Just because you understand the reason for someone’s behaviour does not mean you have to forgive them for it.
I can now see what made you the person you are. I'm sorry for everything you went through. I understand, now, why you are behaving this way. Why you become hurtful when sad, or lash out when angry. I know you didn't mean to do or say the hurtful thing. I now see why you do the things you do.
That does not make them okay.
My understanding means I still love you. My self-respect means that I will do so from a distance.
Because understanding the root of someone's hurt – understanding their past, knowing their story and the pain they went through – does not mean their actions didn't still hurt you.
You can empathise with them, but remember that it doesn't mean you owe them forgiveness.
