i see right through me

Veronica threw on her jacket and grabbed her bag as she rushed out the door. She was running late yet again, but what else was new? She started walking down the street, unfortunately having to rely on her own two feet since her car was in the shop. As she walked by at a brisk pace, she was unable to stop in her tracks and the momentum carried her into another person. Veronica reached out to steady them and then noticed they dropped something on the ground as they collided. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. Here. Let me get that,” she said, leaning down to pick up the item. She glanced at it to make sure it wasn’t broken and then handed it back to them. “Are you okay?” 

          Gemma had hoped that this day wouldn’t come, public presentations bad enough in high school when nothing more than a grade had been riding on her performance, but now a substantial grant for the aquarium was in her hand entirely. Caught up in her thoughts and attempting to gloss over her notes, she barely noticed another figure coming into her path before they were both stumbling over each other. A little yelp escaping her as she lost grip on her folder, she watched in dismay -- ready for it to fly away with the wind or be run over, only for it to be picked up by the other woman. “Oh! I’m fine -- are you?” Embarrassment flooded her features, an apologetic smile crossing her lips as she took her presentation folder back gratefully. “No worries, I completely tuned out of reality and it’s entirely my fault. Thank you though, for rescuing my papers.”

Logan had discovered long ago that he wasn’t the party type. Which wasn’t to say he didn’t enjoy Galas and large events that left him in suits and fancy shoes well past dawn. Just that his social meter depleted far too quickly at such things — it was all shallow conversation and repeat sentences. He couldn’t forget his own name even if he tried, just for the sake of introduction after introduction. But this? A small setting with people he knows and trusts and enjoys the company of? Logan could make this a habit. Wanted to make it a habit. “Oh, no,” he shook his head with a small laugh, charmed. “You looked remarkable even in those.” It struck him, then, how flawless Gemma could look in something as plain as shorts and a tshirt. People didn’t need to get dressed up — feeling comfortable was far more attractive than feeling out of place. Logan didn’t need a show. He was a simple man when it came to things like that.

 “Tryin’ to get rid of me that easily, huh?” his grin turns lopsided, joking. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to put up with me for the entire night. Shelby’s with some of her siblings. One of the owners was nice enough to house the pups for people who were going out. I’ve been told they’ll be spoiled rotten into the New Year.” Logan holds out his hand then, motioning to a table at the far end of the space, closest to the beach. The bar and dj booth were closest to the patio of the small restaurant, and a tv that housed a fairly new looking flat screen was running Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve. Overhead lights were strung in patterns over their head, illuminating the small dance floor and patio. “Our tables just over here. We can sit and talk and order or if you’re willing – ” his grin turns somewhat apologetic, “we can dance for a bit. I’m not arrogant enough to admit that I’m not very good at it, but if you’d like, I’m up for it.”

          There’d been a temptation to latch onto the idea of them being friends, a solid, effortless form of knowing someone that wasn’t as daunting as admitting to the fact that she might have started developing feelings for the man in front of her. Remarkable -- the word catches her off guard, a soft smile crossing flushed cheeks. But before she knows it, she’s transported back into her head, walls instinctively rising and the need to correct him building. But the word comes with the same earnestness as when he’d attempted to convince her of the strength of simply trying, and Gemma finds that she can’t find a rebuttal that might gain traction. At least not without admitting to past mistakes she’s always held back from confiding to another soul. Maybe, with time -- but those are wounds she’s not keen to revisit, especially not on a night where they’re celebrating new beginning -- and Gemma knows theirs is fragile, no matter how easily their past encounters have gone. 

