ash

It takes Gem exactly forty-seven seconds to realize Etho’s landed his character at the edge of where she’s building. She’s standing still — hands clearly off her keyboard — and he wonders if she’s on her phone.

“Long time no see,” he says when she finally turns, and she goes still again, maybe pulling her mic closer and unmuting.

“It hasn’t been that long,” she answers with a slight laugh, and there’s a tugging in his stomach.

He’s missed the sound of her voice.

She places down a shulker, starting to sort her inventory, and he doesn’t know how he’s meant to hold her attention. He thought just being there would be enough.

“I didn’t know you were going away,” he tries, and she looks over at him before falling still again, maybe back to texting.

“I didn’t go anywhere,” she says after a minute, when Etho’s just starting to think he should go back to one of his own projects.

“Really?” he asks, curious in the same way he is when he touches a bruise just to see how painful it is. “You’ve been a lot of places this year.”

Gem hums in agreement and goes back to her shulker. “I stayed at home.”

“For a whole week?” He lets out a breathy laugh, because the idea of her not going anywhere for that long sounds ridiculous. “Why?”

That finally seems to get her whole attention and she looks up.

“Grian was visiting,” she admits and Etho freezes, his body turning cold.

“Grian?”

She hadn’t mentioned it. Though, neither had Grian, and Etho’s not sure why he didn’t put two and two together with them both away from the server at the same time.

“Grian,” Gem confirms. “He’d never been to Canada before.”

Etho falls silent for a moment, unsure what to say to that. He’s seen them playing R.E.P.O. together, how giggly they get, but he didn’t — it seemed harmless.

“I didn’t realize you were that close.”

He clears his throat, a little embarrassed at his honesty, at how it makes him sound jealous, but he knows the kind of person Grian is.

He works hard to be the center of attention, louder than others, a little repetitive to make sure he’s heard — everything Etho strives not to be.

He didn’t know Gem was into that and Etho’s not sure he can compete.

“Is that a problem?” she asks, a tone to her voice that heavily hints he’s said the wrong thing.

But he can’t stop thinking about Gem inviting Grian into her home, and he leans back in his chair, horrified by the thought of her inviting him into her bed too.

“Are you and him — ” he doesn’t finish the thought, just leaves it hanging, and he wonders what kind of expression she’s wearing, if she’s actually mad at him.

He’s not sure he cares, he just needs to know the truth.

He’s spent a significant amount of time with Gem since season nine. Significant for him at least. He’s let her into his life more than maybe anyone else. He told her about his setup and eventually shared pictures, solely because he thought she’d want to see.

He thought they were close. He thought she liked him.

“I could visit you,” he blurts, which might be one of the stupidest things he’s ever done. But there’s truth to it.

If that’s what it would take for Gem to understand, to take notice.

“What’s happening right now?” Gem asks, and she sounds confused, but her voice is softer.

“If you wanted that,” he says.

“If I wanted you to visit me?”

He hesitates, not sure if he’s ready to commit to it, but his chest feels tight at the thought of losing his chance with her.

“Yeah.”

She makes a soft sound, like an exhale, and Etho starts wondering if he’s messed up completely.

But after a beat, Gem says, “Grian’s wife stayed with me, too. They visited together.”

Etho swallows.

“Oh,” he says and Gem hums quietly.

“You can’t take it back now,” she tells him. “Your offer.”

Etho stares at her character, wishing he could see her actual face.

“Is it something you’d want?” he asks, and it feels like everything hinges on her answer.

He’s not expecting the laugh she lets out, the way it sounds a little crazed, and she hiccups as she cuts it off.

“That’s — ” she starts, before pausing as though looking for the right words. “Yeah, Etho, that’s something I’d want.”

The knot in Etho’s stomach loosens and something akin to hope flares behind his ribs.

“Or I could visit you,” she says. “Whichever — whatever’s easier.”

Etho finds himself taking his hands off the keyboard, rubbing his clammy palms on his thighs.

“I’ve never been to Newfoundland,” he admits.

“Okay,” she agrees and it’s strange, but he can hear the smile on her face as she says it. “I’ll DM you later?”

Her character shifts from side to side, back in motion, her attention entirely on him, the way he wants.

