getting fit in nyc

Weigh-in Wednesday - I stumbled and had a tough day but let’s keep it moving, chin up.

I’ve been in a funk, trying to snap myself out of it. Here are my last two day’s worth of recaps.

Food:

(M) Caloric Deficit (was supposed to be a fast day but I was mentally struggling too much so I ate a few snacks at the end of the day still within caloric deficit) ✅

(T) I started off well - I brought food to work and was eating pretty on schedule. Then for dinner was going to order something for convenience but then I flipped a switch and had a really bad bad day, I binged (not the worst that I’ve ever binged by far but, not exaggerating, it was really bad and I kept trying to justify it to myself which was the worst part) I also feel like garbage right now physically and mentally 🤦🏻‍♀️

Water:

(M) over 3L ✅

(T) just shy of 3L 🤦🏻‍♀️

Activity:

(M) no bueno 🤦🏻‍♀️

(T) over 10k steps ✅

Supplements:

(M) Ginkgo and Hum “Gut Instinct” ✅

(T) B12, D3, Ginkgo, Hum “Gut Instinct” (Probiotic) & Hum “Daily Cleanse” (Algae and Herbs) ✅

Mindfulness:

(M) 15-minute meditation ✅

(T) 30 minutes total meditation ✅

Sleep:

(M) over 6.5 hours ✅

(T) no Fitbit data but it was under 6 hours 🤦🏻‍♀️

My mind is a mess, for some reason I really crashed in the last two days as far as being able to control my thoughts and not self-sabotage. I went from this healthy place of transparency, patience, accountability and grace to a place of nothing happening fast enough and feeling disgusting, hopeless and overwhelmed (like this isn’t worth it). It truly was triggered by my scale too. I hopped on on Monday pre-emptively hoping to see I was out of the 300’s and my weight was higher than last week. Since I had been in a caloric deficit or fasting every day and doing okay with my goals, I went into a tailspin of how I’m older now and my body is resisting and how I’m never going to lose weight or be comfortable and confident in my skin. I started calling myself names - lazy, worthless, weak. I did the exact opposite of what I’m telling myself to do - I let my scale determine my worth.

I didn’t want to get up and go to work, I had bad thoughts. I don’t want to be like this. Then I feel bad because I’m trying to reason with myself and say give it another week but I can’t get that voice loud enough so it sticks and overpowers these other thoughts. I pressed on but it was lingering in the back of my head and then I binged. I justified it by saying that my body was getting used to my fasting routine so if I hit it with a really high calorie day, it might confuse myself back into burning my the right fat. First of all, if I believed that to be true, I didn’t need to eat fast food and shit. Second of all, the pay off was emotional momentarily not physical. Third, when I looked at the scale today again for WIW, I now have guilt around the binge and the what if’s. I need to get my head right and deal with this or I’m going to keep struggling. I need to stop trying to reason with irrational thoughts and take the damn wheel.

Food - caloric deficit and veg forward ✅

Water - over 3L ✅

Supplements - B12, D3, Ginkgo, Turmeric, Hum “Gut Instinct” (Probiotic) & Hum “Daily Cleanse” (Algae and Herbs) ✅

Mindfulness - 10 minute meditation (it was rough today trying to get my mind to stay present and not wander way out - gotta push through these types of days) ✅

Activity - over 10k steps ✅

1. 20 minutes on exercise bike each day

2. Walk to and from Port Authority each commute day (not last minute Uber/Lyft or subway to cut short)

3. 15-minute meditation on bus commute to and from work

4. Bring a reusable water bottle with me whenever I leave my apartment

Food - fast day ✅

Water - not nearly enough, I feel like a raisin this morning 🤦🏻‍♀️

Supplements - Ginkgo and Hum “Gut Instinct” (probiotics) ✅

Activity - only a little over 9k steps so I fell short 🤦🏻‍♀️

Mindfulness - I went to take a quick nap after work yesterday and ended up sleeping like 11 hours so no lol and I really would have benefitted from some meditation yesterday 🤦🏻‍♀️