         This is not a party where she feels the need to skirt along the edges, unsure of where her place is or how to fit in. It’s intimate; warm and welcoming even if she doesn’t know most of the people here. Funny when escaping a party was how they’d become reacquainted, each having sought something outside the confines of the casino. Perhaps not for the same reasons, but it’s clear that this is much closer to Logan’s comfort zone too. Though she has to admit that there’d been a security in his company even back then. Lips quirk up in surprise, a small chuckle escaping her at how swiftly ( and effectively ) he’d pushed aside her worries. “Nah, I think you’re alright sticking around a bit longer.” Or a lot longer, although she supposes that this date will show if she’s wrong in that thought. “The entire night, huh?” An eyebrow raises, unable to stop her lips from curving upwards in a return of his grin. “But I’m glad they’re being spoiled rotten -- they don’t deserve anything less.” Her decision comes easily, glancing at the twinkling lights hanging over the dance floor as her hand reaches to take his and she starts to move towards it. “Well, now I’ve got to see those supposedly non-existent moves. I promise I won’t hold a stubbed toe against you. Besides, you’re in luck because I might have some idea of what I’m doing -- so you might not be a completely lost case.” 

DATE: december 29th LOCATION: noah sinclair’s residence @nhsinclair​

          Sunday dinners had become a sort of tradition thanks to Noah’s insistence on upholding some time reserved for family, one that she was enormously grateful for. After all, it was family that she’d moved to Santa Monica for, after nearly a decade of traveling in an attempt to find herself having come to the realization that she couldn’t keep running from the people she held most dear. Although they’d still met up then, holidays and birthdays aside, she’d found that she wanted to be a part of their lives more fully than what had been allowed to her in the past. And despite all of the hardships that had struck them, she was finally feeling like she was getting a chance to do so for good. 

         It had torn at the edges slightly, the reveal of Noah’s true heritage rattling her deeper than she’d managed to put to words -- and perhaps the unsettling fear of being replaced was unwarranted, but it had crept up on her all the same. ( After all -- she hadn’t been wanted by him as a child, who was to say he wouldn’t discover the reason why was because he had better siblings he simply didn’t know about yet? ) But she’d done everything in her power to push those thoughts to the back of her mind and instead embrace what this meant; a new set of siblings, a chance of uncovering more about who they were. Most importantly, she refused to not stand by Noah as they navigated this new state of being, especially given how wounded and vulnerable her brother had seemed upon first discovery of their parent’s secrets. 

Truth be told, Logan can’t remember the last time he’d been on a date. Or if he’d actually ever been on one in his life. His bet was on the latter. Attachment was something he’d convinced himself he didn’t need. If his parents hadn’t needed him, then he wouldn’t be needed by anyone and wouldn’t need someone else in return. You can’t lose something if you never let yourself have it in the first place. Now, though, he was beginning to second guess that lifestyle. Perhaps it had come from a place of pain. Of abandonment. Maybe… maybe he had been wrong. Because Gemma — she made him feel things. Amusement. Joy. Protectiveness. Endearment. Nerves.

He’s fidgeting for the first time in his life. Thumb brushing against a ring around his finger as he wades through the crowd. The small cabana party was a private invitation, one handed out by a regular customer at the garage and something Logan couldn’t pass up. Originally planning to attend solo, the mechanic is more than thankful he’d invited the other — she’s stunning. “Hey,” he manages to get out, grin prominent. “Happy New Year to you too.” And then for a moment he’s speechless. Logan doesn’t mean to, but his eyes wander briefly before his mouth opens, only to close a moment later. “I, uh… you look amazing.”

          Amongst girls in stiletto heels and glittery dresses, giggling and tipsy with the rush of alcohol in their veins, she’s certain that she’d be easy to miss. She’d been them once, attempting to drown out the feelings of inadequacy and loss with the hope that belonging would settle in. It never had, each act of naive teenage rebellion only sending her spiraling into a place it had taken her years to recover from, and it’s holidays like this one that bring with it the bitter sting of memories. But the way his eyes take her in is unmistakable, a flush coating her cheeks at his expression and she’s never felt as wanted. Had it been anyone else, it would have sent a chill of unease, but instead, there’s only a steady sense of warmth. Gemma isn’t quite sure why she trusts him as much as she does, but it’s there. Granted almost implicitly, even if it comes with a fragile hesitation. 

