GAM3BO1

The first time you saw him you didn’t know his name, only that he didn’t look at you the way everyone else did.

The countryside air felt different than the city: cleaner, lighter, like it didn’t matter who you were. No chauffeurs. No bodyguards hovering nearby. No one following behind you like shadows. For the first time in your life you felt normal. Not the child of the family that owned Pledis Industries. Not the face plastered across city billboards and magazine covers. Not someone people bowed to before they spoke. Just you.

You slowly exhale as you walk along the wooden fence, fingers brushing against the rough splintered surface. The fields stretched endlessly, which had a golden glow by the late afternoon sun. Horses lazily grazed, their tails hitting at flies, movements calm and unbothered.

Free.

You envied that.

“You’re going to get splinters if you keep doing that.” The voice startled you. You quickly turned and that's when you saw him. He stood a few feet away, one hand resting on the fence post, the other holding a rope. His clothes were simple and worn at the edges, dust clung to the fabric like it belonged there. There was a light smudge of dirt across his cheek, and his hair was slightly damp, like he’d been here for hours under the sun. But his eyes, they weren’t impressed. They weren’t curious. They weren’t calculating your worth like everyone else did. They were just…looking at you like you were normal.

“Sorry,” you said quickly, pulling your hand back. “I didn’t realize.”

“It's fine.” His voice was calm and kind. “Just didn’t think you looked like someone used to this kind of place.” Your heart stuttered. You forced a small laugh. “ What does that mean?” He shrugged, a faint smile tugging his lips. “You look like you don't belong here.” If only he knew. “I do,” you said a little too quickly. “I mean I’m staying nearby just for a while.”

Not a lie. Not exactly.

His eyes lingered on you longer than it should have, like he was trying to figure something out, but then he nodded. “Then you should stay away from Ling Chao,” he said, gesturing behind him. You followed his gaze. A tall horse stood a short distance away, its dark coat gleaming in the sunlight. It looked beautiful, powerful but there was something sharp in the way it moved, something restless.

“He bites.”

You blinked. “Oh.”

That made him let out a soft laugh.

“I’m serious,” he added, stepping past you and walking toward the horse with easy familiarity. “Ling Chao doesn’t like strangers.” You watched as he approached it slowly, steady, and unafraid. The horse shifted, ears flicking back for a moment, but when he reached out it stilled. Calmed. Like it trusted him. “See?” He murmured his voice quieter now, meant for the animal more than you. His hand moved gently along its neck. “Not so bad.”

Something tightens in your chest. “Do they all listen to you like that?” You asked before you could stop yourself. He glanced back in surprise. “Not all of them,” he said. “You don’t make them listen, you just need to…understand them.”

Understand.

The word lingered between you. You wondered what it would be like to be understood that easily. Not having to explain who you were, what you carried, and what people expected of you.

“What’s your name?” You softly ask. He hesitated. For a second, you thought he wasn’t going to answer. “Junhui. But everyone calls me Jun.” The name settled into you like it had always belonged there. “Yours?” You felt your throat tightened. For a moment, just for a moment you almost told him. Almost gave him the name that followed you everywhere. The one printed on contracts and headlines. Instead you smiled.

“It’s…Lemon.”

“What? That’s not your name.”

“It is because my mom was obsessed with them.”

Not a lie, but not the truth either. Jun nodded, accepting it without a question. Of course he did. Why wouldn’t he? To him, you were just a girl standing by a fence, afraid of splinters and curious about horses. Not someone who lived in a glass tower and spent hours in boardrooms. Not someone who belonged to a world that would never accept someone like him.

“Come here,” he suddenly stepped to the side. “Slowly.” You blinked. “What?”

“He won’t bite if I’m here,” Jun added, gesturing for you to approach. “Probably.”

“Probably?” You said, eyes widening.

That made him laugh, the sound warm in a way you weren’t used to. “Do you trust me?” He asked. The question hits harder than it should have. You didn’t trust anyone. Not fully. Not in a world where every smile had a motive and every conversation had a price. But standing here, in the sunlight with the smell of hay and earth in the air and a boy who looked at you like you were nothing special.

You wanted to. Slowly, you stepped forward. “Like this?” You asked. “Yeah,” he said softly. “Don’t be scared.” Easy for him to say. But as you reached out hesitantly your fingers brushed against Ling Chao’s coat. It didn’t bite. It didn’t pull away. It just stayed. Warm. Steady. Real. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding. Jun watched you, something unreadable flickered in his eyes.

“See?” He murmured.

And for the first time in a while you smiled without thinking about it.

Neither of you noticed the car waiting down the road. Didn’t see the suited men watching from a distance, speaking in low, urgent voices. Didn’t hear the name they whispered like it carried weight.

Your real name.

The one Junhui would learn soon enough. The one that would change everything.

The sun hadn’t fully risen when you slipped out, the sky was painted in soft shades of blue and gold. The estate was quiet behind you, everyone who resided in your family’s countryside home were still asleep, staff, security, and expectations all momentarily out of reach.

Out here you could breathe, you could pretend.

The grass was damp beneath your shoes as you made your way toward the stables, the faint sound of movement already drifting through the air. He was there. Of course he was. Jun stood inside one of the stalls, sleeves rolled up, gently brushing down a white horse. His movements were slow, practiced like he did this a thousand times and still treated it with care.

You lingered at the entrance for a second just watching. There was something…grounding about him. No rush. No performance. No hidden agenda. Just quiet. “You’re staring again.” His voice startled you slightly. Jun didn’t even look up, a hint of amusement in his voice. “I wasn’t…” you started then stopped realizing how obvious it sounded. He glanced over his shoulder, one eyebrow raised. You sighed. “Okay, maybe I was.” That earned you a small smile. “Couldn’t stay away?” He asked. Your heart fluttered at the way he said it light, teasing, but not entirely a joke.

“I like it here.” You said instead, stepping closer. “It’s peaceful.”

“That’s one way to describe it,” he replied. “Most people call it boring.”

“Most people don’t know what they are talking about.”

Jun huffed softly, turning back to the horse. “Careful,” he said. “You’re starting to sound like you belong here.” The words hit deeper than he intended. You didn’t respond right away because you didn’t belong here, not really.

This was temporary. A pause in your life. A stolen moment before you were pulled back into a life you didn’t choose. But standing here, watching him, hearing the quiet rhythm of brushing and soft noises from the horse you wished you did.

“Can I help?” you asked. Jun paused. This time he fully turned to look at you, eyes scanning your outfit clean and simple, but a little too polished for this place. “Have you ever done this before?” He asked.

You hesitated. “No.”

“I figured.”

There was no judgement in his voice, just honesty. He studied you for another second, then stepped aside holding the brush out. “Fine. But don't blame me if you mess it up.” You took it carefully, fingers brushing against his for the briefest moment. Warm. You ignored the way your stomach flipped. “Like this?” You asked, copying what you’d seen him do. “Slower,” he said, getting closer behind you.

Too close.

You could feel him now, the warmth of his presence, the faint scent of hay and sun and something distinctly him. “Not like you're scrubbing the floor,” he added, reaching around you to guide your hand. Your breath caught. His hand closed over yours gently, adjusting the grip, slowing your movement. “Gentle,” he murmured. “They don't like being rushed.”

Neither did you.

Time seemed to stretch, the world disappearing to the soft sound of the brush, the steady breathing of the horse, and the warmth of his hand over yours. You didn’t realize how still you were until he spoke again.

“You’re overthinking it.”

”I’m not.” you said quickly.

“You are.”

You turned your head slightly to catch his expression. There was a hint of a smile there. A knowing one. “Do you always get this serious over small things?” He asked. You almost laughed. If only he knew. “This isn't small,” you said quietly. “It matters if I do it right.” Jun’s expression shifted just a little. Something softer. “You don't have to be perfect at everything,” he said. The words landed heavier than he could ever imagine.

Because in your world you did. Or at least, you expected to be. The perfect daughter, the perfect image, with the ‘perfect’ future. Anything less wouldn’t be acceptable. “I know,” you said, though it came out weaker than intended. Jun didn’t push. Instead he let go of your hand, stepping back just enough to give you space. “See?” He said, “You're doing fine.” You looked down at the horse, at the steady rhythm you found.

You were.

And for once, it wasn’t because someone demanded it of you. It was because you wanted to. A smile tugged at your lips. “Thanks.” He nodded, casually leaning against the stall door. For a while neither of you spoke. And it wasn’t awkward. It was…easy.

“You don’t talk much about yourself.” His voice broke the silence. You paused mid brush. “What do you mean?” Jun shrugged. “I’ve told you about this place. The horses. My work.” He tilted his head slightly. “But you? You don’t really say anything.” You gripped the brush tightly.

“There’s not much to tell,” you said.

“That’s not true.”

“It is.”

He looked at you again, that same thoughtful look from yesterday returning. “You’re not just someone staying nearby,” he said. Your chest tightened. “I can tell.” You started to panic slightly. “Why does it matter?” You asked, a little defensive. Jun didn’t react to your tone. “I want to know a little bit about the person I’m talking to,” he simply said. And there it is. The problem. He thought he was getting to know you. But the version of you standing there wasn’t the whole truth. Not even close. “I’m just…me.” You quietly said. Jun held your gaze.

For a long moment neither of you looked away. Then slowly nodded. “Alright, I’ll take your word for it.” Relief washed over you, but it didn’t feel good. Because for the first time you realized something unsettling. You didn’t want him to just take your word for it. You wanted him to actually know you. All of you. And still look at you the same way.

From the outside, near the edge of the property a man lowered his binoculars. “She’s here again, " he said into the phone. He paused then quietly “…with him.” On the other end the response was immediate. Cold. Decisive. “Don’t interfere yet.” The man glanced back toward the stables, where your laughter was soft, rare, and real drifting into the air. “Just watch.”

Inside, you handed the brush back to Jun. “Am I hired yet?” You tease lightly. He scoffed. “You’re a long way from that.”

“Wow. Tough critic.”

”Someone has to be.”

You smiled. And for a moment, just for a moment everything felt simple. Like maybe, somehow this could last. It couldn’t and neither of you knew that.

Two weeks had passed. You didn’t hesitate. “You’re late.” Jun didn’t even look at you as you approached, his attention focused on correcting the saddle. You frowned. “I am not late.” He glanced up, unimpressed.

“The sun's already up.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m late.”

”It does here.”

You crossed your arms. “You didn’t give me a time.”

“That doesn’t mean there isn’t one.” You stared at him for a second and then huffed.

“You’re impossible.”

”And yet you’re still here.” He shot back easily. You had no response to that which annoyingly made him right. ”What are you doing?” You asked, stepping closer to the horse he was preparing. “Getting Ling Chao ready.”

“For?”

Jun paused, then looked at you, really looked at you this time, like he was deciding something. “Have you ever ridden before?” Your silence answered for you. He sighed, shaking his head. "Of course you haven’t.”

“Hey” you started.

“Come here.”

You blinked. “That’s not very encouraging.”

“Do you want to learn or not?”

You hesitated. More than you probably should. “Yes.”

“This is a bad idea.” You muttered. Jun didn’t agree. He doesn’t agree either. He just stood beside you, one had steady on Ling Chao and the other held out. “Foot here,” he said, tapping the stirrup. You stared at it like it may betray you. “This thing looks taller than it did yesterday.”

“It didn’t grow overnight.”

“You don’t know that.” That earned you a quiet laugh.

“You’re overthinking again.”

“I am not.”

“You are.”

You glared at him. He only raised an eyebrow, waiting.

Annoying.

With a deep breath, you placed your foot where he showed you, gripping awkwardly as you tried to pull yourself up. It didn’t go smoothly.

“Wait…wait …” You lost balance and tipped but before you could panic a hand caught your waist. Firm. Steady. “Relax,” Jun said, his voice closer now. “You’re fighting it.”

“I’m not fighting it, I’m trying not to die.”

“You’re not going to die.”

“You don’t know that.” Another quiet softer laugh this time. “I do.”

With his help, you managed to get on the horse. Barely. You sat stiffly, hands gripping the front of the saddle like it was the only thing keeping you alive. “This feels unsafe,” you immediately say. “You’re not even moving yet.”

“That’s the worst part.” Jun stepped back crossing his arms as he looked at you. “You trust me, right?” The question came too easily. Too casually. And yet it landed the same way as it had before. You swallowed. “I’m on the horse, aren’t I?” He smiled at that. Small. Real. “Good,” he said. “Because I’m letting go.”

“Wait what?”

The horse shifted slightly beneath you. You froze.

“Junhui.”

“You’re fine.”

“I’m not fine.”

“You are.”

Your grip tightened. Your heart pounded. And then slowly the horse began to move. Just a step. Then another. Careful. You sucked in a sharp breath. “I hate this.” You whispered.

“No you don’t”

“Yes I do.”

“You’re still here.”

You glanced down at him. He walked beside you one hand loosely near the reins, not fully touching, but close enough that you knew he would if you needed him. Like he trusted you but wouldn’t let you fall. “Okay” you admitted after a moment. “Maybe, I don’t hate it.”

“Told you.”

“Don’t get used to being right.”

“Too late.”

After a while, the fear faded, not fully but enough. Enough for you to notice how the world looked from up here. Higher. Wider. Free. A breathy laugh escaped you before you could stop it. Junhui glanced up, catching it. “There it is.”

“What?”

“That look.“

You frowned slightly. “What look?”

“Like you forgot something.” You blinked. “What do you mean?” He shrugged, looking ahead again. “Like whatever you carry around all the time,” he said. “It’s gone for a second but then it always comes back.” Your chest ached because he was right. Up here with him you weren’t thinking about expectations, or your family or the version of yourself people expected. You were just here. “I wish it could stay like this,” you said quietly. The words came out before you could stop yourself. Jun did answer right away. When he did it was hushed. “Then stay.” Your breath caught while looking down at him again. “Jun.” He didn’t look at you this time.

“People leave all the time,” he added almost like it didn’t matter. “Doesn’t mean you have to.” You open your mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. You didn’t know how to explain something you weren’t allowed to choose. “I…” you started. Tell him. Tell him the truth. “I don't know if I can.” That was the closest you got.

Jun nodded once like he expected that answer, “Yeah,” he said quietly. “Figured.” The air shifted just slightly but enough.

Later when he helped you down your foot slipped. You stumbled forward and he caught your fall. You looked into his beautiful brown eyes and neither of you moved. Your hands grabbed onto his shirt, steadying yourself. His hands on your waist neither letting go. Your breath hitched. His did too. You could feel it right there between you something changing. Something neither of you knew how to name.

“Careful.” He said but he wasn’t teasing this time. It was quieter, rougher. Your heart raced. “Sorry.” you whispered but didn’t move. Neither did he.

And for a moment the world felt dangerously small like it narrowed down just to this. Then, a distant sound broke through. A car. Too clean. Too out of place. Too familiar. You pulled back first. The moment ruined. Jun’s hand dropped. Your heart didn’t.

From the road, just beyond the fields a black car came into view and suddenly everything you’ve been avoiding was catching up to you. The car didn’t stop. Sleek, black and out of place against the dirt roads, and open fields, but there with a purpose. Your stomach dropped. No. No, no not yet. Jun followed your gaze, brows pulling together slightly. “You know them?” You didn’t answer. Because you did. Too well.

The doors to the car opened. A man stepped out, dressed sharp, his presence cutting through the quiet countryside like it shouldn’t be there. Because it didn’t. Because you didn’t. “Miss Y/N.” Your heart stopped. Jun’s head turned toward you slowly. Miss Y/N. You felt the shift. It was subtle but there. The beginning of soothing breaking. “I told you not to come here,” you said under your breath, panic now rising. “We don't have time for this,” the man replied, voice low but firm. “Your father’s waiting.”

Jun went completely still beside you. “Your father?” He repeated. You closed your eyes for a second. There it was. You quickly turned to him. “I can explain..” But the man spoke again, cutting you off. “The car is ready, we need to leave. Now.”

Now. Not later. Not soon. Now. There was a heaviness in your chest. You looked back at Jun and the look on his face made it worse. Confusion. Suspicion. Distance forming already. “I have to go,” your voice unsteady. “Go where?” He asked. “To the city.” The words felt heavy. Different. Jun’s gaze sharpened. “Why?” Because I live there. Because everything I didn’t tell you is waiting for me there. Because I lied. “I-” Your voice caught. “It’s complicated.”

“Then make it simple.” The tone of his made your heart hurt. You stepped closer to him, lowering your voice. “Jun please. Just listen to me.” He didn’t move nor did he step closer. Didn’t meet you halfway. But he didn’t walk away either. “I didn’t mean to lie to you,” you quickly said words tumbling over each other. “I just…I didn’t know how to tell you without….without ruining everything.” His jaw tightened.

“So you decided not to tell me at all.”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“Then what was it like?”

You didn’t say anything. Because how could you explain something that sounded so selfish when said aloud? “I just wanted…” You swallowed hard. “I wanted you to see me as me.” Jun let out a quiet humorless breath. “Did I?” That hurt more than anything else he could have said. “Jun nothing about this…about us was fake. I swear.” He looked at you, really looked at you. Like he was searching for something or trying to decide if it was worth it.

Behind you the man’s voice came again, sharper this time. “We’re leaving.” Your time was gone and panic surged through you. “No wait,” you said, turning back to Jun. “There’s something I need to tell you.” His expression didn’t change. But he didn’t stop you. You took a breath and stepped closer. “I don’t know when I’m coming back,” you admitted, your voice shaking now. “And I don't want to leave things like this.”

Silence stretched between you.

The wind picked up slightly, rustling through the fields, through the space between you that felt too wide. “I know I messed up,” you said softly. “I know I should’ve told you the truth from the beginning. But…what I feel…” your voice broke. Say it. Now or never. “What I feel isn’t a lie.” Jun’s gaze flickered just slightly. You took another step forward. Close enough that if he reached out he could touch you.

“Junhui I-”

“Miss Y/N.”

The interruption was sharp this time. Final. You flinched. Time snapped you back into place. The man had stopped just a few feet away now, his presence looming impatient watching. Waiting. Your throat tightened.

You looked back at Jun and something in his expression had closed off. Not completely but enough to make you hesitate. Enough to make the words feel heavier. Harder. “What?” He said quietly. It wasn’t gentle. It wasn’t encouraging. It was guarded. Like he was already preparing himself for what you were about to say your chest ached.

“I-” the words got stuck. Because suddenly it wasn’t just about how you felt. It was about everything you hadn't said. Everything you hid. Everything that made you you. And for the first time you were scared that if you said it now he wouldn’t believe you.

“I have to go,” you whispered instead. The moment slipped through your fingers. Gone. Jun didn’t stop you. Didn’t reach for you. Didn’t say your name. He just stood there watching. You took a step back then another, each one heavier than the last.

Right before you turned away, you forced yourself to look at him one more time. The way sunlight hit his face. The way his expression stayed unreadable even now. The way he didn’t come after you. “I’ll come back,” you said even though you didn’t know if it was true. His jaw tightened slightly. But he didn’t respond.

The car door closed behind you with a quiet final sound. And just like that the world you had here disappeared. As the car pulled away you turned, pressing your hand lightly against the window. Jun was still there standing where you left him. Getting smaller, until he was gone.

Back in the empty field Jun exhaled slowly, his hands curled at his sides. Miss Y/N. The words echoed in his mind over and over. He looked down at the ground, where you had been standing at the faint imprint of your footsteps in the dirt. “Who are you?” He muttered under his breath. And somewhere between the countryside and the city you realized the truth too late. You didn’t just leave without telling him who you were. You left without telling Junhui you loved him.

A few years later

The first thing you noticed was the horse.

Not him.

The city was loud, always loud. Cameras, voices, engines, and heels against the marble floors. It never stopped. It never lets you stop. But today was different. Today, everything was organized. Perfect. It was the grand opening of your family’s newest equestrian facility just outside the city. It was a blend of polished glass and expansive land. Wealth disguised as elegance.

Your world is now your prison.

“You’ll be meeting the head trainer in a moment,” Seungkwan said, standing beside you, flipping through his tablet. “He was highly recommended. Very selective about where he works.” You nodded barely listening. Your eyes were focused on something at the far end of the arena. A horse stood there, restless. Its movements are sharp and uncooperative with the other workers trying to guide it.

“It’s been like this all morning,” someone muttered nearby. “Hu Feng won’t listen to anyone.” You frowned slightly. Then you heard a voice low and steady. “Give me the reins.” Your heart stopped recognizing it. No. That’s not. It couldn’t be. You turned and there he was. Junhui.

For a moment, the world didn’t exist. Not the staff. Not the cameras. Not the weight of your name hanging in the air. Just him. But he wasn’t the same. He stood taller now, his shoulders broader, movements more controlled, less boy more of something solid. Grounded. There was a quiet confidence in the way he approached Hu Feng, like he belonged exactly where he was.

Like he always had.

The handlers stepped back immediately, almost relieved. Junhui didn’t rush and didn't force anything. He just reached out slowly, letting the horse breathe, letting it see him.

“Easy.” He murmured. The same voice. The same calmness. Your chest tightened. The horse shifted, tense at first then slowly gradually it stilled. Listened. Trusted. Just like before. Your vision blurred slightly because nothing about that moment felt like it belonged to the years that had passed. It felt like the countryside. Like sunlight and quiet mornings. Like him standing beside you saying “gentle.”

“Impressive, isn’t he?” You flinched slightly at the voice beside you. Seungkwan smiled. “That’s him. The new head trainer mentioned.” You barely heard him because Junhui had turned. And this time he saw you. That’s when everything changed.

The recognition was instant. Sharp. Unmistakable. His gaze locked onto yours and didn’t move. Your breath caught. You had imagined this moment before. A hundred times. A thousand. What you would say? How you would explain? How you would fix what you broke? But standing here now you had nothing. Not a single word.

Jun’s expression didn’t soften. Didn’t brighten. Didn’t show relief. If anything it hardened just slightly but enough. Enough for you to feel it.

“Miss,” Seungkwan said gently. “Shall I introduce you?” The word hit you like a blade. Miss. Again just like that day. Your hands clenched slightly at your sides. “No.” You said quietly. But it was too late Jun was already walking toward you.

Each step was measured. Controlled. Nothing like the boy who used to lean casually against a stall door, teasing you for being late. This version of him kept his distance even before he reached you.

He stopped a few feet away. Professional and detached like you were just another client. “Ma’am,” he said. Your heart shattered a little. Ma’am. Not your name. Not even the name you gave him. Just distance.

“Welcome to Heaven’s Cloud.” His voice was calm. Even. Like he hadn’t once stood in a field watching you leave without saying goodbye. Like you hadn’t carried the weight of that moment for years.

You forced yourself to speak. “Junhui…” His jaw tightened just for a second, but he didn’t respond to it, didn’t acknowledge it. “Is there something you’d like to discuss regarding the horses?” He asked instead. Formal. Cold. Your chest ached.

“No,” you softly said. “I mean yes but that’s not…” your voice faltered. This wasn’t how you imagined it. He wasn’t supposed to look at you like this. Like you meant nothing.

“I tried to find you.” The words slipped out before you could stop them. Jun’s expression flickered. Barely. But you saw it. “I went back,” you continued your voice quieter now. “You were gone.”

Silence.

People moved around you, voices in the background, but it all felt distant. Muffled. Like the world had narrowed again just like before. Junhui exhaled slowly. Then finally…finally he looked at you. Not through you.

“You left,” he said. It hit harder than anything else.

“I didn’t have a choice.”

“You had a voice.”

Your breath caught. “I tried…”

“No,” he cut in, not raising his voice but firm. “You didn’t.”

The truth stung because part of it was real. “I was going to tell you,” you said desperation creeping up. “I just needed…”

“More time?” He finished.

You fell silent. Because that’s exactly what you needed. What you thought you had. Jun let out a quiet breath, shaking his head slightly. “I waited,” he said. Your heart dropped. “I thought maybe you’d come back. Or at least send something.” His gaze hardened again. “Anything.”

Guilt crushed you.

“I-“

“I heard about you instead.” Your stomach twisted. Of course he did, you were everywhere. Your name. Your face. Your life public, unavoidable. A world he was never meant to be part of.

“Jun..” you stepped closer, your voice barely above a whisper. “What we had…it wasn’t fake.” Something in his expression cracked. Just for a second, gone almost immediately.

“Maybe it wasn’t,” he said quietly. Hope flickered. “But it wasn’t real either.” And just like that it was shattered. Silence fell between you. Heavy. Unfinished. Full of everything neither of you had said. Back then. Or now. But neither of you walked away, not this time.

No matter how much time passed some things never really left. And standing here in a world that finally belonged to you. You realized something painfully clear, you had found him again. But this time winning him back might be even harder than losing him.

You didn’t let him walk away, not again. “Jun wait.” He stopped but barely. Like every instinct told him to keep going but something still held him back. Slowly he turned back. Impatience flickered across his face now. “You shouldn’t be chasing after me like this.”

“Why?” You shot back. “Because it’s inconvenient? Or because it’s me?”

His jaw tightened. “Because it doesn't change anything.”

“It could.”

“It won’t.”

That should have stopped you, but it didn’t. “Then let me try,” you said, stepping closer. “Just… one chance. To explain. To fix it.” Jun let out a short breath, shaking his head like he already knew how this would end. “You can’t fix something you walked away from.”

“I didn’t walk away from you,” you said, your voice breaking. “I was pulled away from everything.”

“Same difference.”

“No, it’s not!” Your voice cut sharper than expected. A few people nearby glanced over. You didn’t care. “I came back,” you continued, quieter but more intense. “That should count for something.”

“It doesn’t.”

The words land cold. Immediate. But there was something under them, something strained. Like he was forcing himself to believe it. “Then why are you still talking to me?” You asked. That hit. Jun didn’t answer right away because he couldn’t. Because you were right.

Before he could respond, Seungkwan hurried over, slightly out of breath. “Miss we need you inside. The board of investors are ready.” Of course they were. Perfect timing. You didn’t look away from Jun.

“I’m not done here.”

