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roz chast

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things that sound kinda good

- my hair being clean-er✅️

- snacks (repeat indefinitely)✅️

- cut and file toenails!!✅️

- hang up skirt mb?✅️

- brush teeth extra ig✅️

- [maybe the internet doesn't need that detailed but also who cares idk]

- cleaning my room--uh. which part. you already have sorting papers so: dust?

- sort some papers??

- towel bath?

- reading an ACADEMIC book (vortex chances way lower historically speaking)

- paint nails (warning: cannot move fingers for like 40 minutes after)

- draw smtg?

- wearing perfume or pretty clothes actually sounds aversive. awful! usually i love that! what gives! anyways. maybe that will change?

- water plants (do when it is lighter outside!! like 1 hour but still)

- kill self? no. god. HATE when my brain goes back to this button! it isn't actually a solution!!

- starting a new novel (concern: might become unable to STOP new book)

- doing work in a way i enjoy instead of a way i find deeply shameful and embarrassing (sorry! current status: impossible!!)

5min chunk 1✅️

hm. pomodoro break 2 so far seems to consist of a) toenails and b) OVERWHELMING GUILT THAT I'M NOT STILL WORKING. don't. don't love that. let's at least brush teeth and hang up something?

i have 10 minutes left on the timer and all of the remaining "good times maybe" options sound. bad.

i guess wanting to work is? good enough??? let's call it here and start again later?????

i don't want to go outside the sacred bounds of the Timer, tho. fuck.

do stupid video stuff.

oh, right, a good chunk of the stupid video stuff is Impossible. oops!

did 20 minutes of work yippee✅️

i should take down NOTES for my PROCESS EXERCISE 2 and then SLEEP because i'm FUCKOFF TIRED

...5 more minutes of work sure✅️

45 minutes of work with 30 minutes of break is better than NINE HOURS of break with 0 minutes of work by a lot. please be less mean to yourself and lie down for a bit

#ghost speaks #lists

anywho. things and projects etc etc

- we've got no chance of doing anything on time ever. should i kill myself

- never kill yourself. but

it feels like i do not want to do any of this and not wanting to do anything is. kind of a non starter afa doing things goes.

do we want to sleep? no.

probably should! but

no.

i won't wake up on time and it will just feel worse.

what about reverse pomodoro? 5min on, 15min off??

i *can* do some things i want to do. i could do stuff on Friday when none of it was homework, and i had a good time and felt like a person with a body and a life and a future.

so. let's try being SUPER nice about it

and if that doesn't work tonight we can consider Torture Vortex options (go somewhere out of the house, buy a ton of food, caffeine time, don't leave till stuff is done even if u hate life)

but. it would be great to do An major project, actually

and there's nowhere to go at 4am but home

so let's try. home work -_-

#ghost speaks #feelings sorting #hate!!!#anyways

- hey what if i like. try to treat the depression i think i'm probably dealing with. that would be cool right? that would be a reasonable step to at least try?

i have had such miserable (my life benchmarked) experiences trying to fiddle with meds that basically work that i. do not want to do that. and miserable therapy experiences also (even the best was kind of damaging and the mediocre was like...probably helpful but also Was It). but i should fucking pick one to try

"Anhedonia is a transdiagnostic domain that leads to poor disorder outcome and low remission rates." not super helpful as an intro, NLM summary!

- i guess there is Third Option: Neuromodulation

that sounds scarier

is it scarier than the Ooze????

of course it is. um

- agomelatine

know nothing about this guy or if i can try it with my current meds but it's top of NLM so?

also: big fan of drugs

cons: what if it makes me fucked up forever. or just significantly more suicidal. i have shit to do! i can't be sad and weird!!

...observe how much shit i have not been doing due to being sad. anyways

- therapy seems less promising but ~behavioural activation~ sounds less hateful than CBT or mindfulness? maybe???

as ever finding therapists who will actually do what you want and none of what you don't want is a Level 1000 Challenge but. whatever

tentatively leaning therapy because a less effective method seems. idk. nice??

but

idk!!!