         “Better than the hiking boots?” She says finally, a small smile etching on her lips in the hopes that the nervousness coating her veins isn’t as evident as it feels. “...You do too though. Thank you for inviting me to this.” The words come softer, eyes darting up to meet his. He seems all too capable of that, leaving her tongue-tied or confiding too much, and it invigorates her and terrifies her in equal measure. “Is Shelby alright on her own? I know how it is with fireworks and loud noises... and I completely understand if you need to leave early.” She doesn’t know why she’s giving him an excuse to leave ( or maybe she does, the tendency to self-sabotage not yet entirely unlearned. ) But even so, the concern is genuine, the little German Shepard having worked her way into her heart and her company missed even if Logan’s company is more than welcome on its own.

“You ever get barfed on three times in one day?” He asked the person sitting next to him in the bar. “The last time it happened to me was when my son was a baby. Today it happened again and now I’m seriously reconsidering my career choice to work with sick people.”

          “Umm... I can’t say that I have. But I do sometimes have to feed fish guts to sea otters -- and as cute as they are, it’s not an exactly pleasant experience.” Her lips tilt up in a slight smile -- hoping that she’s not being presumptuous. “But you love it -- don’t you?” It’s why she’d stuck with her job, the rewards of doing something meaningful and impactful truly outweighing the parts she wished to erase.

open starter : ocean view park 

“ it’s a beautiful day, isn’t it? ” hayden began, swiping at his forehead with the back of his sleeve. he had stopped making new years resolutions when he found an entire patch of grey hair on his head, but he knew he needed to get more exercise than just running after a three year old all day. and it was a beautiful day in the park, even if he was desperately trying to catch his breath. “ weather forecast said it might rain, but - ” he peered up at the clear blue skies through the thicket of trees, “ - seems like a perfect morning to me. ”

          the swift nod that came in response to the man’s question couldn’t be contained, a bright smile spreading over her lips as she took in the park. a whisper of a breeze made leaves dance, bright sunlight filtering through the trees, a day that would have almost passed for summer had they been in a state where sunshine wasn’t as readily expected. “sometimes i really wonder how accurate those weather forecasts are. there’s not even a cloud in the sky.” often she walked by the beach, but on days where she wasn’t working -- gemma had taken to exploring the rest of santa monica, figuring that she might as well get to know her new hometown more. “are you enjoying your run?”

DATE: december 29th LOCATION: noah sinclair’s residence @nhsinclair​

          Sunday dinners had become a sort of tradition thanks to Noah’s insistence on upholding some time reserved for family, one that she was enormously grateful for. After all, it was family that she’d moved to Santa Monica for, after nearly a decade of travelling in an attempt to find herself having come to the realization that she couldn’t keep running from the people she held most dear. Although they met up, holidays and birthdays aside, she’d found that she wanted to be a part of their lives more fully than what had been allowed to her in the past. And despite all of the hardships that had struck them, she was finally feeling like she was getting a chance to do so for good. 

         Noah had told her briefly about Kaden during the disaster that had become Casino night, but back then she’d simply been his ‘mystery date’ and Gemma had been left guessing at how serious they would become. But it was her first glimpse at being able to be fully present in her older brother’s life. Back in High School, caved in by grief so deep that she’d tried to numb it completely, she’d done everything she could to remove herself from her older brother, certain that he hadn’t wanted her in his life to begin with. But with it, she’d missed watching him fall in love, and had been at the very root of the collapse of his first marriage. While it haunted her still, the holidays had brought their very own gift; a chance to perhaps do it all over, with old secrets exposed and them seemingly on the road to recovery from it, and the precense of the woman had become a highlight of their holiday plans. 

DATE: new year’s eve LOCATION: near santa monica pier @loganlancaster​

          It’s been a while since she was on a date. Or at least one where she genuinely cared about the outcome. Truth be told, she’s probably been avoiding it. What had started out simply as her obeying methods of keeping sobriety ( the first year of recovery needing to be free of any romantic entanglements ) had become a genuine fear of attachment -- of allowing someone close enough to see all the flaws she so carefully tried to mask. But try as she might, and god had she attempted to persuade herself otherwise, Logan had charmed her. The sincerity, the ease of their last encounters, the smile ( one that danced in his eyes and made him look so much happier than he had when they’d first met. ) There was what he’d said to her too, words that had left her feeling safe, comforted, and perhaps even understood. So she found herself here, with a faint flutter of nerves coursing through her stomach, nervous, hopeful. 

