ghost, they/them, autistic | icon by @spabes | big fan of: words, art, people, clothes, words, birbs, iodized salt, languages, dancing, laughing, and did i mention words
I understand the urge to comment on recent trends in which people seem to want increasingly sanitized media compared to the recent past, but when you say things like "people used to just shrug and move on when there were books and movies that made them uncomfortable" it's like...well. actually people used to convict artists of obscenity in a court of law.
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part of being an adult is figuring out what eveyone else's definition of "going crazy" is. to you it is not sleeping for 60 hours, writing 80k words in one sitting and expiriencing enough anxiety to kill a horse. to beth from accounting its buying a ticket to Columbus, Ohio. and to your friend its consuming so much ketamine you lose all of your posessions and wake up with five broken bones in a ditch somewhere and then proceeding to do it again the next day. to your other friend its writing a letter to their favourite actress about how much they appreciate her work. to your neighbour its laughing loudly in a grocery store whilst in pajamas. maya from uni hears the voice of her dead father making jokes with no punchlines and she considers that to be quite normal - to her going crazy would be hearing her husband instead. your downstairs neighbour will take night walks naked sometimes and claim there is nothing weird about him. there are literally no rules to life and all meaning is in the eye of the beholder.
Obsessed with Qifrey because what we see of him is 50% him being the best most kindest teacher and 40% a suspicious and desperate wildcard. But very rarely, just 10% of the time, we get to see him when he’s not being a teacher or being around his friends and family and not being a witch at the scene of a disaster, and he’s like, the most bitchy and hateful creature. Guy who is sick of being in a space. Acting in a way that makes you go “ah, that small withdrawn child grew up into a withdrawn adult who is just barely better at hiding it”. Obssessed. Guy of all time.
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i like "social ergonomics" bc like yeah. furniture is usually made in a way that's like "we think this is probably what is needed for a human to immediately perform any given task" and often we are wrong about what types of furniture or spaces will have a detrimental long term impact on our bodies. ergonomics ideally looks at the evidence of the impact on bodies and then works backwards from there to come up with design.
social ergonomics should mean looking at social structures and analyzing the outcomes they have re: human welfare, and then taking that information back to the design board and redesigning things to hurt people less.
this should also be a zine. someday. but that would require me being able to sit upright
My partner is a game designer. He crafts experiences intended to elicit specific behaviors from thousands of strangers as his full time job. He often looks at social structures from this perspective in his free time and we talk about it a lot. and hoo boy are a lot of our systems not doing what they are officially meant to do.
if you’re genuinely interested in game design you should check out Radiator Yang’s game The Tearoom (NSFW, unless you work at the Sucking Off Dude’s Guns factory).
I realize it’s weird to show up on someone’s post to say “you like game design. Have you played this game about giving head in a bathroom?” but it’s a really thoughtfully made game (see the artist’s statement, which is also NSFW) that is also about the effects of surveillance on communities. when, after about half an hour of play, I realized what mindset the game had deliberately cultivated in me, I had to turn off my computer and stare at the ceiling for ten minutes. and that’s Game Design, to me
L'Art et la mode, no. 28, vol. 15, 14 juillet 1894, Paris. Toilettes pour bains de mer. Dessin de G. de Billy. Bibliothèque nationale de France
Robe en popeline de soie ivoire, corsage recouvert de tulle ivoire brodé, volant sur les épaules se perdant dans les poignets des manches, volant coquillé et bande de tulle posée à plat sur la jupe; le corsage est garni par des liens de ruban de faille verveine, ceinture pareille, lien et choux dans le bas de la jupe.
Dress in ivory silk poplin, bodice covered with embroidered ivory tulle, flounce on the shoulders lost in the cuffs of the sleeves, shell flounce and strip of tulle laid flat on the skirt; the bodice is trimmed with ties of verbena faille ribbon, similar belt, tie and collars at the bottom of the skirt.
