By the time Alex had been put down for the night, Gabriel washungry and exhausted and drained, pretty much ready to call it a night forhimself. He was getting ready to say his goodbyes and head home when Gema askedto speak with him. The request had surprised him and he was half tempted todecline, given the way the rest of the day had gone, but decided to hear whatshe had to say all the same. With the way she started off the conversation,Gabriel literally had to will himself to sit still and quiet himself, lettingher say whatever it was she had to say without interruption, though there werea couple of instances it literally pained him to stay calm and not interruptuntil the end of her speech. He sat up in his seat, warily ignoring the sharppain in his side, his pains having worn off a couple of hours earlier. Gabrielwas always thoughtful before he spoke; this time was no different other thanhim being careful to exercise degrees of restraint. He felt much of what hadbeen said was fairly expressed, but there were a couple of points of interestthat had been brought up he could not, not speak on.Feeling like a fish out of water as his gaze skimmed hissurroundings, a place where he once found comfort and yet now seemed regretfullyunfamiliar, he coughed and cleared his throat before he did finally speak,letting his bottom lip peel away from his teeth.
“Well, that’s a lot to addressat once, but I’ll do my best,” he started; leaning forward a bit in the low-seatedcoach, pain settling in his bones, he tried to get as comfortable as he could. Holding her features in his sea blue gaze, he continued. “ Before I take myturn to say my peace, I also would like to apologize if I said or did somethinginsensitive to you, whatever wrongs I’ve done as well. You’ve alreadyapologized for some things so what I’m going to say may or may not seemirrelevant to you, but they still need to be said. That being the case, I toldyou I’m not in a good place. I’m not a confrontational person. never have been.I suppress things rather than argue or debate right or wrong, that’s how I am.That may or may not come across as I don’t care or I’m blowing you off when I’msimply protecting myself and my energy, yours as well. Your offer to help andsupport aren’t lost on me, I just don’t know what that looks like right now.Like you said, we’re only hours into this thing. It’s not that I’m sayingno to your offer, it’s that I’m not in a place to accept yet, but I’m gettingthere…Repeating myself might be frustrating to you but it’s for my benefitand not your own. I need to remind myself sometimes. That I’m getting better, Imean. But anyway, thank you, thanks all the same. I accept and hopefullyyou can find a way to be patient with me while I figure things out…” he paused,letting out another nervous cough, feeling like he needed to give a betterexplanation since it seemed like not being able to open open just yet was beingtaken a way he hadn’t intended.
“To better explain, I mean, I have someemotional issues that pre-empt my desire to accept help and support, so I’mworking through some things, that’s all I can tell you right now.”He paused for a beat to get to his feet, pacing for a fewseconds, pulling his thoughts together before he went on. “I say this with careand respect…I don’t appreciate my wordsbeing taken out of context. I never threatened you. I never said you don’t havea say with our son. Yes, I said something will be worked out, but a threat?Sorry, I can’t accept that and I’m kind of disappointed by the picture that’sbeing painted here of me,” he said, closing his hands together bringing hisshoulders up slightly.
“I just would like to think you know my character wellenough to know I don’t operate that way. As far as my choices for how I chooseto provide for our son, yea, you don’t have a say so. I’ll stand by that alldamn day. Again to be clear, I’m talking about my choices for providing carefor our son, which has absolutely nothing to do with you. Regardless of whatterms we’re on, I have a right to care for him, period and no you don’t have asay in that. Accepting what I offered you as his mother, is another storyaltogether. The offer still stands, take all the time you want to think aboutit, I have no issue with that and I’m definitely not angry about it.” Forwhatever reason, being viewed as an angry, insensitive person bothered him morethan anything else. “The comment wasn’t made in judgment. I was simply trying toprovide an out for you. How can I judge what I don’t know or understand? Again,not my intent.” Walking back to the sofa he took a seat, then looked up to findher gaze again. “That’s probably the most I’ve head you speak about yourfather, obviously I didn’t know offering to help you would trigger feelings foryou. I’m sorry about what he did to you, about the abuse and everything youendured, truly… but I’m not Mitch, Gema. I’m not here to play those gameswith you.”
It was completely possible that he’d misinterpreted her intent withthe reference with her father, but even the slightest comparison made himuneasy. “I’m not acting any kind of way other than compliant. Iknow what you suggested in terms of visits and what not. Of course I’m anxiousand want to be with my kid as much as I can, this is new for me too, not like Iwas expecting to have dinner with my one year old kid when I woke up thismorning, you know? I’ll work with what you offered and suggested as bestI can while we’re getting to know one another and become more comfortable witheach other, I’d actually prefer that to be in a setting he’s familiar with andI never said any different, so no, I won’t accept being madeout to be non compliant or angry…this is me communicating with you like youasked. Communicating doesn’t require us to agree with one another all the time,but let’s at least be fair and open minded with one another. Can we do that,please?”