Seren could think of ten solid different reasons why people didn’t talk to therapists right off the bat - or ever for that matter. People say they would rather talk to their friends, or they don’t feel comfortable talking to a complete stranger, they don’t have the time or it costs too much money. Seren never judged these reasons, mostly because it spoke volumes that someone wasn’t ready to talk, and Seren wasn’t about to force anyone to spill their guts to her. Also, a few of those reasons made a lot of sense. That’s why Relive was cost effected. She wanted anyone to and everyone to have access to the health practice that fits their needs.

Though, really, that wasn’t the point to therapy and the point most people missed. Yes, she was someone a person could talk to when they felt like they couldn’t turn to anyone else. She was there to listen, she was there to not judge, she was there as an advisor and to help guide someone when they were feeling lost. In that same vein of thought, the general public have it wrong when they praise therapists when it’s really the patients who are doing all of the hard lifting; they make all of their own decisions. Just as Gemma Sinclair did today.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Gemma. I’m Seren, and that’s alright. I’m easy to startle,” Seren gives the blonde a reassuring wink before moves to a corner of the room where a mini fridge was placed, and beings putting together their beverages. “It’s alright,” She says again while meaning it, and gives a gentle wave of dismissal. “I don’t think my assistant is out in the waiting room. I believe she went to the cafe. You can walk in whenever. My door is always open. Literally.” There’s no malice or annoyance in her voice. Only genuine honesty. On top sat a small coffee maker, a kettle and of course a variety of coffees. Though, there was only one type of tea that she had. Lemon Balm, to be exact. It had a natural mint flavor with a slight taste of lemon. It never failed to put someones nervous tensions at ease. 

While waiting for the water to boil, Seren looks back at Gemma to find her own eyes take a look around the room. It was a little staged, yes. Seren always tried to bring a sense of calm to the room. But there were hints of comfortability - and familiarity, actually. Things most would see in their own homes. Half finished candles, stacks of books, plants - a hand full of that were on the verge of overgrowth. Depending on the paitent who came in, Seren would bring Balim along, if they enjoyed the company of a rather large and overly friendly feline purring on their lap. “In your form that you submitted, it says you’re ten years sober. Congratulations, that’s amazing.” Seren says, bringing the attention to Gemma.

          A soft smile blooms on her lips at the other woman’s introduction, small but entirely genuine. “It’s nice to meet you as well, Seren.” And it was. Perhaps it shouldn’t be surprising that she felt at ease in a place so specifically designed for therapy, but it often took her longer to warm up to a space, to new people. But there was something about Relive that stuck out, a personal touch that was often missing from other clinics, and Gemma felt as though she could sense the heart and love that had gone into creating it. Although she’d been in similar situations dozens of times before, it was never quite the same, and there were times when it had taken her far longer to get over the initial bouts of nervousness ( even if she knew they’d no doubt return once the small talk ceased. )

         “Thank you, I’m sure I’ll be coming by a lot. Relive is beautiful.” There was a note of admiration in her voice, the very thought of the woman pursuing mental health and building up her own company based around helping others a notion that had struck Gemma from the very start. It spoke to her heart, to her intentions, and her courage. She knew she herself would be incapable of helping others mend themselves, but she understood the desire. It’s what had led her to marine conservation, and the creatures that were under her own care. “Did you design all of this yourself?” 

