Not the denomination I grew up in, but I wanted to get back on track & get right with DA LAWD *in my Grandma’s voice*

I don’t even have the bandwidth honestly to go into detail about my experience… but I really wanna know what happened? The black church served as a safe haven for the voiceless, the forgotten, and the sick. The black church was the first cornerstone of the black community and I feel like today it’s nothing even remotely close.

Church leadership is so far detached from reality, in no way could they (an individual) have thought their behavior was acceptable.

I came ready to learn, eager to get closer to GOD & with an open pocketbook might I add. I felt like I was treated like someone who came to church begging.

In early 2020 I found something out that broke me. I’m talking about so messed up I wasn’t going to work. Distraught over a nigga born in the 60’s. For 11 years I had this unwavering loyalty to him; I realized there was no way forward with our relationship after the information I discovered. Months before my 30th bday, going through the woes of saturns return I realized I wanted more for myself. I'm all for leaving people in the dust when they don't mean you well. As hard as it was I had to bid him farewell. I kept thinking how I got “got” a 2nd damn time.

He was good at convincing me otherwise, buttering me up and putting the battery in my back, but this time I stood 10 toes down. Forgiveness is a tricky business, its something I haven’t quite yet mastered.

We still communicated but our intimate relationship ceased, he spent that time trying to get back in my good graces but it wasn’t going to work. My last time seeing him alive was in December, I pulled up on him to discuss some shit he should’ve had control over *see story time post from December*.

We’d been through so much together. Some really gruesome times and deep down inside that never left me. He would never let anything happen to me but when it came down to his family he left my ass for dead! He begged to differ, but I needed him to show up in a manner that he didn’t even though he was more than capable of doing so. I would be remissed if I didn’t mention it still stings a bit to this day.

Despite our obstacles I still loved him. My love for him was different, I can’t even explain it. The peace he gave me was unmatched. Two souls tied together for sure.

His demise has left me completely heartbroken. I keep tryna get myself together but ya girl is struggling. I wish I would’ve heard him out, I wish I would’ve healed from our previous transgressions in order to truly forgive him. One things for certain, two things for sure you live and you die. But I feel like God made a mistake-his girls need him and his grandbaby needs her Papop. I typically roll with life’s punches and take my losses in stride but this one isn’t sitting well in my spirit. I’ve been conditioned to carry any type of sadness and trauma with grace. Pretending that nothing is amiss-not this time.

One thing I finally had to accept is one black persons success does not trickle down. It doesn't open the doors people hope it would. While Kamala and the Obamas were history makers, I don't feel that their success has or in this case, will trickle-down and be super transformative for your everyday black person.

In 2011 at the age of 20 I was messing with a 41 year old man. I thought I was in love chile. I loved him, the way he treated me, the things he did for me and the unconditional love he showed me. I met him through his family and I was his “sneaky link” I thought messing with this man was fun and spontaneous. I have no regrets about it honestly. but as a man? He left much to be desired

At the time he was his sisters, friends side piece. Yup you read that right, Nicole was cheating on her husband with the man I was sneaking around with. Sneaking because of his family, not because of her. One night at a party it all came out that he and I were messing around and all hell broke loose.

I had already been in legal trouble bc of my sons Father within the same year. So it wasn’t hard to accuse me of anything back then. To be specific restraining orders, it all started with a fuckin restraining order.

One thing about having a criminal history is that ppl will always weaponize it against you. If you don’t play into their antics off to the court building they go. People also try to use it as a tool to shut me up *I’ll elaborate on this later*.

So bc Nicole found out this you 20 year old flat stomached tenderoni was her competition. She went and filed a restraining order against me TO KEEP ME AWAY FROM THE MAN. She even went as far to list his address as hers so I couldn’t go there. The order was denied in the state of Maryland *I did clown the hell out of her on Twitter once I won. I had a field day* and Nicole filed another one in DC and bc of my ignorant and I mean ignorant ass Mother…. I consented.

Side bar- His Mama and sisters told him he needed psychiatric help and it was incestuous to be messing with me. These ‘Christian’ women would’ve rather seen him lay with another mans wife than somebody who was 21 years his junior. 🥴 God will never send someone else’s spouse …Houses built on another man’s tears will never have favor.

Which gave Nicole a rope to hang me with. She said I was showing up to her house, walking past, calling her, threatening her kids etc. None of which was true, but I caused so much discord in her life; it was retribution time. Now I did shred her to a fine mist, humiliated her on twitter and told her husband she was cheating on him. But I only did those things bc after the incident at the party she reached out to my probation officer and told the probation officer I was drinking at the party and tried to fight her. & that’s when I told her husband. checkmate bitch!

