≈

Season 2 Countdown → Favourite Side Character

when your companions keep asking you if you can see anything from down there

when choir boy offers to “fix” bianca’s cocking ring

bartrand

Such smart children…. The bouncy one with the pink ball makes my day every time

the preacher is screaming. the men in the congregation shout their "amen"'s. the preacher screams louder. his face is growing red. the volume of the congregation's agreement rises to meet the shouts. the sound system gives feed back. an explosion is impending. the preacher screams louder.

you left your coloring sheet in your sunday school classroom. you go to get it. the exit sign down the darkened hall glows red. the light in the hall will not turn on. the light in the classroom will not turn on. you are illuminated by the red glow. you hear the devil's distant laugh.

your neighbor's mother asks you what you want to be when you grow up. you tell her you don't have any plans since these are the end times and you know you will likely be raptured before you are an adult. she looks scared. you do not understand why.

you pass out flyers and pieces of bubblegum on saturday afternoon to kids in other neighborhoods, inviting them to come to church. you hope they do not come.

your sunday school teacher has eyes in the back of her head. the youth pastor has ears like a dog. they are demons.

you attend an eight-hour, four-session revival. waves and waves of sobbing teenagers are making their way to the alter. they are clawing at each other to get there. they are wailing and gnashing their teeth. the pianist continues to play.

you will be okay. you are not alone. you are never alone. you can never be alone. you can never run far enough. he is everywhere. he is everywhere. he is everywhere. you will be okay.

you volunteer during vacation bible school. the ventriloquist's puppets stare at you from their box as you straighten up backstage. your turn your back to them. this is a mistake.

the roaring lion seeketh whom he may devour. do not slip up. your god will leave you to the lions in the blink of an eye.

you were born into sin. you are inherently dirty. you can never wash it off. you will never be enough. pray.

god will send you to hell. jesus loves you. they are the same person.

give your money to the missionary in africa. give your money to the building renovations. give your money to the christian bluegrass band. give your money to feed the pastor. give your money for tithing. give until there is nothing. blessed are the poor.

people go to hell for not knowing about hell. this is your fault, they tell you. you have blood on your hands, they tell you. you are eleven years old.

the music director walks to the podium and instructs you to the correct hymn number. the congregation rises. you are still flipping to the correct page. they begin to sing. you grow frantic. you don't recognize the song. you don't recognize the numbers. you have failed to praise the lord. he has taken notice.

you wake up in your bed. the power is out in your house. you look for your parents to find you are alone in the house. the rapture has occurred. you were left behind. you will burn for this. when your parents pull up in the driveway that evening you cry.

every member of the congregation has been washed in the blood of the lamb. you can smell it.

“decadence”

rewatch pride & prejudice (2005 or 1995, your pick)

take a long shower & shave legs

stare at face in mirror for a long time, reflect on changes that have occured in past year

sara bareilles cd on repeat

“deep mystery”

lying on the floor listening to music you liked fifteen years ago

watch dust motes travel across the room in the late afternoon haze

what would be different about my life if i had been a cheerleader in high school?

what was the title of that book you read in the fourth grade?  you only remember the main character’s name and nothing about the plot.  you spend the next three hours googling and then you drop $60 for a first edition on ebay

cup of tea, then another

are you there god?

“efficiency”

take out five boxes of paperwork from the closet and spend the next three hours making small piles around your body on the floor

write first chapter of novel

cover wall in post it notes

lists lists lists

highlight everything

now’s a good time to start that bullet journal

must empty email inbox

plan out next five years of life down to the month, week, day

“shake it up”

blast nsync while scrubbing out microwave

rearrange living room four different ways

today’s a good day to repaint your bedroom

let’s research and plan a trip to san francisco

develop new fashion style, must throw away all items of clothes that don’t work with it

“rain day”

light candle, open windows, put on sweater

reread old favorite book

pet a cat