         The form. How many secrets had she spilled within those pages? Not just for Seren, but for all the other therapists who had become the guardians of her most vulnerable moments. One had to bear oneself completely in order to get the most out of therapy, and although Gemma had struggled with voicing everything that she still struggled with, it was good too have just one person who knew the complexity of it all and wouldn’t be one to judge. To some degree, it was terrifying to her, a rush of renewed panic threatening to overtake that was only settled by the woman’s gentle tones and the genuine acknowledgment of an accomplishment. As if she was already attempting to build Gemma up, not dig into her flaws. It spoke to the kind of person she’d be, how she approached healing, and after ten years -- Gemma had learned to weed out the people who would aid her in her journey from those who were not the right fit.

“It is, but that’s business. It’ll all work itself out and be worth it in the end.” At least she hoped it would be considering the fact that she’d poured so much time into all of this. “It does, but I’m hoping that eventually my bartenders Jason or Phobe will take over as management and it’ll free my hands up from one business. Well at least somewhat.” She wouldn’t have to cover all the time and constantly do the schedules for everyone or listen to their every want and need. At least she hoped she wouldn’t have to do all the extras once again. “Promise I won’t.” Putting both her hands up to let her know that she wouldn’t be working too hard. “That’s understandable. I have to say it’s been a while since I’ve seen snow. Have you ever seen it?” She asked curiously to Gemma. “Oh I will totally stop by and take a relaxing day with the animals. There’s nothing that I love more than animals. Tell me who is your favorite?” Giving a soft laugh as she asked for Gemma to tell her favorite.

“Here’s hoping.” Lifting up her beer to Gemma and she gave a smile. “Three? That’s quite a big number for me. I guess I should count myself lucky to have all of these new friends.” Laughing softly at her own words, she was happy to have the chance to not only get to know Noah, but his siblings. In a way it made her feel more connected to Noah and his life that she’d spent the past twenty-eight years missing out on. “Friends it is.” Repeating Gemma’s words, she gave a soft nod. “This all does sound a little crazy doesn’t it? At least we have each other to talk about this crazy mess.” She was happy to have Gemma there to talk to and help her process all the emotions she was feeling from this. “We are strangers, but we don’t have to be. Your family sounds really nice. Do you still have contact with both of them?” She asked softly. She would have loved to have a functional family, but Alex knew it was a long shot at this point. Any hope she had of a normal and functional family was long gone. “I mean I knew his name was Noah. I didn’t have to be blind. Clearly Mara wasn’t blind like the rest of us.” Shaking her head disapprovingly, she had to admit that she was upset that this all had just got by her. “Thank you for saying that. All of it actually. It’s really nice to talk to someone about this and get it out.” She admitted to her. “I’m really glad that you sat down with me today. Seriously this was more needed than I realized. I’m glad to have you as a friend.”

          “And you’ll be able to say that you built it from the ground up. Which is incredible.” Although Gemma never pictured herself running the aquarium or founding something of her own -- she could see the appeal of working for yourself. Even with all the effort and struggle associated with it. “That’s good, I hope they’ll be ready to take some of the burdens off your back soon.” She knew that the holidays in themselves could become overwhelming -- and with businesses like Alex’s, she could imagine that the pressure only grew as the New Year approached. “We grew up in Washington D.C. -- so there was a ton of it around, especially this time of year.” A soft smile grew on her lips at the memories, head tilting curiously at the other girl. “How about you? Did your family have snow growing up?” At the interest in her animals, Gemma couldn’t help the spark of enthusiasm that grew in her tone. “We’ve got a red octopus right now -- she’s so smart and is constantly trying to cause mischief. The little kids love her because she blends in so well with her surroundings that it’s always a little scavenger hunt for them to find her. But honestly -- I love them all, and I think we’re planning to expand next year, so hopefully, we’ll get a lot more animals for people to learn about.” 

