I think it’s time to call it quits man. I need to get help...like serious help. If you don’t wind up hearing from me, please don’t take it personal. I’ve been going through a lot.
I really hate myself. Hate the way that I look, I hate that I’m black. Damn near every morning I wake up ashamed of myself. I’ve tried changing my diet, started to work out more to improve my body, help with my insecurities. I’ve tried making new friends. Shit idk. I just need help.
I never thought of harming or killing myself. But I do wish I could just not wake up when I go to sleep some nights. Or sometimes I wish I could just vanish. I’m at such a loss and I don’t know what to do but get help.
I am going to start saving my money to talk to a counselor or psychologist. Maybe some guidance would help.
I’m just deleting this app cuz it makes me hate being black and being gay. It’s just so obvious to see how I’m disregarded just because of my skin. And it always makes me sad to think that if I were white, I’d have a higher success rate of making gay friends, being seen as attractive by others, would prolly have a boyfriend.
I’m too black to hang with white people. Act too “white” to hang with black people. I act “too Straight” to maintain any type of friendship with a gay individual, and act “too gay” which is why all my straight friends pretty much moved on.
I’m just tired of feeling like shit. And tired of allowing others to treat me like shit. Tired of being kind and courteous to others, only for them to ignore me and act as if I don’t exist. Tired of being called ugly, tired of the racial slurs, tired of not standing up for myself when I should.
Thank you to all my followers who followed my weird content. And farewell to you guys. It’s been fun...but I need to get help.