“You don’t have a choice,” Seungkwan said gently. Jun gave a quiet humorless huff. “Seems like nothing’s changed.” Your chest tightened. “Give me until tonight,” you quickly said. “Please.” He looked at you like he wanted to say no.

Like he should say no.

“One conversation doesn’t fix years,” he said.

“I know.”

“Then why ask?”

“Because it’s all I have.” There was a long pause. “After closing,” he said carefully. “But that’s it.” Relief hit you so fast it almost hurt. “Okay.” Jun nodded once then walked away.

Later that night Heaven’s Cloud was quiet. Empty. You found him exactly where you expected. The stables. Some things never changed. “You’re late.” He said without looking at you. The words felt like déjà vu.

A faint, sad smile pulled at your lips. “You didn’t give me a time.”

“…Still using that?”

“Still works.”

He then turned trying to lean casually against the stall like nothing happened, but the second his shoulder touched the wooden frame he fell. He stood up quickly, pretending like nothing happened.

“Talk.” He said instantly. No softness. No teasing. He wanted you to just get it over with. You took a breath, this was it. “No excuses,” you said. “Just the truth.” Jun didn’t react but he listened.

“I didn’t tell you who I was because I hated it,” you admitted. “What my name means. What people expect from me. I just wanted one place where I wasn’t…that.” His gaze flickered slightly. “I didn’t think it would matter,” you continued. “Not at first. Then it did. And by the time I realized that I was already—”

“Lying,” he finished.

“…Yes.” You swallowed. The silence was heavy. “I was going to tell you that day,” you said quietly. “Before they came.” Jun looked away.

“That doesn’t change what happened.”

“I know.”

“Then what are you trying to do?”

Your chest tightened. “Start over.”

That got his attention. He looked back at you this time. “You think it’s that simple?”

“No,” you said honestly. “I think it’s going to be really hard.” You paused.

“Good,” he muttered.

You stepped closer this time. “No more lies,” you said. “You can ask me anything.” Jun let out a quiet breath, like he wasn’t sure he wanted that.

“Why didn’t you come back sooner?” The question hit deeper than anything else. Because that one you didn’t have a clear answer for. “I tried,” you said. “My father made it very clear that if I came back it wouldn’t just affect me.”

Jun’s expression darkened. “…So you chose them.”

“No,” you said quickly. “I chose to survive it. And then came back when I can actually stand on my own.”

“And now.”

“Now I don’t have to ask for permission.” Then something shifted. Not completely but enough. Jun pushed off the stall, taking a step towards you. “Do you even understand what it felt like?” He asked quietly. “To realize everything I thought was real…wasn’t.”

“It was real.”

“For you maybe.”

“For you too.”

“Then why does it feel like I was the only one left behind?”

Your breath caught because he wasn’t wrong. “I thought about you every day,” you said. He scoffed. “That’s easy for you to say now. “

“Then don‘t believe me,” you said, voice steadying. “But don’t pretend you didn’t think about me too.” He was silent, you held his gaze and didn’t back down. That was your mistake because something in his expression changed it wasn’t cold anymore or distant. It was something sharper and more unnerving.

Jun stepped closer. Close enough that the space between you felt familiar again. “You always do this,” he said quietly. Your heart started racing.

“Do what?”

“Make it hard to walk away.”

You stopped breathing for a moment. “That’s not what I’m trying to do.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

He took another step. Now you could feel it again that the same tension and the same pull years hadn’t erased it. If anything it made it worse.

“Jun…” you whispered more of a warning or maybe a plea. But you didn’t know. “You should go,” he said but he didn’t move nor did he step back to create distance. “Do you want me to?” You asked softly. That question was the line. He exhaled slowly like he was losing a fight with himself. “…No.” And that was all it took for the distance between you to disappear. Not rushed or careless but inevitable like something that had been waiting years to happen.

His hand caught your wrist first. It wasn't gentle but not rough either. It was grounding, real.

“Last chance,” he murmured.

“For what?”

“To walk away.”

You didn’t and this time neither did he.

The first week was dangerous not because of scandals and not because of your father. Not even the press waiting outside every public event. It was dangerous because falling back into Junhui felt easy. Too easy.

It started small, a conversation after work then another. Then coffee was left outside his office because you remembered he skipped breakfast when he was stressed. He never thanked you for it, but the cup always disappeared.

And somehow without either of you acknowledging it you became part of his routine again.

“You’re distracting the horses.”

You looked up from where you sat on the fence outside the training arena mildly offended. “That sounds fake.”

“It’s not.”

Jun adjusted the reins in the horse beside him focused and infuriatingly calm. “They keep looking at you instead of me.”

A smile tugged at your lips. “Maybe they just like me more.”

“They don’t know you.”

The words slipped out casually but the second they did the air changed. You both heard what he really meant. You looked away first. Jun exhaled quietly.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Yes, you did.”

He stayed silent.

“Maybe a little.”

At least he was honest now. The thing was Jun wasn’t cold all the time anymore. That was the problem. If he hated you completely, this would’ve been easier, but sometimes you caught glimpses of him. The old him. The one who looked at you differently when you weren’t paying attention. The one who remembered things you said years ago. The one who stilled moved instinctively closer whenever you were upset.

And every time it happened you fell harder.

“You’re staring again.”

You blinked. Jun leaned against the stable door, sleeved rolled up, dark hair slightly damp from work. Exactly the kind of sight that made your heart flutter deeply.

“I wasn’t.”

“You were.”

“You’re very confident for someone covered in dirt.”

He looked at himself. “Occupational hazard.”

“You could at least try to look less good doing it.”

The words escaped before you could stop them. Jun froze. Then he slowly lifted his eyebrows. “… Was that flirting?” Your face burned immediately. “No.”

“That sounded like flirting.”

“It wasn’t intentional.”

“That’s worse.”

You groaned, covering your face briefly with your hands. “Can we pretend that didn’t happen?”

“No,” he said instantly.

You were dying on the inside. When you looked back up, he was smiling. Actually smiling. Not polite or restrained. Real. And the sight of it hit you so hard it almost hurt because you had missed that smile for years.

“You know,” Jun said quietly, “You’re different now.”

Your expression softened. “Different good or different bad?” He tilted his head like he was still deciding.

“You talk more.”

“That’s your fault.”

“How?”

“You make me nervous.”

That surprised him. You could tell.

“Me?” He asked

“Yes, you.”

“You used to lie to me without blinking.”

“Ouch.”

“But now you’re nervous?” You looked at him for a moment before answering honestly. “Back then, I was scared you’d find out who I was.” You paused. “Now I’m scared you’ll decide you don’t want me anymore.” That wiped the amusement from his face immediately. The silence after felt heavy. Jun looked down briefly, jaw tightening. “I never said I didn’t want you.”

Your heart jumped.

“Jun…”

“But wanting you and trusting this?” He continued, gesturing faintly between the two of you, “Aren’t the same thing.” There it was the truth underneath everything. Not a lack of love. Fear.

You get off the fence slowly getting closer. Careful not to push too hard this time. “I know,” you said softly. “I’m trying to earn that back.” Jun watched you approach but didn’t move. It was progress, tiny fragile progress.

“You know what the worst part was?” He asked suddenly. Your chest tightened. “What?”

“I hated myself.” The confession hit you like a punch. Jun let out a quiet breath, his gaze drifting somewhere past you. “Every time I saw your face somewhere,” he admitted “I told myself I was over it.”

Billboards, magazines, and interviews. Your entire day had haunted him whether he wanted it to or not. “But I’d still look, he said quietly.

Your eyes stung unexpectedly. “Jun…”

“And then you walked back into my life like no time has passed at all.”

“I know it’s unfair.”

“Yeah,” he muttered. “It is.”

For a second, neither of you spoke. Then softly, “I missed you too.” Jun’s gaze lifted back to yours. You could see it now the exhaustion in him, the restraint. How hard he was trying not to fall back into this completely.

Into you.

“You should stop looking at me like that,” he said quietly.

Your breath caught. “Like what?”

“Like I already forgiven you.”

The words hurt because they were true. Part of you hoped love would soften things faster that maybe if he saw how much you still cared it would erase the damage. But the hurt didn’t disappear because feelings survived.

“I don’t expect forgiveness,” you whispered. Jun held your gaze for a long moment. He slowly responded “Good.”

But he still reached for you. It was small, barely anything, just his fingers brushing against yours at first. Hesitating. Like he was giving himself one final chance to stop. You looked down at his hand then back at him. Neither of you pulled away.

Jun stepped closer. Close enough now that your heartbeat turned uneven again. “You’re trouble,” he murmured. A tiny laugh escaped you. “That’s a little unfair coming from you.”

“I was fine before you.”

“That sounds fake too.”

His mouth twitched slightly then his expression softened. Dangerously. “You really came back for me?” He asked quietly. Not accusing this time, not angry. Just…wanting the truth. Your chest ached. “There was never anyone else,” you admitted softly. “There was just you.” Something in him broke at that. Not loudly or dramatically, but enough. Enough that his hand tightened around yours. Enough that he finally leaned his forehead lightly against yours and closed his eyes. Like he was tired of fighting this. Tired of fighting you.

And for the first time in years, Jun let himself want you back openly. Even if it terrified him.

Junhui wanted to learn about your world so you invited him to the company gala. Jun hated galas that became obvious almost immediately. “You look like you want to kill someone.” Jun adjusted the collar of his suit jacket like it had personally offended him. “I might.” You laugh softly despite yourself.

“You look good.”

“I look trapped.”

“That too.”

His unimpressed stare only made your smile widen. The problem was he did look good. Dangerously good.

The tailored black suit sharpened everything about him: the broadness of his shoulders, the quiet confidence in the way he stood, the intensity in his gaze. And apparently you weren’t the only one noticing.

“…Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like you're plotting something.” You glanced away innocently. “No reason.”

“That means there’s definitely a reason.”

“There may be a reason.“ He sighed. “I should be at the stables.”

The gala hall was filled with wealth. Crystal chandeliers, champagne towers, people dressed in designer clothes worth more than most people’s rent. Jun noticed all of it immediately. Not because he was impressed but because he looked uncomfortable. And you hated that.

The two of you entered together, conversations subtly shifted around the room. Eyes followed. Whispers started instantly. You were used to it, but Jun wasn’t.

“Are they always this obvious?” He muttered quietly beside you.

“Yes.”

“That seems exhausting.”

“It is.”

“…How do you live like this?”

You almost answered: I don’t. But instead you forced a smile. “Practice.” Jun looked at you longer than expected. Like he suddenly understood something he hadn’t before.

“Miss…!”

A group approached before you could say anything else. Businessmen with polished smiles and sharp eyes. Your world. One of them glanced toward Jun almost immediately. Curious, assessing, and judging. “And who is this?” The man asked. You opened your mouth, but Jun answered first. “Junhui.” No title. No explanation. Just his name. The man blinked, clearly expecting more. “And what do you do, Junhui?” There it was. The question.

Not: Who are you?

But: What are you worth?

You felt Jun tense beside you. “I work with horses,” he said evenly. There was a tiny pause, subtle but noticeable. The man smiled politely after a while. “How…interesting.” You saw it immediately that look people got when they decided someone didn’t belong. And suddenly you were seventeen again, terrified of this exact moment. Only this time you weren’t staying quiet.

“He’s the head trainer of our equestrian division,” you said smoothly. The man’s demeanor shifted instantly. Respectable title. Corporate attachment. Acceptable. It made you sick. Jun noticed it too. You could feel it.

“How impressive,” the man said quickly, now far more interested. Jun gave a short nod but said nothing. The conversation moved on, but the damage was already done.

The second the group left, Jun exhaled sharply. “There it is.” Your stomach twisted. “Jun…”

“That thing they do.”

”What thing?”

His eyes met yours. “Looking at people like they’re deciding if they deserve oxygen in the room.” You winced internally because he was right.

“They’re not all like that.”

“Most are.”

You couldn’t even argue. Before you could respond, another interruption came. This time it was worse. “Your father’s looking for you.” Your blood ran cold. Jun immediately noticed. The warmth from earlier disappeared from your expression so fast it physically hurt him to watch.

“…That bad?” He asked quietly. You gave a humorless laugh. “You have no idea.”

Your father stood near the center of the ballroom surrounded by executives and investors, commanding the room without effort. Power clung to him naturally. And the second his eyes landed on Jun everything sharpened.

You felt Jun straighten beside you instinctively. Not intimidated. Your father approached slowly, controlled, and dangerous in the quietest way possible. “Junhui,” he said smoothly. The fact he already knew his name made you feel uneasy. “Sir,” Jun replied calmly. Your father’s gaze swept over him once.

Measured.

Clinical.

Then towards you. “I’d like a word with my daughter.” Not a request. “I can stay,” Jun said immediately. Your father smiled faintly. “Can you?” The tension snapped tight instantly. You stepped in quickly before things escalated. “I’ll be fine.” Jun looked unconvinced. Honestly? You were too. Your father waited until Jun was out of hearing distance before speaking.

“You brought him here.”

You crossed your arms slightly. “Yes.”

“In front of the investors”

”He works for the company.”

Your father’s expression barely changed. “That’s not why he’s here.” he was silent then coldly said “You’re repeating old mistakes.” Your body instantly heated up with anger. “Loving someone isn’t a mistake.”

”Someone like him is.” Your jaw tightened to the point it hurt. “He’s more honest than anyone in this room.”

“Honesty doesn’t build empires.”

”No,” you snapped quietly. “It just destroys people for them.” That finally got a reaction. Small but real.

Across the ballroom, Jun watched everything. The tension, your expression, the way your father spoke to you. And for the first time he understood something he hadn’t fully grasped before. You hadn’t just hidden behind wealth years ago. You had been trapped inside it.

“You should leave her alone.” The voice beside Jun scared him slightly. An older woman stood nearby, elegant and observant. “What?” He asked. She glanced toward you across the room. “That girl will destroy herself trying to love people against her father’s wishes.” Jun’s expression darkened immediately. “You don’t know her.” The woman smiled sadly. “I’ve known her since she was born.” That hit harder than expected. “She’s stubborn,” the woman continued softly. “But eventually this family makes everyone choose.”

Jun’s jaw tightened. “And if she chooses wrong?” The woman looked at him carefully. “In this family,” she said quietly, “love is usually the wrong choice.”

Across the room, your eyes found Jun’s again and suddenly the night felt dangerous. Because this wasn’t a secret anymore. Not to your father. Not to society. Not to the world watching. And for the first time since reuniting Jun began to understand what loving you would cost.

The argument started before the gala ended. You should’ve expected that. The second the car door shut behind you, your father spoke. “You embarrassed me tonight.” You stared out the window, exhaustion already in your eyes. “Good.” The silence that followed was sharp. Intimidating. “You think this is rebellion?” He asked coldly. “Parading that boy around in front of investors?”

“That boy has more integrity than half the men in that room.”

“Integrity doesn't matter.”

”There’s the problem.” Your fathers jaw tightened.

“You’re emotional.”

“And you’re cruel.”

The car stopped abruptly outside your family estate. Neither of you moved immediately. Not angry. Certain. Like this conversation had only one outcome. You turned toward him. “No.” It was the first time in your life you had ever said that to him without fear. And he noticed it.

Your father studied you carefully. “This obsession again,” he murmured. “After all these years.”

”It’s not an obsession.”

“You barely know him.”

A bitter laugh escaped you. “You don’t know me at all.” That landed. Hard.

“You think he loves you?” Your father asked.

“I know he does.”

“He loves the fantasy of you.” Your expression hardened. “No! He loved me before he knew who I was.” That shut him up for half a second. Because that was the one thing your father could never understand. Jun had fallen for you when you had nothing to offer but yourself.

No money.

No status.

No advantage.

Just you.

“He will resent you eventually,” your father continued. “Men like him always do.”

“Men like him?”

“Yes,” he said in a cold tone. “People who spend their lives looking in through windows at worlds they’ll never belong to.” Your stomach twisted in anger.

“You don’t know anything about him.”

“I know exactly what he is.” The words snapped something in you. “No,” you replied immediately. “I’m finally choosing something for myself.”

“And when this ends?”

“It won’t.”

The certainty in your voice made his expression darken. Because suddenly this wasn’t a phase anymore. It wasn't a youthful rebellion. It was real.

“You sound exactly like your mother.” The words hit unexpectedly. You froze. Your father rarely spoke about her. Ever. “…What does that mean?” For the first time that night, something unreadable flickered across his face. “She believed love mattered more than power too.” You gasped. “And?” There was a long silence. “She learned power mattered more than love when she married me.”

Something in the way he said that made your stomach turn. Not angry. Not mocking. Almost…bitter. “You loved her,” you realized quietly. Your father’s expression immediately shut down again. “This conversation is over.”

“No,” you said sharply. “You don’t get to say things like that and walk away.”

“You’re naive.”

“And you’re miserable.” That stopped him cold. The air in the car turned suffocatingly still. “You think I built all of this by being soft?” Your father asked quietly. “No,” you whispered. “I think you built all of this because you were terrified of losing people.” His gaze snapped toward yours. Too fast. Too defensive. You saw it immediately. And suddenly you understood him. Not fully but enough. Enough to realize your father wasn’t heartless. He was someone who had convinced himself love was a weakness because losing it nearly destroyed him once.

“You don’t get to control my life because yours hurt,” you said quietly. Your father looked away first. That never happened before.

When you stepped out of the car, your hands were shaking. Not from fear but from adrenaline. From years of swallowed words finally spilling out.

“I fought with him.” You started to say, your chest heavy. Jun stood near the entrance gates, still in his suit, tie loosened slightly now. Waiting for you to continue. “What are you doing here?” He shrugged lightly. “You look upset.” That simple, that easy. Like, of course, he came after you.

You laughed softly despite yourself, the sound exhausted. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“Probably not.” But he still stepped closer.

The moment he saw your expression, his changed immediately. “What did he say?” You hesitated. Jun’s jaw tightened. “That bad?”

“He wants me to leave you alone.” A humorless smile crossed Jun’s face. “Shocking.”

“He thinks this will ruin everything.” Jun was quiet for a second. Then softer “…Maybe he’s not completely wrong.” Your head snapped up. “Don’t.”

“I’m serious.”

“Wen Junhui”

“This is your family. Your company. Your entire future.”

“And?”

“And I don’t know if I fit into any of it.” There it was. The fear. The insecurity your father had been counting on. You stepped toward him. “You fit with me.” Jun looked away. “That’s not always enough.”

“It is for me.”

“But is it enough for the world you live in?” That question hurt because neither of you truly knew. You reach for his hand anyway and after a second he let you take it. “I’ve spent years regretting not fighting for you,” you whispered. “I’m not doing that again.” Jun looked at your intertwined hands quietly like he wanted to believe you. Like part of him already did. But another part was terrified too.

“He’s going to make this difficult,” he admitted.

“I know.”

“He’ll try to push me out.”

“I know.”

“And eventually you’re going to have to choose.” You swallowed hard because that was the truth looming over you both now. Not if. When.

Jun lifted his gaze back to yours slowly. And for the first time since reuniting. He looked genuinely afraid. Not of your father. Not of the pressure. Of you. Of what would happen if he trusted you completely again…and lost you a second time.

“Tell me now,” he said quietly. “Before this gets worse.” Your heart pounded. “If he forces you to choose someday…” he paused. Then softly said “…What would you choose?”

The first photo happened by accident.

The second one didn’t.

“You know this is a terrible idea.” Jun adjusted the cuff of his suit with visible irritation, eyes scanning the crowded ballroom entrance like he was preparing for battle. Honestly? He kind of was. You smiled faintly beside him. “You said that last time too.”

“And I was right last time.”

Tonight was worse. Much worse. Because this wasn’t just another company gala. This was a major charity event hosted directly by your family. Investors, press, executives, and socialites. Every important person in your world is packed into one glittering nightmare. And Jun was standing beside you anyway.

“You can still leave,” you said quietly. Jun looked at you immediately. Not offended. Just tired. “Do you still want me to go?” The question caught you off guard. Because underneath it was something deeper.

Not: Should I go?

But: Wil you choose me if I stay tonight?

Your chest tightened. “No.” The answer came instantly. Firm. Certain.

Jun stared at you for a second longer before exhaling quietly. “…Then I’m staying.” The second you entered the room, you noticed. Conversations slowed, heads turned, phones subtly lifted and whispers spread almost instantly. Jun felt all of it. You did too. But this time you didn’t let go of his hand.

That mattered more than you realized. Because Jun noticed and so did the cameras, and across the ballroom your father definitely noticed. “Breathe,” you whispered softly. Jun glanced down at you slightly. “I am breathing.”

“You look homicidal.”

“I’m considering it.” A laugh slipped out before you could stop it. It was wrong and terrible timing, but the sound softened something in him immediately.

“You really hate these things, huh?” You murmured. Jun looked around once at the polished wealth surrounding him. “I hate how they look at you.”

Your expression faltered slightly. “…What do you mean?”

“Like you belong to them.”

The words hit harder than expected. Before you could answer, a flash exploded nearby. Then another. And another. Paparazzi. Already. Jun stiffened instantly. Your grip tightened around his hand on instinct. “It’s okay,” you said quietly. “It doesn’t seem okay.”

“Miss Y/L/N! Over here!”

“How long have you two been together?”

“Is this relationship confirmed?”

“Are the rumors true?”

The questions came fast.

Aggressive.

Relentless.

Jun’s expression darkened immediately. Not angry at you but at them. By the way your entire life has become public property. You should’ve let go of his hand then. For damage control. For headlines. For your father. Instead you stepped closer to Jun and every camera in the room caught it.

The flashes intensified immediately. Seungkwan was somewhere across the room moments away from cardiac arrest. Jun stared down at you slightly, genuinely surprised now. “You really don’t care anymore?” He asked quietly. You looked up at him then toward the cameras then back at him. “No.” You said softly. And for the first time Jun believed you.

Unfortunately your father did too. “Excuse me.” The cold voice cut through the crowd instantly. Your stomach dropped. Around you, conversations quieted almost immediately. Your father approached with the controlled calm of someone furious enough not to raise his voice. Which was always worse.

His gaze landed first on your intertwined hands. Then Jun. Then you. “May I speak with you.?” Not can. May. Polite enough to be a warning. Jun started to let go of your hand. You stop him. Your father noticed that too. And suddenly the tension in the room became suffocating.

“You’re causing a scene,” your father said quietly “No,” you replied evenly . “People reacting to me having a life is causing a scene.” His expression hardened.

“This is not the place.”

“You say that about every place.” A tiny flicker of anger crosses his face. Rare. “Junhui,” your father said suddenly, shifting his attention. “Perhaps you should give us a moment.” The dismissal in his tone was deliberate, almost calculated. Like Jun was temporary. Replaceable. Before Jun had the chance to respond you interrupted.

“No.” Immediate and sharp.

Your father looked back at you. “You would defy me publicly?” You felt Jun tense beside you instantly. Probably expecting you to back down. To soften. To choose survival.

Instead you lifted your chin slightly. “Yes.” Silence. Absolute silence. Even the surrounding conversations had stopped now. People were pretending not to watch. Pretending very badly. Your father lowered his voice. Dangerously calm. “You’re embarrassing this family.” You laughed softly in disbelief. “No,” you whispered. “I think I’m embarrassing you.”

Jun looked at you like he barely recognized what he was seeing. Because years ago, you would’ve folded under this pressure instantly. But not now. Not for this. Not for him. Your father took a slow breath. Then finally he said, “If you walk out of this event with him tonight…” he paused “don’t expect things to remain the same.” There it was the threat. Not hidden anymore. Direct.

Jun’s hand tightened around yours immediately. Not controlling. Protective. “Don’t,” he said quietly to you. Your eyes flickered toward him. His expression had changed completely. Not fear for himself. Fear for you.

“You don’t understand what he’ll do,” Jun murmured. “I do.”

“No,” he said softly. “I think you underestimate how ugly this can get.” Maybe. But you were tired. Tired of fear. Tired of hiding. Tired of letting everyone else decide your life.

You looked back at your father. Then slowly you stepped closer to Jun instead. Choosing a side.

Publicly.

Completely.

The cameras exploded and shouts instantly erupted. Questions. Chaos. Flashes blinding the room white. And somewhere in the middle of it all Jun stared at you in shock. Because this time you didn’t let him go.

By morning everything was ruined. Your phone started ringing at 5 AM. It didn’t stop after that. Messages. Calls. Notifications. Headlines multiplying faster than you could process them. You stared at the screen, stomach sinking further with every swipe.

Pledis Heiress in Secret Relationship with Employee

Mystery Man at Charity Gala Identified

From Stableboy to Socialite

Inside Scandal Shaking Pledis Industries

And the photos.

God, the photos of your hand in Jun’s. His arm around you as cameras closed in. They looked at him like the rest of the room didn’t exist. They had captured it all.

A new message appeared from Seungkwan.

Your father has called an emergency board meeting.

Your blood ran cold.

Meanwhile, Jun was getting destroyed online. “Hey.” Jun looked up from the stable office as Chan, one of the younger trainers, entered awkwardly with his phone in hand. The expression alone told him enough. “…Bad?” Jun asked flatly. “Depends how much you like being called a gold digger.” Jun’s jaw tightened.

He took the phone and instantly regretted it. Thousands of comments. Strangers tearing him apart like they know him personally.

He planned this from the beginning.

Men like him. Always look for rich women.

She’ll dump him in six months.

Embarrassing.

He doesn’t belong in her world.

That one stung because it echoed too closely to the thoughts he already fought against himself. “What idiots,” Chan muttered angrily. Jun handed the phone back quietly.

“…They’re not completely wrong.”

“Hyung.”

“I should get back to work.”

The conversation was over, but work didn’t save him either because now people stared, whispered, and watched him differently. Not Junhui the trainer but Junhui the scandal.

By noon paparazzi had found the stables. Cameras crowded the gates. Questions shouted nonstop.

“Junhui! Did you pursue her intentionally?”

“Are you living together?”

“Did her father try to pay you off?”