         A soft chuckle escaped her breath, “Really? Considering how many new siblings we’re getting, I wouldn’t have thought three was a lot.” But perhaps all family ties weren’t as close as theirs was -- and even then, she knew that her relationship, to Noah especially, had been rocky before they’d worked on mending it to where they were now. “It’s good being with someone who’s going through it all too. It’s been a bit difficult... trying to figure all of this out on my own.” Of course, she had Noah, but his pain far outweighed hers, and Gemma knew that she had to be a source of comfort and familiarity for him. There was a comfort in being able to share this with someone else, and a thankful smile was extended towards the other girl at the acceptance of friendship. “Uhh... they -- actually passed away when we were younger. But they... they really were, we were lucky.” It’d been a while since the topic had come up, and the words hung heavy on Gemma’s tongue. Funny, you’d think after all this time, she would have gotten used to the revelation, would have found a way of saying it that made it hurt less. “The world’s a big place, there are many Noah’s. It could have just been one of those weird coincidences.” There was a soft insistence in her voice, not wanting to place blame on someone she’d just met for not putting together the pieces. In truth, she probably wouldn’t have either ( and even if she’d have come close, if Gemma was in Alex’s position, she didn’t know if she’d have even wanted to realize it. ) “Thank you as well -- I... I wasn’t sure what to expect when I found out, or even when I approached you, but I’m glad to have you as well.” What she’d expected to be a painfully awkward conversation had turned into the opposite, something she knew she had to count herself as lucky for. 

Location: Ice Rink.

Marco had no idea what he was even doing there, not really, because ice skating was not his forte. He hadn’t had much time for holiday activities, most of his time spent in the kitchen and catering to Christmas parties in the restaurant. Any down time was usually reserved for sleeping. Today, however, he’d given himself some time off. He was sitting on one of the benches, in the process of fastening his skates ready to hit the ice, when he glanced to the person beside him. “If I fall on you, I apologise in advance…”

           Missing snow was commonplace for Gemma whenever she moved somewhere where none could be found over winter. The season not quite the same without a frosty bite to the air, and it had taken little more than Marco admitting to not knowing how to ice-skate for her to drag him to the rink. “C’mon -- I will not let you fall! Or at least... not much.” In any case, she knew he could do with a couple of laughs and something to pull him out of the frenzy work had him in, especially when he was also found the time to occasionally offer guidance when it came to her own job at Heal the Bay. “But it’s not the holidays without a little snow -- and this is the best I could manage. It’s fun -- I promise!”

“So you got any plans for New Year? I’m trying to figure out what to do with my night.”

            “Honestly -- no clue at the moment.” Her brow furrowed, wondering how the holiday could have snuck up on her that quickly. “I’ll probably make some resolutions and spend the day at the Aquarium. I’m not really one for parties, but I bet there’s a lot of stuff going on around here for New Years that you can check out.” 

         “Baked goods are a huge hit during the holidays. We’ve pretty much sold out before closing every day this week. I’m exhausted.” She took a drink of her beer, turning to the person next to her. “Thinking I need a vacation–if you could go anywhere in the world right now where would you go? Or where’ve you been that you’d love to go back to?”

          “I bet -- that’s because all of your baked goods are delicious. Honestly, I have to stop myself from coming back for seconds on a daily basis.” A small smile lifted her lips, the scent that always enveloped her upon entry of Get Baked one that was all too tempting, and she knew that it must be the same for dozens more. “Mhm... anywhere with snow. It’s not really the holidays without it.” Her nose crinkled at the memory of growing up in Washington D.C. and how everything had felt magical at the first hint of a snowfall. Even despite the icy weather -- it had never felt the same whenever she was somewhere without the chance of a snow-covered holiday season. “I mean... snowball fights? Skiing? How do people survive a winter that feels like fall?”

         Part of him felt weak for showing this kind of fragility, to have his walls break down in front of one of the two only people in the world he had to be strong for. Crying for a parent at their funeral was a different sort compared to a full on break down. But as she was holding him, he noticed himself clinging to her arm almost immediately – as if it were natural. It was a trusted feeling, the smell of her perfume as his face was buried in her neck and the vibration of a voice as she spoke, reminding him of their mother’s consolation when he was a child. A sensation that he was sure Gemma herself could familiarise herself with. 

