Wilting Flower

So, everything was fine. And one day we fight. It’s about something he said about my friend. I’m possessive about my friends. So i was mad. But he was mad too. He was rude to me which made me even madder. Well so fine, we fought over the phone.

It got heated so I told him to put down the phone. I wanted to rest and talk about things when i was less mad. TELL ME WHY this guy sends me a text message saying ‘maybe i was lonely, maybe i was never ready,’

When i say my heart dropped.. i was so mad and hurt. I didn’t understand what i was feeling. I asked him to explain and he panicked. He took some time to calm down and thus started this entire whirlwind of him backtracking.

What worried me was seeing the manipulator part of him that night, how he tried to gaslight me into thinking he didn’t say the things he said. Or didn’t do what he did. How he was trying to twist situations. How he was equating his mistake to the past and ex girlfriends. How he said such a hurtful thing and tried to make it my fault.

Let me just say that i promised myself i would never beg for another person’s love. And it applied to him too. That night ended with me breaking up with him. The next day he was up and texting me like nothing happened. Using humour to make everything that happened as not a big deal. Another red flag to my eyes.

Then later he got mad again while discussing things with me. He asked why I didn’t fight for him. I didn’t understand. You hurt me but i have to beg you to come back to me? Where is the logic sir? WHERE?? If you hurt me and expect me on my knees begging for you to love me, you have the wrong girl in your life. I’d rather live with no love than beg someone for it. I also didn’t want you thinking that i would put myself so low.

Despite all this I tried to convey my thoughts. I tried to reason. Not beg. Reason so that he could see why i was frustrated. Why i reacted the way i did. He asked me for communication. He told me could communicate. But when things happened. I kept my end of the deal and told him everything he needed to deal with me. All he did was fuel the angry situation with more fire.

So what I’m trying to say is, I’m scared. I don’t know if these are really red flags or if i am overthinking it. He has plans to make it up to me. But is it just another one of those situations where I’m gonna be smothered in love not because i deserve it or want it... but because my partner has something he needs from me.

I’m just broken-hearted by how he treated me. How many times he was ready to throw it all away just because I wasn’t reacting the way he wanted. It bothered me.