@gcsticulatingwildly sent: ❛❛ Everything hurts. Being with you is the only good thing in the world anymore. ❜❜ (as a gift for my return i give you angst)
his words sadden her, in a way that feels impossible to express. she’s always liked to consider herself a light — a nearly endless well of love and smiles for all who might be in need — and maybe that’s skewed her view of the world. just a little. stars hollow has been a sanctuary for her, a place that’s forever felt untouchable by the ravages of negativity and horror that happen daily outside its borders. it’s difficult, lorelai realizes in this moment, to put into perspective that not everybody has been so shielded. not everybody has lived in such a quaint little snow globe for most of their life.
even though she’s known josh…. hell, practically since birth, it hasn’t registered ‘til now just how different his life has been from her own. he’s been in the thick of it all for years, while she’s been living in an idyllic little world, drinking coffee and watching movies and cracking jokes — thinking the worst possible thing that could happen to her would involve being forced to spend any extended period of time alone with her mother. or — well, god, if she’s being serious, it’s that anything might happen to rory, but such a fear hasn’t ever been especially prevalent. sure, she’d worried — it’s a mother’s job to worry about her kid — but very few times has it ever been more than a blip on her radar. lorelai knows that there’s so much of herself in her daughter, and trusts that she’ll be okay. and if she’s not? well, that’s a bridge they’ll cross if they come to it.
but josh. all day, every day, it’s crisis after crisis. his life isn’t all hospitality and sunshine and quirky neighbors. it’s life. it’s the world. raw, and uncensored in ways she’s sure she couldn’t possibly imagine.
and his words? the tone of his voice, and how obvious it is that he means it? god, she’s sure she can feel her heart break, just a little.
but to know that what little light shines through all the dark comes from her? it’s an honor. it’s terrifying. it makes her fear that one day whatever light she offers may not be enough. more than anything else, though? it makes her feel loved. and it makes her love him all the more, for his willingness to be open — and to let her make a real difference in his life.
and for once? she’s speechless. it’s only for a moment, but it’s difficult to find words that express the warmth and love that encapsulate her heart. finally, she just smiles — it’s soft, and a little bit sad, but it’s a smile nonetheless.
“i’m honored, josh. you’re remarkable — you amaze me — and i love you. i hope you know that. i wish there were some word that could express just what you mean to me, but i don’t think there is one. maybe i’ll sit down and invent one later, who knows? but…. god, just to have someone…. someone who’s seen me through so much. through that phase in the fourth grade where i was sure there was some maid out there that was as great as alice from the brady bunch, and that i could find her, and then maybe my mom would stop firing every new maid after a week? or…..” she laughs, shaking her head, “pretty much the entirety of my teenage years. you were always there. and i was terrible, and i left without a word, and you’re here again. you’re back, and you’ve never given up on me, and i’ll never give up on you,”
soft caring sentences | accepting!
He's not sure exactly where these feelings had come from. He never is, really. The STRESS of the job, eating away at him over and over, day after day. He was tired. Incredibly, unfailingly tired. He was tired of failing, of having to compromise to even get a FRACTION of what they wanted done. Tired of the disappointed looks from Leo and the President. He needed out. If only for the weekend.
It was this that brought him to Stars Hollow, unannounced, standing on Lorelai's porch at 1 AM, falling immediately into her arms as soon as she opened the door. Lorelai was perhaps the ONLY person who could provide comfort to him these days and at this moment, he needed her. He needed her more than anything else.
There was SHAME inside him, shame that he came all this way because it felt like there was a VOID inside him that could only be filled by Lorelai. He didn't want to burden her, didn't want to dump all his problems on her. He hated waking her up in the middle of the night, his SCREAMS echoing throughout the bedroom as he fought his way out of a nightmare. Hated the way he knew he worried her. But he couldn't help it. Lorelai Gilmore was a bright spot in his life. The BRIGHTEST. And he needed light right now.
" I'm not. You deserve so much better than me, but I'm eternally glad you apparently haven't realized that. All those things, that phase you went through, God, it made me love you even more. And I never thought that was possible. Every day I knew you, I thought it wasn't possible that I could love you any more. But then every day you would do something, you would say something and my love for you would GROW. And now... Now you mean EVERYTHING to me. I'm sorry for springing this all on you, but please... please just keep on not giving up on me. I think- I need you. " His eyes are suspiciously wet, his hands reach for her, for her comfort.
origamiaround
prguitarman
dededos
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romaincrisis
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areudirty