One reporter laughed while saying “What’s it like dating someone worth billions?” Jun’s expression darkened instantly. Inside the car across the street you watched everything that happened live. Horror set in your chest. “Go,” you told the driver immediately.

“But your father requested …”

“I said go.”

You barely waited for the car to stop before getting out. The second the reporters saw you chaos doubled. Flashes exploded and questions flew faster.

“Miss Y/L/N!”

“Are the rumors serious?”

“Is your family against the relationship?”

“Did you hide him for years?”

Hide him. The words made you sick.

Junhui saw you immediately. And instead of relief he looked upset. That hurt. “What are you doing here?” He asked the second you reached him.

“Helping you.”

“This is helping?”

The cameras kept flashing around you. You ignored them. “You shouldn’t be dealing with this alone.” Jun laughed once. Short and exhausted.

“Your world is insane.”

“I know.”

“No,” he snapped quietly. “I don’t think you do.” That stopped you cold. Before you could respond another car arrived. Black. Familiar. Your stomach dropped. “No…” your father stepped out. And suddenly the atmosphere shifted completely. Even the reporters went quieter because power had entered the scene.

Your father looked at the cameras, then at Jun, and finally at you. Disappointment settled across his face like ice. “You continue to ignore direct instructions.” Anger flared immediately.

“He’s being harassed!”

“He’s being exposed to consequences.”

Your expression hardened. “Because of me.”

“Yes.” The honesty stunned even Jun.

“You think I don’t know that?” You demanded.

“I think you don’t understand what damage looks like until it reaches you personally.”

“You’re unbelievable.”

“No,” your father replied coldly. “I’m realistic.”

Then he turned toward Jun directly and the temperature dropped another ten degrees.

“This situation ends today.” Your pulse spiked. “What are you talking about?” Your father ignored you completely. Instead, he reached into his coat and handed Jun a folder. He frowned slightly before taking it. You saw the company logo and your blood ran cold.

“Effective immediately,” your father said calmly, “Your position within Heaven’s Cloud has been terminated.” Silence. Complete silence. Even the reporters looked stunned.

Your voice broke first. “You fired him?”

“He has become a liability.”

“He’s a person!”

“He became a public spectacle the second this relationship surfaced.” Rage hit so fast your vision blurred. “You did this on purpose.” Your father didn’t deny it. That was the worst part.

Slowly, Jun opened the folder. Reading the document, his face gave nothing away. But you know him now. You saw the humiliation, the anger, the hurt. “Junhui” he closed the folder quietly. Then looked at your father. Not emotional, not explosive, just calm. Which somehow felt worse. “Understood.”

No.

No,no no. This can’t be happening.

He wasn’t supposed to accept this. “What??” You turned toward him in disbelief. Jun avoided your eyes.

“It’s fine.”

“It’s NOT fine!” Your voice cracked loudly enough that several reporters focused harder. Jun noticed of course he did and somehow that made him retreat even more. “You should go home,” he said quietly. You stared at him.

“Are you serious right now?”

“They’re tearing you apart out here.”

“I don’t care!”

“I do.”

That silenced you. Jun finally looked at you then and the pain in his expression nearly shattered you. “I told you this would happen.” Your eyes burned.

“So what?” You whispered. “We just give up?”

“No.”

But he looked exhausted when he said it like he suddenly understood exactly how hard loving you was always going to be. Your father stepped forward slightly. “This ends now.” And for the first time Jun looked genuinely tempted to let it.

After being fired, something in Jun changed. Not suddenly, but not all at once, slowly enough to hurt. He stopped answering your calls immediately. When you stopped by his place, he was suddenly “busy.” When you asked if he wanted to see you, he always said “Maybe later.” Later never came. 

At first, you told yourself he just needed space. Then a week passed. Then two. The distance between you started feeling terrifyingly familiar. “Junhui.” He looked up briefly from the duffel bag he was packing inside the small apartment above the stables. You froze slightly. 

“You’re leaving?” 

“Yes.” 

Your stomach dropped immediately. “No you can’t?” 

“There’s another training facility interested in hiring me.” 

The room suddenly felt too small. “Where?” 

“A few hours away.” Your chest hurt painfully. “You didn’t tell me.” Jun zipped the bag shut. “I’m telling you now.” Something snapped inside you. “That’s not the same thing.” His jaw tightened instantly. “Don’t start.” 

“Don’t start?” You repeated in disbelief. “You’ve barely spoken to me in weeks!” 

“I’ve been trying to think.”

“No,” you shot back. “You’ve been running away.”  You saw it in his expression. Jun exhaled sharply, looking away. 

“You don’t understand what this feels like.” 

“Then tell me!”  His laugh was bitter this time. “Everywhere I go now, people know me as your boyfriend.” The words hurt because he said them like it stripped him of himself completely. 

“They fired you because of me,” you whispered. 

“And you think that doesn’t matter?” 

“I’m trying to fix it!” 

“You can’t fix this!” 

The sudden sharpness in his voice stunned both of you. Silence crashed between you afterward. Jun dragged a hand through his hair roughly. “I had a life before all this,” he said quieter now. “I knew who I was.” 

Your eyes stung. “And now?”

“Now I don’t know if people look at me and see me anymore.” The confession cracked something in your chest. Because underneath the anger he sounded lost. 

You stepped closer carefully. 

“Jun please…” 

“No” he shook his head. “You don’t get to look at me like that.” 

“Like what?” 

“Like you can save this.” Your throat tightened painfully. “I love you.” The words came out desperate. Raw. Real. Jun closed his eyes briefly like hearing it hurt more than helped. “That’s the problem.” 

You stared at him. “What is that supposed to mean?” 

“It means I love you too much to keep destroying your life.” Anger flared through the heartbreak.

“You don’t get to decide that for me.” 

“And you don’t get to pretend this hasn’t ruined everything!” Your breath caught sharply. “Ruined?” You repeated quietly. Jun looked away. It was too late. The damage was done. 

“So loving me ruined your life?” 

“That’s not what I said.” 

“It’s exactly what you said!” Your voice broke. And somehow that made the fight worse because now both of you were hurting too much to stop. 

“You think this has been easy for me?” You demanded. “I lost my family over this!” 

“You still HAVE your family!” 

That shout echoed through the room. Silence followed it was heavy and ugly. Jun looked horrified the second the words left his mouth. But you, you just stood there like he’d slapped you. Because suddenly you understood no matter how much he loved you, part of him still believed there was an invisible line between your worlds. 

One you could cross but he never truly could. 

“You think I chose any of this?” Your voice shook violently now. “You think I wanted this life?’ 

“No.” He admitted. “But it's still yours.” The truth of it hurt worse than anger because he was right. No matter how hard you fought against it, you would always belong to that world in some way and Jun would always feel outside of it. 

Tears burn your eyes now. “I’m trying,” you whispered. Jun’s expression cracked. “I know.” 

“Then why are you pushing me away?”  Because he didn’t know how to survive loving you anymore. Every time he looked at you, he wanted a future he didn’t believe he could have. Losing you once nearly destroyed him and somehow having you back felt even scarier. 

“I can’t breathe in your world,” he quietly said. That broke you completely. You stared at him for a long moment. Then nodded slowly. Too calmly. Which scared him. “…Okay.” Jun frowned slightly. “Okay?” 

“You want space?” Your voice was dangerously quiet now. “Fine.” 

“That’s not…” 

“No,” you interrupted softly. “I get it now.”  Your chest hurt so badly it felt hard to stand. “But don’t stand there and tell me this is for me.” Jun went still. “Because you’re not leaving to protect me,” you whispered. “You’re leaving because you’re scared.” That landed exactly where intended. 

His expression hardened instantly. “You think this is easy for me?”  

“No,” you said, tears finally falling now. “I think you’d rather lose me first than risk me leaving again.” There was complete silence. Because you were right and he knew it. 

Jun looked wrecked suddenly. Angry. Exhausted. Heartbroken. “All I’ve done is love you,” he said quietly. Your breath hitched. “Then why does it feel like you keep punishing me for it?”  The question shattered whatever composure he had left. 

For a second, he looked like he might reach for you. Like he might finally stop fighting. Instead, he stepped back and that hurt more than anything else that night. Your laugh came out shaky and devastated. 

“Wow.” 

Jun's chest tightened painfully. “Don’t” 

“You know what's funny?”  You whispered. “I spent years thinking if I could just get you back, everything would be okay.” Your eyes met his. “But loving each other was never the problem, was it?” No answer came because there wasn’t one. 

You wiped your face quickly, trying to pull yourself together. “I can’t keep begging you to stay.” Jun looked like he wanted to say something. Anything. But he didn’t. And somehow that was the final blow. 

You nodded once. Small. Broken. Then turned toward the door. “Y/N.” Your hand stopped on the handle. The way he said your name nearly made you turn around. But you couldn’t survive him changing his mind again. So without looking back you whispered “…I wish you had fought for me the way I fought for you.” Then you walk out. This time Jun didn’t follow. 

Three months later, the engagement announcement hit every news outlet in the country. 

Pledis Heiress Prepares to Announce Marriage with Business Partner

You stared at the headline from your office in complete silence. Across the room, your father calmly signed documents like he hadn’t just detonated your entire life. 

“You leaked it,” you said quietly. 

“I expedited the inevitable.” 

“There is no engagement.” 

“There will be.”

You laughed once. Cold. Disbelieving. 

“You really think you can force me into this?” 

“I think eventually you’ll grow tired of embarrassing yourself over a man who already walked away.” That one landed hard because it was cruel and it hurt. 

Meanwhile, Jun saw the news alone on his phone, standing in a stable hours away from you. And for a full minute he couldn’t breathe. The article showed your photo beside another man from an influential family. Perfect smiles. Perfect future. Perfect lie. Jun stared at it until his vision blurred because suddenly every fear he ever has about your world came rushing back at once. 

This is what people like you did. This was how stories like yours ended. Not with love but with arrangements, power and sacrifice. “You okay?” Jun blinked slowly as another trainer approached. He locked his phone immediately. “Yeah.” 

Lie. 

Terrible lie. 

That night, he couldn’t sleep because no matter how many times he told himself to let you go, he still knew you. Something about the announcement felt wrong. Too clean. Too sudden. Too much like pressure. 

Then his phone rang. It was an unknown number. He almost ignored it. “…Hello?” Silence greeted him first. “Jun.” Your voice is small and exhausted. Suddenly his heart was beating hard enough to hurt. 

For a second neither of you spoke because it had been months. Months of silence. Months of missing each other. Months of pretending you could survive it. “I’m sorry” you whispered. Jun shut his eyes. 

“Don’t.” 

“No I am.” Your voice cracked slightly . “For all of it. For calling. For ruining your peace again.” 

“You never ruined anything.” The answer came too fast. Too honest. And both of you heard it. A shaky breath escaped you. “They’re announcing it tomorrow.” Jun’s stomach dropped. 

“So it’s true.”

“No.” Confusion flickered across his face. “What?” 

“It’s not real.” Your voice sounded tired now. Hollow. “My father arranged the meeting, leaked the story, and now everyone’s acting like the decisions already made.” Jun’s body filled with anger. Cold and sharp. 

“Then say no.” You let out a bitter laugh. “You think I haven’t?” 

“Then fight harder.”  

“I’m tired, Jun.”  And that, that broke him. Because for the first time since meeting you, you sounded defeated. “You once asked what I would choose.” you whispered. Jun's chest tightened painfully. 

“I chose you,” you paused. “You were just too scared to believe me.” Every word hit exactly where it hurt most. Because you were right again. 

Jun sat down slowly on the edge of the stall behind him, dragging his hand over his face. 

“Y/N…” 

“I loved you enough to stand against everyone,” you said softly. “But I can't do it alone anymore.” The tears in your voice destroyed whatever distance he’d been trying to keep alive. “Tell me the truth,” you whispered. Jun’s grip on the phone tightened. “If I walk away tomorrow…” your voice shook, “will you let me?” The question hollowed him out instantly. Because he knew what you were really asking. 

Not:  Will you stop me? 

But: Are we over for real this time? 

Jun looked down at the floor quietly. At the life he tried to rebuild. At the distance he forced between you. At the fear that had controlled him for years. 

Then finally he understood something. Losing you a second time wouldn’t protect him anymore. It would destroy him. He stood abruptly. “Where are you?” Your breath caught. “What?” 

“Where are you?” 

The next hour felt unreal. Jun drove through heavy rain and he could barely see the road. 

Your father’s voice. 

The headlines.

The pressure. 

The fear. 

None of it mattered anymore because for the first time loving you mattered more than surviving it. 

By the time he reached the estate, reporters already crowed outside the gates. Of course they did. Tomorrow’s announcement has become a media frenzy. Jun stepped out anyway. Immediately flashes were everywhere. 

“Junhui!” 

“Are you here about the engagement?” 

“Did she leave you?” 

“Were you paid off?” 

He ignored all of them. 

Inside the estate, you stood frozen at the top of the staircase when the doors opened. Jun walked in soaked from the rain, breathing hard, eyes locked only on you. Suddenly, nothing else existed. Not the staff. Not the cameras outside. Not your father standing across the room.

Just him. 

“Jun…” then he said the words you had waited years for him to hear. “I’m done running from this.” Your eyes immediately filled with tears. Your father stepped forward. “You have no right—” 

“No,” Jun interrupted, voice steady despite everything. “You don’t get to decide her life because you’re afraid of love failing.” Silence slammed through the room. Your father froze because Jun had seen through him completely. 

Jun looked back at you and now softer. “I was scared.” The honesty in his voice shattered you. “Scared you’d leave again. Scared I’d never fit into your world. Scared loving you would destroy both of us.”  He stepped closer. “But losing you already did.” Your tears finally fell. “I don’t care about their world anymore,” Jun said quietly. “I care about you.”  

Your chest hurt so hard you couldn’t breathe. Because this, this was all you ever wanted, not perfection, not status just him choosing you freely. 

Jun stopped in front of you now. Close enough to touch. Close enough to finally stop pretending. “So if you’re asking me now…” his voice softened, “No.” 

A shaky breath escaped you. “No?” 

“I won’t let you walk away again.” 

And then he finally reached for you. You hugged him immediately. Crying. Laughing. Holding onto him like letting go will kill you both. Jun wrapped his arms around you tightly, burying his face against your hair like he still couldn’t believe this was real. Like he thought you might disappear if he loosened his grip. 

Across the room, your father watched silently. Not approving. Not forgiving. But for the first time not interfering either because he recognized the look on Jun’s face. He had worn it once too. 

One year later. The headlines changed not completely but enough. 

Pledis Heiress and Equestrian Director Open Youth Riding Foundation 

Public Couple Appear Together After Year of Speculation

Controversial Romance Still Going Strong

The last one made Jun laugh every time he saw it. “Still going strong,” he repeated from the kitchen one morning, amused. “Sounds like we survived a natural disaster."

You looked up from the couch. “Didn’t we?” 

“Fair point.” 

Things hadn’t magically become easy. That was the truth. Your father was still difficult. The media was still intrusive. The business world is still judgmental. But none of it controlled you anymore because eventually something changed. You both stopped trying to earn permission to love each other. 

Jun never fully became comfortable in your world, but he stopped feeling small inside it. And surprisingly your world slowly started changing around him too. Not because he tried to impress anyone. It was quite the opposite. 

Jun remained stubbornly himself through all of it. Still quiet, grounded, and still more comfortable around horses than billionaires. And somehow that authenticity made people respect him anyway. Especially after Heaven’s Cloud began thriving under his leadership. 

“You know they’re terrified of you now, right?" You teased one evening. Jun glanced up from the paperwork spread across the dining table. “Who?” 

“The executives.” He looked genuinely confused. “Why?” You smiled. “Because you keep telling them the truth.” 

“That’s how meetings work.” You laughed. 

God, you loved him. 

The countryside became your escape again eventually. Not as a secret this time. As your home. On weekends, the two of you disappeared there whenever possible. Back to open fields, quiet mornings, the little stable where everything first began. Only now you don't have to hide your name. 

One warm evening, you found him leaning against the fence watching the horses graze beneath the setting sun. The sight made your heart ache a little. Not painfully anymore, just deeply. 

“You’re staring again,” Jun said without turning. You smiled. “You always notice.” 

“You’re not subtle.” You walk over slowly until you stood beside him. For a moment neither of you spoke. Just wind, golden light, and peace. Something you once thought you’d never have together. “You know,” you said softly, “if you told us back then we’d end up here…” Jun snorted lightly. “I would've thought we were insane.” 

“We were insane.” 

“A little.” 

You looked over at him. At the man who once believed loving you would ruin him. At the man who stayed anyway. Jun caught you looking and his expression softened. Still your Jun. Always your Jun. “What?” He asked quietly. You smiled. “Nothing” he narrowed his eyes slightly. “That’s suspicious.” 

“I’m just happy.” The honesty of it made him still for a second because after everything those words mattered. Jun stepped closer slowly. Close enough to wrap an arm around your waist and pull you gently against him. “Me too,” he admitted. Your chest warmed. 

For a while, you simply stood there together watching the sunset across the fields. No cameras. No expectations. No one is pulling you apart. 

Just the two of you. 

Finally choosing each other without fear. 

Then Jun broke the silence. “You know,” he murmured thoughtfully, “You were a terrible liar when we first met Lemon. I knew that name wasn’t real, I just played along.” 

You gasped softly on fake offense. “Excuse me?” 

“I knew something was weird immediately.” 

“You did not.” 

“You screamed when Liang Chao sneezed near you.”

”It was loud!” 

“You also held a grooming brush like a weapon.” You started laughing. “That proves nothing.” Jun smiled fully now, that rare, beautiful smile you once thought you’d lost forever. “It proved you didn’t belong here.” Your laughter softened. “Maybe not,” you admitted quietly. Then you reached for his hand. “But I belonged with you.”  Something emotional flickered across his face. 

Even now, after everything those words still affected him. Jun lifted your joined hands slowly and pressed a kiss against your knuckles.

“I loved you from the beginning,” he confessed. Your heart melted. 

“I know.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I.”

A small smile pulled at his lips. “I think I would’ve found you in every lifetime.” Your eyes burned. “That’s unfairly romantic.” 

“I’ve been holding that in for years.” You laughed through tears. “Idiot.”

“Your idiot.” 

“Unfortunately.” 

Lee Jihoon was a simple man and wasn’t someone who wanted too much out of life. He just wanted to live his life quietly and comfortably. He didn’t need all the things capitalism told society they needed.

He didn’t need the latest car model, happily driving around in a previously owned model. He didn’t need a large home with more rooms than people living there, he was content with his two bedroom home that was big enough for him. His clothes weren’t fancy luxury brands, with a lot of it thrifted and second hand. As long as they were comfortable and fit well, he was happy.

He had some of the best friends a man could ask for, and a cat that loved him.

If only everything in his life was simple.

You were the clerk at his favorite little corner shop, working nearly every time he came in, always greeting customers with a bright smile and a happy ‘hello’.  Now, he would be lying if he didn’t think you were one of the prettiest people he had ever seen, or that your smile didn’t brighten his day. He would definitely be lying if it didn’t settle in his chest in a way that wasn’t so simple.

He had to convince himself that he wasn’t special compared to the next customer to enter the small shop, nor was he the only one who would get that cute smile and greeting. He wasn’t the only one who would stay back after their purchases to chat with you, everyone would. You treated everyone like an old friend, always remembering little things about each person that came to your till.

“How’s your wife doing? I do hope you are helping with the baby and taking him when she needs to rest.” You playfully scold Chan when he would come in for things for his wife and newborn son. “If you need anything though, let me know. I can always come by on one of my days off with dinner and watch him while you two have some time to yourselves.”

“Did the recipe work? I know she had to of loved it.” You giggled with Seungcheol after you’d given him one of your favorite recipes to help impress his girlfriend, only to learn he burnt it and they ordered pizza instead. “Oh well, maybe next time.”

“Have I told you that you have the coolest robot in the entire world? I’m super jealous that it can shoot lasers.” You humored a little girl who would be clinging to a little robot action figure whenever she was in, before chatting her mother about their dinner plans.

So, when you would ask about his cat, how his music is going, or bring up something he mentioned in passing Jihoon had to remind himself that you were only doing it to be friendly. You were like this with everyone, and he was no different than the next person. You were simply just doing your job.

Except there were times that did make him wonder. There was a shine to your eyes when he would walk in, sometimes your greeting would be brighter, and your smile would sometimes soften to a shyer one when he would stay back to talk to you. While your laugh would be a little louder when he would make a joke, or you would take to chewing your bottom lip more.

Making you even prettier than you already were.

But he had to remind himself that he wasn’t any more special than the next person to come to her counter. It was probably simpler that way. Only he didn’t see the way your eyes would follow him when he would walk in or see the way your hand balled up into a fist when he would leave.

Wishing you had said something more and make your interest known.

Every weekend when spring starts the center of town would be filled with vendor booths, crowds of people from surrounding towns and would go until the end of summer. Selling different things like candles, candies, baked goods, trinkets, clothes, fruit and vegetables that were in season. Other booths would sell hot foods and cool drinks for people to enjoy as they browse, with some offering homemade ice cream when the days got hot.

It wasn’t the type of thing that Jihoon would usually go to, finding it was always too crowded and most the items being sold would just add clutter to one’s home, but he did find some of the food to be pretty decent. So, him being there on a Saturday wasn’t by his own choice, but his friend Wonwoo who was being dragged by his wife.

She had insisted that her husband needed to get out of the house more, and somehow this also meant that Jihoon did too.

Which he wouldn’t have exactly minded, had they not disappeared into the crowd as soon as they got there, leaving him to browse the booths alone. Hands in his jeans pocket, avoiding eye contact with the vendors as he browsed; not wanting to give them a chance to talk to him or attempt to sell him anything. Every so often he would catch sight of Wonwoo and his wife Adri, but they would be gone just as quickly as he would see them.

Then he saw you.

You were standing at one of the florist stands, talking and laughing with the elderly woman running the booth with your gaze on the beautiful flowers that were being sold. Jihoon found himself rooted to the spot, watching the way your face would light up from your smile and how your laughter would float to him like a melody only he ever wanted to hear.

You must’ve felt his gaze since your laughter faded as you looked his way, but your smile still played over your pretty lips as your eyes met. Giving a quick goodbye to the vendor, you adjusted the pink knitted tote on your shoulder as you made your way toward him.

Jihoon had to be mad to think that your smile got wider and there was a shine of excitement in your eyes at the sight of him.

“Jihoon, right?” You asked once closer, and he nodded with the corner of his lips upturning when you bounced with excitement. He then responded with your own name and braced himself for the chance he had gotten it wrong (that would be so embarrassing), and you nodded with the same enthusiasm. “It’s so nice to see you!”

“It’s nice to see you as well.” The words came out a little higher than he would’ve liked, having to cough to clear his throat. Of course, his voice would crack when talking to you, but you didn’t seem to notice. Or if you did, you didn’t say anything about it.

“Have you tried Mrs. Min’s lemon bars yet?” You didn’t miss a beat with your question, taking Jihoon a bit by surprise.

It was well known that the food in the market was decent, some of the best in fact, and one of the biggest reasons many would show up every weekend. Hell, most his friends would willingly get up during the weekend just to go eat,  and he had even tried many of the different dishes over the years himself, but not everything.

Like Mrs. Min’s lemon bars.

“I have not.” When he said those words, you let out a gasp before hopping (that’s the only way he could describe it) next to him. You hooked your arms around his, with your hand resting over his plaid covered bicep, tilting your head to look up at him.

It was then he realized you were shorter with him, and it somehow endeared you to him more.

“Then you have not lived yet.” The giggle that left you sounded so sweet to him, probably sweeter than the lemon bars that you were leading him to, but he was still processing you touching him.

You didn’t need to pull at him to follow you, finding himself easily falling into step with your little skips, filling the air with chatter as you walked. Telling him stories that eventually blended in with each other then took different directions to the point he barely was able to keep up. He didn’t seem to mind though.

He liked the sound of your voice and didn’t want to stop hearing it by interrupting with questions so he wouldn’t be so lost in your chatter. He rather take not knowing then not hear you.

“Here we are!” You said with excitement, the story you were telling forgotten now that you were standing at the pastry booth. Mrs. Min’s Breads and Pastries, said the sign. You then call out to the woman running the booth; a friend of yours. “Ruby! Could I get two of your famous lemon bars? Oh! And those orange bars too!” You then turned to Jihoon, “They are just like lemon bars, but even better cause they’re made with oranges.”

“I haven’t even tried the lemon bars yet.” Jihoon pointed out, with a soft chuckle, taking in how cute you were. Waiting impatiently for the pastries to be picked out and handed to you.

“I know, but what the hell right? Why not try both?” You answer, already handing over a couple of wadded bills, paying before Jihoon had the chance to offer. Taking the container that had the treats in it, you turned toward him suddenly with your smile even wider and body buzzing with excitement.

Jihoon might have just fallen in love with you.

Instead of grasping his arm, you reached out to take his hand to lead him to a grassy patch right behind the booth. Jihoon’s eyes stayed on your interlocked hands, not registering anything you had said to him until you had let go to sit. Gazing at his hand, he could still feel the weight of yours against it, slow to curl it into a fist now that you were no longer holding it.

He wanted to take your hand again, feel your smooth palm against his again. It made him wonder if it would be the same if you hugged him. Would he still feel the weight of your arms around his neck? Would your body imprint against his after the embrace? Those thoughts were quick to lead him to wonder if he was to kiss you, would he still feel your lips against his? Would they be as soft as they looked?

“Jihoon?” Your voice filtered through his clouded thoughts, your head tilted in curiosity. “Are you going to sit? Should we find a bench instead?”

It was then he realized that he was still standing while you were now sitting and was using your bag as a table for the container and the sweet treats inside it. The very ones that you were excited for him to try and brought him to this moment.

“Sorry,” He mumbled, awkwardly sitting next to you on the grass, ignoring that it was still slightly damp from the morning dew. You didn’t seem to notice or care, so why should he? “So these are the lemon and orange bars?”