—
Robe en satin pervenche, voilé de tulle noir brodé; polonaise en taffetas glacé pervenche et noir, avec corsage échancré garni d'un col marin, appliques de guipure ancienne sur le bord, manches recouvertes de tulle, poignets de taffetas.
Periwinkle satin dress, veiled in embroidered black tulle; Polish dress in periwinkle and black glossy taffeta, with low-cut bodice trimmed with a sailor collar, antique guipure appliques on the edge, sleeves covered in tulle, taffeta cuffs.
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Robe de faille pékinée cerise et mousse sur fond blanc mat, corsage veste Louis XVI garni d’un fichu Louis XVI en mousseline de soie, avec gros choux de mousseline de chaque côté de la poitrine, le fichu croisé se noue derrière; jupe évasée garnie d’un volant de mousseline de soie et de draperies terminées par des choux.
Cherry and moss pekinese faille dress on a matte white background, Louis XVI jacket bodice trimmed with a Louis XVI chiffon scarf, with large muslin puffs on each side of the chest, the crossed scarf is tied behind; flared skirt trimmed with a silk chiffon flounce and draperies finished with puffs.
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Robe en foulard ou toile de soie tilleul à bouquets semés, ceinture de taffetas noir avec coques remontantes; empiècement de batiste brodée, manches courtes très bouffantes en soie tilleul.
Dress in foulard or lime silk canvas with sown bouquets, black taffeta belt with rising shells; embroidered cambric yoke, very puffy short sleeves in lime silk.
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Robe de petit drap ou lainage léger noisette, corsage avec bandes découpées ouvertes sur du drap ivoire. col rabattu, ceinture de cuir blanc mat, manches bouffantes en drap ivoire recouvertes de pattes noisette; jupe noisette avec ourlet de drap ivoire.
Dress in light hazelnut cloth or wool, bodice with open cut-out bands on ivory cloth. turn-down collar, matte white leather belt, puffed sleeves in ivory cloth covered with hazel tabs; hazelnut skirt with ivory cloth hem.
L'Art et la mode, no. 28, vol. 15, 14 juillet 1894, Paris. Garden Party. Dessin de Marie de Solar. Bibliothèque nationale de France
Toilette en soie rayée rose et bleu. Fichu croisé en mousseline brodée ou dentelle. Choux et nœuds de satin noir. Cravate mi-dentelle, mi-satin. Intérieur de corsage et de jupe en satin rose uni.
Pink and blue striped silk ensemble. Crossed fichu in embroidered muslin or lace. Black satin bows and cabbage. Half lace, half satin tie. Interior of bodice and skirt in plain pink satin.
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Toilette en mousseline brodée blanche, entre-deux de dentelle blanche. Fichu drapé sur la poitrine en mousseline de soie. Rubans de satin cerise.
Dress in white embroidered muslin, white lace insert. Fichu draped over the chest in chiffon. Cherry satin ribbons.
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Toilette en foulard vert brodé en soutache de guipure blanche. Petits volants de guipure au corsage et à la jupe. La jupe s’ouvre devant sur un jupon bouillonné en mousseline de soie.
Toilet in green foulard embroidered in white guipure soutache. Small guipure ruffles on the bodice and skirt. The skirt opens in front onto a bubbled silk chiffon petticoat.
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Costume de lawn-tennis. Flanelle blanche galonnée de tresses rouges. Ceinture en peau blanche.
Lawn tennis suit. White flannel trimmed with red braids. White skin belt.
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Costume de lawn-tennis. Flanelle rose garnie de tresse noire serpentant. Veste courte. Chemisette rose à pois noirs.
Lawn tennis suit. Pink flannel trimmed with snaking black braid. Short jacket. Pink shirt with black polka dots.
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Toilette en mousseline blanche brodée. Garniture de dentelle. Rubans de satin noir. Grande ceinture de satin noir brodée de fleurs des champs multicolores; la ceinture est effilée et frangée dans le bas.
Embroidered white muslin ensemble. Lace trim. Black satin ribbons. Large black satin belt embroidered with multicolored wild flowers; the belt is tapered and fringed at the bottom.