I mean this woman was lying, I mean flat out fuckin lying. She kepppt calling the police making false police reports and they finally gave in. No evidence, phone records, video footage just a miserable 40+ year old insecure woman with a vendetta against me after I removed one jenga piece causing her entire tower to come crashing down.

I went to trial. The judge ended up finding me guilty of only 1 of the 5 charges. Funny thing is the Judge said she didn’t believe half of Nicole’s story, she believed she was the aggressor and she believed that Nicole was calling me. The Judge also said she believed I called Nicole back and that’s what she found me guilty of. The Judge actually hit the nail on the head, the fact that she could see through the bullshit is still impressive to me.

Might I add the man was nowhere to be found when all of this transpired. He didn’t help her and he sure as hell didn’t help me. Most men cannot be trusted to act in the interests of anyone but themselves.

At the big age of 31 I’m trying to get my criminal history expunged. Just that ONE charge. I hired a lit attorney and she filed a motion. The Government filed a 78 page opposition to my motion. The number after 77 and the number before 79.

What they also did was attach multiple police reports from Nicole. Things I had no idea about until yesterday. It takes a sick in the head ass jealous bitch to call the police and make up things that never happened, especially over a man that liked “little girls” *Nicole’s words not mine*.

Out of all her allegations the funniest thing I read was that “the man wanted her and not me” and that in November of 2012 I’d just come home from jail a week prior and left a note on her car.

Fun fact-I was released from 70 days of jail in July of 2012. I assume she didn’t know this and when she found out she tried to send me back.

I find that shit to be weird, I find it to be scary in a sense to because people who lie to that extent are fuckin psychopathic. To make up events that never happened and report them to the police is next level obsession. In the opposing motion Nicole communicated to the government that she keeps up with me and she is opposed to my ONE charge being set aside. I have not seen, communicated, searched on social media or been associated with the likes of this woman since 2012. To read that she’s keeping up with me is fuckin creepy!!! I haven’t seen him in a year or two 😜 He is all yours sis! I’d like to add she is in the same age group,old enough to be my mother.

Side bar-I pulled up on him to ask why this old tired ass bitch was keeping up with me and if he knew about it why didn’t he tell me. Typical him to piss on me and tell me it’s raining. He won’t even claim her to me… shits weird. Exactly why I left his ass in 2020.

I’am so creeped out and confused, it took 10 years to see the extent of these allegations and as DC resident I’am disturbed that ppl can actually get away with damaging ppls livelihood all because an outcome of a situation didn’t go their way. The intention is ill and disgusting.

It reminds me of the man who killed his gf and ex wife over the weekend in the Baltimore area. He expressed how these women ruined his life, got him fired, accused him of molesting his own daughter. I’am by no means condoning any of those behaviors,but I think it’s very telling for a man to snap like that.

You cannot play with ppls lives/reputations and think everything will be fine. God always works things out for me and I mean always. Whatever he see’s fit, I’am ok with.

I didn’t go to Chicago as planned.

I was sad my Grandma wasn’t here; I missed her yearly, early morning call this year more than ever.

I turned the same age as my bd at his demise.

Some how out of plain sight my mother and sister have ganged up on me again. Keep in mind we just ate Thanksgiving together. NOTHING HAPPENED!! I can’t reiterate that enough. But sporadic “I HaTE mO” gang-ups are all too familiar. I should be use to them by now.

An old friend sent me a email telling me happy birthday bc I have her blocked. Although, I’m not interested in reviving our friendship for the 4th time I thought that was extremely kind of her.

The man I was supposed to be with today pissed me off and deep down inside I wanted no parts of him, the man I wanted to be with today sent me a text message today that looked like a generic fb comment.

I stand corrected!!

Where is our 40 acres and mule Joe? Although, I doubt he’ll run for a second term, he has to go.

The Party is not a political party. It is a white supremacist/white nationalist domestic terror group .

Minus the white supremacy; the Republican policy agenda is anti women, anti poor, anti middle class, anti anyone who is not a rich white man.

Republicans supported the Covid relief bill. All Republican governors ended federal unemployment benefits early. No Republicans support the voting rights legislation. All Republicans controlled state legislatures are pushing black voter suppression and election rigging laws (384 of them). Republicans are establishing the mechanisms that will create permanent authoritarian Republican minority rule. We won't be able to vote those MFs out.

The fact that a white supremacist/white nationalist cult is still nationally politically viable is a sad reality.