“Yes, and they are so good.” You lift the container lid to show him the lemon and orange curds resting on what looked like a pie crust type and topped with powdered sugar. The sweet smell of lemons and oranges met his nose, and he glanced up toward you. “Try the lemon first.”

He tentatively takes one of the yellow squares while you took the other, but you were too focused on watching his reaction; causing you to miss your mouth and hit your cheek instead. Jihoon couldn’t stop himself from laughing at your antics, thinking you were even cuter than he already did. Especially when you glanced at him to see if he had caught your blunder, not realizing that there was a little lemon left on your cheek.

Then he did something that neither of you expected. He reached over and swiped it away with his thumb before slipping it into his mouth, tasting the balance between the sweet and tartness. It left you sitting there stunned, mouth slightly open, eyes wide and completely speechless by the action. Heat started to burn at your cheeks, and there was a shine to your eyes.

Different from the usual one he would see, this one was a little darker as if the simple action did something more to you. One that Jihoon was hoping he wasn’t misreading, making his gaze drop to your lips. Parted slightly from his action; soft, plush, and inviting. He wanted to kiss away the surprised expression until you were giggling and smiling again.

Maybe one day he would be able to.

“You okay?” His question brought you back from your daze, with it being him to tilt his head in curiosity. Except that smile was more of a smirk now, attempting to hold onto this sudden boldness that was coursing through him.

“Uh, yeah…I just…” You break away from his gaze to look down at the lemon bar in your hands, your bottom now trapped between your teeth. You cast a glance back up to him, not expecting his focus to be on you; with a dark strand of hair falling over his brown. Just him sitting there looking at you like this made you struggle with your words. “Truth is… I...” You look like you were going to say something, or trying to get the courage to, before taking a slow deep breath. Looking at him again, you were now wearing a shy smile, “Let’s eat.”

Jihoon was a little disappointed when you changed the subject and possibly would have worried that he was overstepping had it not been for the way you were looking at him. Or how they were looking at his lips then back to his eyes. While he would be the first to admit that he not always the best at knowing if someone was interested in him, there was no mistaking that you had some interest in him.

Taking a bite of the treat, he took his time chewing it. Tasting the familiar lemon that he swiped off your cheek, now mixed with the crust and the powdered sugar. It was good, but he was more interested in your reaction, and the way your eyes lit up. Waiting for his reaction and/or opinion on it.

Swallowing, he took another bite before licking his lips of the powdered sugar and crumbs.

“Well?” You asked, and he nodded.

“It’s good.” He kept his response simple, finishing what was left in his hand. From the corner of his eyes, he saw the way your face then lit up, a happy smile stretching over your lips and back was that little bounce you had to you.

“Isn’t it? Wait until you try the orange one. It will change your life.” You hadn’t even taken a bite of yours yet, but you were already to grab the orange bar for him. This made him chuckle and shake his head.

“How about you finish the one in your hand, and then we can enjoy the orange ones together?” He suggested, feeling himself grow more comfortable with you by the second. How did he end up getting so lucky you were willing to spend your Saturday with him?

“Oh, okay…” Your words seemed to come out almost breathless, sucking in your bottom lip before releasing it and taking a bite of the bar in your hand. Jihoon couldn’t tear his gaze from your lips, now coated with powdered sugar before you tried to lick it all away.

Just that small action made his heart quicken and his breath catch. It made him think of how much sweeter this treat would taste on your lips, even better on your tongue. Shaking his head, he needed to get these thoughts out of his head, feeling borderline delusional almost.

“I seriously love these,” You told him, with it helping shake the thought of kissing you and brought his focus back to you sitting in front of him. You had taken the last bite of your lemon bar, looking at him as you did. Powdered sugar still all over your face, despite your attempts to lick it all away, his smile changing to a slight amused one. Only it made you blink in confusion, “Do I have something on my face?”

“You’re…” Jihoon let out a soft chuckle, motioning around his mouth as he said this, “You’re covered in powdered sugar.”

“Oh, shit, really?” You turned toward your bag to pull something before turning back with a playful smile now on your lips, before tapping them, “I can actually say the same thing for you.”

Jihoon’s hand flew up to his own mouth, wiping away the sugar that had collected at the corner of his lips, the blush that had subsided back with a vengeance. You giggled before reaching for his hand, cleaning the clumped up powder with a small blue handkerchief.

You didn’t let go right away, allowing him a better chance to feel how soft your hands were against his rougher ones, holding onto him longer than you probably should have but neither of you seem to care. When you finally let go, the ghost of your hand still lingered on his while you sat the handkerchief down and grabbed the remaining two bars.

“Now it is time to finally come to life.” You tease, handing over the bar, once more taking your time to move your hand away.

“I think I already did,” He said softly, not talking about the bars, and this time you wouldn’t look at him, paying attention to the orange treat in your hands. Together the two of you took a bite, and Jihoon couldn’t help but agree with you. The lemon bar was good, though he probably only liked it because you were there, but this one was actually delicious. “Wow.”

“Right?! Life changing.” You sigh happily, chewing happily at the pastry. “Do you come to these things often?”

“No, actually.” Jihoon answered honestly, already finishing the bar and you handed him the handkerchief to wipe away the sugar. “I typically just stay home, and if I need anything, I can just go by the corner shop.” He looks around the crowd of people to see if he could catch a glimpse of Wonwoo and Adri, but no luck. “My friend Wonwoo and his wife dragged me along today.”

“Oh, so here against your will I take it?” You ask, taking your time eating as you watched him with a curious gaze. He nodded. “Well, I don’t know how you feel about it, but I am happy that you were forced to come. I mean, how else will you try these amazing treats?”

“Me too,” He answered with a laugh, and the two of you slipped into a light conversation. With you asking him random questions about himself, which he answered, and you then answered his questions.

The fruit bars now long gone, but neither of you moved from your place in the grass. Not caring about the people walking by you, or the curious glances of people that knew you both. Lee Jihoon and you, sitting together, with you talking animatedly to him, laughing together, and he looked at you like you hung the sky.

“I should probably see where these two are.” Jihoon said at one point, pulling his phone out of his pocket to call Wonwoo. Honestly, he had almost completely forgotten that he had lost his friend in the crowd hours earlier, lost in talking with you. Hitting the call button on his friend’s contact, he held the phone to his ear as it rang.

Wonwoo answered after the first couple of rings.

“Hey, where you guys at?” As he listened to his friend’s response, Jihoon’s eyes stayed on you while you closed up the container that once held the bars. You were doing your best to not give away that you were listening in or hiding the look of disappointment on your face.

You were about to say your goodbyes and go your separate ways. Back to normal life, back to him just being a patron of the shop you work at, and back to you wishing you could say more. Hoping he would say more.

Fate can be a funny thing though. Since Wonwoo and Adri had left nearly an hour earlier and didn’t tell him.

“What you mean you two left?” Jihoon’s voice change caused you to look at him, watching the smile he was wearing turn to a deep frown. “I came with you guys. Why didn’t you call me, or come find me?”

“Sorry, Adri was getting a headache so I took her home so she can lay down. I was going to call you but…” Jihoon cut him off by an annoyed tsk, which he was sure was making his friend feel guilty. “Do you want me to come get you?”

“Jihoon.” You said softly, leaning toward him, stopping him from agreeing for his friend to come pick him up. He raised a brow at you, and you gave him a hopeful smile, “I can take you home or back to your car… Wonwoo doesn’t have to come all the way back to get you.”

“You sure?” He asked, proud of himself that he is keeping as calm as he was outwardly, because inside he felt like he was freaking out. He didn’t want to inconvenience you, even if you offered, but he also wasn’t exactly wanting to leave you yet.

“Yeah, I don’t mind.” He was suddenly aware of how close you two actually were and that you were touching his arm. Your touch barely felt under the layers of clothes, but he could still feel the warmth coming from it.

“You know what, don’t worry about it.” Jihoon said into the phone after a minute, witnessing before his eyes as you lit up in a way that he hadn’t seen before. Hanging up with his friend, he couldn’t help but say something. “You seem excited to take me home.”

“What can I say?” Giving him a wink, you stood to brush the dirt off the back of your jeans before offering him your hand. Which he took and you helped him stand, and with your bottom lip between your lip you add. “I’m not ready to stop hanging out just yet.”

If you were able to see inside Jihoon’s chest, you would be able to see how quick his heart was beating and that his lungs were almost robbed of breath. There was no mistaken the way you were looking at him, eyes filled with adoration and how you were chewing your bottom lip, that you were interested in him. Interested in spending more time with him.

And it was not lost on either of you that you were still holding onto each other’s hands.

“Good, because I’m not either.”

It was well past one when you left the market together, with you talking animatedly as you lead him to your car. Your palm pressed against his clammy one, but you didn’t care so neither did he. Jihoon had left his car at Wonwoo’s, since he had rode with the couple that morning, and it surprised him when you told him you knew exactly where they lived.

“I know Adri through Ruby.” You told him when he went to question you, grabbing and handing over a large CD binder from behind you before buckling in. The bright blue binder heavy in his hands, “We’re taking the long way there though, so pick some tunes.”

“You still use CDs?” Jihoon asked, looking through the pages full of CDs, impressed that you still used them. So many, like him, had switched to playing music through an app on their phone or programmed into their car.

“It’s either that or the radio.” You tell him, “And I don’t feel the need to have some fancy Bluetooth set up in my car. Besides there is still something special about listening through a CD instead of through some app. Be sure to buckle up.”

Jihoon let out a laugh, doing as you told him, buckling in and choosing a CD from one of the pages. A Bruno Mars album. You pull off as the music started to play, and he turned it down so that you didn’t have to yell over it to be heard.

You weren’t lying when you said you were going to take the long way back to the couple’s home, taking as many back streets as possible. Conversations continued naturally like it had at the market, and of course you ended up rambling. Though this time you managed to keep it to three different stories that somehow intertwined, but he didn’t mind as long as he got to hear your voice and laugh more.

The afternoon sun shined bright through the car window, making you attempt the drop the visor and slip on the sunglasses that fell down; especially since the visor did nothing to help shield you from the rays. Leaving you grumbling between your responses in the conversation.

When you finally got to your destination, Jihoon didn’t make any motion to get out of the car. He stayed there so you could finish your story about when your cat got stuck in your ceiling.

“I had to call my brother, and he’s allergic to cats so it took so much convincing.” You sigh, dropping your head back against the headrest then looked his direction. Realizing that you may have taken over most the airtime in the car ride. “Sorry, I am rambling again.”

“Don’t be. I don’t mind it.” He answered, waving off your concern before flashing you a grin. “Means I don’t have to as much.”

“I do it a lot when I’m nervous, but something tells me that if I can shut up long enough, you’d be a chatter box.”

“Do I make you nervous?” Jihoon asked you, watching with mild amusement as you realized what you had just said.

“Oh… uh… yeah, a little.” You stuttered out, looking down at your steering wheel before licking you lips. “I…” You let out a laugh, nervous but sweet sounding, “I…I kind of have a bit of a crush on you…”

“You do?” Turning your gaze toward him, you nodded which in turned made him laugh. “What you know…” Both of you suddenly became aware that you were now leaning toward each other. “I do too.”

A squeak left you before Jihoon finally closed the remaining distance to kiss you. It was brief, testing, but the soft pressure of your lips felt like heaven and the soft sigh that left you made him want to kiss you again.

“Wow…” Your voice was breathless, lightly brushing your fingers against you bottom lip, sitting back in your seat.

“I should get going…” Jihoon finally spoke after a moment, catching the way your nod was small and a little disappointing. He didn’t want to end this either, but if he didn’t get out of this car, he may never leave your side again. “Would you like to have dinner with me? Tomorrow night sound good?”

“I close the shop, but I can come by after if you don’t mind a late night dinner.” There was hopefulness in your eyes when you offered this but quickly blurted out. “Unless another night works better.”

“No, we can do a late dinner. My place?” You started to nod your head quickly in excitement, and it made him laugh at how cute you were being. Dropping his gaze to your lips, Jihoon had to hold himself back from diving in for another kiss. Part of him confident that this won’t be the last time he got to kiss them.

You exchange numbers, before he finally slipped out of the car after bidding you goodbye for now. His heart racing as he watched you pulled out of your parking spot, with a small wave and a smile that felt even better than the one you would give to anyone else.

This smile. It was just for Jihoon.

You were vibrating when you got back to your place, unable to contain the excitement or the cloud nine feeling that was coursing through you. The entire day felt like a dream but the gentle pressure of Jihoon’s lips lingering on yours was proof that it very much was real.

And now you were going to go on a date with him.

You barely were inside the small apartment before you were pulling out your phone to make a phone call. After a few rings, the person on the other end picked up.

“About time!” Adri’s voice filtered through the speaker. “I see that the plan worked?”

“It did! We’re having dinner tomorrow night.” You squeal into the phone, dropping back down onto your sofa and kicked your feet in excitement. “Adri, he’s so amazing… I didn’t want today to end, I didn’t want to leave him. I want to kiss him again.”

“Ugh, you are going to be even more insufferable about him now.” Her faux disgust made the two of you burst out into giggles.

Thank you for reading! I do hope you enjoyed this fic! I am not used to writing pure fluff so, but I did have fun writing this!

As always Reblogs, and comments are appreciated! It doesn't just let my fic reach more people, it also is great to know I am doing well!

Please be sure to check out all the other wonderful fics from this collab and show everyone love!

*Twenty-four years ago*

“Yoon Jeonghan!” His mother’s voice boomed through the small home, your full name quickly following, but it was fruitless. The two of you were already running out the door, giggling, both of you with handfuls of the cookies that his mother had spent hours making.

“This way,” you tell him, and the seven-year-old boy nodded, following you without any further questions. Just like you did him.

Pushing aside a broken board in a fence, you and him slipped through into an abandoned looking backyard. On the other end of the yard, there was an old wooden shed and exactly where you were leading him. The once fresh and crisp wood now weathered from age and the elements; the door barely held onto its hinges, and a window that had several cracks in it.

Your hidden oasis. Yours and Jeonghan's little hide out.

Inside the old building, cobwebs covered corners of the walls. There was an old lawnmower that was rusted and abandoned to time and a built-in table to one side that was already filled with other snacks and drinks you both swiped from each other’s home. There were also two small sleeping bags laid out to be able to sit on the ground without getting your bottoms dirty.

“I can’t believe she fell for that,” Jeonghan giggled, setting his share of the cookies onto a broken plastic plate, one your grandmother threw away and you dug out of the trash to use in your ‘hide out’.

“I told you, she would. She’s like my grandma when she is baking.” You tell him with ease. Your seven-year-old confidence was admirable, your share joining his on the plate, except for one that you were going to eat. Taking a bite of the soft warm cookie, you continued to talk with your mouth full, “It was all a matter of striking at the right moment. You know this, Hanni.”

“She is going to be so mad at me when I get home,” He chuckled, his own mouth now full of cookies. You roll your eyes, reaching up from your place on the ground to grab two juice boxes, because you knew Jeonghan’s mom wasn’t going to be that mad. Not like your grandma would be at least. “She will be!”

“She never stays mad at you,” You quipped, dropping your cookie to cross your arms, a pout already forming. “You hardly ever get in trouble.”

“That’s not true!” Jeonghan shot back, copying you exactly, but stuck his tongue out in the process. “You don’t know how often I get in trouble. Especially because of you!”

“I don’t tell you to join in! I suggest!” You could feel your body growing hot with annoyance, dropping your arms with your fists now clenched. “You are the one who gets me in trouble all the time!”

“Yes, you do! You pulled my hair the last time I didn’t go with one of your plans!” Jeonghan snapped, and you gasped like he had just insulted your entire doll collection. Then you hit his arm, and his face darkened. “See! You hit me if I don’t agree with you!”

“You pushed me in the mud the last time I disagreed with you!” You countered, your young voices rising as you both did, getting into each other’s faces. “And I was grounded for a week after that too! I couldn’t watch TV because of you!”

Somehow this turned into a little squabble, where you and Jeonghan grabbed each other. Your hand was in his short dark hair, while he was trying to swat you off, crying out to let him go. In the middle of it, one of your feet kicked the plate that held your stolen cookies, breaking the plastic further and the baked treats were now being trampled by your feet.

“Look what you did!” Jeonghan yelled,  pointing to the cookies when he finally was able to get your hand out of his hair while you stood there. Your face contorted into anger, and more offense that he would blame you when he was being the mean one.

“I didn’t just do that! You did too!” You retorted, and the young boy rolled his eyes. “Our cookies are ruined! And so is our little spot! You need to clean that up!”

“No, you!”

“You!”

In the end, the two of you ended up sitting on opposite ends of the sleeping bags. Arms crossed, backs facing each other, while the broken cookies and plate rested between you both. The silence was loud as you both refused to be the one to speak first, both of you too stubborn to break first.

In the end it was Jeonghan who broke the silence, standing to grab another juice box for you both and a packet of candies that you liked from the table. A peace offering in a way. You shot him a look, your eyes dropping to the candies and juice box before up to his face. His gaze was softer, with an apologetic expression on his face.

“Sorry,” He mumbled, and you tried to keep up being mad, but the way his bottom lip jutted out as he apologized made it hard. Instead, you reached out and took the offerings, and he sat down next to you.

“Sorry too...” You mumbled, sharing the candies with him before cleaning up the broken plate and ruined cookies.

*Thirteen years ago*

“Oh my god, Jeonghan, stop hogging the joint!” You whined, reaching for the rolled up paper that had your weed in it, but Jeonghan seemed to be trying to smoke it all to himself.

“Give me. Remember its puff puff give. I only did one puff.” He retorted, holding the joint just out of your reach so you were practically falling into the eighteen-year-old boy.

“Bullshit! That was more than one; hell it was more than two! It was like three!” You argued back, your arm still outstretched to grab the joint from him, “Yoon Jeonghan, if you don’t give me that joint now, I am beating your bitch ass up.”

“Please like you can take me,” Jeonghan laughed, attempting to put the burning joint back to his lips, his other arm trying to push you back while you fought to grab it from him.

You both were back at the shed again, the same old structure still holding out even after all these years, but things were different. The old lawnmower was now gone and sitting next to the it, collecting more rust and cobwebs in its new home, the webs in the corners no longer there, and the sleeping bags had changed to an old loveseat that one of your friends found. The juice boxes and snacks that were once on the table were replaced with a pizza box, a half empty bottle of Jeonghan’s dad stolen whiskey, a baggy of cheap weed, and some rolling papers.

And the two seven-year-olds who would hide away in it with stolen snacks, or other things to entertain were now eighteen. Freshly graduated from high school, stuck in that limbo stage where you both weren’t quite adults but not quite children anymore, and preparing for the next steps in your life. You were going off to a school abroad while Jeonghan was staying back in your hometown, choosing to go to a local college first.

“God, you’re so annoying,” You pouted, practically pushing him back and sitting on his stomach to grab the joint, but laughter was filtering out of you before you could stop it. Bringing laughter from the pinned man below you, a lazy smirk played over his lips like he was meant to win this no matter what. “Jeonghan, you’re going to smoke it all!”

“Then I will buy you more!” He argued, and you slapped his chest. Grabbing your wrist before you could hit him again, Jeonghan’s grip held you there as he lifted the joint to your lips. Like instinct, you took a deep inhale, letting the harsh herb fill your lungs and altering your non-sober state more. You try to free yourself from him, so you can smoke it how you wanted, but he wouldn’t let you.

Pulling back finally, you blew the smoke from your lungs into the air, and it was then that Jeonghan let you go, only to be smacked in the chest once more before you slipped off him and back to your seat next to him. Your leg tucked under you, your bare skin pressing into the old wood by your weight, but you ignored any possible splinters that may come from it.

“You suck, you know that?” You tell him, and this earned another chuckle from him.

“And you blow. We’re both whores here.” Jeonghan teased, placing the joint between his lips to rest his arms behind his head. Each breath inhaled the smoke from nearly finished joint into his lungs. His long dark hair pulled back into a ponytail, but there were several strands that fell loose around his face.

His old Sublime shirt torn in a different place and showed off his stomach from the way he was laying, skinny jeans, and a gold chain with angel wings that was once yours laying against his throat. Skin glowing from the setting sun and the lantern behind you both, making him look ethereal.

You envied how beautiful your best friend was.

“Give me that,” You quipped, taking the chance to swipe the joint from him. A triumphant smile was playing over your lips before you realized that it was nearly gone. “You asshole, you smoked most of this.”

“And you drank most of my whiskey. Call us even.” He answered dismissively, closing his eyes briefly.

“Whatever,” you told him, taking whatever hit you can of the joint before putting it out, smashing it hard against the wood. Silence followed, the two of you sitting at the doorway of the shed, your eyes scanning the overgrown yard and the half burnt down house just feet from you.

It’d been like that for years, with no one coming to do anything about the destroyed home or the property it stood on, making it a haven for you and Jeonghan growing up, and a place of many things. Your first kiss with a boy that smelled like he used a whole can of body spray to cover that he hadn’t bathed, Jeonghan’s first kiss with a girl who tried to fight you over him.

You spent nights in the shed to avoid your grandparents and their old fashion but offensive words, many with Jeonghan right next to you. Refusing to leave you while you refused to crash at his place, because you knew his mom would call your grandparents. You got high and drunk for the first time with him next to you, and blasted music through a shitty speaker that neither of you could explain the origin of.

Hell, you two used it as a place to hide once when you had the cops called on you for stealing. You don’t think either of you had ever been so scared thinking you were caught, but it didn’t stop you because the thrill left you both laughing until your stomach hurts.

You laughed, cried, and felt every emotion you could think of in this shed, with Jeonghan beside you. In a week's time, you will be on a plane to a new country with a family friend willing to house you during your studies, and away from your home. Away from your life, away from the little shed. Away from the comforting blanket of your hometown.

Away from Jeonghan.

“You’re thinking too loud again,” His voice pulled you from your thoughts, turning your gaze toward your best friend. He was still laying back; arms folded behind his head as a pillow and prop, with his eyes on you. A small sad smile played on his lips, because he knew what you were thinking about too. “Talk to me, bug.”

"You're a bug. I should squish you," You answer back, matching his smile as you watched him let our a breathy laugh.

“I would like to see you try. You couldn’t even get the joint from me.” He then lifts his leg to nudge you with his knee. “Now, talk to me.”

“It’s stupid.”

“I mean, yeah your face is, but it’s at least pretty while being it.” He offered and you slapped his knee. He then sat up, giving you the famous lazy Jeonghan smirk you grew up seeing, but you could tell it was only a front.

“Just… growing up.” You told him, gesturing between the two of you, “We’re no longer kids anymore…”

“Debatable.” He murmured while you spoke.

“…we graduated high school and are preparing to be thrusted into the real world. We’re having to finally grow up and face life. I’m…” The words failed you then, and in its place was a soft choking sound. A sob that wanted to burst through, but you managed to swallow it back while blinking the sudden tears that wanted to fall. Jeonghan could see it all as he nodded. “I’m leaving… leaving everything I know…” This time your voice cracked, “Leaving you.”

“Please, the moment you agreed to marry me on the playground at five you were stuck with me.” Jeonghan answered, doing what he did best, trying to make light of something instead of showing what he’s really feeling. And you hated that it would work more times than it didn’t. “Just… there is going to be some distance between us. It’s not like I’m not a phone call or message away, and we’ll see each other again. This isn’t a final thing.”

“It feels like it is.” This comment made him tsk at you.

“It doesn’t to me.” He shook his head, watching through broken windows as a car passed by. The driver wouldn’t even know you were sharing one of the last times together before life took hold of you. One of the last times you would be free like this, this age, in the moment, and with the only person, besides your grandparents, who stuck by your side.

Someone you grew up with, someone you got into trouble with, someone who never was fake with you. Someone you saw every day and spent most of it with. Your best friend.

“It doesn’t?”

“Of course not. How could it be when we are still so young?” He asked simply and you could only listen to him, “It’s also not like you are leaving for good. Your grandparents are still here; your friends are here… I am here.”

“But what if our lives don’t allow room for each other anymore?” This earned another tsk, as well as an offending sounding laugh. Hurt flashed across his eyes before he looked away, like it was preposterous to even say something like that.

“I don’t know about you, but I’ll always have room for you in my life.” He said curtly, and you dropped your shoulders while making an over exasperated sigh. That wasn’t what you meant.

“Ugh, Hanni, I don’t mean it like that.” He turns his attention back to you, before flashing it toward the whiskey bottle. “I mean... what if even when I come home… we don’t have time for each other? We don’t get to see each other. You’re going to be working, going to school, and eventually you’re going to fall in love and have a partner. Same for me too.”

“I’m not sure how that sounds any different than your previous statement,” Jeonghan mumbled this, pushing his lip out in a pout. Reaching out, he caught a tear falling with his thumb, only to yank his hand away and shake it like he touched lava. This did what he wanted it to, which was to laugh.

“Hanni…”

“It’s okay. I forgive you for hurting my feelings. This is a hard time for us both,” There was so much honesty to his words, it was also written all over his face. He was trying to not think about the inevitable, which was you were leaving. Not the forever he had declared, but it was still hard. “It’s not just you losing something, I’m losing my best friend. My partner in crime. Who am I going to get into mischief with? Joshua?”

“I mean… at least he’ll keep you from getting arrested.”

“If he’s not too busy fucking anything that will let him.” Jeonghan rolled his eyes, “But I’m serious. You’re not the only one who loses something in this. Except I’m not accepting that this is it, because it’s not.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Of course I do, I’m Yoon fucking Jeonghan. I can bend the will of others with a flick of my wrist, and this will bend to my will.” You still don’t look convinced, and he clicks his tongue before speaking again, “How about this? If life takes us on different paths that separate us further, then the year we turn thirty-one, we meet again. You and me… and any husbands, wives, fiancés, life partners or children we may have. Somewhere nice, somewhere where our busy lives can’t touch us. Where we can catch up, and remember that it’s always been us, and it will always be us.”

“Really?”

“Yes, now ask me what will happen if life doesn’t do that.” He smirks, and you giggle.

