You already know what men with dark nipples have, right?

Introspectively, my attraction to Muslim men stems from two distinguishable variables that I am able to discern.

The first one being that I’ve always been drawn to that which I “shouldn’t” or “couldn’t” have due to various societal and cultural barriers.

My culture and religion tells me that Muslim men are dangerous, vile, and driven by lust, power and hunger. That Islam is the root of evil with an agenda to spread and annihilate. My conscious also tells me that Islamic laws forbid transgenderism (I’m only going to speak from a transgender POV, since I do not identify with other components of the LGBTQ+ spectrum).

Islamic law forbids and condemns my existence and furthermore MY OWN culture and religion forbids Islam and Islamic men in general. These two scenarios work counterintuitively in drawing me towards THAT which I should not pursue because of the “taboo”.

In a way, I’m subconsciously affirming my existence and VALIDITY through the sheer fact that Muslim men ARE attracted to me despite me being transgender. Because they’re drawn to me, I’m indirectly challenging Islamic fundamentals by the sheer fact that I’m attracting devout Muslim men towards me.

As I stated prior, my own religion condemns Islam because of the atrocities the Muslims committed against the founding fathers of my religion. By being attracted to Muslim men innately, I’m also subconsciously challenging my OWN religion due to the unfairness that my own God bestowed upon me during birth by not making me a cis-girl. My battle with my God is an old one. It is a mental battle filled with revenge, hatred and hopelessness at the fact that my God turned my life into a drama and deprived everything I COULD have been if I were born a girl.

I cannot begin to explain the mental struggle, depression and praying I’ve done since my adolescence that I would wake up one day and be a girl. How many times I prayed in the temples and churches before sleep that I would one day wake up from this nightmare and be a girl. A girl that would have been a perfect wife, caring mother and a nurturing caregiver to her family. All this was taken from me because of what my God did to me.

By being attracted to Muslim men, I’m subconsciously seeking revenge against my own God while also proving that Muslim men CAN and WILL be attracted to me DESPITE what Islam says about me. It is how I justify my own affliction.

The second variable is the fact that I’m drawn to toxic masculinity. I’ve grown up watching movies in which Muslim men kidnap, rape, impregnate and forcefully marry girls from my religion and how these girls are then disowned by their parents for being “marked” by these dangerous men. As I stated prior, being with Muslim men is very taboo and off limits in my culture and religion. The reason I’m drawn to toxic masculinity is most probably because I’ve been deprived from expression of my OWN femininity during the crucial developmental stages of my life all while KNOWING deep down that my soul and mind have always been that of a girl.

I grew up in a culture and country where patriarchy was also very prominent. Traditional male and female gender roles were very much well defined in the culture and in fact submissive women are highly praised and deemed marriage worthy. Women are taught to cook, clean, raise children and be housewives from a very young age by their mothers.

I envied that I COULDN’T play the part of being a submissive, demure and obedient girl that should have also been groomed to be a perfect housewife and mother. I grew up seeing this but could never partake in it, my hopes and dreams were taken from me so young. I felt that I was bound to be in a prison that I could not escape from for something I did in my past life to deserve such a pathetic life now. I had suicidal tendencies as my only way out of this unjust world.

As I became a teenager and into my early adulthood, all my friends have always been cis-females. I saw how my friends wished for materialistic gains such as: money, big weddings, expensive rings, clothes and fancy houses. While the only thing I ever wished for was to be deeply and madly in love with a man that would treat me like his wife. For all I cared, our wedding ring could have been made from wood as long as it was given by him. All I wanted was to love him unconditionally despite our differences, raise our kids, spread his lineage and serve as a rock to our little family.

I never cared about money, houses and clothes. These were all shallow things. I knew our money would be for our home, our kids and future. All I ever wanted and cared for in this world was a traditional family. It hurts me to this very day, that 95% of the men population in this world that I could have been an ideal wife to will not even look at me because of what’s between my legs. It hurts me to see these men struggling, being used and cheated on by those who have no intention to love them.

This is why I’m drawn to whatever the society deems as “toxic masculinity”. Because I genuinely respect and look up to men. I understand my role and purpose in this life, it’s the least I can do. I cannot give the man a child, I may not even be their choice in marriage…. But the least I can do is serve my purpose when I can.

