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Aries: Has optimized their morning routine with something they call “the breakfast shower“

Taurus: Rises before morn to slay a fattened hog.

Gemini: Several cups of dry cereal ground into a powder and snorted followed by shotgunning a glass of milk.

Cancer: Woke up on the roof again. Breakfast is whichever pigeon is the slowest.

Leo: Random items from the pantry consumed in a hypnagogic trance that doesn’t wear off until around 11am.

Virgo: There is no breakfast if dinner never ended.

Libra: Has finally managed to catch and butcher their sleep paralysis demon. Served with eggs and paprika.

Scorpio: Takes another bite out of their edible candy bed and heads out to face another gay little day.

Ophiuchus: Drinks some protein shake from the big hamster feeder bottle in the courtyard.

Sagittarius: Eating an energy bar, but staring directly into the sun with hunger and jealousy.

Capricorn: Checks their traps for fresh burgers.

Aquarius: Makes a delicious plate of blueberry pancakes which they feed to the giant coyote that watches them sleep.