“What will happen if life doesn’t?”

“Then we do it still!” He announced throwing his arms up, before one found its way over your shoulder. “No matter what, no matter where life takes us, we meet the year we turn thirty-one.”

“Why thirty-one though?”

“Because it’s too cliché to meet when we turn thirty. Goodness, this isn’t one of those romance movies you make me watch.” He gave you a brief squeeze before getting up to grab the whiskey bottle. “So, what you say?”

“I can easily argue that the last three romances we watched was because of you, not me.” Jeonghan sat back down next to you, the bottle in his hand, but it remained unopen. His attention was on you, his eyes watching you as you try to find the words. Every part of him told you that he was serious about this, and it helped ease an ache that was building in you. “And let’s do it.”

“Perfect. Now let’s drink to the future.”

A week later, you were clinging to him at the airport as your grandfather got your luggage together. This time tears weren’t holding back, Jeonghan wasn’t able to say anything to help because he was busy fighting his own. Instead, he just held you as you gripped at the offensive SpongeBob shirt he was wearing, soaking it with not just your tears, but the mascara and eyeliner you had thickly drawn on. Only to have it cried away telling your best friend goodbye for now.

“Hey,” Jeonghan’s voice was soft when he pulled back, making you look at him. His eyes were shining, and red. Evidence that he’d been crying, though you knew he’d insist he’s actually high, and it nearly broke you. “Remember what I said. The year we turn thirty-one.”

You nodded, and he gives you a soft smile.

“I’ll send you the details, so make sure you have the entire year free.” He teased and you let out a soft laugh before jumping from him, pinching you. You break away from his grasp to hit his shoulder. This earned a soft laugh from you, your eyes dropping to the angel wing necklace that still rested around his neck.

“I’ll be sure to have all my information changed by then.” You laughed, and he pinched your side again. Your name then came from behind you both, your grandparents calling to you. It was time to go. Looking back at Jeonghan, you gave him a watery smile, “I’m going to miss you.”

“I’m going to miss you too,” This was the first time his voice finally cracked, and a tear started to fall. It was real. It was happening.

“I’ll text you when I land.”

“You better.” He teased. “I will see you again.”

“See you again.”

**A year ago**

Your phone chimed right as you were cooking dinner, cutting off the music playing briefly, but you weren’t able to stop what you were doing to look. Too focused on making sure that you didn’t burn anything, but the couple that was in the kitchen with you noticed.

“Need me to check that?” You heard Celeste ask, and you looked over your shoulder, to her and Soonyoung grabbing the plates and cutlery for the table.

“No, it’s okay. I can check it later,” You waved her off, “Dinners ready, and we have a proposal to go over.”

“I thought there was no work talk at dinner?” Soonyoung teased, making you shoot your friend and co-owner a look, only to earn a playful wink back. He then turned to his fiancé with a smile, “If we’re working while we eat, you might as well open two bottles. One for us and one just for her.”

“Watch it Kwon, or I’ll run this company with Celeste instead” You warned him, grateful that Celeste was already stepping in to grab his collar to drag him out of the kitchen with everything to arrange at the table.

Twenty minutes later, the three of you were sitting around the table, two wine bottles open with one in front of you and one between the couple. You all were talking animatedly about the proposal that you and Soonyoung were putting together, hoping that the potential investor takes on your ideas and help launch your small business globally. Soonyoung had been right to have your own bottle open; it helped ease the tension that was building in your shoulders over all this, and there were more laughs than not.

“I think we should add some tiger imagery to the presentation; you think we can do that?” Soonyoung suggested a wine glass coming up to his lips, only for it to be stopped by his fiancé. He looks at her with confusion as she only shook her head. Celeste supported his love for tigers, but even she knew when to draw the line.

“I should hire you as our creative director,” You joked, tipping your own wine glass in her direction. “You can save me from a lot of tiger themed merchandise and advertising.”

“I love you, but if I took that, I probably would be canceling the wedding instead of planning a honeymoon,” Celeste laughed, and Soonyoung looked offended. “Oh, don’t look at me like that, I know how you are when you’re working. We met at work, remember?”

“Of course, I do. I barely was able to focus at meetings because all I wanted to do was look at you,” You actively rolled your eyes as the couple stared at each other like they hung the sun and the moon for each other, and it reminded you just how single you have been for the last few years. Happily single, but not when you were around these two being so sickeningly in love.

“Gag me.” You muttered making the two look at you. Celeste playfully stuck her tongue at you, and Soonyoung pretended to growl. That was when you knew that you had lost them both to being lovey toward each other. You took this chance to check your phone, remembering it had gone off while you were cooking.

It was a message. From Jeonghan.

Your eyes widened as your fingers tightened around the stem of your glass, or you were going to drop it onto the table and spill wine all over the place. Casting your eyes up, you were relieved to see your two friends were still too busy staring at each other to notice your reaction.

You and him hadn’t really spoken in nearly six years, not since you came home for your grandfather’s funeral. Of course, you would wish each other a happy birthday, send the occasional meme, or a quick hello, but other than that, you barely spoke. You didn’t want to admit that it was hard for you to respond because it made you want to go back to being that eighteen-year-old again.

But you knew what this was about. You had turned thirty recently, and his thirtieth was a few months away, which meant that the promise the two of you had made at eighteen, smoking and drinking in that abandoned shed, was also coming due. And he was reaching out to solidify the plans.

You should’ve waited to read and respond after your friends left, when you had time to yourself, but you didn’t. Clicking the notification, you unlocked the phone to read the message. Only to find it was confirmation for your plane tickets, and a set of dates. The first week of April next year, and for a week.

Back home. Where you hadn’t stepped foot in nearly six years.

A few more messages had followed.

Jeonghan: Told you to keep your schedule open. Jeonghan: See you in April, bug.

**two days before**

You might’ve been overthinking it. No, you were overthinking this as you stared at an empty suitcase, piles of clothes folded around it on your bed, bags of new clothes at the foot of the bed, and your toiletries all laid out on your bathroom counter. All waiting to be packed.

None of your clothes had felt right, the makeup you chose to bring felt too plain, and your nerves were starting to suffocate you. A part of you felt like you shouldn’t feel this nervous, because it was just Jeonghan, but another part felt you were justified because it was Jeonghan. You hadn’t seen him in person since your grandfather’s funeral, only ever seeing his life through photos that he posted online.

Picture of him traveling with Joshua, and with your other friends, and relationships that never seemed to last a few months before the person disappeared from his photos. You watched his success in becoming a pharmacist like he had always wanted and was making a life for himself. He owned his own home, and he appeared happy with his life.

You had done the same, but away from him. You made a life where you now were, and selfishly barely looked back; especially after your grandfather had passed. You made friends where you were, had relationships, started a business with Soonyoung, and you made a life for yourself. You had become a different person, like he had.

This fact wasn’t the only thing that had your nerves starting to settle uneasy in your gut. You were both different, and what if that difference was so great that neither of you could enjoy your time together again. Uncomfortable strangers the entire week instead of old friends looking to reconnect.Not only that, but what if also being back home made it worse? That being there was more painful than it should be, and it made you resent your oldest friend for bringing you back?

Then your phone chimed, with a message coming through.

Jeonghan: See you when you land. Jeonghan: And stop overthinking things. I can hear your thoughts all the way over here. Haha.

That made you burst out in a laugh, because of course this silly line he used to say to you growing up would help loosen some tightness in you. It didn’t settle your nerves though, it only unraveled them, so they weren’t making you want to throw up and cry at the same time.

You responded.

You: Too late, so deal with it.

His response was instantaneous.

Jeonghan: Gladly.

**April**

You swore this entire journey had been one big April Fool’s joke with the way everything had gone wrong. You managed to finally pack everything, though you still weren’t happy with your choices you couldn’t just go naked, but you overslept the morning of your flight. The ride you had ordered was canceled at the last minute, making you late to the airport and nearly missed boarding.

Checking in had been a nightmare, and then there was a delay taking off.

When the plane did finally set off, you thought you would be in the clear for now. It would be smooth flying after this, and the bad luck got itself out of the way now than following you the entire trip. You hoped that the long flight will go well and give you a chance to rest, or Jeonghan was going to see you have an absolute crash out over it all.

You managed to get enough sleep, so you weren’t as cranky when you landed, but it left you feeling stiff. You even tried to stretch some before unboarding, but it and the awkward shuffling didn’t help. Gripping at your carryon, your focus was to get your suitcase and out of the airport. There’s a bed somewhere calling to you, and you were ready to meet the call.

With your suitcase now secured, you checked your phone to see if Jeonghan was there yet after insisting on picking you up instead of ordering a ride. Except when you looked around the semi-crowded airport, you didn’t see him anywhere. There was no sight of the famous Jeonghan smirk, no sign being dramatically held up with your name, or anything like that.

Your phone started to ring in your hands.  

“Where are you?” You answered, pressing the device to your ear and skipping any and all pleasantries. This earned a chuckle on the other side, and your eyes immediately narrowed. Even with the time apart, you knew never to trust that chuckle.

“About that…” He started slowly, showing you were right not to trust it. There was no way he was going to try and fuck with you, but you should’ve known better, “I am running late, car troubles, won’t be there for a few hours. You’re going to have to wait until I get there.”

“Yoon Jeonghan…” You took in a slow breath, trying to fight the annoyance that was bubbling under the surface. No, he wasn’t going to do this to you after the trip you’ve just had, “You better not be fucking with me right now.”

“I wish, I could say I was,” There was a sigh to his voice, but before you could let him have it, he continued, “I am very sorry, bug. I wish I was there to see you right now. With your hair an absolute mess, your sweater falling off you, and the way you are pouting right now. It’s so cute.”

“Huh?” You blinked, looking down at your body. Your sweater had fallen from your shoulders and was resting right at your elbows while strands of your hair escaped the loose ponytail you had put up. How the hell did he know if he wasn’t there? Before you could question it, you felt a light tap on your shoulder. Twisting around, Jeonghan was standing there.

The phone still pressed to his ear, eyes shining with excitement and mischief, and that smirk that you once knew oh so well. His hair was shorter than the last time you seen him with it back to his natural dark brown. He was in a simple black t-shirt with a matching jacket and a pair of white pants, and you couldn’t stop the way your heart skipped at the sight of him.

“April Fool’s. Forgive me?” He teased, barely able to hang up the call before you were throwing your arms around his neck for a hug. The force of you jumping into him made Jeonghan stumble back slightly, but once he was able to catch his footing, his arms wrapped around your waist.

He pulled you so close your body was pressed against his like he had been desperate for this moment, but you were no better. Nuzzling your nose into his shirt, taking in the scent of his perfume and the way he held you tight. His own nose pressed to your hair, breathing in the faint smell of your perfume and shampoo, fingers flexing and squeezing gently at your sides.

Both of you forgot that you were still in the middle of the airport.

“You asshole!” You finally bursted out when the two of you parted, slapping his arm while he laughed at you attempting to scold him. He saw the smile forming over your lips, making the smirk he was wearing turn into a genuine smile. One that nearly stole the very breath from you, “That wasn’t funny.”

“It was a little funny.” He still hadn’t let go of you, his hands resting on your hips like they always belonged there, his gaze drinking you in. Then he stepped back, withdrawing his hold on you to reach for your suitcase handle, “Now, let’s get out of here before you shove me into the cargo hold of one of these planes.”

“You would deserve it,” You retorted earning an eye roll from him. One hand placed firmly against the small of your back, and the other pulling your suitcase behind you. With cool precision, Jeonghan directed you out of the airport while chatting with you about his day and asking you about your flight.

Like it was all part of a daily conversation you would always have, and there was no time between your last full conversation that wasn’t in text.

“After you,” Jeonghan announced, making sure to open the passenger door for you while providing an overexaggerated bow that made you playfully swat his shoulder. A giggle escaped you as you got into the car, while he finished putting your suitcase in the back. Settling into the driver’s seat, he flashed you a lazy smile and you missed the way his hand twitched slightly to reach for yours. Instead he put the car into drive. “Let’s get out of here.”

“You know, you never told me where I was staying.” You told him, your eyes watching the way the town looked now. Businesses that were once there on the main street gone, replaced with franchise stores and popular food spots. Places that you once occupied with your friends or grandparents gone, showing that the town was growing and changing like you had.

It didn’t feel like your old home, but there was still something about it that told you it was. Just with a different look.

“Easy. With me.” He said with no hesitation, making you look at him. He had a pair of black sunglasses on, leaning back against the driver’s seat with one hand on the wheel while the other rested on his lap. Looking relaxed as he drove through the familiar streets. Stopping at a light, he cast a glance your way and you weren’t sure, but you thought that his relaxed smile faltered slightly. “Rather get a room? The old motel is still open, but you might have to cuddle with some roaches and a few rats.”

“I think I am good on that,” You don’t hide your look of disgust, and this made Jeonghan start laughing as the light turned. “I would like the bed I sleep on be free of other occupants.”

“Is that so?” He muttered, his focus on the road letting silence fall over you. The radio was playing quietly, and you started to notice the familiar names of the streets.

They were the same names you would see every day growing up, the same streets you used to run around growing up. You chance a glance toward Jeonghan, only to find his focus on the road but the look on his face told you that he was waiting for your reaction.

Especially once he turned on the familiar street that the two of you grew up on.

“I knew you moved close to family, but I didn’t know you…” The words stopped in your throat when you pulled up to a beautiful home. It looked newer compared to the others on the street. White with grey trimming and a neatly cut yard with a stone pathway that lead right up to a small porch with a planter next to the door.

It was beautiful and unfamiliar, but you knew this property. It didn’t matter how long it had been since you came back; you knew exactly where you were.

“Come on, bug. Let’s get inside.” Jeonghan didn’t give you a chance to process your thoughts before he was shutting off the engine and unbuckle both of your belts. He was out of the car, leaving you there staring at the empty seat that he had once occupied.

It was the sound of the trunk closing that you were able to kick start back up and rushed to get out the car to follow him up the small pathway to the front door. Your heart was pounding in your ears, eyes wide staring at the home and Jeonghan’s back.

Once inside, you didn’t stop to look around the home, instead your feet took you from the front door, through the open living room to a set of glass doors. If Jeonghan had said something to you, you didn’t hear it because your focus was getting to the backyard. You barely looked around the yard itself, just that it was well taken care of.

No, your focus was on the shed that was in the same familiar place. You could feel tears starting to burn your eyes, memories flooding back to you, your eyes flicking over to the fence that once had a broken board. It was fixed with forsythias and azaleas flourishing in front of it, but you could still see a young Jeonghan popping through it while you waited for him at the shed.

“It’s not the same one.” Jeonghan said softly behind you, but you didn’t look back, not wanting him to see a few tears fall. “The old owners finally sold the property four years ago to a realtor company. They rebuilt the house and tore down it before putting the place back on the market.”

“And you bought it.” You responded, finally looking at him. He had his hands in his pants pockets, balancing on the balls on his feet, while his eyes were on you, catching more tears starting to fall.

“Yeah, well, with the help from my parents. With conditions obviously,” Jeonghan continued, keeping his attention on you, “Moment I moved in, I had the shed put back in. It’s used to actually store shit, not a hang out like we used to have it, but just something didn’t feel right without it there.”

“What was the conditions?” You asked in a small voice, trying to wipe away the wetness from your face, when Jeonghan caught your elbow. Pulling you into a hug, he let out a soft tsk.

“Let’s not worry about that right now.” It was a clear deflection, but he wouldn’t let you wiggle away from him to call him out. Then his hands found its way to your sides and started to tickle you.

“Jeonghan!” You let out a small squeal, giggling while trying to get away from him. His own laughter mixed through yours in a sweet melody, helping you forget your tears.

“Come on, let me show you to your room.” His arm thrown lazily over your shoulder, directing you back toward the house. “And no roaches or rats to cuddle with.”

Jeonghan gave you a brief tour of his home, a kitchen and living room open floor style. Three bedrooms, the larger one with an ensuite on one side, while the two smaller ones with a Jack n Jill style on the other. Your room faced the yard, giving you perfect view of the shed, while Jeonghan had the larger room.

He left you to unpack and get cleaned up from your travels. The shower felt good, hot water helping you loosen the still sore muscles from your long flight and fight off the fatigue that you didn’t know was creeping up on you. By the time you had gotten out, your skin felt flushed from the heat with your hands and feet slightly wrinkled. The towel Jeonghan had left out was dark grey, soft and fluffy and felt like heaven against your skin.

It felt good to be out of your airport clothes and in a soft pair of leggings and oversized t-shirt. Your hair was still slightly damp, so you left it loose around your bare face Now that you were back around Jeonghan, the nerves you were feeling all but melted away and didn’t feel like you needed to look all done up just to lounge around the house.

“Hope you’re hungry.” He announced proudly when you finally emerged, setting two beer bottles on the table with a spread of take out. He wasn’t looking your way. “You took so long I managed to make us a feast.”

“Make us a feast huh?” You laughed, crossing your arms as you take in the sight before you. “Wanted to make sure it was authentically homemade by including the plastic containers?”

“I mean, only the best for…” His words died on his tongue as he went to look at you, his hand slowly dropping to his side. There was a flicker of awe and desire that went across his face before he shook his head, and it was replaced with a smirk. “…you...”

“I feel so honored,” You went to pull out of the chairs to sit, but Jeonghan had beat you to it by pulling it out for you instead, before taking a seat next to you, focusing on the containers. Grabbing both beers, you popped them open with ease and set them down in front of you both.

Dinner consisted of the two of you stuffing your faces, battling over the last pieces of meat, which he won by cheating at rock, paper, scissors. You drank several beers between you each while talking about work, friends, family, and life. You told him about meeting Celeste in college then later Soonyoung through her, the jewelry business that you and him thought up after too many bottles of wine, how it actually was doing well, and the couple’s upcoming wedding.

While Jeonghan told you about college, the trouble him and their friends got into, updated you on his parents and sister, and about the pharmacy he works at with Joshua. You laughed over stories, and it felt like no time had passed between you.

“What about relationships?” Jeonghan asked, leaning back in his chair with a beer close to his lips, watching the way you swirled your beer around in the bottle. “Anyone special?”

“Just a vibrator named Owini with two I’s.” This made Jeonghan raise a brow as he took a sip. “O.W.I.N.I. Orgasm when I need it.”

“Clever.” He coughed out after nearly choking on his beer, laughing at the name.

“What about you? Anyone in your life?” It was your turn to watch him, trying to gauge his reaction. Jeonghan was leaning back against the chair, looking forward with a half-smile playing over his lips.

“No one special. At least not for a long time.” He answered finally, finishing his beer with a smack to his lips. Licking them, he sat the beer down onto the table before standing and stretched. He ignores the confused expression on your face with his sudden movements, “Let’s get this all cleaned up bug and have a few more beers. Maybe watch a movie or something.”

You nod your head slowly, following suit to help throw away the empty containers and put away anything that you two didn’t finish. When you were done, Jeonghan grabbed a few more beers from the fridge and met you at the sofa to find something to watch. Picking some random movie that you couldn’t remember the name, both of you talked and laughed until all the beers were empty and Jeonghan was half asleep on the sofa.

**Day 2**

“Oh, it is so good to see you sweetie!” Jeonghan’s mother wouldn’t let go of you, hugging you tightly as if you were going to disappear on her if she did. The next day the two of you had gone to his parents’ for lunch on his mother’s insistence, “I missed you, my dear.”

“I missed you too,” You answered, giving Jeonghan a ‘save me’ look when she didn’t let go, only for him he didn’t come to save you, instead just watched with mild amusement from his place against the kitchen counter. Releasing you from the hug, she grasped your shoulders to look at you, making you turn your gaze back to her.

“You should not stay away so long,” She scolded, leaning forward like she was revealing a secret, “Our Hanni has not been the same since the last time you left.”

“Oh…” You let out a nervous laugh, looking back toward Jeonghan with a questioning gaze, but he was no longer looking at you. Instead, he was staring warning daggers into his mother’s back. It reminded you how he wouldn’t look at you the previous night either, but before you could say anything further, you were being lead to a table full of food.

“Sit, sit. I hope you are hungry, I made all of your favorites.” You were then gently pushed into a seat, with Jeonghan following and took a seat next to you, “Oh goodness, I forgot drinks. Let me grab those.”

“I told her not to do all this, but she insisted,” Jeonghan had muttered so only you could hear.

“I believe it,” You responded back, leaning toward him with a raised brow, “What did she mean by you haven’t been the same?”

“Nothing, just missed my best friend is all,” He answered simply. For a brief moment you thought his gaze dropped to your lips before he looked away to speak with his mother. Changing the subject all together as well.

The rest of the visit had consisted of more catching up, with Jeonghan’s father and sister coming by to join in, but you were barely able to pay attention. You couldn’t stop looking over toward Jeonghan, feeling that there was something more than ‘he just missed his best friend’.  Like true Jeonghan fashion, he didn’t give anything away.

There was a possibility that you might be looking too much into it, reminding yourself that before you left for college, the two of you were with each other every day, and were inseparable. Hell, every time you came home, you and Jeonghan would always be together. Then after your grandfather passed away, you just… stopped coming back.

It wasn’t that you had wanted to stay away, it just was harder to come back now that both your grandparents were gone. It was hard to come back when you no longer would walk into the home you grew up to them, and life just kept getting into the way. Work ended up taking precedence since you and Soonyoung were focused on your jewelry company, finding the time off had grew harder, or whatever excuse you gave to make yourself feel better for not coming back.

You had known that it had affected Jeonghan, going from having his best friend every day to a few times a year to sparse messages and social media posts, but you didn’t think that meant ‘he hasn’t been the same’.

After leaving the Yoons’, you went with him to run a few errands that he’d needed to run, and the entire time you still had his mother’s words playing in your head. Which he noticed, but like him, you wouldn’t give anything away, giving the excuse you were just in a food coma.

“I don’t believe you, just so you know.” He told you, pushing up his sunglasses with one finger while his other hand rested on the steering wheel. Casting a glance toward you, he noticed that you were looking out the passenger window. “You can keep your secrets for now, but I will get them out of you. I always do.”

“I can say the same for you.” You chirped back, your eyes on the different buildings passing by, taking in the different buildings. Some familiar, some different. You could hear him let out a breathy laugh. “You have your secrets, and I have mine. If I have to spill so will you.”

“Touche, bug.”

Once back to Jeonghan’s, you disappeared into your room to answer some emails and make a few calls for work. You may have been on a trip, but that didn’t mean that you were truly on vacation, and the workload never ends. Soonyoung was a great business partner and assured you that he had it all handled so you can enjoy your time away (since you would be doing the same when he and Celeste went on their honeymoon), but you needed a bit of a distraction.

“You hungry?” Jeonghan had asked at one point, knocking at your door as he opened it. A smile playing over his lips seeing you sitting cross legged on your bed, laptop open in front of you. You had changed into a pair of comfortable shorts and a baggy sweater, your hair pulled back out of your face (save for a strand that wouldn’t stay) and look of concentration on your face.

You didn’t hear the hitch in his breath when you looked up at him, that look of concentration melt away to a small smile as you shook your head.

“I’m still full from that feast your mom made us,” You answered with a laugh, looking back to the laptop and to the email you had been working on. “I’m almost done here, just need to send off a few more emails, and then call Soonyoung regarding a large order of smokey quartz for our Smokey collection. I shouldn’t be too much longer.”

“You do know the whole point of this trip was to also not worry about work?” Jeonghan teased, making his way to the bed and flopped down onto the empty space next to you. Rolling onto his side, he looked up at you with his dark round eyes, shining with mischief with his hand inching toward the laptop to shut. Which you reached out and took with yours, holding it as you placed it back onto the bed. Making him pout.

“I am almost done, I promise.” You told him, not expecting the sudden urge to lean forward to kiss the pout he was sporting, nor the way you were still holding his hand. Or that he had adjusted the hold so that your fingers were laced together.

“Well, when you’re done, I’ll be right here.” He responded, finally letting go of your hand to roll onto his back, pulling his phone out to scroll. You raised your brow at him, he didn’t even look your way when he added, “Don’t look at me like that. I’m lonely out there and you’re in here working.”

“Price to pay on owning your own business.”

Though you did manage to get some work done, you couldn’t really concentrate with Jeonghan lying next to you, now fast asleep with his phone resting face down on his chest. The soft clicking of your fingers against the keys had lulled him into a sleep and you found yourself watching him several times. Taking in the way he still looked like the boy you had grown up with, only older. Thick lashes kissing his skin, skin still smooth but with the hints of age coming through. The lips that were pouting at you earlier, soft and plush looking, partially open with a soft snore leaving him. He looked peaceful, he looked breathtaking, he looked like he was where he was meant to be. Next to you. Your Jeonghan.

Your heart fluttered at this notion, the words your Jeonghan felt different even in your head. Or was it always this way and you just ignored it since he was your best friend.

When you finished your emails and came time to call Soonyoung, you chose to take it outside to not disturb the sleeping man next to you. You also wanted to enjoy the evening weather, finding yourself sitting on the step of the shed to take your call and maybe clear your head some.

The shed wasn’t the same, but the memories were still there when you sat down on the newer wood. The years you and Jeonghan spent in the old rickety building that once stood there, doing things that looking back neither of you had any business doing as teenagers. Drinking, smoking, and everything else that came with being rebellious teens and too much freedom to do it all.

It shaped who you both were as adults, and still a part of who you were. Even if you tried to run away.

“There you are.” Jeonghan’s tired voice had pulled you from your thoughts and tore your gaze from a patch in the grass to him. His face slightly puffy from sleep, and a yawn escaping him as he made his way to you before flashing you a lazy half grin. “Was wondering where you went.”

“I had to call Soonyoung and you were snoring. I didn’t want to wake you or have him questioning if I was next to a walrus.” You teased, unable to stop the corners up your lips to twitch up, earning a chuckle from the slender man.

“So, kind of you.” He muttered reaching you, leaning against the wall of the shed. The sun had already dropped past the horizon, but there was still a glow to the yard, emphasizing the shadows and adding a hauntingly beautiful look to the spring evening. “Clocked out now?”

