for myself but not empty for anyone. But also not so full that I am not approachable, accepting or capable of being loved. I am getting more and more full and that love thing is getting more and more hidden inside of me and I don’t want to lose it.

Funny,

She was a woman with an ocean heart,wide and clear and painstakingly beautiful.She inhaled and exhaled with the tide,swam against the waves with everything she had.Sometimes life pushes you far from where you’re born to be.She was caught by the hurricane winds that turned her world into a broken down town, into a nothing place where she could not stay. Forced to kiss the sand behind, to stare at the skywhile surrounded by a sea of cement, as if the waning and waxing of the moon alone was enough to make the city feel calm for once.Taking to the glass walls of the ocean, the aquarium on 5th and Broadway - where the tide was nonexistentbut the water almost smelled the same. She was weak, shewas vulnerable, her ocean heart now an open touch tank,a place for hands to brush over tissue, tickle hope.Homesick for the open water, for pulsing waves and whitecaps. She was built for ocean air, for sand covered toes and sunburned skin. Her heart was meant to be caressed by sunshine and whispering wind, not hidden behind fingerprint smudged glass.

Through time I'm learning the importance of knowing oneself. Not necessarily in the future plans, dreams and goals sort of way. In the personal way that we strive to know others, to build closer relationships with family, friends and lovers. To know oneself, to gain a better understanding of the internal pull of choice, of yes and no, of thought and deed, of personal growth and strength. Know yourself. Know what puts you to bed at night and wakes you in the morning. Know what drives you, down the road, to work, to succeed, to serve, to lead, to love. Know your line - draw that line for yourself and don’t let anyone, including yourself, cross it. Know that your boundaries are not suggestions. They are the laws of your body and soul. Be damned if anyone dare crosses - tear them apart for even thinking of sneaking through walls that are meant for only some, if any, to break through.  Remember that most things aren’t set in stone. With time even water makes the most permanent of things change. Remember that rain today can mean flowers tomorrow or mud puddles. Know how you feel about the rain, how your days shape around the aftermath of it, what that means about your outlook on the world.