Swear more than a sailor

So as my disclaimer imply, yes we are talking babies/kids. Mainly me changing my mind after years of saying I didn't want children. To be noted, I never hated kids. If anything I adored them and would protect any kids. I love seeing my best friend's kid grow and it sadden the both of us that I can't be around in person. She says I would be the best aunt lol.

On another note, I always liked newborns. Have you seen how small they are? Whenthey grip your finger?! I melt. When my nephew was born I think he was the first newborn I held in years, since my younger siblings were born. That was a year and 3/4 ago and this is when things started to shift. Since I was 14-15 I always said I didn't want kids. Not interested and didn't feel like ever changing my mind. Then with my husband, back then boyfriend, I was in a long distance relationship, definitely not a good way to have kid. Eventually I moved in with him, but that mean a new country, a new life, rebuild everything from the ground almost. Nothing was stable at all. And even when it all became stable, I still didn't want kid. And neither did he. We had a dog (my good old girl Tali, I miss her) and we were happy. Even now with our young boy, Zag, we were happy (althought the puppy stage was... lord had no mercy) We enjoy our free time and the kid-free life.

But like I said then my nephew showed up. It didn't change much in the begining. I was just happy for his parents and aww look at that little baby. But like a creepy silent thought, it was working in the back of my mind I think. Where the days started to went from no kids to maybe? And I discussed this with my husband. Yet we agreed, maybe is still too weak to throw ourselves in this. Especially that he was always leaning no in his side. Throught out the last months a lot happened that made me reflect about myself. And realized one thing. After I decided to estrange myself from most of my family, mainly my younger siblings (because everyone else I had been estranged from for a long time, it's another long story) what hit me the most was the concept of family. Most of my life I dreamed to have a family. Like in the movies/series. Where everyone had their up and downs but they are still there for one another. Kind of what my husband has lol but I never could get this. I never had a family and maybe that's why Found Family is my favorite trope, it's what I did in real life. Found and made my own. Yet it's that idea, the concept of if I can't have a family, I'll just make my own. That's when like a illumination/revelation that the balance shifted completely to I want a kid. It took me 15 years to change my mind. Not because everyone kept asking about "when you gonna have a kid?" or "so next step is the baby." or all these expectations of society. The best example is when I told my mom I wanted to have a kid to have my own family, she took it as the usual society expectation of making one to feel like you check another box from the list of must do. Not in the sense that, it was something I personally long for all my life. I would still have been happy without a child in my life had I not changed my mind! Don't get me wrong. So after more discussion with my husband, he also has to feel ok with this considering he stances on kids, there's a high chance that next year, we start trying :) Why next year? We want to renovate the bathroom first and that doesn't happen till the end of this year lol So I guess if everything goes well sometime next year or 2028, I might be a mom.