Of course Muslim men and Islam by default personify the ideals of what traditional gender roles are between a man and women. How women should be covered, coveted and protected and the man should be the bread-winners and display ghayrah. These are ideals I could see myself in. This is why I’m innately drawn to Muslim men because they make me feel like a women I have always been deep down with my complex emotions.

They just sort of get me… it’s not an attraction based on their lust and desire for what’s between my legs. Rather they are attracted to me for my hyper-femininity, submissiveness, which is basically the language of my soul and mind. That’s what make me who I am as a women. I like that I can use my submissive, demure and feminine nature and turn that into my strength to attract Muslim men who understand what THEY crave deep inside, which is to dominate and control (as is their instinct). The relationship I have with Muslim men is primal and very innate. It has nothing to do with what’s between my legs.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Glory to Allah عز و جل who has made Muslims the best community in the world, as he recalls in the Holy Quran

كُنتُمْ خَيْرَ أُمَّةٍ أُخْرِجَتْ لِلنَّاسِ

“You are the best community that has been created for men” (Surah 3, v. 110)

Allah has promised to make us his soldiers on earth and to have authority over all other races.

Muslims, already ruling over neighborhoods, towns and entire regions, continue to extend our domination. Our authority and superiority are beyond doubt: today, it is ingrained into the minds of non-Muslims.

O how many kuffar enjoy being the footstool of their Muslim conquerors!

It is therefore with good will that the disbelievers accept and will continue to accept the prescriptions of Allah عز و جل and his Prophet صلى الله عليه و سلم which impose on them humility, submission and jizya.

The word جزية jizya appears in the Word of Allah عز و جل when He commands Muslim males:

قَٰتِلُوا۟ ٱلَّذِينَ (…) لَا يَدِينُونَ دِينَ ٱلْحَقِّ (…) حَتَّىٰ يُعْطُوا۟ ٱلْجِزْيَةَ عَن يَدٍۢ وَهُمْ صَٰغِرُونَ

Fight those (…) who do not profess the religion of truth (Islam) until they pay jizya with their own hands, after having humiliated themselves. (9:29)

In its historical sense, jizya is the tax that non-Muslims paid to their Muslim conquerors. The conquered individuals, called the dhimmi, had a duty to pay this tax to the Muslims as a sign of submissiveness and recognition of Islamic supremacy.

Etymologically, the verb جزي jazaya means “to repay”, “to reward”; in any case “compensate” for something.

In its broad sense, jizya is therefore the mandatory tribute of the non-Muslim to the Muslim in recognition of his inferiority as a kaffir. In our contemporary era, it is the relationship of domination and submission which marks the belonging of the non-Muslim to the Muslim master, more than politics. The conquering male, thus accepts the presence of the unbeliever at his feet in exchange for praise, service and money paid in submission.

Jizya is also explained by several hadiths of the Prophet صلى الله عليه و سلم:

أَنْ يُجَاهِدُوا مَعَ الْمُسْلِمِينَ فَإِنْ هُمْ أَبَوْا فَسَلْهُمُ الْجِزْيَةَ فَإِنْ هُمْ أَجَابُوكَ فَاقْبَلْ مِنْهُمْ وَكُفَّ عَنْهُمْ وَقَاتِلْهُمْ

If they are not in Islam, demand jizya from them. Once they have submitted and paid it, accept it and quickly keep your hands away from the disbelievers. (Sahih Muslim 19:4294)

It is therefore right that the non-Muslim fulfills his duty towards the Muslim. His tribute in the form of jizya reminds him of his place in the world. Moreover, the collection of jizya is traditionally accompanied by a ritual aimed at emphasizing the relationship of domination: the submissive prostrates himself before the Muslim and kisses his feet and may be mocked and humiliated. Some clerics even encouraged tax collectors to spit in the mouths of submissives during the obligatory payment of jizya.

It is obvious that jizya is a gift from the Muslim to the non-Muslim. He offers him the honor of serving the superior race by participating in its well-being and satisfaction. The time, goods and money of the submissive are at the disposal of the Muslim master. This is for the submissive an immense honor and the source of extreme pleasure.