yall still here huh?

call my girl alfred the way she hitch on my cock. it’s psycho the way she hitch on my cock. she hitch on my cock til I get vertigo. she hitch her cock in my rear window. she hitch on my cock til I’m spellbound. call her rebecca the way she hitch on my cock. she hitch on my cock til i know too much. hm. she’s hitched on my cock like a rope on a lifeboat. uh. it’s notorious how she hitch on my cock. call her marnie the way she… she hitch on my cock in 39 steps… call my girl capricorn the way I’m under her… while she hitches my cock. til I get stage fright. um. my lady hitch on my cock and then vanishes. um. the birds.

im in a very vulnerable state if any hot lesbian wants a turn at ruining my life

when you’re a slutty virgin, a reclusive flaneuse, a heretic saint, a hedonist mystic, an illiterate writer… the duality

"Peggle make phone calls" has become shorthand for "fuck it, whatever" for me but no one ever knows what im talkingabout and it's also longer (longhand?)

Double Income No Kids used to be seen as a kind of lavish lifestyle, now it’s like…a requirement to have any remote chance at financial stability

This post is getting notes again so I see we’re all handling the cost of living crisis well 🙃

my actual vampire hot take is that if you're going to be a 'vegetarian' vampire (a vampire that only drinks the blood of animals) you MUST have hunter education. i'm so sick of people being like oh well predator animals are mean and scary because they kill cute 'harmless' animals like NO they're crucial for the environment and if you're going to hunt animals for blood you still need to stick to regular people hunting guidelines and only hunt things that are in season and abide by your areas bag limits

vampire that did a detailed study about whether vampires can get prion diseases and concluded they can't and preferentially hunts animals with chronic wasting disease. and then incinerates the corpses.

vampire who is a woke predation abolitionist and so exclusively hunts predators, leaving primarily herbivorous and scavenging animals alone

Vampire who, seeing the social infeasibility of reintroducing predators to their area, have taken it upon themselves to fulfill the large predator niche as best they can, and have become something of a mini folk hero for keeping starving deer out of peoples gardens (on account of there not being so many deer that they eat all the food). Everybody wins!

sometimes i be saying im gonna go to bed and then i dont go to bed. frequently in fact. this is because i have the heart of an optimist and the soul of a liar

Remember: toe beans are the sign of a killer.

Funnily enough, I’m not 100% joking. While many animals have paw pads, the particular kind of soft, squishy beans found on housecats are an adaptation for stealth. Squishy beans mean you’re looking at an ambush predator.

These are the beans of a killer, Bella.

Is this supposed to mean something to me?

yeah

i really struck a chord here didnt i