Always Sleepy

if your animal is lying on the floor, furniture etc, it’s important to take a picture of them. then, if they move or shift in any way, it’s important to take another picture. with this technique, you can take many pictures of your animal

my least favorite literary smut turn of phrase is when a guy is like “im gonna ruin this pussy” “im gonna wreck this pussy for anyone else” like stop.. thats not yours…!

what people dont get about divorces is the Whole Thing About Dogs

i have written custody plans for labrador retrievers more complex than i have for children. i went to four years of undergrad, three years of law school, and sat for the bar exam to write up custody exchange provisions for dogs with hyphonated last names

my clients are paying $295 an hour for me to go to court and litigate who makes veterinary decisions for Chuckles the Goldfish and theres literally nothing i can do to stop them

I just felt someone Z-target me

[clearly circle-strafing you] don't be ridiculous

at planned parenthood and they're playing regular show

"dude if you don't get this abortion benson is gonna fire us"

there’s a Masters of the Universe billboard near the cafe i like and i need to find a picture of this particular design because just describing how shitty it is won’t convey anything

okay there’s no pictures of it online because no one gives a shit but imagine: i can’t drink my coffee without making eye contact with the gigantic shitty visage of Jared Leto Skeletor. however, they’ve completely rendered him bland. tasteless. he’s not green or yellow and has like no purple on him. so it’s just Skeletor’s head in his hood, a plain white skull in a black hood, so it looks like Spirit Halloween. and he has 2 red lightbulbs in his eyes