Captain's log

Did my body leave an invisible stain on that bed?

It reminds you of what we were and where that lead

I can never take back the piece of me I gave you,

Be the girl you think I am,

Lovely and sweet

But I am damned

By the part of me that deserved all that

The evil that lies beneath my skin

should be condemned for the revenge I seek

But you still stay and love me so dearly

Will it take you til my skin is blue for you to care

Are you waiting for our death

To finally be there

This is a sick kinda self-sabotage

Now I clean up the wreckage

Moving like a bad movie montage

And I leave with this baggage

You regret

your selfish actions

Your bitter words

I hope the sober realization that you could've been happy hits you like a bus

I hope the drugs weren't worth it

We came from the same grandmother tree

Who didn't really care whether her apples went a little rotten

But its not the seeds job to make sure the fruits mature

Their depression is not your problem to fix

We should not be their therapists

But we will

Because i feel it ache

When the silence tells me,

I've done wrong

This is all I'll ever be

I am unchanged

and its terrible

The cutting edge of time kills motivation

I fail to save it - fail at a lot

But im a carbon copy

Addiction lives in anything that feels good

I count the days since a blade touched my skin

Just like my aunt counts the seconds till she can get alone with a needle

How exhausting it must be to love me

Someone who won't care for herself

Who if given the chance will put herself in danger

And hope for the worse

But you're hands on my neck feels like pure bliss

When my friends learn how quickly I fell back

Into you

They'll never trust us two

Alone again

This has already begun and end

Yet here we are

Feels like we're alone again

I can't be in this room with you

Does anyone in here know we're supposed to be through

I tell myself that I will raise my standards

Then your hand meets my waist and the bar meets the floor

I got someone good for me blowing up my phone

Yet here I am at this party

Talking like we're alone

This never ends well for me

Why

-can't I want what's good for me

Is it this hard for other girls

All you give are beads that look like pearls

Do I choose what's smart

Or what's in my heart

Oh how i love you

Loving you feels like my soul has finally found the piece it was missing

Even when my normal melancholy bones decide i am the worst

You never stop to remind me that I have good in me

-SRD

And she'll probably kill me one day

But then my tears will be absorbed by the water

And finally, be useful

Sadly, my death won't make the lifeguards care about drowning