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Toilette en glacine vert et mauve, garnie de mousseline de soie. Le corsage plissé en mousseline de soie. Garniture de jupe également en mousseline de soie. Ceinture de crêpe de soie noir.
Ensemble in green and mauve glaze, lined with silk muslin. The pleated silk chiffon bodice. Skirt trim also in chiffon. Black silk crepe belt.
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Toilette en toile écrue brodée blanc. Corsage avec revers croisés en guipure ou broderie blanche. Bas de jupe fait de petits bouillonnes et de choux de rubans. Rubans rayés loutre et blanc.
White embroidered ecru canvas ensemble. Bodice with crossed lapels in guipure or white embroidery. Bottom of skirt made of small bouillons and ribbon puffs. Otter and white striped ribbons.
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People who try to copy historical writing styles don't say enough weird stuff in them. I'm listening to a 1909 story about a ghost car right now, and the narrator just said he honked the car horn a bunch of times, but the way he phrased it was "I wrought a wild concerto on the hooter".
See what no one tells you about having parents who have been successfully polyamorous and active in the tri-state kink community for 29 years is that as their adult child, there is a high probability that at any event you go to someone will have slept with one or both of your parents. There is no escaping this. They've been doing it for decades. They've lain claim to like half the east coast
If you are neurodivergent (editing to add: I mean ANY degree of neurodivergence, whether you were aware of it in childhood or not, whether professionally diagnosed or not,) I highly recommend following professional children's disability advocates who are themselves neurodivergent
and these can be like, occupational therapists, speech pathologists, whoever. Anyone who works in what might be called "special ed," who is neurodivergent.
Because they will be posting ALL of the things about what neurodivergent kids benefit from in an educational setting and what is harmful to them. That's their job, and they're uniquely good at spotting those patterns bc they share many experiences with the kids themselves, and once WERE THEMSELVES disabled kids in an educational setting. They Know what options/accommodations/interventions feel like and what they needed and did not get. AND, they used that experience as motivation to learn as much as possible about learning and child development and what kids actually need, from an expert standpoint.
They'll tell you exactly why what happened at school hurt you. Because they know. and they know what alternatives might have actually supported you instead of traumatizing you!
Reading about this is extraordinarily triggering for me, to be clear.
But I do it, because when I am reading about best practices, it immediately becomes clear the gap between that and what I received growing up. The advocates explain WHY kids benefit from one setup and are harmed by another. I can absolutely tell immediately what specific aspects of my childhood and upbringing were the most traumatic to me based on the extremity of my reaction to the content. I can gauge that by tracking my emotional reactions to reading about varying specific topics or situations, and the ways that adults might handle those situations. Because whenever I was made to feel like the way it happened was the only possible way it COULD happen, and told I was weak and broken and not trying hard enough for desperately needing something different? They were lying.
We now know that they were lying. There were other ways to do it that would have had my own experience and wellbeing in mind. Ways that would not have damaged me so profoundly during such a crucial developmental period in my life. Often the solutions posed by advocates are ways that I was advocating for AT THE TIME, AS A CHILD -- the number of "best practices" I read nowadays that are just LISTS OF THINGS I EXPLICITLY ASKED OR BEGGED FOR. I swear to fucking god.
um
Anyway. If you related to my last post about school trauma, here is some actionable advice. I like NeuroWild and Destiny Huff (on fb and insta) for starting out, and you can find and follow other people doing that work through them, hopefully.
I joke about it being humiliating to be traumatized because "my parents made me go to school" but I am extremely serious that school trauma can ABSOLUTELY be some of the most damaging childhood trauma. Schools are not built to serve children, and they're especially not built to serve any children who fall outside of certain very specific parameters, who happen not to thrive under the way the education system works.
This is the root of everything wrong with academia -- the way our entire society approaches both 1. child rearing and 2. education are, from a prosocial and literally human-centric perspective (I think of this as Social Ergonomics,) some of the least effective and most harmful ways of doing those things.