        Allowing her words to reach within, he forced himself to just listen, and do only that. Think about each word she whispered to him and knew from the tone of her voice that she was not lying. It still felt wrong to him, that what he was, was from what was in his spirit, not his blood. Looking at his blood, he was the product of adultery and lies. But in spirit… He knew he mattered there. Perhaps all of this was just a test, a trial he had to pass. In the end he’d be stronger for it, wasn’t that how it worked?

        “You promise?” He managed to utter, slightly moving his head so that his speech was more distinct. Sometimes it was a mystery to him as to why the twins were still around. Taking them in for those few years until they left for their studies was nowhere near enough to all those years he treated them like they were unwanted. If blood had any say in who a person was, they definitely had something good inherited from their father. 

        Never before had she gotten a chance to show Noah that she could ( and would ) protect him with her entire heart. It wasn’t something she continually thought about, but there was the regret that she hadn’t been capable of supporting him after his divorce and apologizing for being a factor in it, hadn’t fully felt able to be there for him after his second serious relationship had ended too. Although she never would have wished for more pain and heartache to come his way, Gemma was grateful that this time around, she could offer some comfort and that he trusted her enough to be so vulnerable in front of her.

        Even if he hadn’t been there for them during their childhood, she knew that neither Jasper or her held it against Noah now -- especially when he’d made such an effort to show them that he would do anything to protect them after their parents both passed. In the wake of her recovery, he’d been one of the few people who could remind her of who she’d once been, and she promised herself to do the same now that he might need a reminder.

        Logan grins yet again (or has it been just one long grin?) and nods his head. “No problem. It’s usually somethin’ I do at the end of the week, anyways. I’m glad for the company.” Which is a surprise to him because he usually doesn’t — this is entirely different and yet exactly the same. A weird contradiction. “Yeah, well, she certainly eats enough for the two of us,” Logan jokes before he lets out a loose shrug. “Occasionally,” he answers in truth. “They’re all still in the area so we’ve talked about upping the number of family days for them at the dog park.” Patting Shelby’s side gently, Logan cooed his companion. The young German Shepherd had been a puppy full of energy, still even more so. They’d just recently finished learning how to walk on a leash, a feat Shelby prided herself on by sticking right next to Logan’s side. “Most definitely. If not in energy then in intelligence. She’s too smart for her own good sometimes.”

        He nods. People did take things for granted, the planet they live on being one of them. But also interactions. Logan knows damn well this — the hike with company — wouldn’t have happened as easily back in Colorado. He’d bunkered there, abandonment a driving factor to his isolation. “Once,” he nods. “It really is something. Takes a bit to get there if you don’t fly – about 11 and a half hours, but it was a fun road trip.” There’s a momentary flash of him behind the wheel, Shelby in the back and Gemma in the passenger seat. The windows are down and they’re laughing and it’s the most carefree he’s felt in some time — but it’s a flicker that fades almost as quickly as it had manifested. “Really puts things into perspective when you’re standin’ next to one of ‘em. The entire forest, even. Seems like it was grown for somethin’ much bigger and more deserving than us.”

        It seems to be something incredibly personal he’s uncovered. The compliment had seemed simple enough (he hadn’t meant it to be simple) but there’s something more to her response. There’s history there. And something he cannot quite put his finger on. An emotion he can see shift across her face but yet doesn’t have a name for. “You’re… you’re doing more than most,” comes his input, eyes staying dead ahead for a moment before they flick briefly to her. A small smile graces his lips, one of encouragement. “Lots of people lose their way every once and a while. It speaks volumes of who you are that you wanted to find your way back.” It’s strange to him, this sudden need and impulse to comfort and support and encourage. “Not many people would have that…” he pauses again, brain searching for the right word. “Strength,” he finally decides on. 

