Critical Analysis of Gary

So y'all are telling me Carrie Fisher’s mom died of a fucking broken heart omfg don’t give me that “died from a stroke” bullshit, TMZ, we all know losing a child sucks more dick than a kardashian love is real and Grandma Cromwell died of a ducking broken heart thoughts go out to her family but dayum I’m sitting here crying more than when I’m drunk watching Grey’s Anatomy and a key player just died because Shonda Rhimes is the 2016 of Television killing fucking everybody we love We need to save Betty White Julie Andrews and the Star Wats cast because I want a Golden Hirls reunion with the rest of the cast as force ghosts and MAry Poppins is my homie and we can’t kill off Harrison ford twice that fucker has been through so much like nazis and space pirates and terrorists Harrison ford just needs a damn break I’m just sad 2016 if 2016 gonna fuck me next time can it at least warn me so I can lube up?! Like damn, why you gotta be so damn rude to us? Is this what we get for making Trump president?! HOLY SHIT what if all of the celebrities who died in 2016 actually faked their deaths because they didn’t wanna be around if/when Trump wins… like David Bowie “died” early he knew that shit was flinging from the start and as shit got more realer the celebrities are like OH FUCK NO and they’re all faking death and living in some country that only rich people know about (call it Svenborgia? Grenyarnia? They sound like rich AF countries). You guys all our dead 2016 celebs are actually living in a rich people only country to save themselves from trump. Holla. But RIP Grandma Cromwell and daughter. This shit hurts

Please Note: This is a Drunk Man typing and there is absolutely NO editting for comedic and truthful purposes

As i TYPE THIS IN the afternoon, I begin to realize that I really do like my wine… I am not drunk this early, persay, but I am actually somewhat buzzed. I am writing this with my third glass of Altitude Cabernet sAUVIGNON and a shitty Adam sANDLER movie playing on my tv set (Pixels? Fuck that shit) as I type my first drunk blog post.

Now, who is this gary? I am a young man, twenty-one, working at a country club (or cunt-ry club) while taking classes at a university (and none of that community college stuff because my sister went to that and it was a lot different from the tv show Community). I enjoy drinking wine socially and privately, so I gess that twelve days into my twentyfirst year of my life I am kind of an avid drinker(?)?

But here I am typing awy, and I don’t know whats up. I just got off work and I am kind of working on my final exams and essays for finals week but we all know that finals week is god’s way of saying ‘prove me wong, prove you actualy learned something". like last semester I was so stressed from finals that my gay black roomamte walked in on me crying on the floor sipping pino grigo wine out of a styrofoam cup so he kinda looked at me weird. but i hated the fucker, so I don’t care.

I worked today and i saw a really familiar face and she teaches now so I miss her and i treasured as much time as i had with her because she and i started aroudn the same time and she was my first big sister at the job… you da man, ALLle. you da man. you make english literature hot (snd i mean hottttt) lolololol

i like to drink wine with my grandmother, she is a bitch and alls me Lou because my middle name is LOUIE and also i am Lou Ser… ghet it, loser. becuse we play cards a lot and i lost lto of mnoney from this woman. butshw is really cool because i know wverything she does she does it for the lord ande everyone at church loves her becase she makes like fried rice for the kids at sudnday school and leads bible workship and cell groups adn all that shit. she doesnt even ask for stuff and the church gives her stuff so god bless her.