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I WANT A FULL-ON GENDER-FLIPPED ROMEO & JULIET. NOT JUST PARTIALLY GENDER-FLIPPED. NOT JUST QUEERED. EVERY. SINGLE. CHARACTER. I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST THOSE PRODUCTIONS THAT HAVE GENDER-FLIPPED A COUPLE CHARACTERS OR DONE ALL-FEMALE PRODUCTIONS OR QUEERED ROMEO AND JULIET ONLY. THOSE ARE GREAT. ROCK ON TO THOSE THAT HAVE FUCKED WITH GENDER AND HETERONORMATIVITY IN SHAKESPEARE!!!!!! BUT WHAT. I. WANT. IS. A ROMEO AND JULIET WHERE ROMEO IS A LADY AND SHE AGGRESSIVELY FALLS IN LOVE WITH PEOPLE AND SHE FALLS IN LOVE HARDCORE WITH THIS ONE GUY SO MUCH THAT SHE GOES TO HIS WINDOW AT NIGHT AND SHE GOES AFTER HIM FULL THROTTLE AND SHE IS NOT THOUGHT OF AS CRAZY BITCH SHE IS THOUGHT OF AS INSANELY ROMANTIC AND LIKEABLE AND LOVELY AND HEROIC AND DARING AND YOU JUST CAN’T HELP BUT FALL IN LOVE WITH HER BECAUSE SHE FEELS SO MANY FEELINGS . A ROMEO AND JULIET WHERE JULIET IS A PAMPERED, SHELTERED DUDE WHO IS NAIVE BUT ALSO HORNY AND JUST NEEDS TO BE PROTECTED SOMETIMES BECAUSE HE’S LIKE A PUPPY AND NOT IN A SAD, STUPID, ANNOYING KIND OF WAY, HE JUST DOESN’T GET OUT A LOT ‘CAUSE HE’S AN INTROVERT WHICH IS TOTES OKAY. AND HE COULD GO WITH THE LADY HE’S ENGAGED TO BUT SHE’S SO VANILLA AND WHEN ROMEO IS ALL LIKE “YOU’RE A FUCKING TREAT, YOU KNOW THAT?” HE GETS ALL BUTTERY ON THE INSIDES AND HE HAS TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HER BECAUSE HE’S NEVER GOT TO EXPLORE HIS BODY OR HIS FEELINGS BECAUSE SOCIETY WON’T LET HIM BECAUSE HE’S A MAN AND HAS VERY PROPER PARENTS. AnD ThEy STiLl FuCkING LoVe ThE SHIT OuTtA EaCh OtHeR. (until they die.)

A ROMEO AND JULIET WHERE THERE ARE BADASS LADY GANGS. BAD. ASS. LADY. GANGS. AND THE LADY GANGS FIGHT EACH OTHER WITH SWORDS OR CHAINS OR THEIR BODIES AND IT IS TOTALLY NORMAL EVEN IN A WORLD WITH MEN AND JUST AS THREATENING AS IF IT WERE GENTLEMAN GANGS. AND MERCUTIO IS JUST AS BAWDY AND UNAPOLOGETIC AND CHARISMATIC AND LIKE THE LADY FRIEND YOU WANT AT A PARTY BUT NO ONE THINKS SHE’S ANNOYING BECAUSE SHE’S A CONFIDENT LADY, THAT’S JUST HOW SHE IS AND WE LOVE HER FOR IT, LIKE CRASH ALL THE PARTIES YOU WANT MERCUTIO EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE A HOTHEAD AND THAT’S HOW YOU DIE BUT SHE’S STILL THE FLYEST AROUND AND SHE FUCKING LOVES HER LADY FRIENDS BECAUSE SHE IS A CLASS A LADY BUT ALSO A MESS BUT ALSO WHO WOULD NOT WANT TO BE HER?? AND BENVOLIO IS LIKE YOUR RATIONAL LADY FRIEND WHO IS JUST LIKE THERE FOR YOU, YOU KNOW? YOU NEED A LADY FRIEND WHO YOU CAN FUCKING COUNT ON AND SHE IS IT AND SHE IS LOYAL AND NO ONE KNOWS HOW THEY’D SURVIVE WITHOUT HER. AND THE NURSE IS JUST LIKE THE DUDE. LIKE HE’S THE BEST GUY AND HE’S THIS OLDER DUDE WHO JUST LIKE HAPPENS TO BE GOOD AT TAKING CARE OF PEOPLE BECAUSE SOME MEN JUST ARE OKAY AND THE WORLD THINKS HE’S A DOOFUS BECAUSE OF IT BUT NOT JULIET BECAUSE JULIET IS A GOOD DUDE AND THE NURSE IS KIND OF BOTH FATHER AND MOTHER TO HIM AND NO ONE THINKS HE’S BEEN EMASCULATED, HE STILL IDENTIFIES AS A MAN HE LIKES BEING A MAN BUT HE ALSO IS JUST SUCH A SOFTIE WHO LIKES TO BRING PEOPLE SOUP YOU KNOW????? AND TYBALT IS THIS WOMAN WHO HAS LIKE MAD PRIDE.  SHE’S LIKE THE ALPHA WARRIOR AND YOU DO NOT WANNA PISS HER OFF SHE KEEPS EVERYTHING RUNNING BUT SHE HAS A SOFT SPOT FOR HER LITTLE COUSIN CAUSE HE’S SUCH A WEE BABE.

AND THE PARENTS ARE FLIPPED TOO AND IT’S ACTUALLY DADDY CAPULET WHO IS THE ANXIOUS WRECK WHO REALLY CARES BUT ALSO LIKES NICE THINGS AND MAMA CAPULET IS THE ONE WHO GETS SHIT DONE IN FAIR VERONA AND IS REVERED AND RESPECTED I HONESTLY DON’T REMEMBER THE MONTAGUES BUT YEA THEY’D SWITCH TOO I GUESS THEY’RE COOL.

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