i've never been addicted to drugs or alcohol, so my perspective is quite limited here. but my grandpa was an alcoholic and the idea of an "addictive personality" got into my head after the first time i had alcohol at 13 and craved it every day, intensely, for like six months afterwards
didn't actually steal any alcohol or drink under my parents' noses because i just wanted nice wine, but
- what is the difference between want and addiction
- what is the difference between lack of variety and addiction
- is novelty protective against addiction?
- novelty seems protective against a lot, actually
- some people seem to conceive of themselves as addicted to AI and it reminds me of porn addiction, where like--yes. i believe you are doing something more than you want to do it. but also that's not a chemical addiction and more importantly it is largely DUE TO YOUR MORALS that you conceive of your actions this way, people who use the same amount of AI and like it would not call themselves addicted, ditto porn, yes? i think?
- the gap between "science people" and "arts people," which is definitely false but go with me, seems so tied to perceptions of AI and also increasingly large. "useful, fun, fine" vs "the most evil thing on the planet, a corrupting poison." those aren't equivalent. i don't know any pro-AI people who think it's an unmitigatedly positive revolution and while plenty of my art friends are like "yeah AI is fine sometimes but i object to the labour/IP issues" i feel like more of them are in the "burn it with fire" camp
- a lot of this year has seen me reading books to the exclusion of all else, including food. i don't like that. but reading is Good and Healthful!
- something about, idk, ~all things are good in moderation~
- i prefer working on Large Chunks of a project as opposed to many small steps and having "this is X day" over "let's do X.1 for 20 minutes"
- the beauty of intense focus, the way words feel like fractals when writing is good, the utter hatred i have towards what feels like busywork and requires tiny task switching all the time
- rereading over and over and over and over
- none of us chose who we are; we all choose, every day, who we are
- the sum of your life is how you spend today, and the day before it, and the day before that. hopes and intentions are lovely but it's sad when they're all that's tallied. partially completed work is still done work. nothing is wasted.
- hawks are really pretty
- clothes are really nice
- i really love the idea of everything in my house being thoughtful, thought out, of intention and beauty balanced and bounding. and also sometimes you have an ugly notebook because there wasn't a better color and you needed a notebook
- "enjoy your time" is a damnably difficult instruction. simple, not easy, i think, but is it even simple?
- i'm really glad i'm alive. let's knock on B's door and then go shower