They had already apologized to one another at this point so inthat spirit, he saw no purpose in going back and forth about who’d been morehurtful to who and what order. However, if it meant they were headed towardsome sort of semblance of peace, he didn’t have an issue owning his part in it.“Sorry you felt that way,” he repeated. “That goes both ways, Gema, no onelikes being treated poorly, I think we have that covered with apologies bothways, so my goal today and every day is to be better than I was the day before.I’m human, I fuck up. I do better and move on. Hopefully we can move on fromhere and do better by each other.” They clearly had their problems and issues towork through but he would never deny the fact that she’d been there for theirson, when he couldn’t be around, towing the line on her own. “That’s true, youdeserve all the credit, but I’m here now, give me that same chance is all Iask.“
As he began his reply to her speaking from the heart, trying to be as open and communicative with him as possible, Gema offered him the same respect he gave her. She listened, in entirety, before attempting any sort of reply. Swallowing hard, shoulders slumped, the brunette didn’t like the place she was in currently. Life had always been hard but she was so tired of it running her down at any given opportunity and this all just made her wish that someday someone would really care to see her. She wiped a tear that rolled down her cheek with a swipe of her fingers, head angled down and looking away as she thought before speaking. It had been an emotional day and she felt like she had been rundown more than anything else and that was shocking considering she had been nothing but heart but everything said and done had been completely skewed. Gema felt foolish and felt way too vulnerable at the moment, she had never expected to be at odds with Gabriel or for him to feel so intent on misinterpreting her. Even when she tried to clarify it seemed that was taken wrong as well, but she wanted to fix things and for things to be much different between them than they were now.
“I, umm —” The brunette began, taking a breath and rubbing her lips together before she lifted her eyes to meet his. “I understand you’re not in a good place and I’m sorry if you feel I somehow disregarded that. I want to assure that I haven’t. Again, all I want is to help and be there for you if I can. I’m not, I’m not —” She cleared her throat and shifted her eyes off him for a moment. “I’m not exactly great either but nothing about me matters, I have to shove aside everything for Alex, and I wouldn’t dream of putting myself before him but I’m doing the best I can and I hope you can accept that. I’m only human too and I make mistakes and say the wrong things, not meaning them or just not getting the words right. I know that’s frustrating but I hope for patience and understanding as well.” Gema pushed a little smile as she looked at him.
“I don’t want to beat a dead horse, but I do need to clarify something — I never compared you to my father. You’re a million times different than him and I would never disrespect you in that way. He’s a horrible piece of shit, and it wasn’t triggering you making an offer to support me. I tried to explain earlier that it just took me off guard because I’m not used to anyone ever trying to help me. There’s a reason why I don’t talk about the way I was raised and that’s because I wasn’t. I won’t get into the nastiness of it now but you don’t owe me an apology for what I went through. Just please — be patient with me. The curve is very sharp for me.” Just those moments of thinking of Mitch and some flashbacks filling her head with having to be on this topic were cause for her to wipe her cheeks again. The racist rants she endured, the times he hit her, the fact that when at eleven she whined about being hungry so he threw a can of soup at her — she was raised in the wild in some aspects. All love and care died with her mom when she was nine years old. She let out a heavy breath before shaking her head and pulling herself together, a trip down memory lane wasn’t what she wanted.
“I also want to say, I didn’t take your words out of context, but I can agree that it seems I mistook your intent. Just like you mistook all of mine. The thing is, if it has to do with Alex then it has to do with me, no matter what you say. You’re his father, yes, and in no way shape or form am I trying to keep him from you in anyway — it bothers me that you keep reacting in ways that insinuate that I am. I’m his sole guardian and have been since I was pregnant with him so how you care for him and provide for him does have to do with me and I do have a say.” She smiled a little again, “I don’t say that against you though. All I ask for is communication and I’ll repeat that I am more than willing to work things out with you in regards to him. It’s just some discussion so that we’re both on the same page — I’m not telling you no. I haven’t once told you no, Gabriel. If anything I’ve been inviting you in and telling you how I want you apart of his life.” She wished he would be apart of hers too but it seemed somehow she had burned that possibility down to the ground, and she was still lost on what she had done so wrong. Maybe with time things would become more clear.
“You’re communicating with me now and I appreciate it, thank you. You weren’t before, which is why I asked. You don’t have to tell me things or let me into your life, I respect that there are things you don’t want to talk about and I understand that you simply may not feel that way about me anymore.” The brunette felt sad speaking the words but he was the only man she’d had feelings for, so of course she had been hopeful on his return. Though now, through his actions and him saying so, Gema understood he simply wasn’t in that place anymore. She did want to at least be friends with him, they had a child together and the last thing she wanted was to be at odds with him. “And you don’t have to ask — I’ve freely given you that chance since the start. Again, know I am sorry if I offended you or hurt your feelings at all. It was very far from my intent, my feelings, and my attitude towards you and coming together for our son.” She wanted to reiterate giving patience and communicating but she didn’t want to get to the point of annoying with it.
Getting up from her seat, she gestured towards the kitchen, “Can I make you something to eat? You never really ate dinner. You’re also welcome to stay if you don’t want to drive home. I saw you shifting around and I’m guessing you’re in pain and I can imagine you’re pretty exhausted. You’re welcome here if you’d like to stay.”