someday baby

missed the month of may in a dissociation haze. started june off with a cute date by the lake. his touch was soft and his words warm. couldn't help but feel like i was gonna get burned. so i kept the walls around my heart up. enjoyed a few more dates before i cut it off before it became as messy as he made my head. was able to walk from my car to my friends house alone for the first time. felt lonely in my suffering but extended myself for others which was fulfilling. still felt empty. felt that familiar feeling of being dropped off onto earth with no handbook. the anxiety set in. worried about everything in between. celebrated my birthday by hosting a party on the friday surrounded by friends and by Sunday everything fell apart. one of my favourite artists died and i couldn't process it. cried often. spent a lot of time feeling grateful for the people i have in my life and the other half falling apart inside my head.