Many, many people are stuck in their lives because of what they do not realize is school trauma. It is very rare even in childhood trauma spaces to discuss school trauma, because it is a type of trauma which inherently requires people to question the entire foundation of some of our least questioned Systems. Institutional trauma is extremely hard to discuss, because it rests at the intersection of 'discussions of interpersonal abuse and trauma' and 'sociology-focused institutional justice frameworks' which are things that do not often overlap.
This is why it is helpful to learn about institutional justice/advocacy/liberation frameworks AS WELL as learning about interpersonal abuse dynamics. Many people who are survivors of institutional abuse, who have a concept of what abuse is but do not have a framework for what it looks like in a dynamic other than intimate interpersonal abuse, are unable to recognize themselves as having been abused. That's why I tell people to read about mad pride, prison abolition, youth rights, etc. To recognize your own trauma as trauma requires recognition of the ways in which our society routinely traumatizes people.
In conversation with multiple posts going around discussing technical literacy and typing skills…
I HAD typing classes: my typing speed is less than 35 Words Per Minute
I did NOT have typing classes: my typing speed is less than 35 WPM
I HAD typing classes: my typing speed is 36-45 WPM
I did NOT have typing classes: my typing speed is 36-45 WPM
I HAD typing classes: my typing speed is 46-55 WPM
I did NOT have typing classes: my typing speed is 46-55 WPM
I HAD typing classes: my typing speed is 56-69 WPM
I did NOT have typing classes: my typing speed is 56-69 WPM
I HAD typing classes: my typing speed is faster than 70 WPM
I did NOT have typing classes: my typing speed is faster than 70 WPM
I'm on mobile/ vanilla extract option
Remaining time: 4 days 16 hours
➡️ Take a typing test here (and you need an actual, physical keyboard for this):
The industry-standard benchmark used by employers and typing certifications worldwide.
➡️ 'Typing classes' refers to computer skills classes you might have had in school; you can also count games or other related typing training your parents might have had you do.
➡️ Across 3 different typing test websites*, the (english language) world average typing speed is 40 WPM.
good morning, good morning, i love you, good morning
- request focalin✅️
i am substantially happier when i wake up on time and thus go to bed on time.
sometimes i worry that i'm not well suited to academia because i don't read on my own enough. to an extent i understand this worry--i need to like, y'know, be pretty impressively engaged if i want to produce the kind of research i admire? but also. i think i am taking steps to make some of my free time reading time, actually.
i also worry that my memory is bad. play is the antidote; make lists, make maps, make timelines, make bubbles! but i haven't done that for ages. why?
because i've been busy with other things and it feels like work and i want to do as little work as is necessary.
but i know i enjoy it. so. hm. weird!
- solicit socialization✅️
- AND brush teeth and floss :) becoming a 2 times a day guy at all costs!!✅️
- meds bed dress etc✅️
- break fast✅️
ok. well. i want to return some books, i'm meeting my advisor, i owe an email, and i must like. do homework. think on homework.
also GOTTA TAKE STEPS TOWARDS SELLING MY CAR OMG
- leave c 10:30?✅️
- return any library books✅️
- reply to S✅️
- get on mailing list finally✅️
- lunch w/advisor✅️
- drop by office to hound N?✅️ i tried
- vocab practice for conversation :) no this is terrifying. fuck. nooooo
ok. missed it this time! BUT NEXT TIME I WILL NOT >:)
- send advisor + other prof your paper!
- bus home + walk home✅️
- added: wash off because Wow, Sweat✅️
- hw list for tomorrow
- watch the grammar videos
- Contemplate
- vocab list
- pick BaA volumes
- pick a few interesting article abstracts?
- car selling step 1: empty car of stuff. which means STUFF in MY HOUSE, horrible, i know. still.
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Cultivating a thick skin regarding criticism of your own work is useful not only for peace of mind, but because even haterism can provide valuable feedback. If someone has a strong negative reaction to your work and the stuff that's pissing them off is all stuff you put there on purpose, you know you're communicating successfully!
look at the skill and spirit @ghostofasecretary - Tumblr Blog | Tumlook