On Tuesday, there’s a car parked outside Gem’s home when she takes Winnie out for her loop around the block before bed. She wouldn’t normally notice, except it’s directly in front of her driveway, blocking in her car. She’s not too concerned — has no plans to go anywhere for the night, and as soon as she’s back inside from their walk, she’s crawling into bed with a cup of tea and a book.

It’s dark outside — too dark for her to see if there’s anyone inside the vehicle — but as Gem passes the rear bumper, she glances back at the license. It’s a standard plate, not from out of town, and she lets Winnie sniff around a nearby tree for a moment as she opens her phone’s notes and jots it down — JEJ 371.

If she needs to call in a tow truck, she won’t have to creep around it again.

She spares it one last look and tucks her phone back into her pocket.

“C’mon,” she says softly, tugging at Winnie’s leash, starting to walk away.

The sooner they’re done, the sooner she can get back inside.

*

Gem’s self sufficient. She works hard to be able to take care of herself, to not be reliant on her family. But the one thing she can’t do is reach the top shelf at her local Sobeys.

Usually, if there’s no one around to see the indignity, she’ll try her best to climb. But on Wednesday there’s a man at the end of the aisle, who appears to be trying to decide which tin of beans he should buy.

He’s tall, dressed casually, and he doesn’t startle when Gem steps closer.

“Hey,” she says, hoping she doesn't sound too much like a maniac, and he glances down, gaze raking over her as though trying to figure out what she might want from him.

He tips his head in acknowledgement, so she powers through.

“You probably get this all the time, but could you grab that can of tomatoes off the top shelf for me?”

She points across the aisle and his gaze follows her finger.

He exhales, maybe in relief that it’s all she wants from him, and then he moves, grabbing the exact can she needs before handing it over.

Their fingers brush as she takes it — his skin warm, but work-rough — and she offers him an easy smile.

“Thank you,” she tells him. “I need you around whenever I’m here.”

He offers her a strangely breathy laugh and she watches him a moment longer, but he never speaks.

“Have a good day,” she says before turning back to her cart.

As far as social interactions go, it’s not her worst, and when she glances back over her shoulder, he’s watching her, a small smile on his face and something that looks like interest in his eyes.

*

“He’s abandoned us,” Bdubs says on Thursday, so dramatically that Gem can’t help but laugh.

“Who?”

“Who else?” he says, his character pacing. “Etho! He said he’d be online, but he’s not.”

Gem laughs again. “Did you check MCCI?”

“Don’t,” he warns, but there’s humor in his voice. “That’s like kicking me while I’m down.”

“Sorry,” she laughs. “Maybe he overslept.”

“He hasn’t been on all week.”

“Family?” she suggests instead, and Bdubs’ character looks toward the sky.

“No, we’ve been abandoned,” he declares and Gem snorts.

“I’ll let you know if I see him around.”

*

On Friday, Gem goes to the market.

She doesn’t need anything, but ends up buying a punnet of strawberries, a couple of peaches, a bag of clementines, and enough spinach to fuel her current addiction.

It’s busier than normal, maybe now that schools are out for summer, and Gem finds herself getting jostled a few times as she winds her way back toward her car.

She thinks she’s almost free when a young kid, less than ten, darts across her path, tripping her and sending her barreling into a man almost twice her size.

“I’m so sorry,” she apologizes, her free hand shooting out, and the stranger catches her around the waist, stopping her from bouncing off of him to the floor.

She gets a faceful of his deodorant before she can right herself with the man’s help.

“Thank you,” she says when she steps back, finally getting a look at him. “Sorry again.”

But he seems in a hurry, too much to be concerned by the ordeal, because the second she’s back on her feet, he’s turning and heading in the opposite direction.

She watches him go, dazed and confused, but something tickles in the back of her mind as she takes a breath and continues on.

It’s not until she’s halfway home that she realizes she recognizes him.

He was the man from the grocery store a few days prior.

*

Gem’s adjusting Winnie’s harness when another car pulls into the trailhead’s dirt parking lot.

There are two other vehicles there, the occupants already gone, and Gem finds herself watching the new car with casual interest. Her gaze drops briefly to the license plate, and she pauses.

She turns back to Winnie, gesturing for her to sit while she takes a moment to pull out her phone, scrolling through to find her notes.