“I’m always clocked in.” This made him chuckle, before slipping into his pocket to pull out a lighter and a joint. With the rolled herb between his lips, he lit it with the lighter. Taking a deep inhale, you watched him blow the smoke out. Looking your way, he offered it.

“You still smoke?” He asked, and you looked at the joint then back to his face. A brow raised, “Vernon managed to find some for me. I haven’t smoked since the last time you were here…”

“I actually quit myself,” You told him reaching out to take the burning herb and took a hit of it. The paper was damp from his lips, and the smoke felt harsher than it had in the past, making you cough out the cloud of smoke instead of inhaling it. You managed to take another pull from it, filling your lung with the herbal smoke. Allowing the head change take effect.

A silence followed, just the two of you passing the joint between you. Leaning back, your eyes went up toward the sky to take in the darkening sky as the stars start to appear. While Jeonghan just watched you.

“What did you mom mean?” You asked softly, after a few minutes of feeling his gaze and the joint passing between you. Looking down at the nearly finished joint, now a roach at this point, flicking some ash handing off it. “How weren’t you the same?”

“Were you?” He returned your question with one of his own, reaching for what was left of the joint. You let out a scoff.

“Of course I wasn’t. I lost both my grandparents within a year of each other, had to watch my uncle stick that stupid for sale sign in the ground before the dirt settle so he could pay his debts…” You waved your hand in the air at nothing, before dropping it into your lap. Pushing your tongue into your cheek, you continued. “I was hurting, I was angry at my uncle, I felt like I had nothing here that was mine anymore, and I just wanted to run away.” You took a breath, closing your eyes to hold back the angry tears that were prickling behind them. Remembering that feeling ruined your high. “I left already not the same, but how were you?”

Jeonghan didn’t respond for a moment, the flick of the lighter making you look toward him to find that a second joint appeared and was lighting it. He took a quick inhale of the sweet herb, before handing it to you.

“You need this more than I do,” He muttered as you took it, making you tempted to throw it at him and tell him to go fuck himself, but you stopped yourself. He looked up toward the sky, crossing his arms and you took in how he looked. His baggy jeans, and a shirt that had enough room for the both of you, hair sticking up from sleeping in your bed, and a pair of wired glasses. Ones he had to of thrown on after waking up.

You were slow to take a hit of the herb, watching him carefully.

“You had me.” He finally said, not answering your question. It should’ve infuriated you and call him out if you didn’t look so confused. Licking his lips, he looked at you before repeating himself. “You had me here still. I thought I was home for you too.”

Maybe he was answering after all, in his own cryptic way.

“You were… you are…” You told him, before sighing, “I don’t regret how long I’ve been gone, but I do regret not keeping in touch better with you. I should’ve tried better for that.”

“Maybe, but you’re here now.” Jeonghan leaned forward and took the joint from you. “I plan to make sure you remember that you’re home with me.”

You watched as the joint pressed between his lips, the way his eyes closed slightly as he took a hit, unable to tear your gaze away. Slowly his eyes opened and you could see there was a sign of mischief there. Hiding away the vulnerableness that he’d been displaying. You watch the way his own gaze dropped to your lips then back to your eyes, blowing the smoke gently from the side of his mouth.

“Why do I feel like you are trying to make me fall in love with you?” You asked, meaning for it to be a tease but it came out breathier then you meant. Part of you thinking he might kiss you, but instead he let out a laugh, leaning back against the shed wall. Like nothing happened.

“Who knows, maybe I am.”

**Day 3**

To say you didn’t really do anything was a bit of an understatement. There has been no plans for the day, aside from the plans to meet friends later, so you just laid around. Collecting your energy for a night out drinking and spending time with old friends. Well, at this point they felt more like Jeonghan’s friends rather than your own, but he had insisted that wasn’t the case. That everyone missed you and were excited to see you again.

Jeonghan also continued on the day like the previous night didn’t happen, as if he didn’t look at you like he wanted to kiss you, or ‘joke’ about you falling in love with him. He just laid around with you, bugging you at random times about how bored he was, but wouldn’t get up to do anything. He would whine about how warm you were, but he seemed to scoot closer instead of away.

He would random poke you if you weren’t paying attention to him, complain about anything you turned on, but refused to choose anything. And the entire time used his pouty voice if you snapped at him.

 “That’s it!” You growled out, grabbing the hand that attempted to pull a strand of hair falling into your face, distracting you so his other hand could tickle at your side. With his fingers brushing against the bare skin of your tank that had ridden up, making you jolt and grab that hand as well. Wrestling to get him to stop.

You’d forgotten that Jeonghan was a lot stronger than he looked, and could easily break your hold, but instead he was letting you think you were overpowering him. Filling the room with laugher, and in your wrestle, you found yourself straddling him.

Then you both froze, realizing how close you were. The tips of your noses brushing, both breathing heavy from the exertion, eyes locked with a new emotion coursing through you. Deeper than desire. Your hold then loosened on his wrists.

Now this wasn’t the first time you had ended up like this, you had many times in the past wrestling with each other. You’d done it since you were kids, with it always ending with you both laughing and unable to keep annoying the other.

This time…this time it was all different.

Your name fell from his lips before you were kissing him, which Jeonghan didn’t hesitate to return. His hands dropped down to your waist, pulling you closer until your chest was flushed against each other. A whimper left you at the desperation that flooded him, his tongue sliding over your bottom lip, wanting more—which you willing gave him.

His lips felt like heaven against yours, and the way his tongue teased yours it left you needing more of him. More and more. Your fingers pushing through his soft strands, while his dug into your hips to pulling them down to grind on him. Feeling him already hardening underneath the soft grey fabric of his sweats, making you grow hot with need and dampen your underwear.

Then you broke from the kiss, staring at your best friend in shock while he stared at you with desperate need in his heavy lidded eyes. His bottom lip swollen from your kiss, hands still holding onto your hips like a vice, and his arousal pressing against you. With your own body ablaze with the same need right down to your core.

“I…” You scrambled off him to stand, “I… we shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry… I… I need to get ready for tonight.”

Before Jeonghan could answer or stop you, you were already rushing to your room. Slamming the door behind you as you went, leaving him to stare at the space where you had been standing. Licking his lips, he slammed his fist onto the sofa cushion in frustration but stopped the frustrated groan that wanted to escape. Standing, he took off toward his room.

The ordered ride to the bar was an awkward one, with neither of you would speak or look at each other. You on one side of the backseat, playing with the pockets of your cargo pants before readjusting your tank and cardigan, the fabric not feeling like they fit right. While Jeonghan sat on the other side, looking out the window while his own hands were balled into fists on his lap.

The kiss hung between you, leaving you unsure how to approach it while Jeonghan was just unreadable. There’d been moments you thought he was angry with you, others he seemed frustrated, and then finally he appeared…sad. It ate at you, making it even harder to find the words.

The sound that erupted from the group when you entered the bar was almost deafening, and making others look your way. You were then showered with hugs, first by the girls and followed by Seungcheol, Vernon, and Joshua. Jeonghan had disappeared to the bar, leaving you to greet everyone.

“It’s been way to long,” Eunji couldn’t stop saying, hugging you for what felt like the nth time, “I thought you weren’t ever coming back.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just… needed to be away.” You answered, when she finally let go of you for good, but that was because her fiancé, Vernon, had pulled her back to his side.

“No need to explain to us. We understand.” It was Vernon who spoke up, a finger wrapped through a hoop of Eunji’s pants, keeping her in place. “What matters is that you’re back.”

“And me missing you all matters too, ya know?” You pointed out with a teasing smile, when a cold glass of beer was pushed into your hands, making you look up to see Jeonghan had rejoined the group. He didn’t look at you, instead moving to Seungcheol and Joshua, leaving the others to surround you. Looking down at the beer, you hoped that your friends didn’t pick up the tension between you. Which by the silence and looks everyone was giving each other, you knew better.

You could see the way Eunji was about to open her mouth, only for her fiancé’s hand conveniently found its place over it. Minnie, who had been waiting for her moment to give you a proper hug, gave you a questioning gaze, while Seungcheol, Joshua, and Joshua’s wife looked at Jeonghan.

“I see one thing hasn’t changed,” Minnie had murmured into your ear, taking the beer so she could get an actual hug from you, “We are going to be talking about this.”

As the night went on, the tension between you and Jeonghan had loosened with him eventually finding his way back to your side. Arm thrown over your shoulder, like he hadn’t been giving you the cold shoulder since running from him and the kiss you shared, as he talked and laughed with everyone. Poking, teasing, and smiling at you like you hadn’t just rejected him in one of the worst ways possible.

It had helped you relax outwardly, joining in with the talking, teasing, even leaning into him and his touch. It was easy to do, even with the tension burning between you, it was easy to lean into his warmth like he would you. Except inwardly, you had a war raging on. One that involved the very man you were leaning into.

“I’m going for a cigarette.” Minnie announced, lifting Seungcheol’s hand off her knee to stand, grabbing her designer bag in the process, “Who’s coming with me?”

“I will,” Eunji practically jumped out of her seat, looking around the table for anyone else, both of them stopping briefly on you and Lily, Joshua’s wife. Subtly hinting that you were to join them.

“I have to pass. I been trying to quit, and don’t want to be tempted, sorry.” Lily answered, sipping at the bright blue cocktail she had ordered.

“Never apologize for that. You got more will power than I do,” Minnie waved her hand, her eyes going back to you, “Anyone else?”

“I’ll go,” You announce, standing with Jeonghan’s arm falling from your shoulder as you did. Making him look at you with a confused expression, “Just need a bit of fresh air. I’ll be back.”

You barely make it out of the bar before you were being cornered by the two women.

“Okay, spill.” Eunji demanded as Minnie pulled out a pack of cigarettes, grabbing two and a lighter from the box. One for each woman.

“What are you talking about?” You attempted to feign ignorance, but it was clear the two didn’t buy it. The three of you were very close growing up, they witnessed how you and Jeonghan were, and still knew you better than you realized.

“Either one of three things is going on here. You two either have nothing to talk about, and it’s awkward as shit…” Minnie responded, placing the cigarette to her lips and lit it.

“Which is impossible with you two,” Eunji chimed in, taking the lighter from Minnie to light her own. “No matter how many years have passed.”

“You got into a stupid fight over something like the color of his socks, or…” Minnie walked closer, holding the cigarette out enough so the smoke wasn’t hitting your face, taking in how you crossed your arms and looked away. Leaning in, it felt like the last one was more of a secret, “Something happened between the two of you…”

“And you were the one to freak out.” Eunji finished for her, “And now it’s awkward.”

“Why would it be me?”

“Because it’s always you.” Vernon’s voice popped up behind you, causing the three of you to jump. He casually walks past you to Eunji, taking his cigarette in the process to take a drag, “I had a feeling they were doing that weird best friend gang up thing.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” You answer, feeling your cheeks starting to burn.

“They kissed,” Vernon took another long drag of the nicotine stick, causing your jaw to drop opened, “Jeonghan told us in there.”

“Of course he did,” You muttered, watching the way Eunji and Minnie were ready to start jumping for joy.

“Finally?!” Eunji asked with excitement, but from the look on Vernon’s face, as well as yours, that Jeonghan didn’t stop there. Flicking the ash off the cigarette, the younger man took one more drag before handing it back to his fiancé.

“And that you freaked out and ran.”

“I didn’t run, I didn’t even leave the house.” You tried to defend yourself while your two friends excitement started to deflate.

“No, but you locked yourself in your room.” It was times like this that Vernon made you wonder how easy it was to get away with murder. Eunji will be able to find love again, she can move on, and you could disappear. Change your name, live in a small cottage in the middle of nowhere.

“Ugh,” Eunji let out a groan, dropping her head back and shoulders down in frustration. While Minnie could only stare at you, gaze unreadable as she pressed her cigarette to her lips, with one arm crossed her midsection.

“What?” You asked, your own frustration started to bubble over as it slowly started to occur to you that your friends knew something that you didn’t know. Something that Jeonghan clearly was aware of, but not you. Something about you and him. “I kissed him, yes. We were wrestling and it just happened, but it shouldn’t have. It just made things awkward and could just ruin our friendship.” You didn’t mention how much you wanted to do it again but couldn’t risk losing him for good. “What is with this ‘finally’ shit, anyways? Like shouldn’t you guys be worried that this could ruin our already fragile friendship.”

There was a silence as the three looked at each other. Like it dawned on them that you really didn’t know.

“You really don’t know?” It was Minnie who asked, taking another long drag as she moved her gaze to you again, followed by the couple behind her.

“Know what Min?” You sighed, dropping your arms to your sides, but there was something deep in you that told you that you already knew. Something that was sitting inside you for years, and you refused to acknowledge it, because it was easier than to face it.

There was a beat of silence between the four of them, with Eunji focused on her cigarette, Minnie watching you with an almost pitied look, and Vernon pushing his tongue into his cheek. Each of them waiting for the other to either come out with it, or for it to finally dawn on you. For you to finally see it.

“That he’s in love with you…” It was Vernon who said it, since neither of the girls spoke up, then his attention went to Minnie, “You think I can get my own smoke?”

You stood there in absolute silence while a pack of cigarettes exchanged hands, staring at your friends. It wasn’t that you had needed to process this, it wasn’t that at all. Instead, the words reached into your chest, into your heart and pulled out something you already known. Something he was trying to tell you, that he’s been trying to tell you.

“You guys are insane,” You finally spoke, looking away from them, pulling your cardigan around you when a cool breeze hit. “Jeonghan loves me, but he’s not in love with me.”

“Are you saying that to convince us, or convince yourself?” Minnie then asked, taking the pack back, her voice soft and understanding. You didn’t answer, still not looking at her, Vernon or Eunji, not trusting yourself to. “Did Jeonghan tell you what his parents condition was when they helped him buy that house?”

“No…” You had asked Jeonghan at least twice what this condition was, but he wouldn’t answer and would change the subject. Instead of pushing though, you just let him change it, so you didn’t have to actually hear it.

“The condition was that he settle downs like the rest of us,” She continued, and you could feel your mouth go dry, make your stomach churn uncomfortably. Unsure if it was from the alcohol, hearing all this, or both, “Or he would have to pay them back every penny.”

This made you look up to see her smiling at you, with it being as soft as her voice. Minnie flicked the ash off the near finished cigarette, your friends letting you take in what you were being told.

“What does that have to do with me, though?” You asked, feeling like you already knew the answer without it having to be said.

“Because.” Dropping the cigarette onto the ground, the taller woman hooked your arm with hers to walk back to the bar. Leaving Vernon and Eunji to finish their own smokes, “For him, the condition wasn’t just anyone, because to him, it only would be you.”

You’d barely made it back into the bar before Jeonghan had let out an overexaggerated yawn as he announced that he was going to order a ride home. This earned a chorus of groans from everyone, except for you. Your brain was already a buzz from the conversations outside, with the only thing you could do was stare at him. The bill of his hat pulled low, with it and his hair falling over his eyes. There was a deep frown playing over his lips, and body language reading that he no longer wanted to be there.

“You staying?” He asked you, making you blink out of your thoughts, already having his phone out to get a ride ordered. Several pairs of eyes turn to you, waiting for your response. Minnie had found her place back next to Seungcheol, leaning into her boyfriend, watching you with a knowing gaze.

Telling you to go with him.

“Nah, I’m getting tired myself.” You answered, letting out a chuckle, “I honestly am surprised I managed as long as I have. I’ve traded a night out at the bar with a bottle of wine at home, and most times in bed.”

Jeonghan nodded, already having the ride ordered, and the group advanced on you. Hugging you tightly, telling you to keep in touch, and to visit more often. With Minnie hugging you a little longer than everyone.

“Call me tomorrow, okay?” She whispered in your ear, “If you don’t plan to return his feelings, then let him down gently.”

Neither of you said anything on the ride back to Jeonghan’s, but this time the silence felt different. It wasn’t tense like it was on the way to the bar, it had shifted after being out for a few hours to something that you had a hard time describing. His tired silence, leaning back in the seat with his eyes out the window, watching everything pass by. One hand resting against his head while the other rested between you both.

Beckoning you to take it.

Except you didn’t, with your own gaze looking out the car window as well. Vernon and Minnie’s words heavy in your head.

“He’s in love with you.”

“…because to him, it only would be you.”

“If you don’t plan to return his feelings, then let him down gently.”

They left you with one of two choices by doing this. Finally face what was always between you and talk to Jeonghan, or you run away again. Get the earliest flight you can and leave before Jeonghan could wake up. Continue to run away. Destroy a lifelong friendship, one that you were meant to reconnect during your stay, because you were the coward.

You needed to make a choice. You needed to make one then.

“I’m going to head to bed, I am pretty tired,” Jeonghan announced once back, making sure the door was locked behind you before flicking his gaze to you. Taking you in, while he forced a smile to his lips and another beat of silence followed.

He was waiting for you to say something, anything. It was your chance, you either faced it or you ran away, but words failed you. They failed you in a way that never happened before with him, and it scared you.

“Goodnight, bug.” He whispered finally turning toward his room, nodding his head like he received his answer again. An answer to a question or a confession that he never said out loud.

It suddenly infuriated you.

“Are you in love with me?” You blurted out, causing Jeonghan to stop only a few steps away, watching the way his back straightened at the question. The accusation.

“Yes, I am.” He answered without hesitation, turning to look at you. That forced smile turning into a sardonic smirk when your eyes widened at how easy it was for him to say it, “I am in love with you.”

“For how long?”

“Does it matter?” The question as simple.

“Yes…no…just tell me.” You let out a frustrated sigh, shoulders dropping as you do.

“I’ve loved you since we were children, even when you would pull my hair,” He let out a chuckle, crossing his arms, “But realized I was in love with you when I had to watch you board that plane for school.”

“And why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it was easier to watch you go not knowing than if you did.” Jeonghan’s voice was low, the words stripping everything away that he hid behind, letting you see the raw side of him. And he still held eye contact with you.

“And the condition with your parents…”

“I had no intention fulfilling it if it wasn’t going to be you.” You noticed that he had started to close the distance that as originally there, pulling off his cap in the process so you could see his face better. Looking at you in a way he never had before, or that you noticed.

“Why?”

“Because no matter how I pictured my future, when it came to who I would spend my life with…” Jeonghan was now in front of you, close enough that you could feel his breath against your face. His hand ghosting over your cheek. You couldn’t move, you didn’t want to move, you were scared to move, “It’s always you. It’s always been you.”

“Jeonghan…” His name came out in a whisper, tears starting to fall down your cheek and that was when you felt the coolness of his hand cupping your cheek. His thumb wiping away a few away. “You’re an asshole.”

A soft laugh left him, dropping his hand and taking a step back. Taking your comment as a rejection, but it wasn’t. It was far from it. You finally found a name to what that missing piece was when it came to Jeonghan. Your best friend, the boy who would be waiting for you in that run down shed every day, the teen who would get in trouble with you, the young man who let you go even though there was an ache in both your chests, and the man standing before you.

All these versions of him were one thing to you. Your Jeonghan.

“You’re an asshole for not telling me sooner…” You pouted, grabbing the sleeves of his shirt to stop him, refusing to look away from him. His stupid, assholish, beautiful face.

“Yeah?” Jeonghan countered back, inching closer to you, his eyes flicking to your mouth.

“Yeah.”

He then kissed you, heated and hungry, like something inside him snapped; unable to hold back any longer. He had a taste of you earlier, and now that he had you again, he couldn’t keep pretending. You returned the kiss with a fever, gripping at the sleeves of his shirt because if you didn’t, he’d disappear.

His hand finding their place at your hips, squeezing them when you deepened the kiss, greedy to taste him again like you had earlier. This time with the notes of beer still lingering, but you were sure you were just the same. Releasing the sleeves of his shirt, you traced them over your shoulders and up his neck, earning a low groan from him when you gripped at the soft strands of his hair.

Hearing this sound sent a wave of heat down your belly, right to your core, your thighs squeezing slightly and enough for Jeonghan to notice. Making him pull away from your lips, reluctantly since he attempted to dive back in to reclaim them, only to stop himself.

“You’ll need to stop me now, because I have no intentions on it.” He said softly, willing to step away if you didn’t want to. You laugh pushing him toward his bedroom, tripping over each other and pulling off clothes in the process. With your bra and top gone before you made it through his bedroom door.

His shirt following quickly after, giving way to a lean frame with smooth undefined muscles, but you could feel them under your touch. Your cargos off next, leaving you in a pair of grey lace underwear, and Jeonghan had twisted you so the he was the one guiding you to his bed. His mouth claiming yours right as you felt his bed hit the back of your knees, making you drop down onto it.

Looking up to see Jeonghan standing before you, his eyes roaming from your own down your body before returning to them. His expression one of disbelief, like he couldn’t believe you were on his bed, half naked. And just for him.

“Hanni…” Anything you had to say was stopped by his kiss, more heated than any of the others you had shared.

Your hands and mouths touching and kissing anywhere and everywhere you could. His mouth teasing your breasts, sucking at the hardened peaks, while your hands ran over his body. Feeling his hardened cock over his pants before they too were gone. Followed by his boxers, and then your underwear.

“Fuck…your mouth is heaven,” He moaned out when you took his cock into your mouth, swallowing him down your throat eagerly, savoring the taste of him. With a few expert movements, Jeonghan had to pull back to stop from cumming down your throat and ending it all too soon. “We are going to have to revisit this later.”

“But…” Your words were swallowed up by his kiss, tongue claiming yours, pushing your back against the bed, his hips pushing your legs apart. Moaning at the feeling of his saliva slicked cock pressing against your own soaked cunt, rolling your hips up against his. Needing more of him.

When you felt two fingers tweak at one of your nipples, you roll him onto his back, straddling him. Grinding down onto him while one of your hands slip between you to grip his cock. With a gentle squeeze, Jeonghan broke from the kiss to drop his head back with a groan, moving both hands to your hips. The head of his cock catching at your entrance, making you both gasp.

Then you sank down onto him, a silent cry leaving you while Jeonghan’s eyes rolled at the way he stretched your gripping walls, until you were completely onto him. Only you didn’t stay there long, not giving either of you the chance to adjust before you were moving. Planting your hands onto the bed, you lift your hips off him, leaving only the head of his cock in you before dropping down.

Jeonghan’s hands gripped onto your hips, his eyes glazed over from arousal and the sight of you. Seeing parts of you that he only imagined, your bare breasts bouncing with each movement of your hips, your mouth falling open in pleasure, right down to where your two were now connected. The feeling of your walls squeezing and gripping at him was better than any late night thoughts could compare.

He knew he wasn’t going to last long, but he also didn’t want this to ever end. There was no way he could ever go back after this, he wouldn’t be able to go back to anything with you that didn’t involve this. Didn’t involve you being his.

“Jeonghan…” You whimpered, grinding down onto him to get more friction, feeling yourself winding tighter. The knot deep in your core threatening to snap. Then one of his hands slide from your hip to between your legs, pushing his finger up to tease your clit. “I’m close…”

“Do it, baby. Don’t hold back.” He tried to play it cool with a smirk, but he was just as much of a whimpering mess like you are. Looking up at you like you were the only thing that ever mattered. You were the only thing that ever mattered to him.

“Shit, Shit…” You chanted, every muscle tightening as you came, “I love you, I love you.”

Then you were on your back, Jeonghan rolling you over without pulling out, taking over for you. Fucking into you with a vigor you never experienced from him.

“I love you…” He whispered into your mouth, cupping your face, his own release following quickly after. Neither of you moved, staying connected as you came down from your highs, with him now pulling back to look at you. Your well kissed lips, your hair a mess from running your fingers through it, and your still glazed over eyes. A scene that made him fall even more in love. “Please don’t leave… stay… I can’t let you go again.”

“Jeonghan…” You sigh, closing your eyes as you attempted to slip off him. Oversensitivity starting to take over, but he kept you there on top of him. “I have to though…” That was when you felt his hands loosen on your hips, and the look on his face nearly broke you, but still a small smile graced your lips, “I mean… If I plan to move back, I got to get everything in order…”

“No you don’t,” He pouted, and you leaned forward to kiss him. Soft, promising. “You can just start back over here… I am not letting you go.”

“Then I guess we need to buy you a plane ticket then.” You tease, brushing a strand of hair from his face. His stupid, assholish, beautiful face that you’ve loved for years. “Cause I do have to go back.”

“We’ll see about that,” He smirked, making you laugh. “I love you. Always you.”

Thank you so much for reading I seriously hope you all enjoyed this!

Reblogs, and comments are appreciated! It doesn't just let my fic reach more people, it also is great to know I am doing well!

You wanted this spring to be your new beginning, but you didn’t know it was going to be with your best friend's brother Soonyoung.

“Ryujin hurry up, we’re going to be late for the cherry blossom festival.”

You yelled from the bottom steps hearing the sound of a door and knew she was about to appear. “What I had to make sure I looked perfect.” You let out a small laugh and responded. “Perfect? Latte is the only one that gives you attention.” Ryujin looked at you in shock. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.” She grabbed her bag and you both walked out the door.

The streets were already dancing with different shades of pink by the time you both arrived. Petals dancing in the air like a practiced ease, catching in your hair and sleeves. “See? We’re not late,” Ryujin said proudly, slapping your shoulder as she searched the crowd. “If anything we’re fashionably early.”

“That doesn’t even exist." you muttered but smiled anyway. There was something about this season that made everything feel possible. New. Like the world was holding its breath. Ryujin stopped suddenly. “Oh there he is.” You followed her gaze at first expecting a friend, maybe someone you went to school with. But then your eyes landed on him and everything else blurred in the background.

He stood under a cherry blossom tree, one hand in his pocket the other holding a drink he forgot about. Petals clung to his dark hair soft against the sunlight like he was sent from heaven. “Y/N that’s my brother…Soonyoung!” Ryujin yelled, waving. Your heart jumped.

Brother?

He looked up at the sound of her voice, his eyes looking then landing on you. And stopping. For just a second it felt like the world tilted. Like he noticed it too. Ryujin grabbed your wrist, pulling you forward. “Why are you walking so slow? Come on!”

