Shine Bright Like An Ugly

This Pride Month, we celebrate the genders and sexualities which will inevitably disappear when the queer fandom stops being a fun diversion

as far as I’m aware, no radical feminists have proposed a “Final Solution” calling for the genocide of others. there have been no radical feminist sponsored pogroms, no kristilnacht, and nothing else even romotaly similar to what the nazis did to my people.

I get that ppl say radfem rhetoric is “literal violence” but you know what? literal violence is what the nazis did when they slaughtered millions of children in gas chambers. literal violence is the experiments done on my people in concentration camps. literal violence is a hundreds of people crammed into a cattle car for days at a time without food or water. literal violence is forcing people to dig their own graves before shooting them or burying them alive

I’m not sorry for the graphic descriptions of the holocaust because if you’re going to use the suffering of my people as a way to disagree with someone you should fucking know what you’re talking about. click on those links. read about our suffering. try and have some empathy. compare what they did to us to what radical feminists do and tell me they’re the same. seriously if you can provide an actual link to a respectable news source stating radical feminists have a clear intent of genocide I’ll eat my hat. even tho I’m newer to radical feminism than most, I have yet to encounter any sort of rhetoric that would make me concerned about the safety of others from genocide (and believe me jews are very aware of that kind of rhetoric and always keep a look out for it)

TLDR;

by equating nazis to radical feminism youre not only saying something blatantly false you’re also playing down the violence of nazis/white supremicists by comparing them to a branch of feminism. disagree with and hate radical feminism as much as you want. that’s your prerogative. but don’t try and act like radfems being critical of the concept of gender or concerned about the effects porn has on society is the same thing as nazis murdering 11 million people.

They acknowledge she’s drunk?

They may want to know that overservjng intoxicated patrons is illegal in the State of Missouri, and failure to provide care for an intoxicated patron makes them legally liable for the actions of said patron.

(2) Notwithstanding subsection 1 of this section, a cause of action may be brought by or on behalf of any person who has suffered personal injury or death against any person licensed to sell intoxicating liquor by the drink for consumption on the premises when it is proven by clear and convincing evidence that the seller knew or should have known that intoxicating liquor was served to a person under the age of twenty-one years or knowingly served intoxicating liquor to a visibly intoxicated person.

So they can’t have it both ways.

Either she wasn’t drunk, in which case their argument fails and they knowingly enabled a Class C Felony Assault (OP’s story), OR they overserved a patron to the point of belligerent intoxication and then turned her lose on the streets without providing water, coffee or a cab home, knowing that she was likely to have an altercation on or near the premises (THEIR story).

As someone who’s brother was forced into gay conversion therapy and saw the devastating effects it had, I find it deeply morally repulsive and disgusting how trans women treat lesbians. 

They most defninently use conversion tactics as tips, advice, etc.:

- They claim lesbian sexuality is unnatural and not a sexual orientation(”genital preference” “vagina-fetish” “lesbians are attracted to gender”” you only have that preference from growing up in a cisnormative society”) 

-Claim their sexuality is morally and ethically wrong, contributing to the downfall of society, that they are responsible for others feelings/reactions to their sexuality(’your a cissexist transphobic bigoted TERF! You are advocating violence and invalidating us!”)

-Use exposure therapy tactics (not all sex is PIV! you can start with just fondeling/ mutual masterbation until you get used to it!” “Try looking at TW bodies and remembering that society conditioned you to think they are male””Just gradually look at pictures, touch through clothes, etc” )

- Use conditioning, reinforcement, and stimulus-response (” you can unlearn your penis-repulsion!” “just associate their penis with your feelings/romance with them!” “remember that if your not willing to date/have sex with trans women, you are a TERF!” “Look at trans women stories/pictures until you consider them female!”)

1. Don’t think of it as a penis. Many trans women (who haven’t gotten genital surgery) actually think of their own genitals as a vulva, with the “penis” actually being a clit and the “scrotum” actually being labia. It’s is pretty accurate considering that this was literally true even by cissexist biological essentiallist standards while she was in the womb,

3. Take your time. I’d advise touching before seeing, and touching through clothing before under clothing. Rubbing your crotch against hers while both fully clothed, or both in just underwear, can be really wonderful (I’ve only done it fully clothed so far with an ex). While rubbing, just think about how good it feels for you (and her), instead of thinking about what you’re rubbing your clit against. Months later with the same ex, I finally felt ready to feel her crotch with my hands, but not go under her underwear. She told me informatively when I inquired about it that she probably wouldn’t be able to orgasm unless I went under her underwear, but she didn’t force or coerce me into doing it, and it probably would have been another couple months before I would have felt ready. Small steps are still steps that you should feel proud of yourself for, and even effort is something you should feel proud of yourself for with regards to warming up to something that you naturally feel repulsed about. (Btw anon, this includes the meditation and hynosis that you’ve tried.) It can take months or even years, and that’s okay. It’s also worth noting that you might never actually fully feel ready to interact with her genitals, and your repulsion might not fully go away. It’s perfectly legitimate to decide to just pleasure her even though you feel uncomfortable doing it because of her genitals (as long as it’s a non-coerced decision that you made), 

. There are plenty of non-traditional ways you can have sex and interact with her genitals. Here’s one. Here’s another (and here’s a slightly more descriptive guide to it). That last link was from a whole zine (written by trans women) called “Fucking Trans Women”, which is available online for $5. Also, here are some suggestions for pleasuring her even if you’re not comfortable with touching her genitals at all. Basically, sex with your trans girlfriend does not have to be like sex with a cis guy in any way, even if you give her genital stimulation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5GYlZKfBmI