#ghost speaks

kosmogrl

get in loser we’re gonna try again despite it all

#ARE WE #PROBABLY I SHOULD BUT ALSO

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getting really tired of "so i did nothing and felt bad and my goals feel as unreachable as the stars because my brain is on fire and also I Don't Care"

nevertheless.

hm.

not sure what to do about any of this! tbh!!

#ghost speaks

velvetnightgallery

Vogue covers by George Wolfe Plank

historical-fashion-polls

which outfit would you rather wear? (1943)

left 🧡🤎

center left 💚💛

center right 🩶🤎

right ❤️💙

Remaining time: 5 days 19 hours

#left sweep!!! (it's the minority option by a lot)

kosmogrl

brehaaorgana

Oh, OP this picture is at Nara Park Bus Terminal! so even if you feel super awkward in the social situation, this is actually a picture of a deer chilling at the place where everyone is expecting to see some deer. The deer is a normal part of Nara. Also this deer is totally used to being here! If it felt uncomfortable, it would leave, since the Nara deer free roam.

You just gotta remind yourself that just like this deer, you are in the situation (social) where everyone is expecting this situation to occur (social situationing), and many other people may even be expressly looking forward to it (seeing you/the deer). Seeing the deer (you) may be the best part of the situation for them.

brehaaorgana

Exactly!!!!

and even if it wasn't the sole or only reason they are there, they came KNOWING there are 1,300-1,400 deer (you) free roaming in Nara Park (in social situations) and you're going to be a delightful part of the experience. (As long as you don't bite anyone for crackers. Or headbutt them.)

This is the map of Nara Park area, btw. The bus terminal is literally right on the entrance to the park. Also the city mascot is a sika deer named Shikamaro-kun. The little blue path from the terminal is where I bought deer crackers to feed the deer in the photo on the approach to Todaiji temple. (The deer enclosure I think is Rokuen which is where the sick or pregnant deer are cared for in safety.)

Anyways! The deer are expected and beloved and also protected as messengers of the gods within Nara.

(look at this guy!! Imagine he is the same deer as in the first photo, it's just months later with his antlers grown in more and he's napping in the sun in front of a sign that says deer! he was never out of place, he just needed a sunshine nap!)

Deer (you) isn't actually out place at all! deer is important and appreciated. Also if people make deer (you) feel like you don't belong in their (your) own house, you can tell them to leave.

Or headbutt them for crackers. Your call.

nepenthean-sleep

straight white people making a romance movie: haha what if it was illegal to have sex? wait what's lawrence v texas. wait what's mclaughlin v florida. wait what's loving v virginia

ninewheels

As preposterous and stupid as this fucking movie's premise sounded (for a light-hearted rom-com, and not The Handmaid's Tale) I didn't want to think about it too much until the movie actually came out, and then I could see if it was somehow more intelligent and subversive than the trailer let on, but guess what, it's even worse!

If this is what it takes to get a rom-com greenlit these days, maybe we should just let them die.

Sex workers are thrown under the bus, shown only as thieves who fleece men in the woods at night, while queer sexuality is relegated to a few scenes with Allie’s roommate (a woefully underused Quintessa Swindell) and a handful of pans past blurry same-sex extras making out in the background. “This night is for the straights,” Swindell’s character says to Allie, before saying that queer people have worked around straight laws for centuries. This is supposed to be a nod to queer resilience, but largely comes off as straightwashing the history of anti-LGBTQ legislation in this country that led towards raids of queer clubs and incarceration of queer people in the not-too-distant past (let alone the current barrage of anti-Trans and LGBTQ legislation currently in the works and on the books). It’s also ignorant of the long and fraught fight for the normalization of age-of-consent laws, which, by the way, did not happen in all states in this very country until 2003. Yes, that’s not even thirty years ago. By the end, our intrepid protagonists have not had sex with anyone, because this is a film about Romance with a Capital R (and I guess sex is not part of romance!) and for that very same reason they ultimately embrace the fascist state of things. They aren’t the only ones who refuse to fight back. No one in this cursed film is protesting this mandate beyond “repeal” signs in various windows and some creative graffiti (...) (...) If we are supposed to believe that the film is making some subversive statement about the state of sex and bodily autonomy in this country, it cannot end with its leads embracing their chains. That’s just warmed-over conservatism running around in sheep’s clothing.