“I didn’t know your brother was coming,” you said, trying to sound normal and ignore the way your chest tightened for no reason.

“I didn’t tell you? Oh, yeah he’s back for a bit.”

“For a bit?” You repeated.

“Yeah…before he has to enlist.”

The words settled heavier than they should’ve. Before you could ask anything else, you were suddenly standing in front of him. Up close he was warmer. Real. His chocolate brown eyes held something soft, something curious as if he was trying to figure you out. “Soonyoung, this is Y/N my best friend,” Ryujin said. There was a pause then he smiled. Not polite. Not distant. But something easy, something that reached his tiger like eyes.

“Best friend?” He repeated, glancing between you and Ryujin before looking back at you. “Then I guess I should’ve met you sooner.” Your breath caught. You opened your mouth, but nothing came out at first. Because all you could think was why does this feel like something important? “Yeah…maybe we should have.” You finally said quieter than you meant to.

A petal landed on his shoulder, neither of you looking away. And somewhere in the middle of laughter, spring air and falling blossoms something began.

Even if time was already running out.

It happened without you realizing. One second Ryujin was beside you talking and laughing, taking you from place to place. The next… “She ran off to find a friend,” Soonyoung said, glancing over his shoulder like he was surprised. “Said she’d be back.” You blinked. “She…left me?” He huffed out a quiet laugh. “She left us.” The word us lingered longer than it should have.

For a moment neither of you moved. The noise of the festival carried on around you: voices, music, distant laughter but it all felt far away. Like the world had stepped back and left the two of you standing in something softer.

“So…” he started shifting his weight slightly. “How long have you known my annoying sister?”

“Forever,” you said with a small smile. “She kind of just decided we were best friends one day.”

“That sounds like her.”

You both laughed like this wasn’t the first conversation, like it wasn’t supposed to be. A breeze passed, shaking the branches from the cherry blossom trees, causing petals to fall between you catching in your hair. He noticed. “Hold on,” he said gently. Your breath hitched as he stepped closer. His fingers hovered near your hair like he was giving you time to pull away but you didn’t. Soonyoung brushed a petal free. That should have been nothing, but it wasn’t.

“Spring suits you,” he quietly said. Your heart betrayed you. “That’s a weird thing to say,” but there was no bite to it. He smiled, making him look like a hamster. “Yeah. It is.” Silence fell between you, but it wasn’t awkward. Like there were too many things sitting just beneath the surface.

You looked away “Ryujin said you just got back?”

“Mm.” He nodded. “Not for long though.”

There it was again, that weight. You forced yourself to ask, but part of you didn’t want to hear it. “She said something about…enlistment?” His expression changed slightly. “Yeah soon.”

Soon. The words echoed in your chest in a way that didn’t make sense. You had just met him. Just met him. Why did it feel like something was slipping through your fingers? “Oh,” you spoke softly. He watched you for a moment and really watched you. “You look more disappointed than my own sister when she found out,” he said, half teasing and half something else. You let out a small breath. “I just…” you stopped yourself.

What are you even saying?

“I mean it’s a big deal,” you quickly corrected. He tilted his head slightly, but he didn’t fully believe you and didn’t push. Instead he glanced toward a quieter path lined with trees just beyond the crowd. “Do you want to walk?” He asked shyly. “It’s less hectic over there.” You hesitated. Not because you didn’t want to but because you did.

You nodded.

The two of you drifted away from the festival into a space where the petals covered the ground like a blanket. The air felt calmer, quieter…more intimate. For a while you walked side by side without talking. Your hands brushed once. Then again. Neither of moved away.

“I feel like I should say something meaningful,” he suddenly admitted with a laugh escaping him.

“Since it feels like one of those moments.”

You smiled. “And?”

“And I’ve got nothing.”

That made you laugh, really laugh this time. He glanced at you like he was trying to memorize the sound. “I’m glad it’s you,” he said under his breath. You turned to him. “What?” He shook his head quickly. “Nothing. Just” he exhaled then met your eyes again. “I’m glad Ryujin left you with me.” Your heart stopped. But this didn’t feel like a coincidence anymore. “I think she did it on purpose,” you said. “Oh. Definitely.” You both smiled.

And as the petals continued to fall around you, the distance between your hands disappeared. You realized something quietly terrifying. This wasn’t just a moment. This is the beginning of something you wouldn’t forget. Even if you didn’t have much time.

That night, sleep didn’t come easy. You told yourself it was because of the festival, the noise, the walking the way your legs ached from being on them all day. But it wasn’t. It was him.

The way his voice softened when it was just the two of you. The way his soft hands brushed yours like it meant something. The way soon echoed in your chest like a countdown you never agreed to do.

You turned onto your side staring at your phone screen glowing in the dark. This was ridiculous. You only known him for a few hours. A few hours shouldn’t feel like this.

Your phone buzzed causing your heart to jump. Unknown number. You stared at it for a second before opening the message.

Unknown: You’re probably asleep. Ryujin gave me your number…hope that's okay.

Your breath caught. You sat up immediately.

You: I’m not asleep

Three dots appear almost instantly. You couldn’t help the small smile forming. When you saw Ryujin’s name mentioned you knew who it was and saved his number.

Soonyoung: I was hoping you’d say that

You chewed on your lip longer than necessary while looking at the screen.

You: Couldn’t sleep?

Soonyoung: Yea. It felt like today would just end if I slept.

Your chest tightened. Because you understood what he meant.

You: It was just a festival

You didn’t mean for it to sound like that. Distant. Safe. A few seconds passed. Your phone started ringing. You froze. His name lit up on your screen. You answered “Hello?” There was a careful pause on the other end. Like he was trying to make sure you were really there. “Hi” his voice was quieter, softer like it belonged to the night. Something in your chest folded. “Hi,” you repeated just as quietly. Then a small exhale almost like a laugh. “I didn’t like how that message sounded,” he admitted. “The just a festival part.” You closed your eyes embarrassed “I didn’t mean…”

“I know,” he cut in. “You’re trying to make it smaller.” He was right. “I just don't…” you hesitated trying to search for the words. “I don’t understand why today felt like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like it mattered.”

There was silence but it wasn’t empty. It was full, heavy, honest.

“Yeah me too,” he softly said.

Your grip on your phone tightened slightly. “I’ve met a lot of people,” he continued. “But today was the first time I kept thinking…” he stopped. Your heart was stuck in your throat. “Thinking what?” You whispered. There was another pause, longer this time. Then quiet. “Thinking I didn’t have enough time.” The words settled between you like something fragile, something dangerous. Your voice came out softer than expected. “But you just met me.”

“I know.”

“Then why does it feel like you're leaving something behind already?” He let out a breath, like that question hit deeper than he expected. “I was hoping you’d tell me.” You laugh weakly trying to shake off the weight of it. “That’s not fair.”

“I know,” he said again. There was a shift to something more vulnerable. “I almost said something earlier,” he admitted. Your heart stopped. “When we were walking.”

You swallowed. “Why didn’t you?”

“Because I don’t trust anything that happens this fast.” That hurt more than it should have. “But I don’t think that means it's not real.” Your breath caught. “Sometimes it means you don't have to ignore it.” Silence filled the space again but this time it wasn’t heavy. It was warm. Terrifying. Real. You shifted pulling your blanket closer around you.

“I think I would’ve listened,” you said quietly.

“To what?”

“To whatever you almost said.” He didn’t respond right away. But when he did his voice was barely above a whisper. “Then I’ll say it before I leave.” Your heart skipped a beat.

“Leave… leave?”

“Before enlistment.” Oh that the thing you were trying not to think about. “Okay,” you said even though the word felt too small for everything you were feeling there was another quiet pause. Neither of you hung up but neither of you wanted to.

“Are you still there?” He asked after a while.

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

You smiled into the darkness and for the first time that night you didn’t feel like sleep was something you needed to run from. Somehow in the quiet of the late night call you had found something you weren’t ready to lose.

The calls didn’t stop after that night. At first it was before bed. Then turned into random moments walking home, sitting in silence even just hearing each other breathe like that was enough. The days blurred together faster than they should have. Spring didn’t feel endless anymore.

It felt borrowed.

“You’re smiling at your phone again.” You looked at Ryujin leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed with a knowing look on her face. “I am not.”

“You are,” she said immediately. “And it's my brother so don’t even try to lie about it.” Your silence gave you away. Her expression shifted not teasing but more serious. “You know he leaves in two weeks, right?” Two weeks. Your stomach dropped. “Yeah,” you quietly said. Ryujin looked at you for a second longer, then sighed softer this time. “Just don’t get hurt, okay?” You forced a smile. Too late.

That night he didn’t text, he called. “Hey,” you said, trying to sound normal. “Come outside.” You blinked. “What?” “I’m outside.” Your heart stopped. You rushed to your window, pulling the curtain back and he was there.

Standing under the dim glow of the streetlight, hands shoved into his tiger striped hoodie pocket like he wasn’t currently rearranging your entire world. You didn’t even think about it, you just ran outside. “What are you doing here?” You asked breathlessly. He looked at you like he’d been waiting longer than just a few minutes.

“I didn’t want to talk on the phone tonight.”

“That’s not an answer.” He stepped closer.

“I needed to see you.” Your heart slammed against your ribs. “That’s also not an answer,” you whispered softly. He let out a quiet breath, running a hand through his hair. “I leave in two weeks,” he said. You flinched. “I know.” “And I don’t want to waste time pretending this is nothing.” There was no build up, no safety, just the truth. Your chest tightened.

“So what are you saying?”

“I’m…I’m saying,” he stepped closer, close enough that you could feel the warmth of him, “I think about you all the time.” Your breath caught. “I think about things I shouldn’t be thinking about when I just met you,” he continues. “Like what it would be like if I met you earlier. Or later. Or at a time where I didn’t have a deadline hanging over my head.” Your voice came out but it was barely there. “Soonyoung…”

“I tried to slow it down,” he admitted. “I told myself it’s just timing, just a moment, just spring…” His gaze locked onto yours. “But it’s not.” It was silent after it was your turn and there was no way out of it because you felt it too. “I don’t want to slow it down,” your voice shaking. “I don’t care if it’s too fast.” Something in his expression broke open at that. “Seriously?” You nodded. That was all it took for him to close the distance. He didn’t rush, wasn't hesitant, it was inevitable. His hand found yours first, fingers threading together like they belonged. Then his forehead rested on yours. “Tell me to stop,” he murmured. You didn’t. So he kissed you soft, careful like he was holding onto something fragile. But underneath it everything you hadn’t said everything you didn’t have time for. When he pulled back neither of you moved far. “This was a bad idea.” You whispered. “Probably,” he said. You tightened your grip on his hand. “Do it again.” And he did. But now the countdown begins.

14 Days Before He Leaves

It starts like it's nothing.

“Coffee?” He texts. You say yes too quickly.

The cafe is quiet, tucked between blooming trees, sunlight coming through the windows in soft patches. You sit across from each other at first. Keeping at a safe distance and safe conversation.

Until it isn’t.

You end up side by side, sharing a table too small for the space you’re pretending to keep. “You don’t like sweet drinks,” he says, watching your expression after your first sip. You glance at him. “You noticed that already?”

“I notice everything you do.”

You laugh it off but later, walking home you realize you didn’t correct him.

12 Days Before

It was supposed to be a short walk. Just around the park to get some air. But time stretches in strange ways when you’re with him. You talk about small things, childhood stories, favorite songs, things that don’t matter. Except they do because they’re yours.

At some point your hands brush. You pull back instinctively. He doesn’t. The second time it happens, he lets his fingers stay just lightly against yours. It seemed almost like a question. You answer by not moving away. By the end of the walk your fingers are fully intertwined. Neither of you remembers exactly when it happened.

10 Days Before

You stop being surprised when he shows up. A soft knock. A familiar silhouette through the window. You opened the door before he could knock again.

“You didn’t text,” you say. “You didn’t need me to.” You don’t argue. You just step aside and let him in like he belongs there. Later you realize that scares you more than anything else.

9 Days Before

The calls get longer. Not just late at night anymore. Midday. Early morning. Random. It’s like the silence feels wrong now.

That night you fall asleep with the phone still pressed to your ear. The quiet is so comfortable.

Safe.

When you wake up hours later your room is dark. Your phone is still warm in your hand. “Soonyoung?” You whisper. His voice raspy from sleep. “Yeah. I’m here.” Your chest tightens.

“You didn’t hang up?”

“Didn’t want to.”

You turn onto your side, clutching the phone a little closer. “Go to sleep,” you murmur. “You first.” You smile, eyes closing again. Neither of you listen.

7 Days Before

One week.

The number sits heavy between you now. You feel it in everything. The way his gaze lingers a second longer than before. They way your conversations go into silence more often, not empty but full. Like there’s too much to say and not enough time to say it. You catch him staring not casually, not teasing but like he’s studying you. More like memorizing.

“What?” You asked, laughing.

“Nothing,” he says.

But he doesn't look away.

6 Days Before

Ryujin notices she always does.

“You two are being weird," she says, dropping onto the couch beside you. You stiffen. “We’re not…”

“Soonyoung,” she interrupts, not even looking at you, “You’ve been staring at her for the last five minutes.”

“I haven’t.”

“You have.”

It goes quiet. You glance at him and he’s still looking at you. This time he doesn’t deny it. Ryujin exhales sharply. “This is exactly what I didn’t want.” Your stomach twists but you don’t stop. Neither of you do.

5 Days Before

It's raining, not drizzling but heavy rain.The kind that could soak through everything if you're not careful. You end up stuck together under a narrow canopy, bodies pressed close, the scent of the rain and spring wrapping around you.

Water drips steadily from the edge, forming a curtain between you and the rest of the world. “This feels like a cliché,” you say quietly. He glances at you. “You don't like clichés?”

“I think they exist for a reason.”

“And what’s that?”

You hesitate. “…To warn people.”

He watches you carefully now. “About what?”

“That it doesn’t last long.”

The words hang there heavy and honest. For a second, you think he’ll argue. Instead he steps closer. Close enough that your breath catches. “Then let’s not think about after,” he says softly. Your heart aches. Because you know exactly what he’s doing because you’re doing it too.

“…Okay.”

3 Days Before

You start collecting pieces of him without meaning to. The way he taps his finger when he’s thinking. The way his eyes brighten when he gets excited. The way he says your name is slower now softer. The way his hand automatically finds yours, like its habit instead of a choice.

You wonder when it became a habit.

You wonder when he did.

2 Days Before

Everything feels fragile like one wrong word could break it. You sit beside each other in silence more often now. Not because there was nothing to say but because saying it would make it real. You catch him looking at you again.

The same look.

You finally ask. “Why do you keep doing that?”

“Doing what?“

“Looking at me like that.”

He hesitates. And that when you know the answer matters. “Like I’m trying to remember you.” Your chest tightens so much that it hurts. “I’m not going anywhere,” you say automatically. But the second it leaves your mouth you realize how untrue it sounds.

Because he is.

And you can’t follow.

1 Day Before

Everything slows down, conversations stretch, touches linger, even the silence feels heavy. You don’t let go of his hand first anymore. He doesn't either. That night, on the phone— “I don’t regret this,” he says. His voice is quieter than usual. Serious. “Me neither.” There was a pause. “That almost makes it worse.” You swallow hard string at the ceiling. “Yeah.” Because if this was a mistake it would be easier to leave behind.

The Day Before He Leaves

Spring is at its peak. Cherry blossoms are everywhere like the same day you met. Time is looping like nothing has changed except everything has. And standing there with him you finally feel it.

Not just the beginning but the end right behind it.

Spring shouldn’t feel like this. It shouldn’t feel heavy, but it does.

The air is soft, warm, petals drifting like nothing is wrong like this isn’t the last time. You see him before he sees you. Standing there with a tiger stripes bag slung over his shoulder, hand in his pockets like he doesn’t know what to do.

For a second you don’t move because walking toward him makes it real. He looks up and finds you instantly like he always does. Everything in you pulls forward.

“Hey.”

It's quiet, too quiet for a goodbye.

“Hey.”

You stop in front of him, you were close to him but not close enough. There’s a space between you that didn’t exist before and it scared you. Neither of you closes it. Not yet.

“You came.” He says.

You almost laugh. “Of course I did.”

You were shocked that he even asked that. A small smile tugs at his lips, but it didn’t last long. There was awkward silence which was unfamiliar to you both.

This is the first time you don’t know what to say.

“I didn’t sleep,” he admits suddenly.

You look at him. “Me neither.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

There was another pause. He nods slowly, like he expected that like it matters more than it should. “I hate this ,” you say before you could stop yourself. Your honesty surprises him. “Yeah,” he exhales. “Me too.”

“I thought I’d be better at it,” you admit your voice almost silent. “At keeping things normal.” He lets out a small, almost humorless laugh. “I didn’t even try.” That pulls something fragile between you. Something almost light. Almost enough.

A petal lands on your shoulder. You both notice at the same time. For the second it feels like the first day again like you could rewind like you could pretend this isn’t the end.

He lifts his hand then stops just short of you. Your breath catches because you see it the hesitation. The choice. Slowly he let his hand fall back to his side.

“You should…” you start, then stop.

What? Go? Stay? Don’t leave?

None of it feels right. “I should what?” He ask gently. Your throat tightens. “Be careful,” you settle on. It sounds small. Too small. But was all you could manage.

He nods. “I will.” There was another silence. This one was heavier like it’s pressing down on both of you. “I was going to say something,” he says suddenly. Your heart stutters.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I’ve been trying to figure out how it ay it for days.” Your chest tightens painfully. “Then…say it.” It comes out softer than intended. Hopeful. Dangerous. He looks at you really looks at you and for a second you think he will.

You see it in the way his expression shifts. They way his lips part slightly. The way his hand almost reaches for yours again.

“I-” He stops. The words hang there unfinished. Everything you’ve both been avoiding, sitting right between you. Your breath catches. “…You what?” You whisper. He exhales, shaking his head just slightly like pulling himself back. Like he’s choosing something else. “…I’m really glad I met you.” Your heart drops. Not because it true but because it’s not what he was going to say.

You know it.

He knows it.

And now it’s gone.

“Me too,” you say even though your voice feels unsteady. Even though it feels like you just lost something without ever having it.

“I should go.”

The words hit harder than anything else. You nod because if you speak, you might ask him not to, and you don’t know what he would do if you did. He steps closer this time he doesn’t hesitate. His hand finds your fingers wrapping around like they’ve done a hundred times before. Like they belong there. He squeezes gently and you hold on tighter just for a second just a little longer than you should.

“Take care of yourself,” he says.

“You too.”

Neither of you lets go. Not yet. Not until the moment stretches too thin and finally he pulls away. He takes a step back then another. You watch him the whole time like if you look away, he’ll disappear faster.

Halfway across the distance, he stops turns back for a second it feels like he might come back. Like he might say it. Like he might fix it. “I-“ Again. The same start the same almost. Your heart leaps but this time he just smiles. Soft. A little sad. “…Bye.” And then he turns and keeps walking.

You don’t realize you’re crying until your vision blurs. Until the pink of the blossoms melts into something you can’t quite see anymore. Until he’s gone. And the worst part? It’s not that he left. It’s not even that it hurts. It’s that you know you both felt it and neither of you said it.

Spring keeps going like nothing happened. Like you didn’t stand there and watch something begin and end at th e same time. You still meet Ryujin. Still sit in the same places, still pass the same trees but everything feels…off.

Quieter.

Like something is missing, and no one is saying it out loud.

“You’re worse than I expected.” You glance up from your drink. Ryujin is watching you, arms crossed expression softer than usual. “Thanks I’m fine,” you say automatically. She raises an eyebrow. “You’ve stirred that for five minutes.” You stop. Didn’t even realize.

“I just didn’t sleep well,” you tried to say.

“Mm.” She doesn’t believe you. Not even a little. “Funny. Neither did he before he left.” Your finger tighten slightly around the cup. You don’t respond. Ryujin relaxes, leaning back in her chair. “He was weird, you know.” That gets your attention. “Weird how?” She tilts her head, like she’s deciding how much to say.

“Soonyoung usual has a lot of energy, but he was quiet, distracted. Which is not him.” She paused. “He kept picking up his phone and putting it down and picking it back up again.” Your heart starts to beat a little faster.

“Why?”

She gives you look. “You really have to ask?”

You look away.

“He almost didn’t leave when he was supposed to come see you,” she continues, more quietly now. Your breath catches.

“What?”

“He was late coming home the night before. I asked him where he was and he just said…” she trails off, thinking. “He said he needed to figure out if saying something would make it harder or easier.” Your chest tightens painfully because you know exactly what that means.

You swallow. “Did he… say what it was?” Ryujin hesitates. And that hesitation tells you everything. “Ryujin.” She sighs, running a hand through her hair. “I don’t know if I should… it’s not my place to tell you.”

“Please.” Your voice breaks. And that's what makes her give in. “He asked me something,” she says slowly.

“What?”

“He asked…” She looks at you then away. “… if I thought you felt the same.” Your heart stutters.

“What did you say?”

“I told him I wasn’t blind.” Despite everything a small broken laugh slips out of you.

“That’s not an answer.”

“It was enough for him,” she says softly. Silence falls heavy. Like you were waiting for something. “And then?” You ask barely above a whisper. Ryujin presses her lips together. “He said…” she starts then pauses again. Your chest feels tight. “Ryujin.” She looks at you. Really looks at you. “He said he was going to tell you he loved you.”

The world stops.

You didn’t react right away. You were trying to process the words as they echo and repeat. Settling slowly, painfully into every space you left open.

“…What?” You said shocked.

“He didn’t tell you?” Ryujin asks, already knowing the answer. You shake your head. Slowly.

“He almost did,” she continues quietly. “He practiced it, actually. I heard him.” A small sad smile. “Which is…embarrassing because he never does that.” Your chest aches. “He kept saying your name first.” She adds. “Like he thought that would make it easier.” You press your lips together, trying to steady your breathing.

It doesn’t work.

“Why didn’t he?” You ask even though part of you is scared of the answer. Ryujin doesn’t hesitate this time. “Because he thought it would be selfish.” That hits harder than anything else. “He said if he told you,” she continues, “it would make it even harder for you to let him go. And he didn’t want to leave you with something that heavy when he couldn’t stay.”

Your eyes sting because that sounds exactly like him.

“He also said…” Ryujin adds, more softly now, “that if you said it back he didn’t think he’d be able to walk away.” Your breath catches. And suddenly that moment comes rushing back. The way he stopped. The way he almost said something. The way he chose not to.

“I’ve would have said it,” you whisper. The words slip out before you can stop them. Ryujin expression softens. “I know.”

Silence settles again. But it's different now not empty, not confusing. Just… full of something unfinished. You look down at your hands at the space where his hands used to be. At everything that almost was. And somehow knowing makes it hurt more. But it also makes it clearer because now you understand it wasn’t just a moment, it wasn’t just spring, it wasn’t just small.

It was real.

And even though he didn’t say it he meant it.

You wrote him a letter to tell him how you feel but were too scared to send it. Not wanting to cause him anymore pain.

I don’t know how to start this.

I’ve rewritten the first line so many times that it doesn’t even feel real anymore. Each version sounds either too small for what I should feel or too big for something I never got to say out loud.

But I guess that’s the problem, isn’t it?

We never said it.

Not really.

I keep thinking about that day. The way you looked at me like you didn’t want to let go. The way you stopped and said “I-“ like you were about to give me something I’ve been trying not to name ever since.

I think I knew.

I think I knew what you were going to say before you even said it. And I didn’t stop you. I didn’t make it easier either. I just stood there and let you decide for the both of us.

Ryujin told me.

She told me what you were going to say. I wish she hadn’t. No that’s that a lie. I’m glad she did. Because at least now I know I didn’t imagine it. I didn’t make it bigger than it was. It was something. It was real.

You loved me.

I’m still trying to understand how that happened so fast. How someone I met under cherry blossoms somehow became some I think about everyday like they’ve always been there.

It doesn’t make sense, but it also doesn’t feel like a mistake. That’s the worst part. If it was a mistake, I could let it go easier. If the timing was just different, I could blame it on something else. But it wasn’t just timing was it?

It was you.

It was me.

It was every moment we didn’t question enough because we didn’t have time to. You said you didn’t want to be selfish. That you didn’t want to leave me with something heavy. But you did. Just differently.

Because I’m still here sitting with words you never said and feelings I never got to return. And I would have. I need you know that even if you never read this. I would have said it back. Not hesitantly. Not eventually. But right there.

I think that's what hurts the most. Not that you loved me but that you didn’t let me love you the same way out loud where you could hear it. I keep wondering if you knew.

I feel paused. Like something started and never finished like I’m standing there waiting for you to finish that sentence. “I-“ That’s where everything stopped. And I don’t know how to move on from something that never actually ended.

I hope you’re okay.

I hope you’re eating properly, sleeping when you can, not overthinking things the way you do when you get quiet. I hope you’re not pretending you’re fine when you’re not.

I hope… you remember me. Not just as something temporary, not just as spring. But as something that mattered. More than I was ready for. More than I knew what to do with. And even if you wonder even for a second what I would have said if you’d finished that sentence….

I loved you too.

As you finished writing the letter you had tears streaming down your face. You whispered in the dark “Until we meet again.”

You wanted this spring to be your new beginning, but you didn’t know it was going to be with your best friend's brother Soonyoung.

“Ryujin hurry up, we’re going to be late for the cherry blossom festival.”

You yelled from the bottom steps hearing the sound of a door and knew she was about to appear. “What I had to make sure I looked perfect.” You let out a small laugh and responded. “Perfect? Latte is the only one that gives you attention.” Ryujin looked at you in shock. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.” She grabbed her bag and you both walked out the door.

The streets were already dancing with different shades of pink by the time you both arrived. Petals dancing in the air like a practiced ease, catching in your hair and sleeves. “See? We’re not late,” Ryujin said proudly, slapping your shoulder as she searched the crowd. “If anything we’re fashionably early.”

