The whole time, she's praying.

There are numerous interpretations of the reasoning behind conversions. Essentially, they all suggest that the Jewish soul is enduring, and will find its way back to Judaism and the Jewish people, regardless of initial circumstances.

Some rabbis and scholars theorize that, through the process of reincarnation, a Jewish spirit can become disconnected from the physical presence of the Jewish people. These spirits are born into non-Jewish families and nations with the express purpose of learning some predetermined lesson that requires the unique experience of separation.

Other rabbis and scholars suggest that when the Torah was offered to all of the world’s nations, there were many people outside of the Israelites who were willing and ready to accept it. Though the voices of these people were drowned out by the majority of their nations, G-d took note of their acceptance. These people have always been a part of the Jewish people, even if they have not officially been so in name. 

And then, there are the converts who unknowingly pick up where their ancestors left off. The phenomena of Jewish converts discovering previously unknown Jewish heritage is actually astoundingly common. That heritage is often concealed for the purposes of safety, in an attempt to escape from harm.

Rabbi Shlomo Riskin explains this conversion (or rather, return) to Judaism by referring to a prophecy made by Moses In the Book of Deuteronomy. Moses described what the future generations of Jewish people would endure, and suggested that they may well experience violence, be exiled, and scattered apart. 

He also promised, however, that “When it will be difficult for you, the words of the Torah will find you…and you will return to G-d…because G-d is a G-d of love and compassion…and He will not forget the covenant He has made with your fathers.” 

The words of the Torah will find the Jewish people, wherever they may be, so as to return them to G-d. And these words may come from anything. It could be a fragment of a prayer you hear while passing by a synagogue, or a glimpse of the Torah within another religious study, or even something as seemingly insignificant as watching the Prince of Egypt. 

Cruel Optimism is about how people will stay in relation to their object even if it destroys them, because they can’t bear giving up the pleasure of knowing the world in a particular way. So yes, unlearning is very painful because it means you have to experience a kind of complexity about moving through the world that you didn’t have before. And that’s very abstract, but it’s not abstract when you’re losing something.