~ GentleGeek Writes ✍🏼✨ ~

Like most people, I find myself having a hard time not getting overwhelmed by the sheer amount of negative things going on in the world. Mix that with the unique experience I've lived, the traumas I've carried, and sometimes it feels like an impossibility to see beyond the fog of intense anguish.

I recently was able to reach a new level with my audio work, and you'd think that I'd feel real proud of myself for getting to these heights. But truthfully, I didn't feel really much of anything. Sure, the opportunity was really humbling and it also gave me proof that my skills have improved to garner special attention... and yet, my emotions were more stoic and unfeeling than anything.

I try to keep myself busy most days so that the thoughts and deep sorrow don't catch up to me, as I always want to be a step ahead of them so that way days aren't lost looking directly into the void. But like clockwork, those dark musings will find themselves creeping in and washing away my good vibes even when I try to put my best effort to fight them away.

I've come to accept that life is full of good and bad days, and that the bad days should just be allowed to happen so your mind and body can hopefully relieve the pressure built up over pent up negativity festering beneath the surface. And when I'm able to, confiding in those close to me absolutely helps me out to drain and flush the rotten energy away. And sure, talking about things doesn't bring about any tangible solutions, but being able to communicate and acknowledge my struggles can be just what the doctor ordered.

I'm trying hard to not look much into the rear view mirror as I move forward, even though with each step of progress I make I feel like all I wanna do is turn around and see how far I've made it. The peril in that, though, is that by reflecting on how far I've come also means looking at the casualties of the past that only bring me embarrassment, shame, and sorrow. But I gotta give it my best effort to do better, to live in the moment, to focus on today, as it were, and not always compare myself with past versions of myself.