         It’s been a while since she’s felt this level of comfort. Too often conversations grow stagnant, but even if they were to walk in silence, Gemma has the distinct feeling that it would be a pleasant one, especially with the little pup trodding at their heels. “Well, if you and Shelby are ever looking for more company on those hikes -- I might be persuaded to join. Although I would have to show you some of my favorite beaches -- I bet this little one would love splashing around in the ocean. Isn’t that right, Shelby?” A bright smile turns towards the German Shepard, as if expecting an answer. It turns into a burst of laughter at the image of her wolfing down her meals, an eyebrow raising in Logan’s direction. “Well, you’re the one taking her on all these hikes, you can’t expect her to not be ravenous after. She’s a growing girl! But that’s sweet that you guys do that. I bet they love hanging out together.” It’s abundantly evident how much Logan cares for the puppy, and how much she trusts him in turn -- and she wouldn’t hesitate to say that Shelby was by far the most well-behaved puppy she’d met. “Oh? Sounds like there’s a story there.” 

         “11 and a half hours? That’s quite the journey. And here I was thinking you were all about the endings.” She jests, a glimmer of amusement sparking in her eyes. “Did you go by yourself?” He’d never struck her as the kind to seek out company -- something she could understand. Admittedly, all of her travels had taken her to new places, but Gemma had left before she had a chance to form concrete connections. Perhaps it’s a sign that she’s different now that making her way alone doesn’t appeal to her quite as much anymore, and she wonders if it’s the same for Logan. “Although I suppose it’d be closer from here. I’ll have to make the trip one day. Maybe take in Yosemite along the way...” She has to bite her tongue before the instinct to ask Logan if he’d want to reexplore the area takes over. They’ve only just become reacquainted, surely it couldn’t be that easy to connect with someone. “They’re ancient too, right? Seen and lived through so much more than we could ever hope to experience in a lifetime. Honestly, I think we could all do with whatever existential crisis comes from just being in their midst.” Although she never went quite as far as to make people question their place in the universe, Gemma hoped that she was at least raising some concerns to the people she led through Heal the Bay, ones that they’d take with them even after they left. “So why move to Santa Monica?” The question comes out of the blue, before she can filter it out. But it’s been stuck in the back of her mind that where they are now doesn’t exactly seem to fit. Not with where he’s taken her, not with Colorado, and she wonders what had led him here. 

          Perhaps she’s more vulnerable in the midst of nature, or maybe it’s just him. An odd tightening registers in her chest and it wouldn’t be too much to say that she’s momentarily rendered speechless for the second time in mere minutes. Too often people speak out compliments that they don’t mean, offer false sympathies and encouragement -- but, just as before, there’s not a doubt in her mind that he’s not being sincere. Perhaps that’s naive, but she feels warm, protected, safe. “Maybe... I try, at least.” But even so, there’s a lingering doubt. After all, how can she be strong when she knows how easily she’s crumbled in the past? And with Noah and her father, even Jasper, to look up to, she’d have to admit that they are far better examples of pillars of strength than she could ever be. “Have you ever... lost your way, I mean?” Perhaps in part, the question comes so they’ll be on equal footing again, although she worries that she might be overstepping. Normally she’s not one to pry into other people’s affairs, but there’s a larger part of her that wants to know more about Logan. Dig beneath the surface and see what has shaped him -- the intensity of the feeling taking her aback.

          “I’m thinking about doing a paint and wine class for holiday pieces. What do you think?” Turning towards the person next to her and she continued to ramble on before they could get a word in. “I think it might help get everyone into the holiday spirits. We could do different paintings and get drunk. Everyone loves to paint drunk, right? Would you be interested in doing a class with me? Obviously with me as the teacher, but still I’ll be there.” 

          “Oh -- that sounds like a ton of fun!” Features turn up in a grin, already picturing the activity -- along with the potential chaos of mixing drunk people with paint. “I’m sure they do -- plus, they might be less worried about how their paintings will turn out, so they can really get into it. And there’s definitely a lack of ‘adult’ Christmas activities, so it sounds like an awesome idea!” A note of discomfort ran through her, the proposition of turning up somewhere where she’d be surrounded by drinks one that still brought about a level of unease. “Umm... well, as long as there’s hot cider or cocoa, count me in. I don’t drink but it definitely sounds awesome even without the alcohol. I know I could use some last-minute cards.”