nepenthean-sleep

yeah i wrote this post having only seen the trailer, but jesus christ. was this movie a psyop LMAO??

also, for the unaware: mclaughlin v. florida was a 1964 supreme court case that struck down a florida anti-miscegenation law that criminalized cohabitation (and thus, as implied, sex) between white people and people of color of opposite genders. anti-miscegenation laws made marriage and sexual relationships between white people and people of color, most often specifically black people, a FELONY in several states in the united states up until the 1950s and 1960s. though it was already struck down by the supreme court, the state of alabama didn't repeal their law until 2000! there were THREE ATTEMPTS at codifying anti-miscegenation into the us constitution!

like yes, the issue here is partially straight white people's ignorance on the united states's history of homophobic policy, but it's also really important to recognize that arguably the majority of the issue here is straight white people's ignorance of the united states's history of codifying eugenics and antiblack racism.

the premise could have been interesting as a serious dystopian story, especially taking that history into account, but it wasn't written that way at all. this movie should never have been a fucking romcom making light of the violence the united states (and many other countries) has enacted on any kinds of sexual relationships it deems undesirable.

nepenthean-sleep

can y’all maybe reblog this version i feel like people are forgetting about the racism and just focusing on the homophobia

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random-brushstrokes

Olof Thunman - Sunset on the coast (1926)

tomato-greens

never mind I'm back. working is SO hard. normally I keep my poetry secret but what if I write a poem about Ilya Kaminsky on here

tomato-greens

We Lived Unhappily During the War, Or, Mary Oliver, On Her Knees For A Hundred Miles, Repenting and when they – I mean, when we – I mean, when other people's houses were bombed, we scolded each other in poems; we wept! we bloodied our mouths in the streets. we signed our tax forms, we copied headlines, we shook our heads, we pasted headlines, our necks grew weary, we slept, ceaselessly we shared photographs of children's dusty bodies cratered by bombs, we

in our great country of money (forgive us) lived unhappily during the war.

meanwhile the world goes on.

kutyozh

i wonder how far the concept of loaning a plural word, re-analising it as a singular word and adding the native plural ending can go... like what is the word with the most plural endings

think english 'comics' being loaned into russian as a singular word (комикс komiks), then the plural of that is комиксы komiksy same thing with 'rails' -> рельс rel's (nom. sg.) -> рельсы rel'sy (nom. pl.)

tomirida

I've seen a triple plural with chips/crisps in Qazaq! You have the English plural chips, then Russian plural -ы as чипсы chipsy, then Qazaq plural -лар -lar, so you end up with чипсылар chipsılar.

boobieteriat

The word you are looking for is an ensemble cast. You like the ensemble cast. Not found family.

luunie

the only reason the trans sports ban stuff got off the ground is because people just don't respect women's athleticism or capabilities. people act like women's sports programs are like the pipsqueaks or something and not real professional teams.

le-panda-chocovore

I have a colleague who thinks like that and I just gave up arguing with him

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miiilowo

you lost yourself to the woke agenda. Stop being a trans man and go back to a cis man

I don't know what to add in response to this ask it's perfect on it's own. I don't want to soil it

luetta

hey bro last night was really fun, i felt my inner flower bloom in your presence. sadly the only butterfly species with a long enough proboscis went extinct long ago. but i saw you ate that fruit cup without cutlery so maybe not all hope is lost

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