JEJ 371 — it’s the same car that was outside her house.

Gem doesn’t believe in coincidences, and something sour settles in her stomach.

Without thinking, she unlocks her car again, opening the hatchback.

“In,” she orders Winnie, who’s clearly confused, still expecting to go for a walk.

But Gem’s heart starts to pick up as she hears the sound of a door opening.

“In,” she orders again, and Winnie finally obeys, hopping into Gem’s SUV and whining quietly.

Carefully, she shuts the back, glancing over her shoulder, just in time to see a man climb out of the car behind.

The feeling in her stomach worsens as he catches her gaze.

It’s the stranger from before — from the market, from the grocery store. And now she knows his car was parked directly outside of her house.

She has the strong suspicion that he’s been stalking her, and she needs to leave before she finds out he’s some kind of deranged fan.

She turns away, heading for the driver’s side door. She’ll take Winnie for a walk elsewhere. It doesn’t matter.

“Gem!” a voice calls out behind her and Gem’s hand shakes as she tugs her door open.

She tosses her backpack into the passenger seat, and she’s not sure she’s going to be quick enough as she slides into her seat.

“Hey,” the man says, so much closer now, and when she tries to shut her door, his hand holds it open. “Gem.”

She scrambles blindly for her bag, almost sure she has pepper spray somewhere at the bottom — something her dad had given her way back when, citing an article about polar bears, as though she’d ever have to worry about them where she lives.

“Gem, it’s me,” he says, and despite the panic and fear, she finds herself pausing, staring over at the stranger.

He’s leaning against her door, eyes wide, and it looks as though he’s as terrified as she is.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he says. “Don't call the cops.”

She knows that voice, even though it sounds a little different in person.

She breathes heavily, watching him a moment longer.

“Etho?”

He offers her a tentative smile and it has to be the adrenaline, because her eyes start to water, maybe from the relief that she’s not about to be murdered in the backwoods.

“No,” he says. “Don’t cry, Gem.”

His hand shifts from her door, moving to the side of her face, the touch too tender for someone she doesn’t know — not really. But she leans into it, shutting her eyes and trying to focus on catching her breath.

“Why didn’t you just message me?” she asks, and when she opens her eyes again, he drops his hand away.

“I didn’t know what to say.”

“So you thought this was the best way?”

Etho’s weird on a good day, but this — this is beyond anything she could imagine.

She may not be scared of imminent death, but she’s still scared of the fact he’s done this, that he’s flown all this way, that he knows where she lives and has spent days following her, finding ways to be around her.

It’s not sane. She needs to be careful.

“Etho,” she says softly. “Why are you here?”

“I — ” he says, and then pauses, as though to gather his thoughts. “You — ”

He takes a breath, and then suddenly his hand is back on her face and he’s tilting her head as he leans down to kiss her.

Every thought in Gem’s head comes to an abrupt stop, and she makes a gentle noise against Etho’s mouth.

This was a grand romantic gesture, she realizes. Except that Gem didn’t get the memo beforehand and he did it in the worst way possible.

She never even realized this was on the cards.

She’s still not sure how she feels about the whole thing, but she finds herself shifting in her seat, turning enough to be able to kiss him back.

It’s clear he’s relieved at her response, because he breaks away, resting his forehead against hers.

“This was really fucking stupid, Etho,” she whispers. “You’ve got some explaining to do.”

She feels him nod before he pulls back completely, looking at her again.

She stares openly in return, taking him in finally, and she blows out a breath.

“Bdubs is gonna be so mad,” she finds herself saying. “You stood him up.”

“He’ll survive,” Etho promises, and Gem smiles tentatively.

In the back of the car, Winnie barks, startling both of them, and Gem glances at where her head peeks over the rear seats, her tail thudding against the back window.

She exhales and then meets Etho's eyes again.

“You wanna join us for a hike?” she asks. “You can workshop your apology.”

“To you, or Bdubs?” he asks and Gem snorts.

“Both,” she tells him, and as much as she tries to play it off as a joke, it's clear Etho understands.

His expression is serious as he nods and he takes a step back, out of the doorway, holding out one hand to her.

She isn't trembling as badly as before when she reaches for him, but Etho keeps her steady, squeezing her hand gently like a silent thank you.