“That doesn’t even exist." you muttered but smiled anyway. There was something about this season that made everything feel possible. New. Like the world was holding its breath. Ryujin stopped suddenly. “Oh there he is.” You followed her gaze at first expecting a friend, maybe someone you went to school with. But then your eyes landed on him and everything else blurred in the background.

He stood under a cherry blossom tree, one hand in his pocket the other holding a drink he forgot about. Petals clung to his dark hair soft against the sunlight like he was sent from heaven. “Y/N that’s my brother…Soonyoung!” Ryujin yelled, waving. Your heart jumped.

Brother?

He looked up at the sound of her voice, his eyes looking then landing on you. And stopping. For just a second it felt like the world tilted. Like he noticed it too. Ryujin grabbed your wrist, pulling you forward. “Why are you walking so slow? Come on!”

“I didn’t know your brother was coming,” you said, trying to sound normal and ignore the way your chest tightened for no reason.

“I didn’t tell you? Oh, yeah he’s back for a bit.”

“For a bit?” You repeated.

“Yeah…before he has to enlist.”

The words settled heavier than they should’ve. Before you could ask anything else, you were suddenly standing in front of him. Up close he was warmer. Real. His chocolate brown eyes held something soft, something curious as if he was trying to figure you out. “Soonyoung, this is Y/N my best friend,” Ryujin said. There was a pause then he smiled. Not polite. Not distant. But something easy, something that reached his tiger like eyes.

“Best friend?” He repeated, glancing between you and Ryujin before looking back at you. “Then I guess I should’ve met you sooner.” Your breath caught. You opened your mouth, but nothing came out at first. Because all you could think was why does this feel like something important? “Yeah…maybe we should have.” You finally said quieter than you meant to.

A petal landed on his shoulder, neither of you looking away. And somewhere in the middle of laughter, spring air and falling blossoms something began.

Even if time was already running out.

It happened without you realizing. One second Ryujin was beside you talking and laughing, taking you from place to place. The next… “She ran off to find a friend,” Soonyoung said, glancing over his shoulder like he was surprised. “Said she’d be back.” You blinked. “She…left me?” He huffed out a quiet laugh. “She left us.” The word us lingered longer than it should have.

For a moment neither of you moved. The noise of the festival carried on around you: voices, music, distant laughter but it all felt far away. Like the world had stepped back and left the two of you standing in something softer.

“So…” he started shifting his weight slightly. “How long have you known my annoying sister?”

“Forever,” you said with a small smile. “She kind of just decided we were best friends one day.”

“That sounds like her.”

You both laughed like this wasn’t the first conversation, like it wasn’t supposed to be. A breeze passed, shaking the branches from the cherry blossom trees, causing petals to fall between you catching in your hair. He noticed. “Hold on,” he said gently. Your breath hitched as he stepped closer. His fingers hovered near your hair like he was giving you time to pull away but you didn’t. Soonyoung brushed a petal free. That should have been nothing, but it wasn’t.

“Spring suits you,” he quietly said. Your heart betrayed you. “That’s a weird thing to say,” but there was no bite to it. He smiled, making him look like a hamster. “Yeah. It is.” Silence fell between you, but it wasn’t awkward. Like there were too many things sitting just beneath the surface.

You looked away “Ryujin said you just got back?”

“Mm.” He nodded. “Not for long though.”

There it was again, that weight. You forced yourself to ask, but part of you didn’t want to hear it. “She said something about…enlistment?” His expression changed slightly. “Yeah soon.”

Soon. The words echoed in your chest in a way that didn’t make sense. You had just met him. Just met him. Why did it feel like something was slipping through your fingers? “Oh,” you spoke softly. He watched you for a moment and really watched you. “You look more disappointed than my own sister when she found out,” he said, half teasing and half something else. You let out a small breath. “I just…” you stopped yourself.

What are you even saying?

“I mean it’s a big deal,” you quickly corrected. He tilted his head slightly, but he didn’t fully believe you and didn’t push. Instead he glanced toward a quieter path lined with trees just beyond the crowd. “Do you want to walk?” He asked shyly. “It’s less hectic over there.” You hesitated. Not because you didn’t want to but because you did.

You nodded.

The two of you drifted away from the festival into a space where the petals covered the ground like a blanket. The air felt calmer, quieter…more intimate. For a while you walked side by side without talking. Your hands brushed once. Then again. Neither of moved away.

“I feel like I should say something meaningful,” he suddenly admitted with a laugh escaping him.

“Since it feels like one of those moments.”

You smiled. “And?”

“And I’ve got nothing.”

That made you laugh, really laugh this time. He glanced at you like he was trying to memorize the sound. “I’m glad it’s you,” he said under his breath. You turned to him. “What?” He shook his head quickly. “Nothing. Just” he exhaled then met your eyes again. “I’m glad Ryujin left you with me.” Your heart stopped. But this didn’t feel like a coincidence anymore. “I think she did it on purpose,” you said. “Oh. Definitely.” You both smiled.

And as the petals continued to fall around you, the distance between your hands disappeared. You realized something quietly terrifying. This wasn’t just a moment. This is the beginning of something you wouldn’t forget. Even if you didn’t have much time.

That night, sleep didn’t come easy. You told yourself it was because of the festival, the noise, the walking the way your legs ached from being on them all day. But it wasn’t. It was him.

The way his voice softened when it was just the two of you. The way his soft hands brushed yours like it meant something. The way soon echoed in your chest like a countdown you never agreed to do.

You turned onto your side staring at your phone screen glowing in the dark. This was ridiculous. You only known him for a few hours. A few hours shouldn’t feel like this.

Your phone buzzed causing your heart to jump. Unknown number. You stared at it for a second before opening the message.

Unknown: You’re probably asleep. Ryujin gave me your number…hope that's okay.

Your breath caught. You sat up immediately.

You: I’m not asleep

Three dots appear almost instantly. You couldn’t help the small smile forming. When you saw Ryujin’s name mentioned you knew who it was and saved his number.

Soonyoung: I was hoping you’d say that

You chewed on your lip longer than necessary while looking at the screen.

You: Couldn’t sleep?

Soonyoung: Yea. It felt like today would just end if I slept.

Your chest tightened. Because you understood what he meant.

You: It was just a festival

You didn’t mean for it to sound like that. Distant. Safe. A few seconds passed. Your phone started ringing. You froze. His name lit up on your screen. You answered “Hello?” There was a careful pause on the other end. Like he was trying to make sure you were really there. “Hi” his voice was quieter, softer like it belonged to the night. Something in your chest folded. “Hi,” you repeated just as quietly. Then a small exhale almost like a laugh. “I didn’t like how that message sounded,” he admitted. “The just a festival part.” You closed your eyes embarrassed “I didn’t mean…”

“I know,” he cut in. “You’re trying to make it smaller.” He was right. “I just don't…” you hesitated trying to search for the words. “I don’t understand why today felt like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like it mattered.”

There was silence but it wasn’t empty. It was full, heavy, honest.

“Yeah me too,” he softly said.

Your grip on your phone tightened slightly. “I’ve met a lot of people,” he continued. “But today was the first time I kept thinking…” he stopped. Your heart was stuck in your throat. “Thinking what?” You whispered. There was another pause, longer this time. Then quiet. “Thinking I didn’t have enough time.” The words settled between you like something fragile, something dangerous. Your voice came out softer than expected. “But you just met me.”

“I know.”

“Then why does it feel like you're leaving something behind already?” He let out a breath, like that question hit deeper than he expected. “I was hoping you’d tell me.” You laugh weakly trying to shake off the weight of it. “That’s not fair.”

“I know,” he said again. There was a shift to something more vulnerable. “I almost said something earlier,” he admitted. Your heart stopped. “When we were walking.”

You swallowed. “Why didn’t you?”

“Because I don’t trust anything that happens this fast.” That hurt more than it should have. “But I don’t think that means it's not real.” Your breath caught. “Sometimes it means you don't have to ignore it.” Silence filled the space again but this time it wasn’t heavy. It was warm. Terrifying. Real. You shifted pulling your blanket closer around you.

“I think I would’ve listened,” you said quietly.

“To what?”

“To whatever you almost said.” He didn’t respond right away. But when he did his voice was barely above a whisper. “Then I’ll say it before I leave.” Your heart skipped a beat.

“Leave… leave?”

“Before enlistment.” Oh that the thing you were trying not to think about. “Okay,” you said even though the word felt too small for everything you were feeling there was another quiet pause. Neither of you hung up but neither of you wanted to.

“Are you still there?” He asked after a while.

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

You smiled into the darkness and for the first time that night you didn’t feel like sleep was something you needed to run from. Somehow in the quiet of the late night call you had found something you weren’t ready to lose.

The calls didn’t stop after that night. At first it was before bed. Then turned into random moments walking home, sitting in silence even just hearing each other breathe like that was enough. The days blurred together faster than they should have. Spring didn’t feel endless anymore.

It felt borrowed.

“You’re smiling at your phone again.” You looked at Ryujin leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed with a knowing look on her face. “I am not.”

“You are,” she said immediately. “And it's my brother so don’t even try to lie about it.” Your silence gave you away. Her expression shifted not teasing but more serious. “You know he leaves in two weeks, right?” Two weeks. Your stomach dropped. “Yeah,” you quietly said. Ryujin looked at you for a second longer, then sighed softer this time. “Just don’t get hurt, okay?” You forced a smile. Too late.

That night he didn’t text, he called. “Hey,” you said, trying to sound normal. “Come outside.” You blinked. “What?” “I’m outside.” Your heart stopped. You rushed to your window, pulling the curtain back and he was there.

Standing under the dim glow of the streetlight, hands shoved into his tiger striped hoodie pocket like he wasn’t currently rearranging your entire world. You didn’t even think about it, you just ran outside. “What are you doing here?” You asked breathlessly. He looked at you like he’d been waiting longer than just a few minutes.

“I didn’t want to talk on the phone tonight.”

“That’s not an answer.” He stepped closer.

“I needed to see you.” Your heart slammed against your ribs. “That’s also not an answer,” you whispered softly. He let out a quiet breath, running a hand through his hair. “I leave in two weeks,” he said. You flinched. “I know.” “And I don’t want to waste time pretending this is nothing.” There was no build up, no safety, just the truth. Your chest tightened.

“So what are you saying?”

“I’m…I’m saying,” he stepped closer, close enough that you could feel the warmth of him, “I think about you all the time.” Your breath caught. “I think about things I shouldn’t be thinking about when I just met you,” he continues. “Like what it would be like if I met you earlier. Or later. Or at a time where I didn’t have a deadline hanging over my head.” Your voice came out but it was barely there. “Soonyoung…”

“I tried to slow it down,” he admitted. “I told myself it’s just timing, just a moment, just spring…” His gaze locked onto yours. “But it’s not.” It was silent after it was your turn and there was no way out of it because you felt it too. “I don’t want to slow it down,” your voice shaking. “I don’t care if it’s too fast.” Something in his expression broke open at that. “Seriously?” You nodded. That was all it took for him to close the distance. He didn’t rush, wasn't hesitant, it was inevitable. His hand found yours first, fingers threading together like they belonged. Then his forehead rested on yours. “Tell me to stop,” he murmured. You didn’t. So he kissed you soft, careful like he was holding onto something fragile. But underneath it everything you hadn’t said everything you didn’t have time for. When he pulled back neither of you moved far. “This was a bad idea.” You whispered. “Probably,” he said. You tightened your grip on his hand. “Do it again.” And he did. But now the countdown begins.

14 Days Before He Leaves

It starts like it's nothing.

“Coffee?” He texts. You say yes too quickly.

The cafe is quiet, tucked between blooming trees, sunlight coming through the windows in soft patches. You sit across from each other at first. Keeping at a safe distance and safe conversation.

Until it isn’t.

You end up side by side, sharing a table too small for the space you’re pretending to keep. “You don’t like sweet drinks,” he says, watching your expression after your first sip. You glance at him. “You noticed that already?”

“I notice everything you do.”

You laugh it off but later, walking home you realize you didn’t correct him.

12 Days Before

It was supposed to be a short walk. Just around the park to get some air. But time stretches in strange ways when you’re with him. You talk about small things, childhood stories, favorite songs, things that don’t matter. Except they do because they’re yours.

At some point your hands brush. You pull back instinctively. He doesn’t. The second time it happens, he lets his fingers stay just lightly against yours. It seemed almost like a question. You answer by not moving away. By the end of the walk your fingers are fully intertwined. Neither of you remembers exactly when it happened.

10 Days Before

You stop being surprised when he shows up. A soft knock. A familiar silhouette through the window. You opened the door before he could knock again.

“You didn’t text,” you say. “You didn’t need me to.” You don’t argue. You just step aside and let him in like he belongs there. Later you realize that scares you more than anything else.

9 Days Before

The calls get longer. Not just late at night anymore. Midday. Early morning. Random. It’s like the silence feels wrong now.

That night you fall asleep with the phone still pressed to your ear. The quiet is so comfortable.

Safe.

When you wake up hours later your room is dark. Your phone is still warm in your hand. “Soonyoung?” You whisper. His voice raspy from sleep. “Yeah. I’m here.” Your chest tightens.

“You didn’t hang up?”

“Didn’t want to.”

You turn onto your side, clutching the phone a little closer. “Go to sleep,” you murmur. “You first.” You smile, eyes closing again. Neither of you listen.

7 Days Before

One week.

The number sits heavy between you now. You feel it in everything. The way his gaze lingers a second longer than before. They way your conversations go into silence more often, not empty but full. Like there’s too much to say and not enough time to say it. You catch him staring not casually, not teasing but like he’s studying you. More like memorizing.

“What?” You asked, laughing.

“Nothing,” he says.

But he doesn't look away.

6 Days Before

Ryujin notices she always does.

“You two are being weird," she says, dropping onto the couch beside you. You stiffen. “We’re not…”

“Soonyoung,” she interrupts, not even looking at you, “You’ve been staring at her for the last five minutes.”

“I haven’t.”

“You have.”

It goes quiet. You glance at him and he’s still looking at you. This time he doesn’t deny it. Ryujin exhales sharply. “This is exactly what I didn’t want.” Your stomach twists but you don’t stop. Neither of you do.

5 Days Before

It's raining, not drizzling but heavy rain.The kind that could soak through everything if you're not careful. You end up stuck together under a narrow canopy, bodies pressed close, the scent of the rain and spring wrapping around you.

Water drips steadily from the edge, forming a curtain between you and the rest of the world. “This feels like a cliché,” you say quietly. He glances at you. “You don't like clichés?”

“I think they exist for a reason.”

“And what’s that?”

You hesitate. “…To warn people.”

He watches you carefully now. “About what?”

“That it doesn’t last long.”

The words hang there heavy and honest. For a second, you think he’ll argue. Instead he steps closer. Close enough that your breath catches. “Then let’s not think about after,” he says softly. Your heart aches. Because you know exactly what he’s doing because you’re doing it too.

“…Okay.”

3 Days Before

You start collecting pieces of him without meaning to. The way he taps his finger when he’s thinking. The way his eyes brighten when he gets excited. The way he says your name is slower now softer. The way his hand automatically finds yours, like its habit instead of a choice.

You wonder when it became a habit.

You wonder when he did.

2 Days Before

Everything feels fragile like one wrong word could break it. You sit beside each other in silence more often now. Not because there was nothing to say but because saying it would make it real. You catch him looking at you again.

The same look.

You finally ask. “Why do you keep doing that?”

“Doing what?“

“Looking at me like that.”

He hesitates. And that when you know the answer matters. “Like I’m trying to remember you.” Your chest tightens so much that it hurts. “I’m not going anywhere,” you say automatically. But the second it leaves your mouth you realize how untrue it sounds.

Because he is.

And you can’t follow.

1 Day Before

Everything slows down, conversations stretch, touches linger, even the silence feels heavy. You don’t let go of his hand first anymore. He doesn't either. That night, on the phone— “I don’t regret this,” he says. His voice is quieter than usual. Serious. “Me neither.” There was a pause. “That almost makes it worse.” You swallow hard string at the ceiling. “Yeah.” Because if this was a mistake it would be easier to leave behind.

The Day Before He Leaves

Spring is at its peak. Cherry blossoms are everywhere like the same day you met. Time is looping like nothing has changed except everything has. And standing there with him you finally feel it.

Not just the beginning but the end right behind it.

Spring shouldn’t feel like this. It shouldn’t feel heavy, but it does.

The air is soft, warm, petals drifting like nothing is wrong like this isn’t the last time. You see him before he sees you. Standing there with a tiger stripes bag slung over his shoulder, hand in his pockets like he doesn’t know what to do.

For a second you don’t move because walking toward him makes it real. He looks up and finds you instantly like he always does. Everything in you pulls forward.

“Hey.”

It's quiet, too quiet for a goodbye.

“Hey.”

You stop in front of him, you were close to him but not close enough. There’s a space between you that didn’t exist before and it scared you. Neither of you closes it. Not yet.

“You came.” He says.

You almost laugh. “Of course I did.”

You were shocked that he even asked that. A small smile tugs at his lips, but it didn’t last long. There was awkward silence which was unfamiliar to you both.

This is the first time you don’t know what to say.

“I didn’t sleep,” he admits suddenly.

You look at him. “Me neither.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

There was another pause. He nods slowly, like he expected that like it matters more than it should. “I hate this ,” you say before you could stop yourself. Your honesty surprises him. “Yeah,” he exhales. “Me too.”

“I thought I’d be better at it,” you admit your voice almost silent. “At keeping things normal.” He lets out a small, almost humorless laugh. “I didn’t even try.” That pulls something fragile between you. Something almost light. Almost enough.

A petal lands on your shoulder. You both notice at the same time. For the second it feels like the first day again like you could rewind like you could pretend this isn’t the end.

He lifts his hand then stops just short of you. Your breath catches because you see it the hesitation. The choice. Slowly he let his hand fall back to his side.

“You should…” you start, then stop.

What? Go? Stay? Don’t leave?

None of it feels right. “I should what?” He ask gently. Your throat tightens. “Be careful,” you settle on. It sounds small. Too small. But was all you could manage.

He nods. “I will.” There was another silence. This one was heavier like it’s pressing down on both of you. “I was going to say something,” he says suddenly. Your heart stutters.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I’ve been trying to figure out how it ay it for days.” Your chest tightens painfully. “Then…say it.” It comes out softer than intended. Hopeful. Dangerous. He looks at you really looks at you and for a second you think he will.

You see it in the way his expression shifts. They way his lips part slightly. The way his hand almost reaches for yours again.

“I-” He stops. The words hang there unfinished. Everything you’ve both been avoiding, sitting right between you. Your breath catches. “…You what?” You whisper. He exhales, shaking his head just slightly like pulling himself back. Like he’s choosing something else. “…I’m really glad I met you.” Your heart drops. Not because it true but because it’s not what he was going to say.

You know it.

He knows it.

And now it’s gone.

“Me too,” you say even though your voice feels unsteady. Even though it feels like you just lost something without ever having it.

“I should go.”

The words hit harder than anything else. You nod because if you speak, you might ask him not to, and you don’t know what he would do if you did. He steps closer this time he doesn’t hesitate. His hand finds your fingers wrapping around like they’ve done a hundred times before. Like they belong there. He squeezes gently and you hold on tighter just for a second just a little longer than you should.

“Take care of yourself,” he says.

“You too.”

Neither of you lets go. Not yet. Not until the moment stretches too thin and finally he pulls away. He takes a step back then another. You watch him the whole time like if you look away, he’ll disappear faster.

Halfway across the distance, he stops turns back for a second it feels like he might come back. Like he might say it. Like he might fix it. “I-“ Again. The same start the same almost. Your heart leaps but this time he just smiles. Soft. A little sad. “…Bye.” And then he turns and keeps walking.

You don’t realize you’re crying until your vision blurs. Until the pink of the blossoms melts into something you can’t quite see anymore. Until he’s gone. And the worst part? It’s not that he left. It’s not even that it hurts. It’s that you know you both felt it and neither of you said it.

Spring keeps going like nothing happened. Like you didn’t stand there and watch something begin and end at th e same time. You still meet Ryujin. Still sit in the same places, still pass the same trees but everything feels…off.

Quieter.

Like something is missing, and no one is saying it out loud.

“You’re worse than I expected.” You glance up from your drink. Ryujin is watching you, arms crossed expression softer than usual. “Thanks I’m fine,” you say automatically. She raises an eyebrow. “You’ve stirred that for five minutes.” You stop. Didn’t even realize.

“I just didn’t sleep well,” you tried to say.

“Mm.” She doesn’t believe you. Not even a little. “Funny. Neither did he before he left.” Your finger tighten slightly around the cup. You don’t respond. Ryujin relaxes, leaning back in her chair. “He was weird, you know.” That gets your attention. “Weird how?” She tilts her head, like she’s deciding how much to say.

“Soonyoung usual has a lot of energy, but he was quiet, distracted. Which is not him.” She paused. “He kept picking up his phone and putting it down and picking it back up again.” Your heart starts to beat a little faster.

“Why?”

She gives you look. “You really have to ask?”

You look away.

“He almost didn’t leave when he was supposed to come see you,” she continues, more quietly now. Your breath catches.

“What?”

“He was late coming home the night before. I asked him where he was and he just said…” she trails off, thinking. “He said he needed to figure out if saying something would make it harder or easier.” Your chest tightens painfully because you know exactly what that means.

You swallow. “Did he… say what it was?” Ryujin hesitates. And that hesitation tells you everything. “Ryujin.” She sighs, running a hand through her hair. “I don’t know if I should… it’s not my place to tell you.”

“Please.” Your voice breaks. And that's what makes her give in. “He asked me something,” she says slowly.

“What?”

“He asked…” She looks at you then away. “… if I thought you felt the same.” Your heart stutters.

“What did you say?”

“I told him I wasn’t blind.” Despite everything a small broken laugh slips out of you.

“That’s not an answer.”

“It was enough for him,” she says softly. Silence falls heavy. Like you were waiting for something. “And then?” You ask barely above a whisper. Ryujin presses her lips together. “He said…” she starts then pauses again. Your chest feels tight. “Ryujin.” She looks at you. Really looks at you. “He said he was going to tell you he loved you.”

The world stops.

You didn’t react right away. You were trying to process the words as they echo and repeat. Settling slowly, painfully into every space you left open.

“…What?” You said shocked.

“He didn’t tell you?” Ryujin asks, already knowing the answer. You shake your head. Slowly.

“He almost did,” she continues quietly. “He practiced it, actually. I heard him.” A small sad smile. “Which is…embarrassing because he never does that.” Your chest aches. “He kept saying your name first.” She adds. “Like he thought that would make it easier.” You press your lips together, trying to steady your breathing.

It doesn’t work.

“Why didn’t he?” You ask even though part of you is scared of the answer. Ryujin doesn’t hesitate this time. “Because he thought it would be selfish.” That hits harder than anything else. “He said if he told you,” she continues, “it would make it even harder for you to let him go. And he didn’t want to leave you with something that heavy when he couldn’t stay.”

Your eyes sting because that sounds exactly like him.

“He also said…” Ryujin adds, more softly now, “that if you said it back he didn’t think he’d be able to walk away.” Your breath catches. And suddenly that moment comes rushing back. The way he stopped. The way he almost said something. The way he chose not to.

“I’ve would have said it,” you whisper. The words slip out before you can stop them. Ryujin expression softens. “I know.”

Silence settles again. But it's different now not empty, not confusing. Just… full of something unfinished. You look down at your hands at the space where his hands used to be. At everything that almost was. And somehow knowing makes it hurt more. But it also makes it clearer because now you understand it wasn’t just a moment, it wasn’t just spring, it wasn’t just small.

It was real.

And even though he didn’t say it he meant it.

You wrote him a letter to tell him how you feel but were too scared to send it. Not wanting to cause him anymore pain.

I don’t know how to start this.

I’ve rewritten the first line so many times that it doesn’t even feel real anymore. Each version sounds either too small for what I should feel or too big for something I never got to say out loud.

But I guess that’s the problem, isn’t it?

We never said it.

Not really.

I keep thinking about that day. The way you looked at me like you didn’t want to let go. The way you stopped and said “I-“ like you were about to give me something I’ve been trying not to name ever since.

I think I knew.

I think I knew what you were going to say before you even said it. And I didn’t stop you. I didn’t make it easier either. I just stood there and let you decide for the both of us.

Ryujin told me.

She told me what you were going to say. I wish she hadn’t. No that’s that a lie. I’m glad she did. Because at least now I know I didn’t imagine it. I didn’t make it bigger than it was. It was something. It was real.

You loved me.

I’m still trying to understand how that happened so fast. How someone I met under cherry blossoms somehow became some I think about everyday like they’ve always been there.

It doesn’t make sense, but it also doesn’t feel like a mistake. That’s the worst part. If it was a mistake, I could let it go easier. If the timing was just different, I could blame it on something else. But it wasn’t just timing was it?

It was you.

It was me.

It was every moment we didn’t question enough because we didn’t have time to. You said you didn’t want to be selfish. That you didn’t want to leave me with something heavy. But you did. Just differently.

Because I’m still here sitting with words you never said and feelings I never got to return. And I would have. I need you know that even if you never read this. I would have said it back. Not hesitantly. Not eventually. But right there.

I think that's what hurts the most. Not that you loved me but that you didn’t let me love you the same way out loud where you could hear it. I keep wondering if you knew.

I feel paused. Like something started and never finished like I’m standing there waiting for you to finish that sentence. “I-“ That’s where everything stopped. And I don’t know how to move on from something that never actually ended.

I hope you’re okay.

I hope you’re eating properly, sleeping when you can, not overthinking things the way you do when you get quiet. I hope you’re not pretending you’re fine when you’re not.

I hope… you remember me. Not just as something temporary, not just as spring. But as something that mattered. More than I was ready for. More than I knew what to do with. And even if you wonder even for a second what I would have said if you’d finished that sentence….

I loved you too.

As you finished writing the letter you had tears streaming down your face. You whispered in the dark “Until we meet again.”